Tag Archives: Danger

Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late

I have been there, believe me. Deep down you know you are in danger but when you tell anyone they doubt you and then you doubt yourself. Maybe you are paranoid, maybe you are imagining things.

Please, I was lucky, it took my sister-in-law telling me he would kill me if I didn’t leave. Maybe God let me live because he needed me to educate people, be there to support victims. I should have, could have died several times.

I was reading a post the other day about Flying Monkeys and the damage they do. I always read the comments on posts and this one was no different. That is where I read the following comment.

I’m going through something ive never seen written about. My ex has fm that sneak into my daughters attic and stay above only the room im in….so who hears them right. Plus they have a newly redone attic that make little noise. They throw liquid on me, use something to make burns on my head. Use something to make me so tired i actually passed out withfood in my mouth. What do i do? Pray. Its been 4 years we broke up and we r divorced. I did divorce. He got everything. Our business ect. I had many hospital stays in our 37 yr marriage. I had 11 kidney stones……bladder so red they thought i had cancer. He was always cold and distant. I am 57 never had kidney stones. Got so bad i couldnt pee. Then just blood……he got weird phone call and i heard him say no shes just scared. He has been abusive in everyway. Near the end i was passing out at random times and am again. Help!!

ML (she used her full name but for her protection I am using her initials, just in case I am wrong) you need to move immediately. Find a safe shelter for domestic abuse victims. It is unlikely the police will believe you because it does sound far fetched. I believe you, but only because I have been there. People who haven’t experienced the abuse of a narc think, “But that doesn’t make sense. Why would someone do that?” The only answer is, “because they are a narcissist. They are evil soul destroyers”.
Plan your escape very carefully and covertly. No one can know. Once you have a safe place to go to leave in one fell swoop. Take what you can and leave the rest, nothing is worth your life. I left with $5 and my dog and slept in my truck. It’s been a long haul and life has been tough but I never regretted getting away and now 8 years after leaving my life is anxiety free, and I have good friends I can trust.
As long as you live where they have access to you, you are not safe.
Good luck.

ML, also, if that is your real name stop using it to post on social media immediately!! Do a Google search of your name and see what shows up. Any comments you make will show up in a Google search. If they are spying on you, you can bet they are tracking your Internet activity. Also check your vehicle for a tracking device and get a different phone. It’s amazingly easy to hack into a person’s cell phone and have full access to a person’s photos, text messages, and GPS. They can listen in on all your conversations and actually see what you are doing, even if you think your phone is off.

I immediately got out of that post and did a Google search on her name and the only thing that came up was an Obituary saying she died Dec 28, 2018. She comment was made 36 weeks ago, that would have meant her comment was made at the end of June 2018.

I am not saying her ex killed her. I don’t know her or him at all.

I DO know there are many ways to kill a person, you don’t have to even be in the same vicinity.

There are many ways a rcissist can kill a person; by slowly poisoning them physically or mentally. They can make their life so unbearable they feel their only escape is to kill themselves. (By getting them fired, evicted, cut off assistance, turn their kids against them, ruin their reputation) They can make them feel useless and turn everyone against them. Or they can make them feel (and act) paranoid and crazy. They can badger them incessantly with taunting phone calls, emails and text messages. They can destroy their property until they own nothing at all. Some, like my ex tamper with the victims vehicle, cutting brake lines, loosening lugnuts, the steering.

The stress alone can kill them, a woman leaving an abusive relationship is 75% more likely to get a chronic illness like cancer or like in my case, heart failure. Almost all victims end up with PTSD.

Unfortunately, since I started this blog I personally know of at least 6 women who were killed by their narcissist ex. That is just the ones I know for sure, there are more, like this woman, I suspect their killer is walking free.

The victim is often so deep into cognitive dissonance they convince themselves the narcissist is not really dangerous and deep down loves them and couldn’t really hurt them. They think they know the narcissist better than anyone and can handle him. They think they will be able to talk him out of hurting her or be able to outsmart him.

They also think they can’t live without the narcissist, or they can wean themselves off the narc. Or, they think one day they will have their fill and be able to walk away without it hurting like hell. The narc will hurt them one last time and they will kick him to the curb and never doubt their decision. All lies.

You can not ever be “ready” to leave, you will have self doubt, and he is going to try everything to make you doubt yourself.

As long as you remain in contact with the narcissist, in any form at all, even through friends and family; you are putting yourself in danger.

And yes, I too found myself wishing he would just kill me and get it over with because I didn’t think I could leave and start all over alone. I had nothing, I was 51, I just didn’t feel strong enough, couldn’t see ever having a life worth living but I dug deep and took that first step.

You don’t know what the future holds if you leave, but you know what the future will be like if you stay; and it only gets worse. Your only chance for a better life is to leave.

I am not saying leaving isn’t hard, it IS hard, you are going to cry and go through all kinds of emotions and you will struggle with yourself to not call him BUT it does get better and easier.

That much I can promise you!!

You don’t know how strong you are until you make it through something you didn’t think you could. If it was easy you wouldn’t need strength or courage.

Don’t give up on yourself!!

Don’t let him/her win!

Another Two Women Dead

I don’t post every time I hear of another woman dying at the hand of the man who vowed to love honor and protect her, if I did, I wouldn’t have time for anything else. But when it is this close to home and this horrendous I have to share as a warning to all women who have ever been or are in an abusive relationship.

I spoke about one murder and a child missing in Calgary Alberta on FaceBook . The woman found murdered was a 30 year old single mother, she was found dead in the home she had moved into May 1st with her 5 year old daughter; and her daughter was not there.

I immediately thought “domestic homicide” but they said the father of the little girl was cooperating with the police. I wasn’t surprised when I heard in later news reports that there had been a history of domestic abuse, reported and unreported.  Maybe the ex will be proven innocent, but I will be surprised and God only knows where the little girl is, the poor little thing.

Prior to this case there was the domestic homicide that occurred Sunday afternoon in Port Moody BC, you can read the story here Port Moody fire. In this case a mother of 6 died in hospital after her husband set the house on fire with 5 of the 6 children in the house. The police were called about domestic violence and arrived to find the house engulfed in flames. The children ranging in age from I think 6-18 managed to escape the house from the second floor with help from the neighbors and the trampoline that was in the back yard. Thankfully the children all got out safely, but they will carry deep scars for the rest of their lives. Their father was taken from the home in handcuffs.

I. Can. Not. Say. It. Enough.

Never. Ever. Underestimate. the Evil. Of. the. Narcissist.

If you are on the internet trying to find answers to why your soul mate turned against you trust that you were involved with someone with issues. A normal person does not do the things a narcissist does. Stop doubting yourself, Stop feeling sorry for him, stop thinking you can fix him, it. Get OUT! protect yourself and your children! NOW!!

By the time you have “proof” he is capable of killing you it will be too late! He is not going to tell you he is plotting to kill you, if you ask him he will call you crazy. You tell other people they will probably say you are crazy. You are not crazy! listen to your gut.

 

Excellent Article On “Why Didn’t You Just Leave?”

With all the publicity lately surrounding Ray Rice and Oscar Pistorius the topic of Domestic Violence has been brought to the forefront in the news; and the injustice we see happening when it comes to the abuser paying for his crimes of abuse. The obvious disregard for the rights of the victim is unbelievable and discouraging; it is almost enough to make a victim feel that there is no point in even trying to seek justice and she should quietly hide in a corner and pray he leaves her alone and doesn’t harm her any more.

To speak out can put the victim directly in harm’s way because the abuser never wants to be revealed for the person he really is, whether he is a football player or a mechanic at the local garage. There are two things a narcissist hates more than you, being opposed and being exposed.

But there is only one way to end domestic abuse and that is to keep speaking out, louder than ever, voices from all corners of the world united in a chorus of the truth exposing these toxic soul crushers for what they are; the more voices the louder it gets and sooner or later someone has to pay attention.

Society is starting to grumble, with Pistorius and Rice, people are realizing something is terribly wrong with our judicial system, that if a man that famous will do something like that then maybe there is more to this than just weak women who like to be slapped around.

Now, more than ever we have to ride the momentum and shout it out, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I hope we all are out there raising awareness any way we can.

I know some women (and men) don’t feel comfortable speaking out, or maybe they are just too afraid of their ex; i don’t want anyone to do anything that might jeopardize their safety, but there are ways you can speak out anonymously, put posters up raising awareness, post anonymously on the internet and  if you are in an abusive relationship take the steps you can to get out before it is too late.

Please do not excuse the abuse any more, don’t make excuses for him, stop dreaming about the day he morphs back into the man you fell in love with, it isn’t going to happen. Be prepared, admit, if only to yourself; that you are in danger and take notes, tell someone you trust, start journaling, and building your evidence against him; at least if he kills you there is a chance he will pay for his crimes.

The following Huffington Post article is something we should all pass along to as many people as we can, it is sobering and needs to be heard by society worldwide. Please share these true stories of abuse and why these women didn’t “just Leave” here is the link

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/12/why-didnt-you-just-leave_n_5805134.html?ir=Crime

Sorry for the screw up on the original post. I don’t know what happened.