Tag Archives: donations

It’s Been About A Month Since My Last Update

I am not even sure where I left you all with my last update. Things have kinda gone down the toilet lately.

I think I mentioned that i managed to get into a “introduction to Counseling” course and had worked out payment to be an exchange of yard work or something. I went to one class and thoroughly enjoyed it! Everyone was so friendly, most of them were drug and alcohol counselors, I was the only one who wasn’t a counselor already. i thought I might feel uncomfortable but everyone was so welcoming. I was the only one there who was interested in getting into working with victims of abuse and one woman came up to me and said how glad she was I was in the class because she was excited to see what I could had to the class being that I was into a different area of counseling than everyone else. Apparently the fellow teaching the course is very highly thought of in the industry and truly walks the walk and isn’t just all words. He has helped a lot of people, goes above and beyond what is required (obviously because he was willing to barter with me) Well it turns out he had a small stroke about a month prior to the course starting, he was fine the first night but the second night he was totally disoriented and couldn’t remember what we had discussed just the day before. We didn’t even get into the class and he said he didn’t think he could continue. A couple of the guys helped him get into his bedroom where he could lay down.

I volunteered to do up a phone list and emailed it to everyone and a couple of days later I got a call from the teacher saying the class was postponed indefinitely. I am concerned for his health and totally understand but I was very disappointed at the same time.

I was called into the welfare office a couple of weeks ago because they said I hadn’t submitted all my medical forms and I had, I tried calling at least 8 times and it was always a busy signal so I drove down there and told them I had brought them in. I stood there while the woman went through them all when I first dropped them off. In fact I am pretty sure it was the same woman. She insisted they weren’t there but eventually found them on the computer and read it through and told me that she didn’t think I would be approved for disability because I can walk, dress myself and feed myself. I told her I want to work. She seemed surprised. I told her I have been applying for jobs, I took the 3 weeks course required to get into the course for getting funding to go back to school. She asked me what I want to go to school for and when I told her about the blog and I want to help victims of abuse she just lit right up. She got me an appointment for the course (which is still 2 weeks away) I went down to the office anyway and they told me that it is very unlikely I will get in for Sept school start. They are short staffed and there are a lot of hoops to jump through and red tape. That was very disappointing because I have been applying for jobs but there are certain courses they all want one of which is Non-violent conflict resolution and First Aid. I have had my first aid but it has expired.

If I don’t get disability and I am not going to school I have to live on $610 a month, which is impossible. I thought I could do it for a couple of months but any longer and I will be out on the street living in my car.

My car insurance came up and I had an outstanding speeding ticket from a year ago that I had to pay, air care, etc and that came to over $400. I made a deal with the owner of the cabin that I would do her yard work because her and her husband are at the home in PEI until October and they reduced my payment to $400 a month, until they get back or the place sells. If the place sells before I get more money I am really up shit creek. I will end up in my car or in a boarding house and that means getting rid of Stella and my stuff. It means existing not living and I am just not prepared to lose everything again. A bedroom in a house is $400/month and that doesn’t include food. No one can live on that.

Everything is behind, I owe for electricity, my cell phone is going to be disconnected, my house insurance payment bounced, and I have $85/month car insurance. I mean Stella goes through $50 a month in food. When you only have a $110 after paying rent, well you don’t have to be a mathematician to figure out why I am not making it.

They told me that I could make up to $200 a month and it would not be deducted from my cheque so I wasn’t concerned when I filled out my report card and put the $134 down as income from ads on the blog. They deducted it dollar for dollar off my cheque. So instead of $610 on my last cheque I got $473. So much for being honest, that is the last time.

I am going to go in and fight it. I can not believe they did that. It really makes a person wonder why they bother, and it proves once again that a woman in an abusive relationship is going to stick it out as long as she can because she doesn’t want to starve to death and has kids to feed.

I have been depressed I have to admit. How long does a person struggle. I was determined to just go get a job, any job and to hell with school or my health but I can’t do it.

Twice now I have had a scary thing happen and I am going to have to go to the doctor about it. I don’t know if it is stress and my heart or if it is over working my neck. Both times it has happened I was stressed out and the first time I had worked really hard the day before doing yard work. That time I got up in the morning and felt fine, sat on the couch for a few minutes, checked my email and then decided to make coffee. I reached up to get the coffee down from an upper cupboard and my right arm wouldn’t move. I had to lift it with my left arm and then I couldn’t grasp the coffee container. When I let my arm go it just dropped to my side like dead weight. I talked to myself and said, “What the hell.” and then realized my face felt funny. I ran in the bathroom thinking maybe I had a stroke in the middle of the night but my face was ok. I tried to just relax and do some deep breathing because I was getting very anxious. After about 1/2 hour my arm was fine and it has been fine ever since.

Then yesterday I was doing the yard work at my  landlords and had been working quite hard in the yard, their place is shaded and I waited until evening so it was cooler but it was still quite hot to work. I had been pulling weeds and was sweeping the driveway when all of a sudden the broom wasn’t sweeping. It was kinda just flopping around. I was confused, I looked at the broom trying to figure out what was wrong with it and then I realized I was only hanging onto it with my left hand. My right hand was hanging dead at my side. I tried to lift it and had no control over it. I had thought I had both hands on the broom. I could feel my hand hitting my leg on my  leg but I could not feel my hand at all.

I got really freaked out again and had to force myself to not panic. I went and sat down for about 1/2 hour and then it was ok again. I felt weak in the legs but I am not sure if that was just because I was panicked.

It could be stress causing it, or my neck, I was told 20 years ago that I was lucky to not be in a wheelchair and when my neck is out my arms will go numb but my neck doesn’t feel out, I have no pain and usually if my neck is out I can’t sleep for the pain. I have gotten pretty good at knowing exactly what I can and can’t do with regards to my neck so have been pain free for quite a few years. But I have been under a lot of stress over money, the house being for sale, James’s blog, (which I really try to ignore but it is so wrong and unfair of him it burns my butt to not do something about it) . I have thought that I was dealing with everything really well, just believing that things will work out but I keep getting deeper and deeper and just don’t see how I am going to ever dig my way out.

On a brighter note James’s step dad called me again a few nights ago to see how I am doing. I really appreciate how he has kept in touch with me. I never call him, its James’s family and I don’t want anyone to think I am calling to get info on him. Mind you ever since James and I first split up I told his step dad that I didn’t want to hear anything about James because it hurt too much and his step dad has never mentioned his name again. I really appreciate that he respected my request and still calls just to see how I am doing.

I still love the lake and Stella is getting bigger by the day and such a blessing, everyone loves her to pieces. I wish my camera was working, I would love to post some pics of her. She loves the water but still has not tried to swim so I was throwing the ball in the water farther and farther out until it was over her head thinking she would start to swim without really thinking about it. Well the little bugger, I am watching her and yep, she jumped in and was over her head and instead of swimming she went under, I was just getting up  to go rescue her because I thought,” My God I thought all dogs could swim!!” when I notice realized what she was doing. When she realized she was in over her head she dove down to the bottom and walked out with the ball in her mouth.!! She was completely submersed, not even her tail sticking out of the water! She got on shore and shook off and never missed a beat, brought me the ball to throw it again.

Well, that is it for what is going on in my corner of the world. If anyone can help out with any kind of donation I would be forever grateful, I hate to ask, but I am at the end of my rope.

Thanks you to all who have donated throughout the past year or so, it seems something comes through right when I need it the most, you are angels and to those who can’t afford it I totally understand, we are all struggling and I don’t want anyone to feel pressured.

Donations

I have been encouraged by viewers to have a Donation button on my blog. I did have one for a while when I was going through a tough time and I got through that time mainly due to the generosity of the people who visit my blog.

This is different, I have recently gone on disability and my blog has also gotten very busy; last month I had over 50,000 visitors. That keeps me very busy and I am not making any money off of the time I am investing. I wanted to help people for free, but I never in my wildest dreams thought my blog would be this popular. I have to come up with income because my disability isn’t enough and will run out in a few months. I am going to be forced to make a choice, go out and get a full-time job and give up the blog or supplement a part-time job with some sort of income from the blog. I have allowed advertising and have yet to see what kind of funds that will generate, but if you have been helped by my blog and have the means to help me keep it going any donation will be greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you!!       Make a Donation Button

I am here as proof that there is life after the narcissist. The sun didn’t disappear, it’s just that the black cloud of the narcissist was blocking it. Once he is out of your life the sun WILL shine again and there will be room for good things to enter your life. Do not give up!!

Hugs

Carrie

Link

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Donations

We were just discussing the fact that I have never asked for a dime and started and maintained this blog just because I want to help people by sharing my experiences with a narcissist/psychopath.

I can’t tell you how rewarding it is for me when I get comments thanking me for my blog and the occasional email like I got the other day from the mom of a 17 year old girl. The mom emailed me a while back very concerned about her daughter’s involvement with an abusive young man (narcissist in training), we emailed back and forth a bit and the other day I got an email from her saying her daughter went to prom with a different boy and she thinks the N is out of the picture. I cried, sobbed, to think I had anything to do with saving that young girl from a life of hell with an N.

I actually never in a million years thought I would be getting the hits I do in a day or have over 400 followers, never!!! my God it wasn’t that long ago I was thrilled to get “a” comment, let alone not be able to keep up with them. It am thrilled to be reaching that many people but saddened that there is such a huge need out there.

Together though we are speaking out, breaking the silence, removing the shame and stigma attached to domestic abuse is the only way to end it. Narcissist’s may not have a conscience, guilt, or a soul but they sure do care what people think and don’t want people to be “on to them”. The more information we get out there about psychopaths and narcissist’s the less power they have, it is true; knowledge is power.

That said, I have opened a “gofundme” account at the urging of a blogging friend. There have been times during the life of my blog that I have gone through tough times financially and had people email me wanting to help and I have never accepted. I find I am out of options this time, I have no resources, and the clock is ticking.

I know that most people that come here are broke themselves and struggling to get back on their feet after being discarded by a narcissist and I don’t want anyone to feel pressured in the least!! please!!

But you never know, there might be some rich person out there just looking for someone to donate to, 😉 and I will be here waiting. haha

I am not anticipating a huge response but as long as I get enough donations to pay for it I would like to put everyone who donates name in a hat and pull a name. I will paint something special for the person who’s name I draw and pay to ship it to them. It will be an original Lady Witha Truck piece of art that will be a one-of-a-kind, signed and dated.

This is a link to the site where donations can be sent http://www.gofundme.com/30o1l8 or you can click on “Donations” at the top of this post. I have a page on their site, so you can also go to Gofundme and search for Carrie Reimer, they keep a running total of the donations and notify me when there has been a donation made, the money then goes to my Pay Pal account.

I sincerely apologize if I have offended anyone.

Hugsxxxxx

Carrie