Tag Archives: Courting

Dating

Oh So Ya Wanna Hear?

Well, last Saturday was a pretty shitty day all in all. I was going to do the flea market. (I found these really cool clothing display racks behind the mall in Langley, I would put a picture if my camera worked on my new phone, but that’s another issue and I’m already juggling 2 and not even done the first paragraph! Any way that’s where I met Tyler, a homeless guy that I disrupted when I went to look at these racks. Nice young fellow, been on the streets since he was about 13, he’s 21 now. But I’ll give him his own post later.)

Where was I? Oh right, the clothing display racks that fold up so neat, perfect for someone who sells clothes at the flea market. So I was loading them and other stuff for the flea market Saturday and I got a call from a guy who saw my ad selling my other truck, the 91 GMC. He knows the truck from seeing me at Amix, he has cash and he wants to buy it. So I spend my last $20 on fuel to get down to Surrey and he doesn’t show up. I didn’t have enough fuel to get home, hadn’t had a smoke since 9 in the morning cuz I was out and broke.

I made it to the flea market and every one is starting to pack up so I pulled right in beside an old friend who I just ran into last week after 6 years. Oh! Yeah! I wanted to talk to him because last weekend when I ran into him he had said there was an empty RV spot where he lives and I think I can get a fixer upper trailer for free. Another side issue I’ll discuss at another time.

Annyyyywaaaay, this guy walks up and asks if I am setting up to sell and I said no, I want to talk to my friend and see if he wants to buy one of these racks off me. He said how long are you going to be and I said I didn’t know; was there a problem?

He said if I was setting up to sell I had to pay $10, I said I wasn’t selling, every one is packing up.

My friend didn’t want the racks and neither did anyone else but a woman walked past and liked a big picture frame I had on the truck so I sold it to her for $10 and took the dogs for a long walk. When I got back there was a pizza box stuck on my windshield with a note written on it from that guy, saying I owed him $10 because I sold something. Oh for the love of God!  now my friend was upset because the guy came down on him about me selling something. Sheeeesh now I probably won’t get the RV site. Oh well.

I put the $10 into fuel for my truck and headed to Mission, I was going down the road where all the 2nd hand stores are and one was open, Belle’s, she’s been around forever and has a little bit of everything in her store. It is much too crowded for the clothing racks but I had a few old window frames, and an old typewriter she bought for $20.  I told the kids Momma’s got money!!!

I think they thought I said let’s go for a walk because they got up and were wagging their tails looking at me expectantly. I told them first Momma has to buy smokes. I pulled into a little plaza at the end of town, there’s a corner store and a liquor store there. I was going to back into my parking stall but there was a nice looking grey car with two men in it who had just left the liquor store leaving so I motioned for them to go ahead and I’d wait. I went in and bought myself 1 Mike’s Hard Lemonade and a pack of smokes and then took the puppies for a good long walk to the other end of town and back. Kato was dragging his butt at the end so I left him behind and got the truck. My phone was ringing but I was too busy getting Kato in the truck to answer and forgot to even check for a message. Then I got a text message that said……
Mysteryman- Just saw you at liquor store. You married? Attached?
Me – I’m single. I don’t remember seeing anyone at the liquor store.
MM – silver car, you were backing in, then I saw you walking. Anyway I liked what I saw! 🙂
Me – oh ok thank you walking:)
MM – Buy you a drink?
Me – That would be nice.
MM – xxxxxx Pub 9? Or somewhere else…..
Me – oh! You meant tonight! I have plans tonight.
MM – My name is xxxxxx and I never contacted anyone like this before. Very spur of the moment. Your number was on your door.

MM – Another time then?
Me – Hi xxxxxx lol sure you’ve never done this before that’s what they all say! Just kidding. I’ve never done been asked out like this before either. Another time would be great. Do you live locally?

MM – I do and usually quite shy Haha what’s your name Lady Witha Truck?
Me – Oh I thought you would have gotten that off the truck too. It’s Carrie.
MM – wasn’t looking much at the truck.
MM – what are you doing tonight? I know you got beer. So do I!
Me – I bought Mike’s and I’m going to a girlfriends to get silly.
MM – you already sound silly. Text me on your way home. We can have a drink under the stars. PS come home early!
Me – lol I don’t take orders well. Besides early is subjective.
MM – lol !! I like that. Try me anyway.
Two hours later.
MM – offer for beer under the stars still stands. Unless it rains. 🙂

I was at my g/f’s until almost 4 am. So of course I didn’t text him; doubt I would have even if I would have been early. I certainly wasn’t going to ditch my g/f for a drink with a stranger. (I wouldn’t ditch a g/f for any guy, that’s rude)

I was very complimented though. I haven’t heard from him since. The thing for him to have done was ask me out a day or two ahead. So I guess that’s that.

But it put a smile on my face and I think I must look ok in my skinny jeans. LOL. Maybe I still got it?

What Was I Thinking

I was thanking my lucky stars, I could not believe my good fortune. I had seen my girlfriends meet men who treated them like queens and wanted to take care of them and my girlfriends let them.

In the past I had been ferociously  independent and self sufficient. I had listened to my dad and mom fight about money and laid awake at night listening to my dad threaten to take my brother and leave. I never wanted to rely on a man for anything, I wanted to be able to leave if I wanted I didn’t want to give up control or more than wanted to. It wasn’t so much me giving up control I guess I was afraid of giving the man too much power over me.

I didn’t want to control the man  either; I wanted a relationship based on mutual respect, honest communication, shared interests, and compromise, great sex would be a bonus.

I dated alot, I didn’t fall for men easily and if I didn’t feel a spark on the first or second date I moved on. If a guy “fell in love” too quickly I was completely turned off. If he was too possessive or tried to monopolize my time I was out of there. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like playing games so if a guy couldn’t handle honest communication I was history. My girlfriend’s boyfriends either loved me or hated me because I was my own person and I didn’t tolerate bullshit from men. One of my friends told me whenever she stood up to her boyfriend he would  say,” You’ve been talking to Carrie again haven’t you?”

I never cared about material things, only that a guy worked, in fact I have a real attraction for men with working hands. Soft manicured hands on a man has never been a turn on for me.

I think part of it is that I am 5’10” almost 11″ and I don’t feel feminine with a guy smaller than me. When a man holds my hand I want to feel a man’s hand. Hard to explain.

My whole adult life I have had a group of girlfriends I enjoyed spending time with and I like my alone time more than most people. When Victor and I were married he worked shift work at the prison and I quite enjoyed my nights alone. We had our mutual friends but we our individual friends also. I have always liked that line, “How can I miss you if you won’t go away”.

Because I didn’t need a man and was quite capable of providing for my son and myself and because I wasn’t materialistic and I had a soft spot for the underdog I had gotten tangled up with a few guys who weren’t too motivated to work but I had never been in an abusive or controlling relationship.

I had gone straight from Victor’s motorcycle accident to being a single mom. Then my mom and dad split and my mom practically lived with me for over a year she was so devastated. I had bought and sold homes, held responsible positions at work, married a man with 4 children and been step mom to them (and loved it and them I’m not saying I didn’t but lets face it; it was alot of work and I always put 100% into anything I do), Kris had not been an easy child to raise and he was now 17 and very independent. I had been the major bread winner in most of my relationships and now I was ready to be pampered a bit. I really felt that it was MY time.

I was ready to relax and enjoy my life and enjoy a loving relationship without worrying about kids, exs, daddy weekends, school supplies, not making too much noise having sex because some little ears might hear. I was at the prime of my life and I had just met the man of my dreams and I was going for it.

JC was a little too demanding of my time for my liking but he was so good to me and I had passed up nice guys before so I fought the urge to dump him when I felt clastraphobic.

He wasn’t working (which I thought was the reason he was wanting me around so much, he was bored) but had graduated top of his class in water sewer technology and was looking for work but he always had money and didn’t mind spending it. He was always wheeling and dealing, buying things out of the Buy & Sell and reselling them, trading things; it amazed me how he could make money that way.

Sundays we would hop in the car and just take off, destination unknown. We would blitz Vancouver, stop at a pub and share a burger, visit a friend, cruise pawn shops and second hand stores. He wanted me to meet all his friends and his family. I’ve read dating advice articles on what to look for to make sure the guy isn’t hiding anything and JC was doing everything right. He had Mr answer his phone for him, took me to meet family and friends, didn’t hesitate to introduce me as his girlfriend,   he gave me a key to his apartment  so I could come and go as I pleased. He was always on time or called been if he was going to be 20 minutes late.

If he went to the corner store he wanted me along, he always wanted me along. (which annoyed me sometimes because it was only through corner store, but it wasn’t a deal breaker).

We laughed, alot, in public we played off of each other, we were in sync. I have a thirst for knowledge and loved talking to him because he knew something about every thing and he didn’t mind explaining things. We discussed the environment, the world situation, religion, things that not every one likes to talk about. We watched documentaries instead of sitcoms. He was the only man I’ve ever known to spend $500 on Partylite candles. We both loved aquariums and spent hours looking at the fish and hundreds of dollars buying fish. He found a 90 gal aquarium and we filled it with discus. Every Sunday we would buy more fish. Money was never a problem. He left me little love notes that were waiting whenever I arrived before he got home, or if he left before I woke up, he bought me flowers, and he told me he loved me often.

He was always pointing out how well we got along. He told me how it was so refreshing to be with a woman who didn’t play games and could talk about problems calmly and rationally. (when he got with the new woman he told me she was so calm and rational he could talk to her, they never fight; she was nothing like me) I had said, “I am sure she is a frickin’ saint, I don’t want to hear how wonderful she is. When she’s been with you 10 years like I have you get back to me and tell me if she’s still so calm and rational.”

He cried the first time he said he loved me, he said he had thought he knew what love was before but now he knew what real love felt like.He told me I was perfect the way I was and to never change.

He was the most even tempered man I had ever met. I am an Aries through and through so I tend to be emotional. If I get upset I let off steam and then get over it, he handled me perfectly. When I was upset about something he would pack me off to the bedroom, make me lay down with my head on his chest and he’d stroke my hair while I told him what was bugging me. Of Ncourse we would end up having sex but I always felt better. I remember laying in his arms, my head on his shoulder, the smell of him, the strength of his arms around me and thinking, “As long as we always have this, everything will be ok in the world.” I had never felt safer or more loved than I did when I laid in his arms. We slept wrapped in each others arms and would wake up in the morning exactly the same way.

Sure, he was lying to me about alot of things but I didn’t know it, (some things I didn’t find out about until 10 years later) as far as I was concerned he was incapable of lying, being unfaithful or being abusive. I was determined to not take his good nature for granted and to show him every day how much I appreciated him; not like the other women who had taken advantage of his tender heart.

The Attraction Grows

He laughed again and said,”So I gather it didn’t go well?”

Me: “He was a pompous ass lawyer”

He had a really good laugh at that and then said he was sorry it didn’t turn out.

Me: “Oh well, I didn’t have any expectations that he was going to be the love of my life or anything. I hope it wasn’t too late for me to call.”

He assured me it wasn’t too late, he’d just been playing guitar. He said he had just bought a headset so he could play his electric guitar and not bother the neighbors. (how considerate of him)

We started asking questions and share information about ourselves.

That is when I discovered he was recovering from a bad motorcycle accident, he told me he felt really blessed because he had been told he would never walk again and he was walking just fine. He also told me the insurance company was paying for him to re-educate because he probably couldn’t go back to his any of his old professions which were long haul trucking, mechanic, and welder. He was born in Saskatchewan and had just found his birth mother and moved to BC to get to know his birth family, a full blood sister and 2 half siblings.

Of course that really perked my interest and I wanted to know more, how they found each other, what the meeting was like, etc.

He mentioned he was buying a house in Sechelt and renting an apartment in Ladner.

I said I loved the ocean and he said he was looking at the ocean as we spoke.

He had never been married but had been in a long term common law relationship of 12 years.

He told me that he was really glad I had called and I said I was too. I told him I never call men but my son had said to “just call”. He said that he had never done anything like that before either, give a woman his number; but he had felt a connection as soon as we saw each other then I would almost hugged him. He said that if I had hugged him it would have seemed perfectly natural. He was impressed I took the time to explain what was going on and he said he just had to take a chance but he didn’t really think I would call.

It was almost midnight when I said I had to go and he asked if
we could meet for drinks the next night and I said I thought he was too young for me. He said age didn’t bother him and asked how old I thought he was. I guessed early 30’s and he said he had just turned 36. He said he’d dated older women before, in fact the long term relationship was with a woman almost twice his age. I told him I was 42 and he kinda laughed and said that isn’t an age difference.
I was smitten, I had felt so comfortable with him, the conversation had flowed and he obviously thought I was ok too. We had laughed alot, he had a good sense of humour and enjoyed my wit, we had “clicked”.

The next day he called and apologized because he had to cancel drinks but asked if we could do it Friday instead. He explained he was waiting for money and had bought a new car and needed to do the paperwork etc. I understood and thanked him for calling. He seemed relieved that I understood and even said that it was really cool of me to not be upset. I thought it would be pretty silly to get upset, what could the guy do, its not like he stood me up and he had called.

On Friday he called during the day to arrange a place and time. He was right on time, driving a BMW and looking fine. I was nervous at first but he was so easy to talk to that once again the conversation flowed.

He’d said that he had to make it an early night because he had work the next day; (he was still working 1 day a week welding to suppliment ment his income while he was in school.)

We were leaving and to my surprise he asked if I wanted to go to a quieter place for another drink. I asked about work the next day and he said he didn’t want the night to end yet. As we were leaving and about to cross the street he grabbed my hand and I felt shock waves, he had strong hands. I was very attracted to him.

When we said goodbye I leaned in and gave him a kiss on the neck and said I had a really nice time, as I pulled away our lips met and we had a very nice long lingering kiss that left us both a little breathless.

We had made plans to meet the next day, Saturday because I was going to help him pick up his other car. (when he bought his BMW he had left his other car behind). Saturday he called exactly when he said he would and we arranged a place to meet. He called just as I got there and said he’d just a few minutes.  When he got there he got out of his car to open my door and I am sure my jaw hit the ground. He was wearing faded tight blue jeans with a rip in the knee, old sneakers, and a black leather jacket undone to reveal his bare chest; and what a chest it was, he had a six pack and just enough chest hair to make me want to smell his chest right then and there. I thought to myself,”He knows exactly what he is doing and I know what he is doing and its working. God I want this man, even if just for a night”.

He must have noticed me oggling his chest (or maybe it was the drool at the corner of my mouth) because he said, “Oh …..my shirt was dirty so I took it off.”

I don’t recall if I said anything, like a lobotomy patient I stood there, drooling, staring at his chest, my mind raced as I struggling to maintain my composure and respectability. I know I was blushing,

I think I smiled and nodded.

Then he turned to get something out of the truck and I glimpsed his bare ass through a rip in his jeans. He had his back to me, thank God!! because I think my knees went weak and my eyes rolled back in my head. I knew I was done for.

We moved his car to a friends, he went to the liquor store and bought some coolers and we sat and talked while we had a drink. He didn’t have long because he was going to Sechelt like he did every weekend. When we were saying goodbye he kissed me and we ended up necking in a busy parking lot for probably 1/2 an hour at least. God he was a good kisser. He handed me another number, he said it was the land line, his cell phone didn’t always work when he was in Sechelt and to call him on Sunday. As I got out of his car he grabbed my hand and stopped me, looked me right in the eyes and said he’d really like to cook me dinner Monday night. I said that would be nice. As I closed the car door he said, “See you Monday, Babe.” part of me recoiled at being called babe so soon but another part of me got butterflies.

Monday came and he called me at work with a joke and to make sure we were still on for dinner. He met me a few miles from his place so I could follow him and not get lost. I thought that was sweet.

I was a little surprised when I walked into his apartment and there was no furniture. There was an aquarium and a wooden rocking chair, a blow up double air bed on the floor in the bedroom and his guitars, that was it. He apologized for not having furniture and said everything was in Sechelt. He had only rented the apartment for while he was in school and didn’t see any point in moving all his furniture for a few months. It made sense to me and the place was clean.

He immediately started kissing me when we walked through the door and packed me into the bedroom. I wasn’t too impressed and told him a glass of wine would  be nice  before he attacks me.

I didn’t get to finish my wine before he was all over me again, it didn’t take much to convince me. The sex was ok but sex the first time with someone is never as good as once you get to know them so I don’t ever have high expectations the first  time. We went for a great dinner and made love 3 or more times that night.

After that we saw each other every weekend and as many week nights as I would allow. We lived an hour and a half apart and I worked an hour and 15 minutes away plus my son was still living at home. But he would call and usually I would go to his place 3-4 nights a week.

Lively conversation, laughter, and tenderness filled our times together. When we weren’t together I trusted him explicitly.