Tag Archives: Devil

When You Realize You Are Dealing With Pure Evil

I remember the first time I looked at him and saw the pure evil. It made my blood run cold and froze me in my place. I knew at that moment I was dealing with pure evil, some thing I had never believed existed. I think most everyone believes that everyone has a “good side” and that everyone can change or be healed. That something happened to make this person act the way they do and if you can love them enough, understand them, figure out why they do what they do; they can be fixed.

People try to make sense of it all because the actions of someone who is pure evil doesn’t make sense to a normal person. But when you finally see the narcissist without his mask you know, you are looking at the devil and you have to fight for your life to stay away.

Everything in you wants to believe it isn’t true and people you tell don’t want to believe you which makes it even harder. It becomes a battle against your own desire to believe in the goodness of your fellow man and what you now know in your gut to be true; you have been sleeping with the devil.


My Headless Friend

Taken Thanksgiving 2012

Just wait until my teeth are fixed











My headless friend is a really good friend who drives transport and was in town Monday so a few of us met for coffee. I met my HF when JC and I were living in WalMart parking lot, he had seen JC’s tractor and had come over and said hi. JC called me saying I had to come to the Best Western and meet this cool guy he’d just met. My HF is quite simply one of the nicest guys I’ve met, he is Christian and can quote scripture like no one I have ever met besides JC’s mother but he isn’t pushy about it. And of course seeing as HF was Christian JC was also. All of a sudden JC was all into going to church, saying Grace every meal, and HF became his best friend immediately. (I found with JC he was the same with his male friends as he was with women, he became fast friends with guys immediately and would be calling them constantly, doing them favors, giving them gifts, taking on their views and beliefs and almost idolizing them. But something would happen, JC would screw them in a deal or they would accuse him of stealing or he would start jerking them around, not showing up etc and they would get angry with him)

I didn’t want to post HE’s face without his permission but I like the picture and Lou had requested a picture of me in my skinny jeans so there I am in my skinny jeans trying to stifle a smile. By the way, I am finally going to get the last of my dental work done this Friday so there should be smiling big time in a few weeks. Wooohooo

I had a really good weekend, one of the best I’ve had in over two years. My mom emailed me on Saturday to see if I wanted to go out for supper Sunday. She picked me up and we went to the Dewdney Pub and had a really excellent turkey dinner. My HF called Saturday to see if I wanted to get together on Monday with him and 2 other guys. So Monday afternoon I had a good couple hours visit with them and then went to visit another friend. She had mail for me from the trailer park and there was a cheque from the coop for me for $125.

My weekends are usually so depressing and long weekends even worse but I felt great. I gave myself a French manicure, talked to my son, my cousin, text messaged my contact list to say Happy Thanksgiving, JC’s sister Denise dropped in on my blog and commented on my post ” Poverty is For Other People” saying it was really well done. I was so touched her took the time to comment.

None of that is that special, do you wanna know what made it really special?
I didn’t talk about JC all weekend except in casual passing. HF asked if I had talked to him lately because JC never returns his phone messages or emails and I just said, “No but his step dad called me the other day to see if I’d tslkrx to him because he isn’t returning their calls either.” I am no longer the “go to person” when anyone is looking for JC, That in itself felt great.

I talked about what I want to do with my life, my new career ideas, my blog, my dogs, but not JC!! You know why I didn’t talk about JC? Because he doesn’t matter any more. He does not control me or consume me any more. I look at a picture of him and feel ill at the thought that I actually loved someone who was capable of the things he did. I don’t know who that woman was who allowed a man to treat her with such disrespect, who thought her life wasn’t worth living because he said so. As we were parting my HF yelled after me as I walked to my truck, “Hey! Carrie, you looking really good!”

I laughed and said, “thankyou! Wait until you see me with my new teeth, I’m gonna be HOT!” and I meant it.

Now I just have to get out of this damn trailer and I will be able to truly move on. I’ll fill you in on my career plans another post when I get some things lined up but I am excited.

Oh! And out of the blue my camera on my phone just started working again! Go figure! Things are looking up, could it be true that when you cut the evil out of your life it makes room for the good to come in? Stay tuned to find out. 😉

How Do I Move On After The Narcissist?

I said to my ex once, “I bet you really wonder about yourself”

Him: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well all your ex’s are psycho bitches.”

Him: “Yeah so, what’s your point?”

Me: “I was just thinking that either you pick psycho bitches or you turn women into psycho bitches, either way you have a real problem.”

So many people end up at my site because they enter search terms such as “My ex N is so happy with his new g/f”, “does an N change for the new woman?”, or “Why can’t I get over my ex N?”, “why does my ex keep hurting me?”

First of all let’s talk about the new girlfriend. She is no better, no worse and no different than any of the other women he has ever been with (including you). We (me included) all like to think we had something special with him, even if we know he is a narcissist and he treated us like crap we like to believe we were some how more special than the others, that he will miss us, how much we loved him and at some point he will realize how much we gave up for him and love us for it.

It hurts like hell to see him looking so happy with another woman, saying that this time he has found the perfect woman and he is a changed man because of her perfect love. You can’t help but have doubts and there’s a little voice inside saying, “It was you that drove him to treat you the way he did; there’s the proof, look at how happy he is and how well he treats her; it must have been you driving him to be abusive”.

Give me a serious break!!! I am 54 years old and didn’t just fall off the pumpkin wagon (or whatever that saying is, turnip truck?) that’s exactly what he wants you and everyone else to think.

Let’s review some facts;

If it was your fault, a healthy man would have left the relationship a long time ago; not kept begging you to take him back promising he’ll change, he wouldn’t stay with you and try to destroy you; he would just leave, period.

Think back to when you started dating him; he treated you like a princess, YOU were special and YOUR special love was so much better than any of his psycho ex’s. He could talk to YOU, he wanted to spend all his time with you, he was your soul mate; remember? You couldn’t believe your good fortune, you told your friends that you had finally met the man of your dreams; he was everything and more than you ever wanted in a love partner.

This is history repeating itself, they just haven’t gotten to the devaluing and discard stage yet that’s all. If he had treated you in the beginning like he treated you in the end we wouldn’t even be having this conversation because you would have dumped his ass after the 2nd date and he wouldn’t be a narcissist he’d be a run of the mill asshole.

Of course he is treating her well; how else can he hook her into believing he’s worth sticking around for?

Of course he is giving her all the things you wanted. This just proves he knew all along what would make you happy and he chose to not give it to you because he is mean like that and now he is rubbing your nose in it. Why? Because he is a nasty, mean, vindictive bottom feeder that gets his kicks from hurting women; that’s why.

Remember how he usually treated you badly behind closed doors, and how when you were out you were so damned happy he was treating you decently you looked happy just like she does. He’s probably told her how you never appreciated how well he treated you and she is going to go out of her way to show how much she appreciates him when he treats her well because she isn’t going to make the same mistake. Think back, what would happen after that great night? He’d usually do something mean or pick a fight and treat you worse than ever for a few days to make up for the good treatment out in public. I know with JC I grew to dread the times he loved with me because it meant there were going to be some really bad times just around the corner. SO IS SHE!!! But he sure isn’t going to let you see that. There is no way he is going to let his true colours show and prove that you are right, he IS an asshole.
He has an image to uphold.

I will bet you dollars to donuts that prior to dumping you he was building his case for leaving you and getting every ounce of sympathy he could by telling everyone who would listen how horribly you treated him, how tough it was for him, how you were impossible to please, and he was doing all the work in the relationship. He was also getting everyone on his side so that if you went to them and told them what really went on they would already know that you were a lying psycho bitch that can’t be trusted. He HAS to appear happy with this new woman in order to prove his point.

He is hoping to drive you over the edge and you will do something in anger and then he can point at you and say, “See? I told you, she’s a psycho bitch!!”

He wants you to be miserable without him, his ego needs it, and if he can keep you crying over him then he knows he is still pushing your buttons and pulling your strings. He is getting a reaction and that is narcissistic supply for him.

It’s about control, he may not want you any more but he is like a 3 year old child who doesn’t want a certain toy any more until some other child picks it up and starts playing with it. Once you have dated him you are his possession whether he wants you or not; no one else is allowed to play with you. If he can keep you crying over him, wondering what he is doing, and obsessing over him then there isn’t much chance you are going to get hooked up with some other guy.

He will keep doing things to hurt you until he stops getting a payoff from it. As long as he can make you angry, cry or react in some way he will keep doing it or until he gets bored or finds another victim for secondary supply. One woman is never enough for a narcissist for long; he has to have a second supply or more; either women he is casually pursuing or ex’s he keeps on the hook, or personal ads on the internet that he might not even meet but he leads on until they get sick of not meeting and move along.

A narcissist is NEVER what he appears to be, his whole life is a game of strategy, he does not love, he does not even hate, everyone is a pawn in his game, every one is disposable, and everything he does is part of his game to win. Win what? Narcissistic supply, admiration, adoration, love, money, things, respect, jealousy, prestige whatever he values and that includes your possessions, friends, family, your home, heart and soul and if he can’t have them or he has taken all you have, he will destroy you for running out or not giving him more. When he leaves he wants to make sure you have nothing left or he will come back to get it later. For him every move he makes is part of his strategy. Like a game of chess, he is always planning his next move, and trying to anticipate everyone else’s moves ahead of time. That’s why he used to lie about things he didn’t have to lie about because life is a lie, a game, and everyone who knows him is a player in the fantasy life he envisions for himself. He envisions all women adoring him and pining away for him, just waiting for him to grace them with his presence. He’s a rock star in his own mind and we are all his groupies.

Everyone is a potential enemy, his life is so orchestrated and built on lies and deceit it is balanced very precariously. A narcissist hates being alone, that doesn’t mean once he has the woman dependent enough on him he won’t leave her home all alone; he needs to know there is a woman at home waiting for him, worrying that he is with some other woman. He feeds off of the woman’s insecurities, insecurities HE instilled in her through subtle or blatant manipulation and innuendo. He lives in constant fear of it all crumbling and all it takes is for one person to blow his cover and who knows him better than you? He has to keep you doubting yourself, weak and unstable so you are easily discredited. His best defense right now is that you are so devastated by him leaving you that you would say anything to tarnish his good reputation and ruin his new relationship, or make him lose his job and destroy his life.

You just want to wipe that smug look off her face for her don’t you?

Of course she is smug right now; he keeps telling her that she is perfect for him. He loves her just the way she is and how he thought he was in love before but now he knows what REAL love is. He is telling her that she isn’t like you or his other ex’s, she doesn’t cause conflict and pick fights with him. He’s probably told her that you think it won’t last between them and she’s going to show you!

All she has seen so far is this wonderfully even tempered guy that never gets angry, treats her like a queen and can’t get enough of her and all she’s heard is that you falsely accused him of cheating, you were demanding, constantly badgered him for more money, bled him dry in fact, you were like a bottomless pit that he couldn’t fill and now you are trying to ruin his life. He has probably even told her that he is afraid she is going to believe your lies about him and leave him and then you will have destroyed his life.

He has told her that he was unhappy for a long time but you kept begging him to stay but finally he just could not take the constant fighting and even though he hated to hurt you; he’s such a sensitive guy (she has even seen him cry about it) he had to leave. He’s probably even reminisced about all the wonderful things he did for you that you never appreciated. She is thinking she is so much better than you and she got what you abused and lost and she isn’t going to let this great guy slip through HER fingers.

You can bet money that he is telling her all those nasty things he did to you; you actually did to him and she is feeling very protective of him; what kinda of bitch would hurt this wonderful soft hearted man. She is probably thinking “If I ever get the chance to meet this psycho bitch I am going to tell her exactly what I think of the way she treated my sweetie.”

Plus, women are nasty and competitive creatures anyway, in general they love to know they are better than other women and the majority of them will walk right over a woman in her stilettos to get the man.

Some day soon she is going to have lights, bells and whistles going off in her head when all of a sudden he is doing to her what he said you did to him, or she’ll catch him cheating and he’ll deny it, or as in my ex and my case. When we were dating he told me it had been over a long time before he moved out, they hadn’t slept together for months. I thought well, what woman wouldn’t know it was over if the guy isn’t coming to bed, she must have been brain dead. THEN, after awhile he started coming to bed later and later, it was really upsetting to me, he kept telling me I was over reacting, that he loved me, eventually he stopped coming to bed but he still kept telling me he loved me and made excuses for not coming to bed. I figured it was over but he kept denying it and saying it was my nagging that made him not want to come to bed, or that he was working on my truck and I wasn’t appreciative of his efforts. Then I remembered our conversation from years ago and knew why she didn’t know it was over.

At some point in the not to distant future the puzzle pieces aren’t going to fit, there will be pieces missing, and or maybe even some pieces for a totally different puzzle will appear and her ride on the emotional roller coaster will begin.

Let’s for the sake of argument figure out what he would have to do to truly change; do you think it is possible for a man who has abused women his whole life to just stop? Without counseling, without admitting he has a problem, without blaming someone else? Just because he met a new woman? Sorry it just does not happen.

So maybe for the sake of argument he stops hitting women.

Now he has to give up controlling the woman, he has to be faithful for the first time in his life. Ok let’s give him that one for the fun of it.

It is a lot harder to give up being a pathological liar. Is it possible?

Then there is the total disregard for the feelings of others. Can a person grow a conscience at 40 yrs old. This isn’t the yellow brick road and unless his new woman is Dorothy I am pretty sure there is no where you can get a conscience from a wizard.

His addiction to porn, personal ads, and kinky sex; now that stuff you can usually curb for a while and then it is pretty easy to hide if you are careful; but quit completely without a support group or therapy?? Not bloody likely.

And isn’t atonement for previous sins part of recovery for people with these sort of issues?

I am sorry, but I am just not convinced he can change; just like THAT, or at all.

b>Why Can’t I Get Over Him and Move On With My Life?

For one thing he gave you everything a person ever dreams of in a partner, total unconditional love (or so it seemed), but not only did he give you love he made you want to love him back, he started a slow and insidious mission to make you dependent on him; for everything. Being totally dependent on someone is unhealthy enough but he doesn’t do it so he can treat you well and care for you, provide for you and love you.

No; he makes you dependent on him so he can abuse you and you feel you must take it because you are helpless to leave. THAT is the utmost in evil and abusive. To strip a person of everything they hold dear, everything that holds a fond memory from the past, their friends and family, their security; like their job and home, their self esteem, and then when you are a shell of the person you used to be; discard you like yesterdays garbage.

THEN come back and do it again. Just like a hunter will put another bullet in the head of the game he shot to make sure the job is done so does the narcissist come back to give you one final blow just in case you had any strength left to get back up he has to make sure you know how much he loathes you.

Wow!! Can a person get more evil? How do you accept that a man you loved with all your heart is that cruel and cold hearted, how could you have been so wrong about him? How could you love someone that void of compassion and caring? It leaves you reeling, unable to cope with the reality, your mind not wanting accept what you are now fully comprehending. You have to relive the whole relationship, each hurt, every pain that you buried because it was just too much to bare at the time, it is a lot of painful work and you see him off happy with a new woman in total denial he ever did anything abusive. As if that isn’t bad enough, the people you thought would be supportive, society in general revictimizes you with they lack of empathy and understanding. More than likely he has left you penniless, jobless and in poor health mentally and physically. It is only natural that you would want him back, not the mean nasty guy; but the one you met, the one you see now with the new woman. If you had him back you wouldn’t have to face all the ugliness of your time with him, your mind and heart wouldn’t have to accept reality and you wouldn’t have to try to put your life (which he left in a shambles) back together.

PLUS it is a proven fact, research has been done on it and every web site and book ever written on “how to seduce a woman” will tell you that the fastest way to hook a woman is to keep her guessing, off balance, push her away and pull her back; that sort of thing. It’s natural to want what you can’t have, no one likes to be rejected and the narcissist has perfected rejection. He has pulled you in and then rejected you so many times you thought he would never really leave but he did this time and in the most cruel way possible. He will continue to hurt you as long as you leave any opening for him to do so that is why no contact is so important.

Even if you don’t want him back; you want him to tell you why he treated you so badly, what did you do so wrong to deserve to be rejected so cruelly? If he would just tell you that you are a good person maybe you could move on. You will never get it from him, if he does apologize and admit he was cruel he will do it in such a way you will end up hurt again. If he says he wants to be friends or help you he has an ulterior motive and you can bet it will involve you getting used and hurt again. Continued contact keeps you on the roller coaster ride of rejection.

I have never done heroin but from talking to people who have I have learned that they keep using in a futile attempt to experience a high like that first high. It is never as good as the first time but they keep trying; the Chinese call it “chasing the dragon”. When you stay in contact with a narcissist you are “chasing the dragon” and you will never get what you are looking for.

It is as if you have been possessed by some evil entity, all the joy has been taken from your world, like they left a black cloud behind and you will never see the light of day again. The cloud will dissipate the longer they are out of your life. They made themselves such a huge part of your life you are now left with an emptiness you are desperate to fill. With their lies, infidelity, control, erratic behavior, moodiness and love/hate treatment they made it so all you could think about was them. What did they mean by that, where are they, who are they with, are they lying, will they ruin your birthday, will they destroy something you cherish, will they be nice when they get home, will they come home, will they call when they said they will?

Every second of every day has been filled with thoughts of them and now they are gone and what fills that time? More thoughts of them and the new woman, what are they doing, is he treating her better than he treated you, is he missing you, etc. I don’t know how you stop thinking about them, because it’s been a year and ½ and I still find my mind drifting to thoughts of him and how do you stop that without thinking of him. It’s kind of a vicious cycle.

So what I have done is changed the scenario in my head, if I can’t stop thinking about him I CAN change what I choose to think about. Instead of envisioning him treating her so well and giving her everything I wanted I envision the way he used to treat me only it isn’t me in the picture any more, it is her being treated so badly, it is her sitting at home wondering if he’s going to show up, it’s her calling him and he isn’t answering the phone. More than likely that is closer to what is really happening than the scene playing in your head that she is so damn happy.

Besides, you must have heard about the power of thought; that what you think becomes reality? You certainly don’t want him to treat her well so stop thinking it!!! The more you envision her getting the horrible treatment you used to receive from him the less you will hate her and the happier you will be that you are out of the picture and she is in it. You have to stop making it about you, because it really has nothing to do with you or her for that matter; it’s all about him.

I know there is a feeling that you “wasted” all that time you were with him; time is never wasted as long as you learn something in the process and as long as you don’t waste any more time obsessing about it. like the saying goes, “Throwing good money after bad” well this is “Throwing good time after wasted time” you didn’t know better before but now you do, learn from it and stop wasting your precious life on that asshole.

You are strong, look at what you went through and you are still here. It is time to nurture yourself, take a course, read a self help book, volunteer at a dog shelter or a soup kitchen, seniors home, work on a crisis line, do something good to help others and you will feel better about yourself in the process; win/win instead of lose/lose.

I make sure I look my best every time I leave the house just in case I do run into him/them; I want to look like I am doing just fine without him. I do not seek him out or try to be where he might be but if I do see him I don’t say anything nasty but I don’t chit chat either, I will not give him the satisfaction of crying or being happy to see him. I will not prove to her his claims that I am an angry bitch by attacking him verbally or seeking revenge.

My time and my soul are much too valuable to waste any more of me on him. He is a sick individual who I can not cure and who was toxic in my life; I choose to surround myself with people who appreciate me for who I am and who are not out to destroy the goodness in me or my life.

Now repeat after me:

I am a good person who deserves to be happy.

He is a sick evil person who I can not help and is toxic in my life.

I will not waste any more of my precious time on him or let him poison my life any longer.

I choose to be happy and surround myself with positive people who enhance my life not seek to destroy it.

By not allowing evil into my life I am creating room for the goodness to enter.

And it will!!!

Remember, you are not alone, this was not your fault and it is never too late to improve your life.

I have faith in you!

* IF anyone knows of a narcissist who has changed over the long term I would be very interested in hearing about it. Personally I have never heard of it happening.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck

I can’t help but think “you stupid bitch”, sorry but I said I was going to be honest on this blog and that is what I think.

She is not my problem and neither is he but it made me mad and it hurt; it really hurt. Even though I know what he is doing and I know what the final outcome will be; I still have my moments of doubt. If my situation wasn’t so bad I would have handled it better I know.

I am trying so hard and it was just another kick in the guts while I am down. I know she thinks she rules the rooster and has brought about all these wonderful changes in him. She is thinking she is special and that is why he is doing this and has changed.

He is making a big play of protecting her and their relationship and at the same time gets to rub salt in my wounds.

He is the one who kept showing up at Amix or the Turf when he knew I’d be there. When Denise was with me she called him, they hadn’t talked in a year and a half. I told her if she was talking to him to ask him if he could take Kato for a month until I got settled somewhere. Kato is so uncomfortable in the truck.

When he got there I went and sat in my truck and they took the dogs for a walk. It was the night we got stuck in the truck all night because I ran out of fuel. Anyway he was pleasant and even gave me $40 and I thanked him. He went to give me a hug and I backed away.

Then a few days later he showed up at Amix and I said I was too busy to talk and kept working. He said to meet him when I was done and I just left.

My laptop had died and needed a new cord and I had mentioned it and then I got an email saying he had the cord I needed. I replied that was great and btw I keep forgetting to say congratulations on your engagement.

Then 2 days later he shows up with the cord (which does work and I really appreciate) and the above letter in a brown envelope; with Marisa waiting for him in her Pilot.

I didn’t even see the letter and was thinking maybe he has changed what with giving the money and now the cord. I sent a short email saying thanks the cord worked perfectly and he replied to look in the envelop again and that’s when I read the letter.

It said (Laila ate it after I took the picture of it so I can’t quote it word for word) that he never wants to communicate with me again. He has found the woman he will love forever and has made a lifelong commitment to her, even got engaged. He is cutting all unhealthy people out of his life and he only has room for one woman in his life. He said that I needed to stop hanging onto memories of us and that he was never going to be there for me again. He doesn’t know why he keeps helping me when he knows what helping me got him in the past. He said that every time he sees me he feels dishonest and dirty.

Now I know it is all bullshit. For one thing for 10 yrs I bailed him out and gave him a roof over his head. When we did live together is when every thing went for a shit and as soon as I left my life would get better and then he’d weasel his way back into my life again and it would go for a shit again. I know it was my own fault for letting him back into my life and this time when we split and he started to drop by I didn’t let him stay.

I knew it had to be over this time. And yes I am hurting but not because I want him back; I hurt because of what loving him did to me, I am haunted by his memory; I regret ever letting him into my life, I wish things would have been different. But I don’t want him back and I’ve told him that over and over again. He doesn’t want her to know that, he wants her to think I am pining away for him and that the reason he is so broke is because he was always bailing me out and that is why I didn’t want him seeing me needy.

That is what makes my situation so hard to deal with., I am not recovering like I always used to. This time I was so depleted I had nothing left to start over with, no money and totally drained emotionally and physically. I had my heart attack, my teeth were really bad, my truck wasn’t running and I was thousands in debt plus my kid needed help. I did what I could but I had lost so many customers by that time and I knew when I got the old GMC it was a beater truck but at least it was running.

I should have pushed myself harder to get out there and drum up business, but I was having a hard time getting out of bed let alone go out and drum up customers; I was self conscience about my teeth, my truck isn’t equipped like my old one with a crane and winch so I couldn’t tackle big jobs plus I can’t work like I used to before my heart attack. I am 6 years older than when I first started this.

So I am sitting in this trailer listening to the rain pelting down with a full load on my truck and I can’t haul it in because I tried to change my wiper motor by myself and couldn’t get two rusted bolts undone. I drove up here with no wipers and I can’t drive back down.

Consistently I spend $100 a day for fuel; that is $50 to $60 more than I was spending living at the other place. Times that by 20 days that is $1000 to $1200 a month. Easily rent on a nice place but how do I save $1000 when I am spending it? I am stuck. I can’t see a way out. And that is my problem.

I just have too much on my plate, I am too tired, too worn out, too depleted. I am not the kind of person who gives up, or I never was. I hate being this way; I have always picked myself up and carried on; found a way, didn’t let the bastards get me down. I knew I was a good person and I knew I could do it. I don’t any more.

I hate to even be writing this. I want to be writing about how excited I am to be thriving and surviving.

If anything let this be a lesson to other women who think he’s changed and let him back into their life. He never changes and every time you let him back into your life he will strip you of more, be crueler, more vicious, more abusive because he wants to destroy you. If he doesn’t want you he certainly doesn’t want you to do well without him. He wants you to suffer and for it to look like without him you are nothing.

Sorry guys, its the way it is. I don’t know how to change it.

Love to you all

This is the letter JC handed me at the Turf with M waiting in “their” car for him.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck using WordPress for BlackBerry.

Where Do Narcissists Come From?

Where do Narcissists Come From?

There are conflicting views on how a narcissist comes to be; some experts say they are born that way, like any other birth defect their’s is that they are born without a soul, they aren’t wired right, when souls were being handed out they were in the bathroom looking in the mirror and missed out.

There are the experts that blame it on the mother, either she was a nasty controlling bitch who instilled a hatred for women in her man child, or the narcissist male was so spoiled, catered to and adored by his mother he became totally self absorbed. There is also the belief that some traumatic event or horrible abuse as a child made them shut off their feelings.

I don’t believe it is the way they were raised or a traumatic event, because they would have SOME guilt or desire to change if that were the case, they would know the devastation they cause, see the trail of destruction and at some point what to stop it. If they were born with a soul there would be some way to fix them and someone some where would have some memory of the person being different. JC has always been the way he is and yes he had some traumatic events in his life, because of the way he operated; always on the edge of the law, always pushing the limits, always ignoring rules and regulations, angering the wrong people and generally living as the rebel without a cause. Even as a young child he broke the rules, manipulated his parents by hurting himself to get out of trouble and tormented his brother by feeding his fears and teasing him.

The thing is, they don’t really know the destruction they cause because they don’t have the ability to empathize, they don’t have the same feelings as the rest of us so how can they fully understand the pain they cause? They don’t understand why we are so upset, why don’t we go out and get another guy, why don’t we use someone like they do? I know JC is confused by my inability to just move on to the next guy. Why don’t I find myself a man with money and then I wouldn’t have to do without? In his mind he is successful, because he has a house, a new car to drive and a summer house on the coast, he doesn’t care how he got it; he’s got it and that makes him successful. Most men would rather die than live off of a woman but a narcissist doesn’t have those feelings, he doesn’t possess the desire to earn what he has he is only concerned with image, how things look. He isn’t even concerned that someone might think he is using the woman because he doesn’t compute that not everyone thinks like him. He knows that society expects a person to work so he will but he never puts a lot of effort in, the only effort he puts in is to look like he is working but he will take short cuts whenever possible and not be invested in his job. Things that other men take pride in don’t even enter his mind.

He just assumes the world functions as he does; do whatever, say whatever, promise whatever you need to in order to get what you want. Picking a mate is as calculated as finding 10 or so women and then narrowing it down to who is the most receptive and who has what he wants; and in the end the woman that “wins” him gets to give him what he wants until she runs out and then he will move on and it is up to her to find another man to fix the mess the narcissist left her in.

I have my own theories on how they came to be, the first one came to me years ago, when I was watching; almost from a distance as he raged at me, hovering over me with his fist raised to hit me and I knew I was seeing pure evil. An evil so powerful it froze me, as if he was the devil himself; hatred and loathing oozing out of his pores. Is it any wonder I denied it? Who wants to believe that kind of evil exists let alone that you love “it”, it is easier to believe you are crazy than to accept the man you love is that depraved. But the devil can’t work alone, right?

Just as God has his angels down here on earth doing his work, the devil too must have……. whatever you call his henchmen, devils in training? doing his work. They say that 1 in 4 people are narcissistic and the numbers are growing and they say the end of the world is coming, I’m just saying, could it be?

On more than one occasion JC compared himself to Jesus Christ (he was the only man since Christ to build a road in Sudan, he was being persecuted like Jesus had been but the truth would come out soon, God has a special purpose for him on earth) . He knew the bible inside and out and was adopted by the most Christian people you could ever want to find. He has managed to coerce his mother into lying and covering for him; what a “win” for the devil.

You have heard the saying “He sold his soul to the devil”. What if it isn’t just a saying, what if, in a previous life these people sold their soul to the devil for something they wanted and then go on for eternity without a soul not even aware or understanding what they are doing. D

estroying the good people in the world, weakening the opposition to the devil maybe even winning some over to his side. Forever longing for what they see other people have; love, but incapable of every having it because if you don’t have a soul you can’t know true love. So the narcissist goes from woman to woman thinking the woman is the answer; the woman is going to make him feel loved. He knows he is empty, lacking and shallow and he keeps trying to fill the void; expecting a woman to do that for him. At first when he meets a woman he thinks she can do that for him because of the rush of feelings of lust and the excitement of the endorphins flooding his body but it fades and then he is angry with the woman for not giving him the love that he needs to feel whole. He needs that rush so he starts looking elsewhere, he replaces the feelings of love with the rush of porn, hookers, dangerous behaviour, drugs but nothing can fill that empty space where his soul used to be. He doesn’t realize he is missing a soul he just knows he feels empty and like a child expects those around him to make him feel better and so he tries to suck the soul out of people and he never can so then he wants to destroy them for letting him down.

All the while the devil is laughing, watching, and thinking “Another stupid person who thought they could sell their soul to the devil and not pay the price”. When you look in the eyes of a raging narcissist you believe in the devil and if there is a devil I really hope with my whole being there is a God because he is the only one who can fight that kind of evil.

The other theory I have recently come up with is they are aliens and put on this earth to infiltrate the people on earth and prepare for when the aliens come to take over the world.
The aliens had to find a way of fitting in down on earth so they created a human body, they were able to recreate a human exactly, able to give intelligence, charm, they could teach it how to respond to most human situations and conditions but there was one thing they could not recreate because they don’t have one and that is the soul. The best they could do was program their clone to respond certain ways to certain events; that is why the narcissist doesn’t always respond appropriately to situations, he is not programmed for a response and gets confused. He is intelligent enough to memorize suitable responses to various events but no way of feeling compassion or empathizing. Just like those alien movies I refuse to watch because they scare the crap out of me.

Just my thoughts on the matter; OK maybe a little far fetched? Or maybe not.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck using WordPress for BlackBerry.