Tag Archives: Courting

Dating

How Many Victim’s Hide The Truth From Friends and Family?

I may have not touched on this fact yet, but I hid my relationship with my abuser for years.

I had left him and got set up in an apartment and then he would call and I would meet him, he would pour on the charm, be the loving man I had first met and eventually we would be a couple again. I had done it a few times so I just stopped telling my son and family that I was seeing him.

At Christmas I went along, but that was ok because him and I never did anything anyway, but I hated lying and it was hard to not slip up and say something. It worked well for him though because when he was abusive who was I going to tell? I couldn’t go running back to my family, I didn’t want my son to know because he would kill James. So I saw him in secret. I did get smart and not let him move in but that was a minor technicality, I was still seeing him and he was still disabling my vehicle and still screwing around on me but now he used that as his excuse, we weren’t “together” so it was ok for him to see other women.

I read someone else’s story of hiding the relationship from their family and that is what reminded me. Here it is.

I know the temptation to hide it from family and friends but it really puts the victim in danger, it is vitally important that the victim has a support group and people around her to tell her it is not her fault and she is not crazy. The less support she has the easier it is for the abuser to whittle away at her self confidence and make her feel crazy.

How many of you have hidden the fact that you went back to your abuser?

The Cure For Narcissism Found Right Here In BC!

cure

They found a cure for narcissism?? really?? Well, actually…………………

No, …..that is a lie, ………………………….. but it IS what the WOSPOS (waste of skin piece of shit) wants everyone to believe. In fact he would have you believe that I cause a man to have traits similar to narcissism because I am a crazy psycho bitch that drove him to act the way he did. I am the Eboli carrier of narcissism.

But thank God for his new woman, because she had the cure and his whole life has changed. and well………………..

That’s a lie too.

But whether it is a lie or not is of little consequence as long as you don’t say it is a lie and as long as you don’t expose the lie, then it becomes the truth. According to the WOSPOS she is, well………I’ll just come right out and say it…….the woman is up for sainthood, right up there with Mother Teresa. But that makes sense because you would have to have a direct line to God to cure a narcissist.

I am not sure if they realize the gold mine they are sitting on. she could write a book, teach seminars, Dr Hare and Sam Vaknin, I am sure would want to talk to her. My God, she could be on Oprah!! Jerry Springer!! She could even get a wax statue in Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

I mean THIS IS BIG!!

As for me, I should be shot for driving a kind loving man to act so despicable, I hang my head in shame and beg for James forgiveness. That is a lie too.

I am just relieved to know that he was not permanently scarred by my warped view of reality.  (Lie)

The Science of Love

science

 

At times I think I confuse people with my views on who is at fault in a relationship with a narcissist. 

Although I don’t believe the victim is to blame, there is no way they knew what they were getting into, no one teaches us about narcissists and psychopaths, unfortunately it is a lesson we had to learn the hard way. BUT we do have to take some responsibility for our own abuse because we stayed.

NOW, before you get defensive or take all the blame let me explain. We are all caregivers, that is what we do, as much as the narcissist is a taker, user and abuser and has no heart, we are the exact opposite. It stands to reason we would end up with a narcissist doesn’t it? 

I hear people say they are afraid to ever date again because they can’t trust another man, or they can’t trust themselves, or they can’t stop being who they are and they refuse to stop being a caring giving person. But no one is asking they to change who they are only define who they are and then stick to that definition and not let anyone tell them differently. Set boundaries and stick to them, be true to your core beliefs and respect yourself and demand that others respect you also. A narcissist will not stick around if he knows you can not be manipulated. I watched that show Secret Millionaire the other day, the show where a millionaire pretends to be poor in order to find a love partner who loves them for them and not their money. I watched several of the episodes and something happened I had not anticipated; in the final few minutes of the show the contestant reveals the truth to the (in the cases I watched) woman he has been lying about his wealth and the woman who previously had really been falling for the guy broke up with him for lying to her. 

I doubt I would have done that. I have never cared how much money a guy had but, to be honest, if I was falling for a guy and he revealed he had been lying and he was actually a millionaire I would be thrilled!! Bonus!! and I would have totally ignored the fact that he had lied to me, I would understand why he did it and forgiven him and said something like, “I’ll forgive you this time but ever lie to me again and it’s over.'” Some of the women asked to think about it for a while alone, but they came to the same conclusion and broke up with the guy. Actually only one woman decided to stick with the guy and they were getting along great 2 months later but who knows what a year down the road brought. 

That got me thinking and wondering what the women (or men) on here would do. Would you forgive or break up with the guy? I respect the women who stood firm to their boundaries and from now on I am standing firm to my boundaries also, no 2nd chances, no acceptions to the rule. THAT is where we run into problems. You can still be a caring, giving person without being a doormat and letting a person walk all over you and disrespect you. Love does not mean letting someone ignore your standards. If honesty is not important to you then by all means date a liar, or if you want to pay for everything all the time, pay all the time, but if you want honesty, faithfulness, and respect don’t date a guy who lies, has cheated on other women because he will cheat on you and don’t pay his way.

Another thing we did, we gave too much, we invested too much, when we invest too much the person and the relationship becomes more important because we are invested. Watch this video, they are talking about allowing the other person to invest in the relationship also, that if we do it all the scales become unbalanced and we end up more invested in the relationship than the other person. Just listen to the first few minutes it makes a lot of sense. I know I was doing all the driving when I met James, it happened before I knew it but looking back, I didn’t like doing the driving but he didn’t want to drive and it kinda made sense because at his place we were alone and I worked and he didn’t, but I wonder what would have happened if I would have just said,”No, I do not want to drive down there.” I didn’t want to take the chance that he wouldn’t do it so I didn’t challenge him but maybe he would have not driven and maybe we wouldn’t have gotten together for the long haul which certainly would not have been a bad thing. 

You know, sometimes we think we really want something because we think it is a good thing and what we need so we make it happen at all cost and if we would have just stood back and let things unfold as they should it never would have been a problem.