I have always thought JC found the perfect woman for him when he found M, What kind of woman is perfect for a narcissist?
Well lets go over some of the traits:
#1- Widowed – THIS is huge!! especially if she married her high school sweetheart. Why is this such a big thing? because if she was happily married and never been through a divorce she has only positive memories of being with a man, she doesn’t have any baggage from infidelity etc so she is not suspicious. She has never been through the division of property, dealing with lawyers, arguments about who gets what so she is not apt to be as on guard or protective of what she has. When the N`s ex gets angry and maybe makes a scene she can not possibly relate to her behavior and believes him when he says his ex is a psycho. If she was a happily married housewife all the better, he can slide into the role of “husband” easily all he has to do is impersonate all the good qualities of her deceased husband, lay it on thick about how he can’t believe his good fortune to have found such a perfect woman who will save him from his psycho ex and then add in some extras, such as ; with her he wants to be home all the time, he never did with any of his ex`s, with her he holds her all night and with his ex`s he always rolled over, she is so understanding and such a special woman she has changed him from the man he used to be, he never wanted to marry anyone before but he will even cough up for a wedding ring for this one. (if he doesn`t just use the one she wore with her husband). He will go on and on about her abilities as a house wife, how she manages money, how she cooks better than any of his ex’s, how she always has supper ready for him, not like all the others. Later he can use it to hurt her by pointing out how naive she is, not worldly like his ex`s, she doesn`t understand the ways of the world and real relationships.
2 – Independently wealthy. A widow is perfect, the life insurance has enabled her to buy a house, have investments she lives off of and never have to work for the rest of her life. This is good for several reasons; Narcissists are high maintenance, they feel they are above menial tasks such as picking up behind themselves, taking out the garbage or any other normal household duties. It is a full time job just taking care of a narcissist. The narcissist is controlling and jealous, if the woman isn’t working then she is easier to control and she is less likely to meet another man and leave the N and less likely she will have a girl friends who would advice her to leave him. The narcissist doesn’t like to share so if she has her own expenses covered he is free to spend his money as he wishes. He will also expect that she spend her money on him. This is the one area there could be trouble. Later if she starts to run low on money and refuses his demands for more money he will call her selfish, tell her she has never worked and has no idea how tough it is, he will tell her she is spoiled and unrealistic, they are a couple and if he had money he would spare it with her. That she must not really love him because if she did, what is hers would be his and she would want him to be happy.
3 – Unable to have children. This is a big one also because the narcissist needs to be put first at all times and will get extremely jealous of any attention shown anyone else including his own children. If the woman can’t have children she is more able to cater to his every whim. And later its something he can rub in her face, that he would have loved to have children but she couldn`t have them and so he is deprived.
4 – She has no career aspirations and has never held a job. The narcissist must be the top priority in the woman’s life, a career woman has too many distractions to keep a narcissist happy for long, he may like the money and the prestige that comes with a career woman but he won’t like her not being there 24/7 for him. He wants her along every where he goes, he wants the house spotless and he wants supper ready when he walks through the door, no matter what time he walks through the door. Later he can tell her she is boring, is out of touch with the real world and lacking in intelligence and drive and mention often how he admires a working woman who is independent. When she complains that he never takes her any where any more he can roll his eyes and say that she needs to get a life, it isn`t up to him to entertain her, he hates clingy women.
5 – A woman who believes the man is the head of the household and makes all the decisions for both of them. With a narcissist there is no “partnership” or joint decisions. He must make all the decisions and she should always think they are good decisions and if she doesn’t, keep her damn mouth shut. Narcissist’s aren’t known for making wise choices most of the time because they act on a whim, they want immediate gratification with no thought of consequences or repercussions. When things blow up the woman will be expected to clean up the messes he makes and that’s where that inheritance money comes in handy.
6- Naive – M was raised by very strict European parents and led a sheltered life. It is much easier for a narcissist to pull the wool over her eyes and get away with his lying, criminal activity etc if she believes every word he tells her. She is more apt to be impressed with his tails of adventure and living life on the edge. Later he can get exasperated because he is used to women who are much more worldly.
7 – Doesn’t even have Facebook or use the internet. This is excellent!! He is then free to lead his second life on the net without having to concern himself with her discovering his infidelity and sexual fetishes.
8- She has elderly parents with money. Can we say “inheritance“, “personal loans“ the son they never had? He will move in and become the doting son-in-law, helpful, so grateful for the kind of family he never had. He will drop his own family and adopt hers, telling them tales of woe about how his family is never there for him, his horrible upbringing, or in JC`s case, how close he was to his dad, how he misses the family farm and his father who died several years ago. M`s father will feel sorry for him and before he knows it JC will be a fixture around the place, eager to please, “helping`clean up the property and clean out the bank account.
9- Not very attractive, rather plain and dowdy. She is not used to men complimenting her, tell her how sexy she is, so when he can`t get enough of her and goes on and on about how attracted to her he is she will soak it up like a dry sponge. Later, once he has her and wants to make her feel insecure he will stop complimenting her and start talking about how attractive his ex`s were or that woman who just started at work; but she`s not his type, he likes plain women. Later he will leave pictures of beautiful women out where she can find them and pictures of his ex`s so she can feel inferior because he has lost interest in her.
10 – No ex husband to get in the way or make him look bad. At first he will be so empathetic about her husband dying and how well she did on her own but later he will be subtly critical of her husband and will use the fact that she already buried one husband and won`t want to lose him to manipulate her.
When it all falls apart, when his mask falls she will have spent a large portion of her money and will want to recoup her losses and will stay because he knows he won`t pay her if they split. She has so much invested she feels she has nothing more to lose and surely he will come to his senses soon if she just hangs in there. She asks him to leave and he refuses but there is nothing she can do because they have been living common law long enough that the police won`t get involved unless he hits her, but if she charges him for domestic abuse he might lose his job and she won`t get her money. Besides, she does love him, she just wants the man she fell in love with back.
He will start pressuring her to get a life insurance policy and write up a will in case she dies because after all he has a life insurance policy payable to her if he dies. (I never saw the policy but he had one payable to me also and wanted me to take out insurance payable to him if I died, HA!! not bloody likely sunshine!!)
They could last quite a while as long as she never makes any demands, never gets sick, never expects him to pay his way or share expenses, as long as the money lasts, as long as her parents don`t need her, and as long as she never has an opinion different from his, and as long as she doesn`t cry and get upset when he starts having personal ads and dating other women. (because it will happen, the N can not stay faithful forever he needs new supply and to fulfill his sexual fantasies). As long as she never makes demands sexually, or wants him to say I love you, and doesn`t expect honesty or for him to keep a job longer than a few months and as long as she doesn`t say anything when he breaks the law.
But he will discard her someday any way because he will find her boring and not attractive enough, and he will need the excitement of a new conquest, he might keep her on the back burner just to make sure he gets every penny she has and destroys her emotionally and financially or kills her for the life insurance money and the inheritance.