Tag Archives: #beyondvictim

Ladywithatruck Quotes To Get You Through

A few years ago I was very active posting every where, supporting victims of narcissistic abuse. It consumed my life, it was my life’s purpose.

But I found it really was consuming me and, although I had done alot of healing and could advise others on how to heal; in other ways it was holding me back, keeping me thinking about him, relating to other’s stories.

Plus, my dream job dropped in my lap, my health got worse, and I did what I never thought I could; I stepped back from this blog and concentrated on me and getting some normalcy back into my life.

I have lurked in the wings, commented on other sites and done the occasional post here, and often wonder how some of the member here are doing.

There are a handful of people that will always hold a special place in my heart. I pray they are well and have found contentment and serenity. I truly don’t know what I would have done without this community. The support I received, emotional, and financial, saw me through the absolute worst time of my life.

The Gabby Petito case reminded me of so many of the women who came to this site looking for answers. I remember being exactly where Gabby was, the fight in public, the police being called, my ex calm, laughing with tge cops, me an emotional basket case. The cops telling me not to start anything. My ex badgering about money until, in frustration I slapped his leg while we were driving. Him slamming on the brakes, me on the floor of the truck, his hands around my throat, everything going black, me knowing this was how I was going to die.

The difference between Gabby and me, is a few seconds, my ex stopped, Brian Laundry didn’t. Did Brian Laundry miscalculate and not let go soon enough? Or did he intend to kill her. We will never know and it doesn’t matter. Gabby is dead and I am not. I am able to speak.

Below are some quotes from the past that you might find helpful.

Are You a Narcissist Magnet?

This is an answer I gave on Quora a couple of years ago and it’s still getting upvotes so i thought I share it here.

No one is a magnet for narcissists, everyone has them in their life at some time or another. And meeting a narcissist doesn’t have to be devastating.

The whole problem comes when the intended target stays too long in the relationship, not that the target was targetted.

For example: about a year after leaving my ex I met a guy who seemed really interested in me. I was afraid of getting hurt again and was totally honest with him about being abused, scarred and cautious about getting involved. (For some reason I thought if I was honest he would go, “oh shit! She been hurt before so I better not hurt her”. )

He said we could just be friends, he cooked me dinners, loved my dogs, did special little things for me, text every night and morning just to say have a nice day Babe, he told me how much he respected me. My gut kept telling me something wasn’t right, I told myself I was just paranoid. I eventually had sex with him. A short time later something told me to show up unannounced at his place, he had given me a key to his place.

Well, wouldn’t you know he had another woman there. I gave her the key to his place and said, “You’ll be needing this”, called him an asshole and left.

For awhile I was devastated. Woe is me, taken in by another narcissist. How could I ever trust again?? Protect myself? I had even told him I had been abused, why would he hurt me?!

Well, first of all; an asshole doesn’t care you’ve been hurt before and a normal nice guy would probably run to the hills if a woman told him she was terribly scarred and didn’t trust anyone. What normal healthy person wants a partner who is packing a bunch of baggage?

Then I realized I wasn’t a victim at all. My gut had been telling me all along something was wrong but I didn’t listen. This just proved to me that I should trust my gut instincts.

And I stayed away. I never dated him again and when he jumped in my car and was complaining that the new woman had caught him with another woman and trashed his place and he had to call the cops, I laughed out loud and said, Karma’s a bitch eh? Cry to someone else.”

The narcissist only takes what we willingly give.

The problem alot of victims have is they expect a another man to fix the damage done by the narcissist. The narcissist destroyed their self confidence, criticized them and they couldn’t do anything right.

They meet another narcissist and in typical narcissist fashion they flatter the new target, she is the sexiest, she is the woman he’s looked for his whole life. Everything about her is perfect. The victim feels reborn! Beautiful, sexy, loved!!, Special!! Healed!

And then it happens, the mask drops and omg! Her prince charming is a narcissist!! How did that happen? They are shattered, devastated, and the cycle continues.

How do you break that cycle? By not dating for a long while, not relying on anyone else for your happiness or worth.

Start living true to your core self, don’t compromise your values, morals, or standards for anyone. Walk away when they don’t treat you respectfully. Stop trying to be the type of woman the man wants and worry more about if the man is someone u need in your life.

I have no desire to date anyone, not because I am afraid of getting hurt, not because I hate men, not because I don’t have men interested. The reason I don’t want to date is, I love my life, I love my freedom, and I don’t want any man to disrupt my serenity. I don’t want to share or compromise. I don’t want to consider someone else when I make plans or decide to spontaneously go somewhere. It would take a very special man to change my mind, and that’s the way it should be.

Sure I miss male company but not enough to sacrifice what I have.

But I don’t need a man to make me whole, or to give me value. Too many women will settle for any man just to not be alone. They feel worthless unless they have a man.

Bullshit!

How Low Can You Go?

I’ve listened to this mother/son duet 4 times and this morning sobbed listening to it again.

Before the N, I had no idea how low a person can get. I was so hopeless, I couldn’t imagine my life ever being ok again. I couldn’t imagine ever being happy again.

I was truly broken in every sense of the word. Everything I thought to be true was a lie. I didn’t know who I was. I had no idea how sick my mind had become. I hadn’t realized how screwed up my values had become.

I had no idea how strong I was until I survived what I never thought I could. I didn’t appreciate life until it was almost taken away. I never knew how talented I was until i had nothing to lose by trying something new. Until I had to rebuild myself.

I had never realized how shallow my mother was until I had to rebuild myself and examined my beliefs about myself. I saw and felt her inability to deal with the “shame” of my situation.

The worst hurt, the most damage, the hardest thing to over come was not the pain the narc caused in my life and heart; it was my mother’s negativity and selfishness. It took being broken to realize how she had handicapped me my whole life.

Once I came to that realization I was able to heal and eventually I was able to express my anger and pain to her and forgive her, even though I know she doesn’t really “get it”.

Listen to this mother and son and let it out. Have a good cry, let all the pain, fear, anger and self doubt out. Then go wash your face and do something. Anything, that has a positive impact on someone’s life, be it yours or a stranger’s. Just take a step forward. Know you can rise up.

You don’t need to know all the steps, you won’t know what the future holds and it is scary but trust me, the first step is the most important and the only one that counts. Until you make that first step, all the good things waiting for you can’t happen and you will remain in limbo. Rise Up! You aren’t alone. You are stronger than you know.

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=3739605279501402