Tag Archives: donations

Update And A Plea

I think the last time I asked for donations was last year this time or shortly after Christmas, when I had to move back to the coast.

I am not even going to beat around the bush, I am in big trouble financially, or I would never ask for help.

The longer a person is on welfare the deeper they get until there is no where to go. I have applied for disability and been denied again, it was the last time I could dispute my being denied so now if I want to apply I have to start all over with a new application.

I get $610 a month to live on and that includes $375 for rent. There is no place for rent for $375 and I am lucky to get the basement where I am living, it is the friend of my mom’s and that is the only reason I am allowed. There is no kitchen but at least it is warm and dry, I have the internet and cablevision. It is not a good location and I need my car because it is hilly , so even if I want to take Stella for a walk I have to drive somewhere. Consequently she is getting quite fat. I feel bad, she need a lot more exercise but my heart just does not allow me to walk hills.

The surgery they screwed up took a toll on my health and I have never fully recovered, I was feeling not too badly before the surgery but now I have dizzy spells, my heart races for no reason and I will feel like I am going to pass out. They are going to try again on January 9th to hook up the wires to the pacemaker, I am very hesitant but have no choice if I want any kind of life. It is almost a cruel joke that they got the wire for the defibrillator hooked up and not the pacemaker, I won’t die but I can’t live a life worth living. If I try to work I will have a heart attack but my defibrillator will shock me and keep me alive anyway.

I have sunk into a depression I haven’t been able to battle my way out of. Try as I might I struggle just to get through the day. I haven’t been doing many posts because I just can’t get motivated. I am hoping that the surgery on January 9th will be a success and I will be able to work again, but in the mean time I am being sent to collections because I couldn’t pay off Stella’s vet bill from when she swallowed the fishing hook and I just discovered they bounced my car insurance a couple of days ago. $72 for insurance for the month and the insurance place charges $18 on NSF payments and the bank charged me $48. It bounced last month too but my son sent me money to cover it. I guess because I paid the other one late I forgot about this month but I didn’t have the money anyway.

If you are new to the blog you don’t know the struggles I have had with my health and finances for 6 years.

If you have been helped by the blog and have the means to help out I would be forever grateful. If you have donated before, please do not feel pressured to give again, it seems it i always the same few people who send me donations.

I have over 2500 followers, if everyone gave a dollar I would be laughing, but that is not likely, if half gave $5, that would be all my prayers answered.

I know times are tough and I hate to even ask.

 

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19 and Counting

And I don’t mean the reality TV show, although I am sure several of the people on that show could use a membership to my new blog (or this one for that matter); I am pleased to announce we have 19 new members!!!

Some of you may have gotten an invite to follow this blog by mistake, please ignore it, the correct invitation is coming right behind it. Oooops!

Thanks to a couple of very generous followers of this blog so far everyone who has requested a free membership has received one and we still have the free one to the 50th member the hundredth plus a couple more donated free memberships.

I want to thank the people who have been so generous to donate for those who can’t afford it, it restores my faith in humanity and if there is anyone in the world who needs a break and for someone to show them that they matter and are valued it is the victims of a narcissist.

I have said it before but you guys keep reminding me how wonderful this blog is and how truly amazing it is to be able to reach out across the miles via the internet and give support both emotional and financial.

revolution

The best part of the internet is, up until now the narcissists of the world could get away with their lies, cheating and leaving a trail of destruction behind them. As much as the net enables them to suck in victims, it also gives the victims the power to speak out, find support, find information and know they aren’t crazy, narcissists can no longer hide behind the shame of the victim because now they know they aren’t alone and they are speaking out loud and clear, exposing the narc for what he is and warning others. There is  revolution starting!!!

Thanks To All Of You and Sashi Too

I am so excited to share my news…………. maybe I will show you ……….. it’s quicker.

20151005_12245920151005_114819 20151005_114804

Yes, that is what it looks like, it is my new (new to me) laptop!! Thank you all very much!!!!

To all the people who donated, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I am ecstatic!

Did you all notice that this baby has 8GB RAM and 1000GB HDD?? it is fast! How much did it cost me? Believe it or not, only $310. Now in Canada that doesn’t buy you much of a laptop but there is more to the story.

I went into Craig’s list the other day and there was a new ad, they were asking for $350, which I did not have, I only had $290. But the ad said that the person had bought the laptop after always using Macs and didn’t like Microsoft so was selling it after only buying it in June. I did some research on it and indeed it was sold in 2015 for over $500. I text messaged the contact number and asked how firm they were on the price. They said firm. I explained that I had a blog providing support for victims of abuse and provided the blog link.

A few minutes later I got this message

I went through your site, interesting. It is a brand new laptop lying on my desk for almost two months because I don’t care for Microsoft. Great laptop for you. It has 8 GB, more than you require. I can let you have it for $325. I understand your position none the less.

I replied

That is great! I will try to dig up the other $35 and get back to you. It might take a couple of days and I don’t expect you to hold it but I will contact you when I have the money and hopefully you still have it.

The next morning I woke up to this message on my phone

God be with you. Your work is very ennobling.

and then this one.

If I cannot sell it by tomorrow I can let you have it for $310

So I called my mom and the rest is history!!

Here is a picture of my old laptop so you can see the difference.

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Notice the missing keys, but that was not the big problem, the problem was how slow it was and how the mouse had a mind of it’s own. There were days I couldn’t use it at all and other days intermittently. Now I can type til my heart’s content. Oh and he also threw in a keyboard!

(excuse the mess, I am in the middle of packing)

So you did it!! you got me a laptop, and a brand new one at that! And Sashi, the man who sold me the laptop!

I am so blessed, so extremely blessed! Prayers do get answered.

Donations and Job Interview

I promised to put a little graph on the blog showing how the donations were coming along and couldn’t. So I made a page but I don’t think anyone noticed it so…………….drum roll please!!

The grand total has come to $453!! netso that is less the service charges and everything.

I have found a laptop I will be picking up tonight for $350, leaving $100 to go towards starting the new blog.

Thank you everyone who donated!! I am so excited about getting a laptop that has all it’s keys!!

I am going to dedicate the new laptop to blogging only and save my old one as storage for pics and research etc so I don’t bog it down with too much stuff. I am so happy and excited to type on a decent keyboard! It is going to make my life so much easier and writing the book will be possible. I just could not see trying to type a book on this old clunker with the mouse with a mind of it’s own. Now my capitals will be capitals!! no more i’s, there will only be capital I’s! That has to be symbolic!!

Another kind of exciting new event is; on Quora I am the top viewed expert on narcissism!!

whistler

I also had a job interview yesterday! and I think it went really well, I certainly enjoyed meeting the young woman who interviewed me. It was for the position of a House Keeping Supervisor in Whistler, and it comes with accommodation. It is run by a woman, her brother and his wife and they own 3 houses in Whistler that they rent out. The one I saw in person is a 10 bedroom, 10 bathroom gorgeous house and they have another two, plus one they just started renovations on, another 10 bedroom home.

It is a new position, they have been doing all themselves and have found it is getting too much so they wanted someone to oversee the housekeeping end but it turns out I have a lot of other skills I can contribute, such as landscaping, decorating for the seasons and even helping out with the renovations as a goffer or whatever they need.

I am really excited about the prospect and it would put me minutes from Kristofer, but there is one possible catch, Stella. They don’t allow pets in any of the houses and my suite is above the garage at one of the properties. She didn’t say no, but she did say she had to talk to her sister in law and I offered to bring Stella to meet them. I mean she is such a sweetheart, everyone would love her but I understand why it would be an issue.

I think though, even if I don’t get the position I can be a benefit to their business and have some ideas I would like to run by them. Work for them on a contract basis and get my own place to live. So I’m not dead in the water and I have a good feeling about it. I would share the website so you all could see the places, they are simply gorgeous!! but I can’t take a chance in case someone lurks.

I had another job interview yesterday for a live in caretaker for hostel in the town just before Whistler; Squamish, where we did the casino renovation. They want someone to come on board and work with them to get it up and running by spring 2016 and it was sounding really promising, I had all the experience they wanted and the right attitude BUT the minute I mentioned Stella the interview was over. And that one is definitely a live on site type position. I was really disappointed until I went to the interview in Whistler and then I got excited about that.

What ever happens i know it will work out the way it should. Good things are coming my way, it is just a matter of time.

i have so many ideas for decorating the houses for Christmas! I would be in heaven decorating 4 houses for Christmas!!

Also my mom came with me and Kris, her and I spent the day together which was really nice and hasn’t happened in a long time. We are probably going to have Christmas dinner in Whistler this year. There are enough beds at Kris’s and he said he will give up his room and sleep on the couch or spare room so grandma and grandpa can have his room with the ensuite etc. THAT made my mom happy! and eased her mind. Also we would go up a day before and have Xmas Eve and Christmas Day, even Boxing Day so it would be relaxing, no one would be doing all the cooking because Kris is an excellent cook. No gifts, just a nice big Christmas dinner with family and anyone who doesn’t have a place to go on Christmas Day.

Life just keeps getting better and better!! I am telling you. STAY NO CONTACT and you will find peace and joy in your life too!!

Donations – PayPal Screw Up

 

 

 

 

paypalI have had a regular on the blog go to donate money and wasn’t able to. She is in the US and when she put in her country it didn’t switch to the US, the drop down where you pick what state you are in didn’t appear, instead she got a list of Canadian provinces. She tried many times apparently and still could not make a donation.

She got a hold of me via email and I have spent the last week trying to sort the problem out. I really hate automation sometimes (I know how ironic it is that I say that because without automation there would be no paypal) because they give you so many choices to pick from and none of them were the problem I was having. I got tired of battling with them in emails and broke down and phoned them. Which I most definitely did not want to do seeing as I can ill afford a higher phone bill.

Excuse me I am still so very frustrated!!

Anyway, after two phone calls and much frustration I believe the Donate button is working again. If anyone has any problems please let me know so I can fix it. I had no idea it was not working and if not for my friend Ellie I still wouldn’t know there was a problem.

Thank you Ellie for letting me know. You’re a doll!

It’s Been About A Month Since My Last Update

I am not even sure where I left you all with my last update. Things have kinda gone down the toilet lately.

I think I mentioned that i managed to get into a “introduction to Counseling” course and had worked out payment to be an exchange of yard work or something. I went to one class and thoroughly enjoyed it! Everyone was so friendly, most of them were drug and alcohol counselors, I was the only one who wasn’t a counselor already. i thought I might feel uncomfortable but everyone was so welcoming. I was the only one there who was interested in getting into working with victims of abuse and one woman came up to me and said how glad she was I was in the class because she was excited to see what I could had to the class being that I was into a different area of counseling than everyone else. Apparently the fellow teaching the course is very highly thought of in the industry and truly walks the walk and isn’t just all words. He has helped a lot of people, goes above and beyond what is required (obviously because he was willing to barter with me) Well it turns out he had a small stroke about a month prior to the course starting, he was fine the first night but the second night he was totally disoriented and couldn’t remember what we had discussed just the day before. We didn’t even get into the class and he said he didn’t think he could continue. A couple of the guys helped him get into his bedroom where he could lay down.

I volunteered to do up a phone list and emailed it to everyone and a couple of days later I got a call from the teacher saying the class was postponed indefinitely. I am concerned for his health and totally understand but I was very disappointed at the same time.

I was called into the welfare office a couple of weeks ago because they said I hadn’t submitted all my medical forms and I had, I tried calling at least 8 times and it was always a busy signal so I drove down there and told them I had brought them in. I stood there while the woman went through them all when I first dropped them off. In fact I am pretty sure it was the same woman. She insisted they weren’t there but eventually found them on the computer and read it through and told me that she didn’t think I would be approved for disability because I can walk, dress myself and feed myself. I told her I want to work. She seemed surprised. I told her I have been applying for jobs, I took the 3 weeks course required to get into the course for getting funding to go back to school. She asked me what I want to go to school for and when I told her about the blog and I want to help victims of abuse she just lit right up. She got me an appointment for the course (which is still 2 weeks away) I went down to the office anyway and they told me that it is very unlikely I will get in for Sept school start. They are short staffed and there are a lot of hoops to jump through and red tape. That was very disappointing because I have been applying for jobs but there are certain courses they all want one of which is Non-violent conflict resolution and First Aid. I have had my first aid but it has expired.

If I don’t get disability and I am not going to school I have to live on $610 a month, which is impossible. I thought I could do it for a couple of months but any longer and I will be out on the street living in my car.

My car insurance came up and I had an outstanding speeding ticket from a year ago that I had to pay, air care, etc and that came to over $400. I made a deal with the owner of the cabin that I would do her yard work because her and her husband are at the home in PEI until October and they reduced my payment to $400 a month, until they get back or the place sells. If the place sells before I get more money I am really up shit creek. I will end up in my car or in a boarding house and that means getting rid of Stella and my stuff. It means existing not living and I am just not prepared to lose everything again. A bedroom in a house is $400/month and that doesn’t include food. No one can live on that.

Everything is behind, I owe for electricity, my cell phone is going to be disconnected, my house insurance payment bounced, and I have $85/month car insurance. I mean Stella goes through $50 a month in food. When you only have a $110 after paying rent, well you don’t have to be a mathematician to figure out why I am not making it.

They told me that I could make up to $200 a month and it would not be deducted from my cheque so I wasn’t concerned when I filled out my report card and put the $134 down as income from ads on the blog. They deducted it dollar for dollar off my cheque. So instead of $610 on my last cheque I got $473. So much for being honest, that is the last time.

I am going to go in and fight it. I can not believe they did that. It really makes a person wonder why they bother, and it proves once again that a woman in an abusive relationship is going to stick it out as long as she can because she doesn’t want to starve to death and has kids to feed.

I have been depressed I have to admit. How long does a person struggle. I was determined to just go get a job, any job and to hell with school or my health but I can’t do it.

Twice now I have had a scary thing happen and I am going to have to go to the doctor about it. I don’t know if it is stress and my heart or if it is over working my neck. Both times it has happened I was stressed out and the first time I had worked really hard the day before doing yard work. That time I got up in the morning and felt fine, sat on the couch for a few minutes, checked my email and then decided to make coffee. I reached up to get the coffee down from an upper cupboard and my right arm wouldn’t move. I had to lift it with my left arm and then I couldn’t grasp the coffee container. When I let my arm go it just dropped to my side like dead weight. I talked to myself and said, “What the hell.” and then realized my face felt funny. I ran in the bathroom thinking maybe I had a stroke in the middle of the night but my face was ok. I tried to just relax and do some deep breathing because I was getting very anxious. After about 1/2 hour my arm was fine and it has been fine ever since.

Then yesterday I was doing the yard work at my  landlords and had been working quite hard in the yard, their place is shaded and I waited until evening so it was cooler but it was still quite hot to work. I had been pulling weeds and was sweeping the driveway when all of a sudden the broom wasn’t sweeping. It was kinda just flopping around. I was confused, I looked at the broom trying to figure out what was wrong with it and then I realized I was only hanging onto it with my left hand. My right hand was hanging dead at my side. I tried to lift it and had no control over it. I had thought I had both hands on the broom. I could feel my hand hitting my leg on my  leg but I could not feel my hand at all.

I got really freaked out again and had to force myself to not panic. I went and sat down for about 1/2 hour and then it was ok again. I felt weak in the legs but I am not sure if that was just because I was panicked.

It could be stress causing it, or my neck, I was told 20 years ago that I was lucky to not be in a wheelchair and when my neck is out my arms will go numb but my neck doesn’t feel out, I have no pain and usually if my neck is out I can’t sleep for the pain. I have gotten pretty good at knowing exactly what I can and can’t do with regards to my neck so have been pain free for quite a few years. But I have been under a lot of stress over money, the house being for sale, James’s blog, (which I really try to ignore but it is so wrong and unfair of him it burns my butt to not do something about it) . I have thought that I was dealing with everything really well, just believing that things will work out but I keep getting deeper and deeper and just don’t see how I am going to ever dig my way out.

On a brighter note James’s step dad called me again a few nights ago to see how I am doing. I really appreciate how he has kept in touch with me. I never call him, its James’s family and I don’t want anyone to think I am calling to get info on him. Mind you ever since James and I first split up I told his step dad that I didn’t want to hear anything about James because it hurt too much and his step dad has never mentioned his name again. I really appreciate that he respected my request and still calls just to see how I am doing.

I still love the lake and Stella is getting bigger by the day and such a blessing, everyone loves her to pieces. I wish my camera was working, I would love to post some pics of her. She loves the water but still has not tried to swim so I was throwing the ball in the water farther and farther out until it was over her head thinking she would start to swim without really thinking about it. Well the little bugger, I am watching her and yep, she jumped in and was over her head and instead of swimming she went under, I was just getting up  to go rescue her because I thought,” My God I thought all dogs could swim!!” when I notice realized what she was doing. When she realized she was in over her head she dove down to the bottom and walked out with the ball in her mouth.!! She was completely submersed, not even her tail sticking out of the water! She got on shore and shook off and never missed a beat, brought me the ball to throw it again.

Well, that is it for what is going on in my corner of the world. If anyone can help out with any kind of donation I would be forever grateful, I hate to ask, but I am at the end of my rope.

Thanks you to all who have donated throughout the past year or so, it seems something comes through right when I need it the most, you are angels and to those who can’t afford it I totally understand, we are all struggling and I don’t want anyone to feel pressured.

Donations

I have been encouraged by viewers to have a Donation button on my blog. I did have one for a while when I was going through a tough time and I got through that time mainly due to the generosity of the people who visit my blog.

This is different, I have recently gone on disability and my blog has also gotten very busy; last month I had over 50,000 visitors. That keeps me very busy and I am not making any money off of the time I am investing. I wanted to help people for free, but I never in my wildest dreams thought my blog would be this popular. I have to come up with income because my disability isn’t enough and will run out in a few months. I am going to be forced to make a choice, go out and get a full-time job and give up the blog or supplement a part-time job with some sort of income from the blog. I have allowed advertising and have yet to see what kind of funds that will generate, but if you have been helped by my blog and have the means to help me keep it going any donation will be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you!!       Make a Donation Button

I am here as proof that there is life after the narcissist. The sun didn’t disappear, it’s just that the black cloud of the narcissist was blocking it. Once he is out of your life the sun WILL shine again and there will be room for good things to enter your life. Do not give up!!

Hugs

Carrie