Tag Archives: fairy tales

What Do 35 Christmas Movies All Have In Common?

xmas movies

They all could be an educational film on “How a narcissist hooks their target”. I didn’t watch them all, all the way through, really, once you have seen one or two the story line doesn’t change much and they all end in the same way.

The heroine of the story is engaged to a guy who doesn’t really know or understand her and is a work-a-holic or something similar. She is going home to her family for Christmas, or going to meet his family for the first time, either way she does not fit in because she is a sweet sensitive girl who loves Christmas and the simple things in life. Then quite by accident she meets the handsome broken hearted hero of our story who is either widowed or recently dumped and afraid to get involved.

There is an immediate attraction but one or both do their best to ignore it, several misunderstandings occur, ie: his ex comes back and the heroine sees them together and jumps to conclusions, the woman accepts the promotion over seas and the hero thinks she doesn’t love him but she thinks he is playing her.

There are many variations that involve, cheating, misunderstandings, miscommunication, a love that just can not be denied even if one of them is involved with someone else, someone is fighting their feelings, but on Christmas Eve, at the final hour, they admit their feelings, admit they are soul mates and nothing else matters except being together. They stare into each other’s eyes, they kiss, they linger, they smile, one of them says, “It’s always been you, I could never love anyone else.” They embrace, the snow flakes fall gently, the music starts to play and the credits start to roll. We are left to believe they live happily ever after.

No one ever tells us what happens after the credits roll.

In real life, the only name in the credits is the narcissist’s (because he is the writer, actor, director and producer; there is no happy ending, it is just the beginning of the emotional roller coaster ride from hell.

How many of you felt like you were living in a real live romantic movie you had seen a million times on TV or read in a soft cover romance novel, when you first met the narcissist? I remember feeling giddy, part of me wanted to just end it because he was so intense and I felt he cared much more than I did, but another part of me was saying, “What can it hurt to just see where it goes? He’s a nice guy, you just aren’t used to a man being so open and honest about his feelings, besides, it never hurts to be the one who doesn’t do all the giving. Let a man take care of you.”

We had misunderstandings and I was ready to break up with him but he cried and swore it was a misunderstanding. You all know how it goes, I don’t have to tell you.

With all the advances society has made with women’s rights we still teach our children that a knight in shining armor is going to ride in and save her and true love happens when two people’s eyes meet across a room and they are swept away with their powerful feelings of love.

I believe in love and I believe in romance, I have to be one of the most romantic people I know, but even before I met my ex I didn’t trust any man who fell in love with me too quickly or who couldn’t be without me for a few days and had to call 10 times a day. In fact, I used to dump a guy if he “fell in love” too quickly and with my ex I felt the urge to stop seeing him because he called me far too often, but I didn’t follow my gut instincts.

Our minds only know what we feed into it. If a girl is raised on typical fairy tales and romance novels and movies when her gut tells her that a man is not being honest and she shouldn’t start dating someone who is already involved, that there is a good likelihood that he is not a trust worthy person; she won’t listen because she wants the whirlwind romance. We don’t teach our young girls to think rationally and logically.

We have not allow ourselves to be sucked into the believing the fairy tale the narcissist pretends to be. Believing in Santa Claus was fun too, but as we got older we realized there really wasn’t a Santa and we were able to survive the disappointment. Just like there is no Tinkerbell, Peter Pan or Winnie the Pooh, the narcissist is make believe and just like wishing Santa was real won’t make it so, wishing the narcissist actually is capable of love will never make it so.

 

 

The Truth Behind The Fairy Tale Romance

We are all familiar with the fairy tale romances we grew up with, two come to mind, Cinderella and Snow White there is always a competition between the women for the handsome eligible prince and the most beautiful woman wins and the old mean step sisters are jealous and the wicked old witch is left alone and lonely. A bunch of cute little forest animals come to the rescue to help the poor beautiful girl be the belle of the ball and when the prince sees her he is gob smacked with her beauty and must have her. The narcissist is the perfect prince of every young girl’s dreams. In my case, James walked into the bar, our eyes literally met across a crowded bar and he was my knight in shining armor saving me from the boring pompous ass lawyer I was there to meet. 

prince

The narcissist really gets into his role as the gallant prince who saves the damsel in distress, saving widows from loneliness, unhappily married women from boring husbands, young girls broken down on the side if the road, lawyers saving the soon to be divorcee from her obnoxious soon to be ex. They swoop in and sweep the woman off her feet, taking her breath away, just like the fairy tales said he would.

No one ever tells the little girl about how the prince turns into a frog and has half a dozen fair maidens on the hook at the same time and half of them are pregnant. That the 7 dwarfs are actually his kids from as many different women and he makes them work to pay for their food etc. No one tells the children reading these stories that Old Mother Hubbard is the prince’s ex wife and he never sees all those kids and never pays his child support and that’s why the cupboards are bare, not even a bone for the dog. And the wicked witch used to be a really sweet woman who turned bitter and filled with hatred when he led her on and took all her money and then disappeared only to return time after time apologizing and asking for a second chance until she cracked. Now she stares at a mirror asking who is the fairest of them all trying to regain her youthful beauty and only see the face of a woman who lost everything and had her heart broken, the years of pain etched into the wrinkles of her face. 

snow white

Or we never hear about Cinderella’s step sisters are narcissists who sabotage Cinderella at every turn and tell lies behind her back and Cinderella tries to keep the peace but it doesn’t matter what she does because she is beautiful and the narcissists hate her for being what they will never be.

when we grow out of fairy tales then we get the love movies.

Think of any love movie you have ever seen, how many of them show what happens after the two star crossed lovers realize they love each other; finally! after a whole movie of miscommunications, misunderstandings, false impressions and jealousy. Often times there is a lot of humor mixed in with the pains of unrequited love. The bridesmaid in love with the groom, the woman who moves to a small town to mend her broken heart and the handsome cowboy who falls for her but has his own issues with a broken heart and they keep getting so close and then something happens and one or the other is hurt when the other one didn’t mean to hurt them. The whole movie is filled with near misses and then at the very end, when the audience is checking their watches to see if there is still time for them to finally to tell each other they really do love each other, 5 minutes before the credits roll……it happens. The guy finally finds the words to say he can’t live without her, or produces a ring, and the credits roll, everyone walks out of the theatre with a big smile. They got their happy ending!!

We never see what happens over the long haul.

Seeing as the narcissist studies people in order to manipulate them through their emotions, does it not stand to reason he would use movies as his reference material. He hears women talk about love movies, he sees the reaction of people who watch these movies. If he wants to make a woman fall in love with him the surest way to do that is to make her feel like she has been thrown into the most romantic movie she has ever seen. And the movies are always full of miscommunications and misunderstandings so when the narcissist shows his true colours occasionally the woman excuses it because she has seen this happen in the movies all the time, right? She keeps hanging in there for the happy ending, that 5 minutes before the credits roll.  It is perfect for the narcissist, half the work is done for him, he just has to be the poor misunderstood lover and let the victim take it from there.

Some one has to get the word out to our young girls that these predators exist and life is not like in the movies. Killers don’t all wear hockey masks although narcissists do wear a mask to hide their true identity. 

mask