That has always been my motto when ending a relationship. Always leave them wanting more.
I have always had amicable breakups, been fair in the division of property, cooked them a lovely last supper, and remained “friends”, for a period of time any way.
I have never had a significant relationship end where the guy didn’t eventually want me back. Actually I have always been the one to end the relationship; it was still painful but my decision none the less.
So I was thinking maybe that is why I am having such a hard time getting over JC, maybe its just my ego getting in the way because it wasn’t me that ended it and I had plenty of reasons to end it. Kinda like “How dare he end it when I should have walked away first, how dare he reject ME!”
I always had too much pride to ever beg a man, sure there were times I cared more for a guy than he did me and I’d hang around waiting to see if he changed his mind but I invariably found someone else and was unavailable when he finally did “see the light”. With boyfriends I moved on quickly with marriages (yes plural) I didn’t start dating again for almost 2 years. During that two years I would stay in contact and be friends without benefits and once I started dating someone seriously, or they did, the friendship would fizzle out.
Usually the new partner isn’t too happy with the friendship, my ex’s new woman could never understand that if I had wanted him I would have kept him in the first place.
But maybe they were insecure because I always looked my best any time I saw my ex. I figure; why make them glad they are no longer with you? If my son’s dad was picking him up I’d make damn sure my makeup was done, hair, nails and I was dressed attractively. Nothing over the top like garter belt and heels but you know; wearing those jeans that make your ass look especially enticing, heels that make your legs 6′ long. I was always very pleasant too, especially to the new woman, I certainly wasn’t going to be a bitch to her, (unless she was a bitch first) and make myself look bad. I have always wanted to be “the one that got away”, not the one they thank God they got away from.
Also I am an Aries and they say Aries women are the most able to live without a man of all the zodiac signs. That’s not to say we don’t love men and don’t love being in a relationship with a man. It just means that if we have to we are capable of doing anything a man would do and don’t need a man to complete us or “do for us”. When I am with a man it is because I want to be with him not because I NEED him.
So all that said, I was mortified when Denise called her brother (JC) last week when we were broken down on the side of the road. I hadn’t slept more than a few hours (in the dog’s bed on the floor) the night before, hadn’t had a shower in two days, was filthy from work, been crying most of the day so my eyes were puffy and blood shot. My make up was smeared and I had black smudges of mascara under my eyes; I looked in the rear view mirror to see what I looked like and realized I was too far gone for any quick fixes. To top it all off I was broke, broken down and damn it….. I needed a man.
That is NOT the way I see my ex’s!! I am supposed to be looking hot, in control, happy, doing great with a big bright smile on my face and he is supposed to look tired, unhappy and take one look at me and think to himself, “What the hell was I thinking? God I miss that woman.”
I want him to drive away remembering how great sex was, all those times I greeted him in a sexy little number, all the wonderful meals I cooked for him, all those nights we laid snuggled up talking until the sun peaked over the mountains, how I love to dance all by myself in the kitchen and how his kid loved me and how I loved Christmas and decorated the whole house, bathroom and all. And how I was always willing to help a neighbor or always encouraging him when he was down. I want him to remember the beautiful gardens every year and how hard I worked to create a welcoming home.
I don’t want to remind him of the fights, or me being needy, I don’t want him to be glad I am no longer in his life. I want him to be eternally sorry he blew it.
But when you are dealing with a narcissist you are dealing with someone who doesn’t feel like a normal person. Sure he wants you back. He wants you in his harem of adoring fans waiting in the wings for him to grace you with his glorious presence; when he needs some good strokes or needs a punching bag.
I keep wanting him to be sorry; really truly sorry but I know he won’t ever be sorry. A long time ago he wanted to end it and I had asked him, “What if I leave and like last time you realize it was a mistake? This time I won’t come back.” His answer was, “I guess I’ll chock it up with all the other mistakes I’ve made and get over it.”
I left him, he came groveling back, I went back, nothing changed.
I think that if a narcissist some how all of a sudden grew a conscience and truly realized all the pain he had caused in his life he wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s why I don’t think they ever change; they couldn’t handle the guilt. No one could have a conscience and live with themselves after causing the devastation and destruction they cause; no human.
Just my thoughts on a dreary rainy day before I head out the door to work.
I hope where ever you are the sun is warm on your face, birds are singing and flowers are blooming.
Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck using WordPress for BlackBerry.