Tag Archives: domestic homicide

Another Two Women Dead

I don’t post every time I hear of another woman dying at the hand of the man who vowed to love honor and protect her, if I did, I wouldn’t have time for anything else. But when it is this close to home and this horrendous I have to share as a warning to all women who have ever been or are in an abusive relationship.

I spoke about one murder and a child missing in Calgary Alberta on FaceBook . The woman found murdered was a 30 year old single mother, she was found dead in the home she had moved into May 1st with her 5 year old daughter; and her daughter was not there.

I immediately thought “domestic homicide” but they said the father of the little girl was cooperating with the police. I wasn’t surprised when I heard in later news reports that there had been a history of domestic abuse, reported and unreported.  Maybe the ex will be proven innocent, but I will be surprised and God only knows where the little girl is, the poor little thing.

Prior to this case there was the domestic homicide that occurred Sunday afternoon in Port Moody BC, you can read the story here Port Moody fire. In this case a mother of 6 died in hospital after her husband set the house on fire with 5 of the 6 children in the house. The police were called about domestic violence and arrived to find the house engulfed in flames. The children ranging in age from I think 6-18 managed to escape the house from the second floor with help from the neighbors and the trampoline that was in the back yard. Thankfully the children all got out safely, but they will carry deep scars for the rest of their lives. Their father was taken from the home in handcuffs.

I. Can. Not. Say. It. Enough.

Never. Ever. Underestimate. the Evil. Of. the. Narcissist.

If you are on the internet trying to find answers to why your soul mate turned against you trust that you were involved with someone with issues. A normal person does not do the things a narcissist does. Stop doubting yourself, Stop feeling sorry for him, stop thinking you can fix him, it. Get OUT! protect yourself and your children! NOW!!

By the time you have “proof” he is capable of killing you it will be too late! He is not going to tell you he is plotting to kill you, if you ask him he will call you crazy. You tell other people they will probably say you are crazy. You are not crazy! listen to your gut.

 

Listen

It’s been nearly 5 years since Maple Batalia was murdered by her ex boyfriend as she was leaving Simon Fraser University in Surrey, BC; with a friend. I have placed a link to the newspaper article below.

Find the story here

A short back ground to the story:

Maple was 19 when she was murdered, had been a very beautiful young girl and dated her murderer for two years, the mother’s of the two young people were friends. The boyfriend was controlling and Maple had enough but he was not taking it well and was texting incessantly, up to 100 texts a day and stalking her. Eventually he bought a gun and knife and attacked her from behind, shooting her in the abdomen twice and then slashing her head and face numerous times.

I watched a news segment on the murder the other day because the trial for the boyfriend was finished this week. They were interviewing Maple’s mother who proudly showed pictures of her beautiful daughter, talked about how her daughter had been so intelligent, kind and never gave the family cause for concern. The mother now works raising awareness about violence against women.

The reporter asked her if she had any advice for other parents who might have a daughter going through what Maple did and she said, “Listen“. She said she has one regret, she can see now that Maple tried to talk to her but she was so busy with the other children and thought Maple was able to handle the problem on her own. She didn’t understand the danger and thought eventually the guy would get over it.

I have had people say to me, “He would have gotten her anyway, there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.” So what? we just let it keep happening because there is nothing that can be done to stop these murderous monsters?

If other people are aware of what is going on, if people get involved and step in, make it known to the abuser they are on to him and don’t agree with what he is doing, if the police are notified, if the victim is believed and knows the seriousness of the situation she is in; I believe there would be far fewer deaths of innocent women.

I remember years ago JC and I were driving down the road in his 1 Ton and he was punching me from the driver’s seat as we were going down the road. All of a sudden a car with two guys in it pulled up along side yelling something about being a man and why doesn’t he pick on someone his own size. They then cut him off and were shaking their fists at him through the back window. He pretended like he didn’t even see them but he stopped hitting me.

Another time he came at me with his fists raised and I curled up in a ball on the floor and was yelling for help. My friend who happened to be walking past saw a crowd forming outside our back door and came to investigate. When she heard the cries for help she jumped into action and bust through the door; landing in the kitchen on both feet (she was probably 4’11” and not even a 100 lbs) she yelled, “What’s going on in here?” JC immediately backed off. She told me there were at least 10 people standing outside most of which were men, some were even laughing.

We can not be silent any longer and we can not ignore what is right under our noses. I don’t expect people to put their own lives in danger but there are ways to get involved and help the victims without stepping in to danger themselves.

I had no idea that him choking me until I passed out, or throwing me across the room was domestic abuse. If it didn’t leave bruises, was it abuse? When I told anyone, no one seemed overly concerned or appalled by his actions so maybe it wasn’t abuse. Like he kept saying, it wasn’t like he came home and beat me every day.

There is a list that anyone working with domestic abuse victims must check to decide how much danger the victim is in. I never would have guess that choking is a high sign that the abuser is capable of murdering the victim. There are obvious signs like having a gun, but people don’t take things like stalking seriously. They think he is just jealous and it is a sign he loves her.

Stalking is a sign of control not love and is on the list of warning signs that he is capable of doing her major harm.

We need to break the silence and educate our young women and men to recognize the signs of abuse and how to protect themselves.

 

 

 

My Site Accused Of Being Gender Biased

I received these two comments on one of my posts recently, they are similar to other comments I have gotten from men about my blog not being gender neutral and I shouldn’t refer to the narcissist as “he”, “him” etc

“too biased towards the male as the abuser, be more neutral, women are just as if not more subtle and cruel”

“I have a friend who works in support of victims of crimes. She held a workshop for male victims of sexual abuse. They face an unusual difficulty of how society faces them. It’s worth the extra work, in my opinion, to make these sites gender neutral when it comes to verbal abuse. We can’t stop abuse if we subtly give women abusers a bit of a free pass.”

My response was a little on the defensive side but I stand by my reply. I don’t want to appear unsympathetic to the male victim but it is not the men dying at alarming rates, it is the women and it is the young women being raped and abused by men at an appalling rate; which is most disturbing in this “enlightened” day and age of “awareness”. Even with all the campaigns to raise awareness the figures show more cases of abuse than ever before. Someone might argue that the rate has gone up because more women are reporting the abuse to the authorities, but that is not the case. What is even more disturbing is the number of reported cases of abuse has dropped a bit but the number of women murdered by their domestic partner has risen significantly!

So here is my reply

You speak like all the websites about abuse are written by the same “people”, a group or a “club” “These sites” are written by victims of abuse who hope that by sharing their story they save someone else from the same fate. There is no committee that decides what topics get covered or what gender is identified.

I am fully aware that there are female narcissists and psychopaths, as there are gays and transgender narcissists, they come in all shapes, sexes and colors and are in every corner of the world. I have readers from obscure tiny countries I didn’t even know existed. Any person regardless of gender who has come here has been welcome and supported but I write from MY experience.  I have done a lot of research pertaining to the topic of narcissists and psychopaths. I can not count the hours I have dedicated to supporting victims, on here, by email, by phone and even contacting the FBI to help a woman. I receive the occasional donation from a grateful follower of the blog but if I were to break it down to how much per hour I have made while I have had this blog it wouldn’t be a penny an hour.

I state in my Welcome page that I may refer to “him” but I mean him/her, that I am writing from my frame of reference. I don’t feel it is necessary to keep repeating myself. If there are no sites focused on the male victims maybe a male should start one, why should I be concerned that men get equal time? When a man wants to pay me to write posts focused on the male perspective I will do so gladly, but until that time, this is my blog, about my experiences in an abusive relationship and I share in hopes I save other women from the same torture I went through. That said, I was approached a couple of years ago by a woman who wanted me to write her book for her because she thought I wrote with such passion; I turned her down because I knew I could not write about her experiences with the same passion I write about mine because I can only guess at how the experience felt for her I don’t know exactly how she felt, just as I can not possibly know how it feels for a man to be verbally or physically attacked by a woman.

None the less, the problem is not an epidemic among the male population but it has reached epidemic proportions for women, a study done in Atlanta revealed it is the leading cause of death for women aged 15-44. When I read a headline of a woman being found murdered I immediately assume it was domestic homicide and I am never wrong, when it is a man murdered it is usually a male assailant and not related to the victim. What is especially horrific is the recent spike in the number of fathers killing his children as a way to retaliate for his ex leaving him.

Just for the record here are some stats for you:

Every 9 seconds a woman in the United States is assaulted or beaten

1 in 3 woman will experience domestic physical abuse in her lifetime, for men it is 1 in 7.

1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have reported being stalked by an ex to the point of fearing for their life.

1 in 5 women in the US has been raped in her lifetime, for men the ratio is 1 in 71 and that does not specify how many of the rapists who raped the men were men, ie: in prisons etc the rape stats are very high, but it is men raping men.

19.3 million women compared to 5.1 million men report having been stalked by an intimate partner in their life.

72% of all murder suicides involve an intimate partner, 94% of the victims were females.

Between 2003 and 2008 142 women were murdered in their workplace by their abuser.

In Canada a woman dies every 6 days at the hands of her male partner in the US it jumps to 3 women a day die at the hands of the man who says he loves her.

A few other fun facts:

The total number of American soldiers killed in Afghanistan and Iraq between 2001-2012 was 6488. The total number of women killed by her intimate partner during the same time frame was 11,766; nearly double.

85% of domestic abuse victims are female

A woman is 70 times more likely to be murdered within the first few weeks of leaving an abusive relationship

Only 25% of domestic abuse cases are ever reported to the police so the figures are more than likely low and doesn’t take into account things like cut brake lines, etc