Tag Archives: domestic homicide

Gabby Petito-We All Know Her Story

I have been having a whole whack of mixed emotions since first hearing Gabby was missing. I try to not be a pessimist, I try to not automatically assume the worst but the first thought that always comes to mind when a woman is missing is; where is her boyfriend/husband/ex?

It is tragic that 9.5 out of 10 times, I am right; it is her significant other or ex.

When I saw the video of the police talking to Gabby and Brian Laundrie, I immediately flashed back to similar situations with my ex. Like me, Gabby was crying, emotional, almost incoherent when asked to explain what was going on. And Brian, like my ex, was calm, cool, unemotional, concerned, apologetic, subtly blaming Gabby for causing the problems. “We were having a good morning but she gets OCD, my feet were dirty, she was cleaning and working on her little blog.” “I was trying to remove myself until she calmed down. I shouldn’t have pushed her, but I just wanted some space.” Aaww poor Brian, the victim of her erratic emotions.

The victim is a good person who self reflects, doesn’t want to get anyone into trouble and she always believes things will get better.

I can imagine how things had gone that morning because the narcissist always gives subtle clues.

Gabby wanted to work on the travel blog but Brian resented her not giving him her whole attention. She mentions to the police that he doesn’t think she is capable of doing it and he tells the police she was working on her “little blog”.

I imagine he had a good rant devaluing her blog and her efforts.

She probably had cleaned the van that morning, perhaps because he had bitched because it was a mess. Then he walked in with dirty feet and she mentioned that she had just cleaned. I remember being on my hands and knees washing the floor when my ex walked right through the house with his muddy boots on. When I asked him to please take his shoes off because I was washing the floors, he went into a tirade about something totally unrelated that I had done. I ended up in tears and apologizing to him.

He locks her out of the van. I had to walk home several times because my ex locked me out of the vehicle and drove off, (with my purse and phone in the vehicle). Now, consider being in a strange town, alone, crying, and having your significant other lock you out of your van and threaten to leave you.

And Laundrie mentioned too the police that he was afraid she would abandon him and take the van.

My ex used to take my phone so I couldn’t phone anyone. He had her phone and in the process of trying to get her phone, her life line, back, she accidentally scratched his face.

What was she supposed to do? where could she go? In a town where she didn’t know anyone, and is reliant on him for everything. She had quit her job, and was being belittled about her efforts with the blog.

The video I saw I am sure I heard the cop say, “I’ll let you get back to your call with your parents”. What did she tell her parents? She must have been crying. Were they not worried? Or was it like when I called my mother in tears and she said, “It doesn’t sound like things are going very well right now. I can’t handle it. Maybe call back when things get better. Call collect if you have to.” *click*

I would like to know about both their lives prior to meeting each other. Most victims of a narcissist had plenty of training in the art of giving and putting themselves behind the needs of others.

And narcissists, by the time they hit their 20’s have caused some sort of chaos in their lives, they are seldom model children and teens and were in trouble at school or with the law at some point. Their parents may have done double time covering the narcissists tracks, doing damage control or believing his lies.

You can’t convince me the Laundries didn’t help Laundrie escape. I think they have led the police on a wild goose chase and Laundrie isn’t anywhere near that nature reserve. What lie did he tell them? My friend asked me last night if I would help my son get away or turn him in. I love my son more than life itself but I would want him to be honest and I wouldn’t want him to spend his life as a fugitive.

Terribly sad, because Gabby would be alive now if the police had recognized the tell tale signs of narcissistic abuse.

9

Another Two Women Dead

I don’t post every time I hear of another woman dying at the hand of the man who vowed to love honor and protect her, if I did, I wouldn’t have time for anything else. But when it is this close to home and this horrendous I have to share as a warning to all women who have ever been or are in an abusive relationship.

I spoke about one murder and a child missing in Calgary Alberta on FaceBook . The woman found murdered was a 30 year old single mother, she was found dead in the home she had moved into May 1st with her 5 year old daughter; and her daughter was not there.

I immediately thought “domestic homicide” but they said the father of the little girl was cooperating with the police. I wasn’t surprised when I heard in later news reports that there had been a history of domestic abuse, reported and unreported.  Maybe the ex will be proven innocent, but I will be surprised and God only knows where the little girl is, the poor little thing.

Prior to this case there was the domestic homicide that occurred Sunday afternoon in Port Moody BC, you can read the story here Port Moody fire. In this case a mother of 6 died in hospital after her husband set the house on fire with 5 of the 6 children in the house. The police were called about domestic violence and arrived to find the house engulfed in flames. The children ranging in age from I think 6-18 managed to escape the house from the second floor with help from the neighbors and the trampoline that was in the back yard. Thankfully the children all got out safely, but they will carry deep scars for the rest of their lives. Their father was taken from the home in handcuffs.

I. Can. Not. Say. It. Enough.

Never. Ever. Underestimate. the Evil. Of. the. Narcissist.

If you are on the internet trying to find answers to why your soul mate turned against you trust that you were involved with someone with issues. A normal person does not do the things a narcissist does. Stop doubting yourself, Stop feeling sorry for him, stop thinking you can fix him, it. Get OUT! protect yourself and your children! NOW!!

By the time you have “proof” he is capable of killing you it will be too late! He is not going to tell you he is plotting to kill you, if you ask him he will call you crazy. You tell other people they will probably say you are crazy. You are not crazy! listen to your gut.

 

Listen

It’s been nearly 5 years since Maple Batalia was murdered by her ex boyfriend as she was leaving Simon Fraser University in Surrey, BC; with a friend. I have placed a link to the newspaper article below.

Find the story here

A short back ground to the story:

Maple was 19 when she was murdered, had been a very beautiful young girl and dated her murderer for two years, the mother’s of the two young people were friends. The boyfriend was controlling and Maple had enough but he was not taking it well and was texting incessantly, up to 100 texts a day and stalking her. Eventually he bought a gun and knife and attacked her from behind, shooting her in the abdomen twice and then slashing her head and face numerous times.

I watched a news segment on the murder the other day because the trial for the boyfriend was finished this week. They were interviewing Maple’s mother who proudly showed pictures of her beautiful daughter, talked about how her daughter had been so intelligent, kind and never gave the family cause for concern. The mother now works raising awareness about violence against women.

The reporter asked her if she had any advice for other parents who might have a daughter going through what Maple did and she said, “Listen“. She said she has one regret, she can see now that Maple tried to talk to her but she was so busy with the other children and thought Maple was able to handle the problem on her own. She didn’t understand the danger and thought eventually the guy would get over it.

I have had people say to me, “He would have gotten her anyway, there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.” So what? we just let it keep happening because there is nothing that can be done to stop these murderous monsters?

If other people are aware of what is going on, if people get involved and step in, make it known to the abuser they are on to him and don’t agree with what he is doing, if the police are notified, if the victim is believed and knows the seriousness of the situation she is in; I believe there would be far fewer deaths of innocent women.

I remember years ago JC and I were driving down the road in his 1 Ton and he was punching me from the driver’s seat as we were going down the road. All of a sudden a car with two guys in it pulled up along side yelling something about being a man and why doesn’t he pick on someone his own size. They then cut him off and were shaking their fists at him through the back window. He pretended like he didn’t even see them but he stopped hitting me.

Another time he came at me with his fists raised and I curled up in a ball on the floor and was yelling for help. My friend who happened to be walking past saw a crowd forming outside our back door and came to investigate. When she heard the cries for help she jumped into action and bust through the door; landing in the kitchen on both feet (she was probably 4’11” and not even a 100 lbs) she yelled, “What’s going on in here?” JC immediately backed off. She told me there were at least 10 people standing outside most of which were men, some were even laughing.

We can not be silent any longer and we can not ignore what is right under our noses. I don’t expect people to put their own lives in danger but there are ways to get involved and help the victims without stepping in to danger themselves.

I had no idea that him choking me until I passed out, or throwing me across the room was domestic abuse. If it didn’t leave bruises, was it abuse? When I told anyone, no one seemed overly concerned or appalled by his actions so maybe it wasn’t abuse. Like he kept saying, it wasn’t like he came home and beat me every day.

There is a list that anyone working with domestic abuse victims must check to decide how much danger the victim is in. I never would have guess that choking is a high sign that the abuser is capable of murdering the victim. There are obvious signs like having a gun, but people don’t take things like stalking seriously. They think he is just jealous and it is a sign he loves her.

Stalking is a sign of control not love and is on the list of warning signs that he is capable of doing her major harm.

We need to break the silence and educate our young women and men to recognize the signs of abuse and how to protect themselves.