Tag Archives: authentic you

Number One Tip For Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Here we are, Christmas behind us, and we all survived; many of you didn’t think you would, but you did it, you got through it one way or another.

Some people set themselves up to be miserable, projecting how sad they were going to be, which in all honesty, made the weeks leading up to one day of the year; miserable. So instead of being miserable for a day they were miserable for weeks.

In a week we will be bringing in a new year and we have choices to make with regards to how we are going to face New Year’s Eve and 2021. Will you set yourself up for misery, or take responsibility for your own happiness or pain.

I will share in this post one simple step that will help you more than anything else, to heal and find inner peace and happiness. I have one caveat.

You must have gone no contact with the narcissist. That is the one engraved in stone, must do, requirement for healing. For those of you who share children with the narcissist, I’m sorry, it’s going to be more difficult for you, but you have to reduce contact to the bare minimum and if possible communicate through someone else.

So, once you are no contact, have grieved and accepted that you were with a narcissist; and all that other crap a person goes through trying to figure out what happened to them; you are ready to start healing.

And healing starts with you. Changing what you think about, your values, false beliefs, past trauma, past brainwashing. Learning to, live in the now, follow your instincts, protect your bounwaadaries, set your boundaries, figure out what your boundaries even ARE!!

Some people who can help you and made a huge difference in my life are;

Brene Brown – Daring Greatly, Gifts of perfection, Braving the Wilderness. The power of being vulnerable and the effects of shame.

Eckhart Tolle – The Power of Now. Finding inner peace by living in the present with gratitude

Bob Proctor – The Secret among so many other books and videos on the laws of attraction

Oprah Winfrey – Soul Sunday videos on you tube. Being your best self and living an authentic life.

I am 10 years out by and go through spurts of studying self awareness. I am no longer pursuing it in order to heal, I just find I need a refresher once in a while and it is my personal beliefs that we should always strive to be better and it would be a life long journey.

The bonus of concentrating on self awareness is not just healing, but preventing ever going through it again and being a better more authentic you.

You will never be the person you were before the abuse so you might as well be a new improved, more authentic you.

Make 2021 your year to invest in yourself, heal old wounds, and reach your potential. What have you got to lose??!

Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year’s to you all.

Hugs Carrie

Ten Year Anniversary

Ten years ago, I put everything I owned on my flat deck and drove away from the hell hole I had shared with my ex, with my little buddy, Kato, riding shot gun.

I was able to pull enough money together to insure my truck for one day. My ex had all but destroyed my truck but I was able to limp it to my friend’s trailer. She had arranged for me to stay in her neighbor’s trailer while he was working in Alberta. I had an almost full pack of smokes and $5 and as I drove away I felt defeated, empty and hopeless. I wasn’t filled with anger, fear or sadness; just numb, emotionless, no hate, no hope.

I pulled in the driveway and she came out of the trailer and stood in the driveway. I got out of my truck and she said, “I owe you an apology. Its alot worse than I thought.”

I asked what she meant and she said, “It’s probably best if you just go in and look for yourself. I’ll be in my trailer if you want to talk.”

I walked through the door and felt like someone punch me in the guts. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was worse than any crack house I’d ever seen. There was shit piled every where, pizza boxes with rock hard pizza still inside, pots with food past the point of decay sat on the counter. Tobacco brown streaks ran down the walls, the roof had leaked and the insulation and wiring hung from the ceiling, there was a dim single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. I wove myself through the piles of garbage, it was dank, depressing, and defeating.

What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t live there! Where was I going to go? Just turn around and go back to my ex? Maybe I could get back there before he even got home from work and he wouldn’t know I ever left.

I went over to my friend’s trailer, she looked stricken, “I am so sorry. I really didn’t know it was that bad. What are you going to do?”

I was numb, it had taken everything I had to load up my stuff and drive there, I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t give my ex the satisfaction. I had enough pride left or maybe was just too tired; to turn around and go back. I wanted to sleep, I couldn’t make any decisions.

So I chose to stay the night and see how I felt in the morning. Kato and I went back to the trailer. I knew he needed to eat. He was my faithful little buddy, where ever I was, he was by my side. I didn’t want him catching something off the couch or carpets, so I threw a blanket over the couch, sat down and patted the spot beside me. He jumped up and laid his head on my lap. A year ran down my cheek and landed on his head. He looked up at me, questioning me with his eyes. “It’s ok Pook-a-roo, we’ll be ok.” He put his head back down on my lap and I leaned against his body. I didn’t take my coat or boots off, too afraid of what might crawl on us as we slept.

I woke up a few hours later with a kink in my neck and a hole in my heart. I weighed my options:

I knew I couldn’t go back, I knew if I went crawling back my ex would make my life hell, worse than ever, it was November and only going to get colder, I couldn’t sleep in my truck, I had no money. I took a better look at the trailer in the light of day, opened the curtains and walked from room to room. It made my skin crawl. The bathroom made me gag. The floor was peeling up around the edges, around the toilet was urine stained and peppered with cigarette burn marks. The whole house was full of garbage, I was surprised I didn’t see any sign of rats, yet.

I was able to make a few bucks and bought cleaning supplies, 6 pairs of rubber gloves, and a scrub brush. For the next 2 days I worked nonstop cleaning. I wore 2 pairs of rubber gloves one inside the other and spent 6 hours cleaning the bathroom.

I did a whole post on this years ago with a bunch of pictures, before and after, so won’t go into it now.

I thought I wanted to die, I thought I couldn’t survive. I sat for days staring into space. I had to remind myself to blink, breath. I even thought maybe I could just forget to breath and die.

Every single day I thought,”I can’t do this one more day”. But I would get through the day, wake up the next morning, and do it again. For 722 days, then someone called me strong. And I looked at it through a different lens. I thought I was weak but I made it through all those days, and I became a survivor, not a victim any more.

The secret to healing and moving on is to change your mindset; instead of playing the victim, where he controls your pain, happiness, and self worth, think of yourself as a survivor, no longer controlled by the narcissist.

Believe it or not, I lived in way worse places than this place. Mainly because I didn’t go no contact and my ex continued to destroy me. Even when I went no contact I didn’t hide well enough and he found me and did everything he could to destroy me, for 5 yrs.

I look back now and can’t believe I ever loved him or thought I couldn’t live without him. You may not think you can either or that you need another man to get you through this. All you need is you. Take this time to get to know the real you and live true to that person. That is all any of us need. Love to you all. ❤️