Tag Archives: Christmas

Update to What’s Going On

Just a quick update to what’s going on here in rainy Clearwater.

First of all we have 5 members of the new blog No Reim’er Reason, I will be sending invitations to those 5 people in a few minutes. Thanks you all for signing up! I am looking forward to working with everyone as we strive to become the best “me” we can be. I hope a few more people will join us.

I was away with my son for the weekend to see my grand daughter, do the trick or treat thing with her and to get my so’s stuff out of his storage unit in Oliver. We had a great time, my grand daughter’s momma made us very welcome, we left Kamloops at about 2 on Saturday afternoon and got to Oliver at 5. We trick or treated until about 7 and then went to the community hall for more Halloween celebrations. For a small town Oliver really knows how to party!

We stayed the night and my son made us a big breakfast (I am getting spoiled by my son cooking breakfast whenever he is home from work) He fries the best over easy eggs I have ever had, I never was able to master over easy like him.

We were on the road by noon and loaded up the truck with his stuff from storage, stopped to visit a friend of his. A girl he taught how to frame a year ago and who just passed her first inspection on building a garage herself. She was so proud as was my boy. Him taking her under his win gave her a new lease on life. She had lost custody of her two boys, was unemployed and with his help and training she is now making $23/hour, working for a company he got her a job and has her boys back. It’s amazing what a little helping hand can do for a person’s self confidence and how it can change a person’s whole life. I was fighting back the tears as she gave me a great big hug and told me what a great son I have.

We got home about 6 and I was in bed by 9. I have a bit of a stomach flue I think and just not feeling great today.

My son is back to work tomorrow.

Kim the other lay living with us has rented herself a mobile home and is moving into that today. She was going to go back east to home and where her friends are but decided to get her own place here instead and she will continue to care for Nova much to my relief. The other people will be arriving mid Nov or early Dec and I will be moving upstairs in the next week or so. All these changes again so soon.  I have to get myself a desk, I can’t keep sitting on the edge of my bed typing, it kills my back. I have been painting Christmas baubles in hopes of selling them to make money for winter boots, winter tires and a desk with a chair.

I have to say I am struggling like I haven’t struggled since leaving James. Giving up everything I owned again has taken a toll I hadn’t expected. I thought I was used to giving things up and starting over but maybe a person never gets to a point where it doesn’t take a toll. Being away from my family and friends, knowing that once the snow flies I am stuck here and my son is going to be gone for most of the time makes me feel trapped, and quite frankly scares the hell out of me.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!



Merry Christmas Tree Wallpaper

I want to wish everyone a Christmas Day of peace and serenity, filled with friends and family,

lots of food, booze, laughs, and a light heart.

Wherever you may be in this big world I want to thank you for all your support throughout the last year and

the 4 Christmases that came before this one.

I sit here, alone, with carols playing on the radio

Stella is crunching her Christmas bone from Santa

I have peace in my heart

and tears of gratitude in my eyes.

I wish that each one of you

knows you are loved

and just how special you are.

I pray that you are all given the strength to get through the day

and know somewhere deep in your soul that better days are ahead. 

A Little Update

I haven’t been posting much lately, I have been in a bit of a slump to be honest. I guess it’s the Christmas blues. I should be used to it and I don’t know why it is hitting me this hard this year. Well, yes I do know why.

I can’t say too much because it has to do with my son’s life and I have no right to talk about what goes on in his life.

Plus I had hoped I would see my grand daughter this Christmas but I do totally understand that it is not so easy, her and her mom live on the other side of a HUGE mountain pass that will be covered in snow from now until late spring and it is dangerous to drive it, if you don’t have to, most people won’t. I did last year and it was the drive from hell and that was in February, so I certainly don’t expect them to make the drive. I let myself get carried away planning how great it would be to have them here and see her open her gifts etc.

My son has decided to move there to be closer to his daughter, again, totally understandable, but that means I am alone again this Christmas. I have done it so many times and i always get through, after all it is just another day. I used to love Christmas and still decorate the whole house but I just don’t have that festive spirit. It’s not that I miss the wospos, at least I know there is no one purposely planning on destroying my Christmas, it is circumstances  not a plot against me that I am going to be alone. There was not one Christmas with the wospos that was pleasurable, I always decorated but there was never any gifts, no company, no big dinner, no snuggling by the fire and basking in the glow of our love. (gag)

I had planned on decorating his boat all Christmasy, I get Christmas lights in scrap from one of my pick ups and sometimes they work. I have been putting the working ones aside and had enough to do a really excellent job decorating his boat so when they got there it would be this beautiful glow of Christmas cheer. I was going to put a little phoney Christmas tree in it and I had already cleaned it and hauled all the dirty bedding out and washed it, all the towels etc, so everything was going to be fresh and clean (my son let some guys use it just before he left and they left it a disaster). My girlfriend gave me a beautiful goose down duvet and I washed it and I bought a new cover for it on sale. I also got a really good deal on some nice crisp white sheets. (I have been picking things up for months in preparation for this) I found some toss cushions that were like new at the thrift store. Where Kaela sleeps on the boat is kinda yucky, so I had some light green chiffon material I was going to make a canopy like thing, I have some paint and other dodads I was going to use to make her a little princess castle with a little ladder to get up to it. I had been picking crayons and colouring books etc for a little toy corner for her. Now he is not keeping the boat so there is no point in doing all that to it.

I was really  excited about doing it because I thought it would be such a new surprise for them to come back to the boat and it has been transformed, it wasn’t costing me much; it was all my labour and imagination. Now that I can’t do that I have nothing to give him. His birthday is Dec 20, and I thought the boat would be his birthday present,  I can’t even give him the sheets because they are for a double bed and he doesn’t have a double.

Then you all know about the rat, I haven’t seen another one but I am paranoid now and Stella drives me insane because she is paranoid also. The other day she was going nuts by the back door and the closet beside the door, sniffing around and barking, running to me for protection. I thought for sure there must be another rat but I finally figured out it was my mukluk that has a fur trim that was freaking her out. haha silly girl

THEN we have had so much rain, the lake flooded and was right up to my back door, and then a cold snap hit and the lake froze making a skating rink out of my road and my pipes froze. I went 3 days without water but finally got them thawed the other day. I put a work light under the house near the pipes and they thawed but I can’t leave it on because then if I plug anything in, in the house it blows the breaker. So it is a juggling act of only one heater going in the house but if I cook I have to turn the electric fireplace off because it will blow the breaker. I know there is something wrong with my wiring for it to blow like that but the owner won’t have it looked at and I can’t afford to have an electrician come.

I broke a tooth a couple of days ago and I have to get it fixed, it is right in front and I hate the dentist. I just hope they can fix it and don’t have to pull it.

And the bills keep piling up. I was all caught up a couple of months ago but I have on outstanding hydro bill of over $100, the phone company is threatening to cut me off again, I have a speeding ticket from a couple of years ago that I had until Dec 1 to pay and I haven’t so I don’t know what happens if I get pulled over, I hope I don’t get arrested. Shessh

I usually make some extra money by painting things and selling them but this year I was working on my funding package because I felt that was more important but now I don’t have stuff to sell.

The woman who I handed my funding package to just laughed when she saw it, she said she has never had anyone hand in a more organized and complete package. She kept laughing as she flipped through it, shaking her head and saying, “You did my job for me.” I guess I am a bit anal, but I want it to get accepted so badly and didn’t want any reason for them to turn me down or postpone approving it. I just pray it goes through, I can’t think of any reason why it wouldn’t but we are dealing with the government here. It doesn’t pay me a lot more living expenses but it gives me an education and almost doubles what they allot me to live on which would be a livable amount.

Anyway, I have been busy trying to thaw pipes, kill rats and just been a bit depressed to be honest. Tired of struggling, missing my son and granddaughter, uncertain about my future, trying to think positive.

I’ll survive, it is just the way life is sometimes.

If by chance anyone can help me get through to January I would really appreciate it. I hate to ask, I really hate to ask but with any luck it will be the last time I have to ask and I will start my new year in school.