My son and his 80 lb Bull Mastiff, and if you notice Kato is peacefully chewing on a squeaky ball not the least bit concerned there is another dog in the house.
In life it is normal to take what you have for granted, its hard to remember to be thankful for the simple blessings we have in everyday life when our heart is breaking. We lose the person we thought was our whole world and feel sorry for ourselves. All we can think about is our pain and how unfair life is.
In many cases we have grown apart from family and friends because the N made it so difficult to see them we just gave up or gave in to appease him/her.
I lost everything I thought made me who I was, when I lost my home, that I had worked so hard as a single mom, to attain; I thought that it was the worst thing I had ever gone through and didn’t know how I would ever have a home again.
Then with JC I lost all my furniture due to his efforts several times, either he didn’t come and help me move when he promised, or he destroyed it in anger, or the storage bill didn’t get paid because I gave him the money and he spent it elsewhere. Once he made me leave it behind saying we would buy new and of course that never happened. The first time I was devastated and thought I couldn’t leave him because I had nothing.
But I have a house full of furniture now and like I said I lost all my furniture several times which means I replaced all my furniture several times and managed to do it for practically no money because God provides.
Then I lost all my jewellery, the $4000 ring I had made for my son out of all my diamond rings, the ring I had made for myself to match it; the baby booties I was given when my son was born, JC even gave me a gold ring that had the diamond solitaire missing, and it was my own ring!! I have nothing of value left.
All my clothes were stolen twice!! And I have more clothes than I need now.
You name it and I’ve lost it. I came home after a fight with JC because he didn’t want me to go to work that day; to find all my stuff in a muddy field and him hosing it down.
I had 3 cars stolen in 3 years.
I had money taken.
It got so that I hardly reacted when something of mine disappeared or got destroyed. I lost 4 jobs because of him including my own business that he now takes credit for. I have been homeless because of JC and I have had major health issues because of the stress of being with an abusive partner. I have lived in places a dog shouldn’t live and animal services would have rescued the dog but I was left there to struggle my way out of it.
There is one thing I have never lost and the only thing that is of any TRUE value and that is my boy.
I had him here for 24 hours, after not seeing him for 2 1/2 years and I cherish every second of that 24 hours. To be able to cook dinner for my family in my little home, to sit back and watch my brother, son and nephew talk and laugh was the best gift ever and a true blessing. I am so thankful for all I have, for the love of my family.
top Pic my son and nephew reading some joke on the internet. second pic is my brother and son, two handsome young men. I should have taken some photos of my son’s tattoos. I always told him not to tattoo past his elbows, but he rarely listened to me anyway. But I am very pleased with the tattoos he has gotten. He puts lot of thought into what he gets and the artists he gets to do them are very talented. He started tattooing himself when he was about 18 and oh he made a horrible mess, he has covered them all up now and almost has full sleeves. One one arm he has Arc Angel Micheal trying to pull a man out of hell and the devil is pulling on the guy trying to drag the guy into hell. it takes up most of his arm. on his hands he has a compass pointing to true north on the other hand he has an anvil and a sledge hammer breaking a chain. It symbolizes Canada “true north strong and free”. He has a French Cross on one calf and a normal cross on the other calf. He has two blue birds on his chest because his dad and all his uncles have the same tattoos. I forget now what his back says, Its in Greek and says something about a man integrity. He went to Alberta Bible College and could be a pastor if he wanted and could find a church that would take him, he would be quite the pastor standing up at the front of the church with all his tattoos. I bet he would do an awesome job. He used to mentor troubled teens.
I can not put into words how blessed I feel.
No matter what I ever thought I lost, the things that really matter are still there for me.
I can’t believe I ever thought what JC and I had was worth the agony I went through.
Some times a person has to lose everything to appreciate what they have.
I don’t remember what my brother said but Kris and I thought it was pretty dang funny. and at the very bottom is my sweet little grand baby. No doubt that my son is the father!!
If someone asked me what’s the one message I would like to get through to young women it would be this.
Never value a man more than you value yourself and your family. I can remember feeling that I was lacking without a man in my life and I see it on here all the time. Women with broken hearts anxious to meet another man, afraid they will never love again, if a woman doesn’t want to date people say, “Don’t worry, you will heal and want to date again.” But who is saying that wanting to date says you are healed? I think it is the woman who doesn’t need to date to feel complete, the woman who is open to dating and love coming into her life but does not NEED it to feel complete. I have wasted so much time worrying about whether a man liked me or not, whether I was attractive enough, how can I make a man love me and appreciate me and totally ignoring what was best for ME. Dating sites etc are the “bars” of today full of desperate women looking for a man who will make her feel “worthy” if those same women took the focus off of the man and put it on herself and what she is doing with her life she wouldn’t need the reinforcement of a man to feel valued she would KNOW she is valuable because of what she is contributing to the world and she will be judged by her own actions in the world and not on the man she is with. If more women valued themselves and didn’t rely on a man to give her worth there would be a lot less affairs, and narcissists would have a hard time finding victims.
Before you start looking for a man to love, take the time to love and value yourself. Pull yourself out of your black hole, better yourself, become more self aware, learn something new, give back to the world, treasure what you have, pray for what you need and know the difference between what you need and what you want, and what they tell you you should want or need. and most of all be Thankful for small blessings because when it all comes down to it, it’s all you have.
There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie
