Tag Archives: Family

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!

 

 

Merry Christmas Tree Wallpaper

I want to wish everyone a Christmas Day of peace and serenity, filled with friends and family,

lots of food, booze, laughs, and a light heart.

Wherever you may be in this big world I want to thank you for all your support throughout the last year and

the 4 Christmases that came before this one.

I sit here, alone, with carols playing on the radio

Stella is crunching her Christmas bone from Santa

I have peace in my heart

and tears of gratitude in my eyes.

I wish that each one of you

knows you are loved

and just how special you are.

I pray that you are all given the strength to get through the day

and know somewhere deep in your soul that better days are ahead. 

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The Ultimate Betrayal

I am so full of love, contentment and pure unadulterated joy and gratitude I can not put it into words!

I took pics with my son’s camera and when I get them via email later I will post them so you all can see why my heart is about ready to explode. Or part of the reason my heart is about to explode.

I can not share everything that went on this weekend because I have to be respectful of other’s privacy but I must share some of it so that those of you who are feeling you will never find joy might take heart in the fact that 3 years ago I tried to kill myself and today I am so F$cking happy it didn’t work!!

I was ready to go when my son got here on Saturday morning right on time at 7:30. I knew he was stressed because he works 6 days a week 12 hours a day and he was going to be tired. He was apprehensive about bringing Stella because she is still a puppy and he wouldn’t have brought his dog because she would be too hard to keep under control with a crowd etc and he was nervous because he was getting his daughter all by himself for the first time and he wanted it to be perfect.

It was a 4 hour drive to my Dad’s house where the celebration of life was being held, I had not seen my dad or step mom in 15 years, but my step mom had called me a few days prior and invited me personally and sounded so pleased when I said I was already planning on being there, I wasn’t nervous at all. It was great to hug her and my step sisters (who I have seen throughout the years)  My brother and nephew drove up in my dad’s old truck (my brother bought it off my dad just before he died). My brother and I had a falling out when I quit working for him and it has been tense between us but sitting there, having a few drinking and reminiscing we shed a few tears but mostly we laughed. At one point I looked across the lawn and there was my boy, my nephew, and my brother standing there laughing and talking and my heart filled with so much love and gratitude it started leaking out of my eyes. Where did the years go? we have all had struggles, so many, so many demons that my brother, my son and I have fought and we all came through it and we are all standing stronger for it and we love each other and that is all that counts when it all comes down to it.

Stella? she was the star of the show. such a sweet sweet puppy, gently playing with the young children and gently introducing herself to the old people using walkers and wheel chairs. Her and another big dog there met and had a little scuffle and then played all day long until they were exhausted. We stayed 3 hours longer than we had planned on but everyone was having so much fun. My brother was driving back to Vancouver and kris and I were heading to Kelowna but we followed my brother for about an hour before we had to turn off the freeway. I laughed so hard with such pure joy I felt like a teenager again. Kris would pull past my brother and then my brother pulled alongside, back and forth scaring the crap out of me because the road is windy. I was mouthing through the window “Heeeeeeelp Meeeee” and my brother and nephew were laughing. We stopped at a light and I rolled down the window and said, “I’ve got a heart condition you know!” We all laughed, I thought I might pee myself!

We had to drop off some wood at a customer’s of my brother’s (my son works for my brother) and the guy welcomed us into his home life long lost family, giving my son a huge bear hug. He didn’t know I was my son’s mother but gave me a huge hug also. He insisted we have a drink and come in, we sat with him and his family around a bon fire and had more laughed. The man is a big business man and he was telling everyone that he loves my son and my brother and he wouldn’t hire anyone but them. My heart filled with pride.

We left there and went to a friends of my son’s. Brodie has been a friend of my son’s for almost 20 years, he is a family man with 3 little ones and has done well for himself. He has a 30′ trailer that I guess is always available for my son when he is in town and it was ready for us to just crawl into bed. We all slept like logs and the next morning my son went to estimate a job and I fell back to sleep. Brodie’s wife had coffee made when I got up and Stella played with their dog and kids all day. So relaxed, such great hosts, such sweet kids.

Kris went to get Kaela by himself and she didn’t remember me and was a bit shy but she played with the other kids and then we all went for ice cream. I watched my boy with his daughter and the love between them was obvious. Then I saw her slip her arm through his and lean her head on his arm, he bent down to kiss her and she just beamed. I snapped a bunch of photos. She looks just like me at that age, and very much like Kris. She is just the sweetest, best behaved, loving little girl.

When we took her home she was asleep in her car seat and my son packed her in. When she got inside and woke up and insisted on coming back and kissing grandma good bye. That was it! the tears started flowing.

We went back to Brodie’s and had a dip in their pool to cool off before we headed home.

My son was tired but he said too, it was a wonderful weekend and he said it was so good to have time for just him and I. I don’t remember a time since he moved out that we would have had 8 solid hours of just him and I. At one point I asked him what he thought was my worst trait and what was my best trait and he said, “You talk A LOT!!” I laughed so hard because I know I talk a lot and I had been talking nonstop for the whole trip. Not so much when we were other people but when we were driving I didn’t shut up. I said, “OK so that is my worst trait, what is my best trait?” He said, “You talk a lot.” I said he couldn’t use the same trait for both and he told me that he loved to listen to me talk, that I always had interesting stories to tell and he appreciated what I had to say. We told each other things we had been through that we never told each other before. We told each other what we appreciated about each other and we expressed our deepest fears and our regrets and things we are proud of about ourselves and each other, our dreams and things we are sorry for.

We got home and he had another hour to drive to get home himself. As he was pulling away, after hugging several times and saying I love you, he stopped his truck and rolled down his window and yelled out, “I love you mom, I’m really glad you came along!”

I walked in the door to my little cabin and it was just how I left it, no dirty dishes, no mess just the way I left it and I made myself a simple supper and thought how happy I am that the WOSPOS is not in my life any more. Stella and I crawled into bed early and my dreams were full of the wospos. But I didn’t wake up crying, I didn’t wake up upset in anyway. I woke up thanking the good Lord he is out of my life and that I lived long enough to experience to do a road trip with my boy.

When you are with the narc he keeps you in a dense fog that blocks the sunlight, so much negativity you can’t appreciate the simple wonderful moments in life. If I would have been with the wospos either he would have made it impossible for me to go or he would have started a fight before I went so I would have been in a bad mood OR he would have pissed my son off and my boy would have been in an angry mood. Then while I was gone I would have been wondering what he was doing, I would have been concerned about calling enough that he wouldn’t be upset and he would have said things when I called to upset me. I would have been worried about getting home on time and what I would find when I did get home. I would be walking on eggshells not wanting to sound like I had too much fun. The house would have been a mess with dirty dishes everywhere and I would have been pissed.

I will cherish this weekend for the rest of my life.

I watched this Oprah clip this morning   LINK   about living your purpose. Start living the life you were meant to live. I recommend it with all my “about to burst” heart!!

It’s Easy To Forget What Is Truly Important

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My son and his 80 lb Bull Mastiff, and if you notice Kato is peacefully chewing on a squeaky ball not the least bit concerned there is another dog in the house.

In life it is normal to take what you have for granted, its hard to remember to be thankful for the simple blessings we have in everyday life when our heart is breaking. We lose the person we thought was our whole world and feel sorry for ourselves. All we can think about is our pain and how unfair life is.

In many cases we have grown apart from family and friends because the N made it so difficult to see them we just gave up or gave in to appease him/her.
I lost everything I thought made me who I was, when I lost my home, that I had worked so hard as a single mom, to attain; I thought that it was the worst thing I had ever gone through and didn’t know how I would ever have a home again.
Then with JC I lost all my furniture due to his efforts several times, either he didn’t come and help me move when he promised, or he destroyed it in anger, or the storage bill didn’t get paid because I gave him the money and he spent it elsewhere. Once he made me leave it behind saying we would buy new and of course that never happened. The first time I was devastated and thought I couldn’t leave him because I had nothing.
But I have a house full of furniture now and like I said I lost all my furniture several times which means I replaced all my furniture several times and managed to do it for practically no money because God provides.
Then I lost all my jewellery, the $4000 ring I had made for my son out of all my diamond rings, the ring I had made for myself to match it; the baby booties I was given when my son was born, JC even gave me a gold ring that had the diamond solitaire missing, and it was my own ring!! I have nothing of value left.
All my clothes were stolen twice!! And I have more clothes than I need now.
You name it and I’ve lost it. I came home after a fight with JC because he didn’t want me to go to work that day; to find all my stuff in a muddy field and him hosing it down.
I had 3 cars stolen in 3 years.
I had money taken.
It got so that I hardly reacted when something of mine disappeared or got destroyed. I lost 4 jobs because of him including my own business that he now takes credit for. I have been homeless because of JC and I have had major health issues because of the stress of being with an abusive partner. I have lived in places a dog shouldn’t live and animal services would have rescued the dog but I was left there to struggle my way out of it.
There is one thing I have never lost and the only thing that is of any TRUE value and that is my boy.

I had him here for 24 hours, after not seeing him for 2 1/2 years and I cherish every second of that 24 hours. To be able to cook dinner for my family in my little home, to sit back and watch my brother, son and nephew talk and laugh was the best gift ever and a true blessing. I am so thankful for all I have, for the love of my family.

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top Pic my son and nephew reading some joke on the internet. second pic is my brother and son, two handsome young men. I should have taken some photos of my son’s tattoos. I always told him not to tattoo past his elbows, but he rarely listened to me anyway. But I am very pleased with the tattoos he has gotten. He puts lot of thought into what he gets and the artists he gets to do them are very talented. He started tattooing himself when he was about 18 and oh he made a horrible mess, he has covered them all up now and almost has full sleeves. One one arm he has Arc Angel Micheal trying to pull a man out of hell and the devil is pulling on the guy trying to drag the guy into hell. it takes up most of his arm. on his hands he has a compass pointing to true north on the other hand he has an anvil and a sledge hammer breaking a chain. It symbolizes Canada “true north strong and free”. He has a French Cross on one calf and a normal cross on the other calf. He has two blue birds on his chest because his dad  and all his uncles have the same tattoos. I forget now what his back says, Its in Greek and says something about a man integrity. He went to Alberta Bible College and could be a pastor if he wanted and could find a church that would take him, he would be quite the pastor standing up at the front of the church with all his tattoos. I bet he would do an awesome job. He used to mentor troubled teens.

I can not put into words how blessed I feel.

No matter what I ever thought I lost, the things that really matter are still there for me.

I can’t believe I ever thought what JC and I had was worth the agony I went through.

Some times a person has to lose everything to appreciate what they have.

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I don’t remember what my brother said but Kris and I thought it was pretty dang funny. and at the very bottom is my sweet little grand baby. No doubt that my son is the father!!

If someone asked me what’s the one message I would like to get through to young women it would be this.

Never value a man more than you value yourself and your family. I can remember feeling that I was lacking without a man in my life and I see it on here all the time. Women with broken hearts anxious to meet another man, afraid they will never love again, if a woman doesn’t want to date people say, “Don’t worry, you will heal and want to date again.” But who is saying that wanting to date says you are healed? I think it is the woman who doesn’t need to date to feel complete, the woman who is open to dating and love coming into her life but does not NEED it to feel complete. I have wasted so much time worrying about whether a man liked me or not, whether I was attractive enough, how can I make a man love me and appreciate me and totally ignoring what was best for ME. Dating sites etc are the “bars” of today full of desperate women looking for a man who will make her feel “worthy” if those same women took the focus off of the man and put it on herself and what she is doing with her life she wouldn’t need the reinforcement of a man to feel valued she would KNOW she is valuable because of what she is contributing to the world and she will be judged by her own actions in the world and not on the man she is with. If more women valued themselves and didn’t rely on a man to give her worth there would be a lot less affairs, and narcissists would have a hard time finding victims.

Before you start looking for a man to love, take the time to love and value yourself. Pull yourself out of your black hole, better yourself, become more self aware, learn something new, give back to the world, treasure what you have, pray for what you need and know the difference between what you need and what you want, and what they tell you you should want or need.  and most of all be Thankful for small blessings because when it all comes down to it, it’s all you have.

There is life and light after the narcissist, I promise! Hugs Carrie

The Perfect Woman For A Narcissist

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I have always thought JC found the perfect woman for him when he found M, What kind of woman is perfect for a narcissist?

Well lets go over some of the traits:

#1- Widowed – THIS is huge!! especially if she married her high school sweetheart. Why is this such a big thing? because if she was happily married and never been through a divorce she has only positive memories of being with a man, she doesn’t have any baggage from infidelity etc so she is not suspicious. She has never been through the division of property, dealing with lawyers, arguments about who gets what so she is not apt to be as on guard or protective of what she has. When the N`s ex gets angry and maybe makes a scene she can not possibly relate to her behavior and believes him when he says his ex is a psycho. If she was a happily married housewife all the better, he can slide into the role of “husband” easily all he has to do is impersonate all the good qualities of her deceased husband, lay it on thick about how he can’t believe his good fortune to have found such a perfect woman who will save him from his psycho ex and then add in some extras, such as ; with her he wants to be home all the time, he never did with any of his ex`s, with her he holds her all night and with his ex`s he always rolled over, she is so understanding and such a special woman she has changed him from the man he used to be, he never wanted to marry anyone before but he will even cough up for a wedding ring for this one. (if he doesn`t just use the one she wore with her husband). He will go on and on about her abilities as a house wife, how she manages money, how she cooks better than any of his ex’s, how she always has supper ready for him, not like all the others. Later he can use it to hurt her by pointing out how naive she is, not worldly like his ex`s, she doesn`t understand the ways of the world and real relationships.

2 – Independently wealthy. A widow is perfect, the life insurance has enabled her to buy a house, have investments she lives off of and never have to work for the rest of her life. This is good for several reasons; Narcissists are high maintenance, they feel they are above menial tasks such as picking up behind themselves, taking out the garbage or any other normal household duties. It is a full time job just taking care of a narcissist. The narcissist is controlling and jealous, if the woman isn’t working then she is easier to control and she is less likely to meet another man and leave the N and less likely she will have a girl friends who would advice her to leave him. The narcissist doesn’t like to share so if she has her own expenses covered he is free to spend his money as he wishes. He will also expect that she spend her money on him. This is the one area there could be trouble. Later if she starts to run low on money and refuses his demands for more money he will call her selfish, tell her she has never worked and has no idea how tough it is, he will tell her she is spoiled and unrealistic, they are a couple and if he had money he would spare it with her. That she must not really love him because if she did, what is hers would be his and she would want him to be happy.

3 – Unable to have children. This is a big one also because the narcissist needs to be put first at all times and will get extremely jealous of any attention shown anyone else including his own children. If the woman can’t have children she is more able to cater to his every whim. And later its something he can rub in her face, that he would have loved to have children  but she couldn`t have them and so he is deprived.

4 – She has no career aspirations and has never held a job. The narcissist must be the top priority in the woman’s life, a career woman has too many distractions to keep a narcissist happy for long, he may like the money and the prestige that comes with a career woman but he won’t like her not being there 24/7 for him. He wants her along every where he goes, he wants the house spotless and he wants supper ready when he walks through the door, no matter what time he walks through the door. Later he can tell her she is boring, is out of touch with the real world and lacking in intelligence and drive and mention often how he admires a working woman who is independent. When she complains that he never takes her any where any more he can roll his eyes and say that she needs to get a life, it isn`t up to him to entertain her, he hates clingy women.

5 – A woman who believes the man is the head of the household and makes all the decisions for both of them. With a narcissist there is no “partnership” or joint decisions. He must make all the decisions and she should always think they are good decisions and if she doesn’t, keep her damn mouth shut. Narcissist’s aren’t known for making wise choices most of the time because they act on a whim, they want immediate gratification with no thought of consequences or repercussions. When things blow up the woman will be expected to clean up the messes he makes and that’s where that inheritance money comes in handy.

6- Naive – M was raised by very strict European parents and led a sheltered life. It is much easier for a narcissist to pull the wool over her eyes and get away with his lying, criminal activity etc if she believes every word he tells her. She is more apt to be impressed with his tails of adventure and living life on the edge. Later he can get exasperated because he is used to women who are much more worldly.

7 – Doesn’t even have Facebook or use the internet. This is excellent!! He is then free to lead his second life on the net without having to concern himself with her discovering his infidelity and sexual fetishes.

8- She has elderly parents with money. Can we say “inheritance“, “personal loans“ the son they never had? He will move in and become the doting son-in-law, helpful, so grateful for the kind of family he never had. He will drop his own family and adopt hers, telling them tales of woe about how his family is never there for him, his horrible upbringing, or in JC`s case, how close he was to his dad, how he misses the family farm and his father who died several years ago. M`s father will feel sorry for him and before he knows it JC will be a fixture around the place, eager to please, “helping`clean up the property and clean out the bank account.

9- Not very attractive, rather plain and dowdy. She is not used to men complimenting her, tell her how sexy she is, so when he can`t get enough of her and goes on and on about how attracted to her he is she will soak it up like a dry sponge. Later, once he has her and wants to make her feel insecure he will stop complimenting her and start talking about how attractive his ex`s were or that woman who just started at work; but she`s not his type, he likes plain women. Later he will leave pictures of beautiful women out where she can find them and pictures of his ex`s so she can feel inferior because he has lost interest in her.

10 – No ex husband to get in the way or make him look bad. At first he will be so empathetic about her husband dying and how well she did on her own but later he will be subtly critical of her husband and will use the fact that she already buried one husband and won`t want to lose him to manipulate her.

When it all falls apart, when his mask falls she will have spent a large portion of her money and will want to recoup her losses and will stay because he knows he won`t pay her if they split. She has so much invested she feels she has nothing more to lose and surely he will come to his senses soon if she just hangs in there. She asks him to leave and he refuses but there is nothing she can do because they have been living common law long enough that the police won`t get involved unless he hits her, but if she charges him for domestic abuse he might lose his job and she won`t get her money. Besides, she does love him, she just wants the man she fell in love with back.

He will start pressuring her to get a life insurance policy and write up a will in case she dies because after all he has a life insurance policy payable to her if he dies. (I never saw the policy but he had one payable to me also and wanted me to take out insurance payable to him if I died, HA!! not bloody likely sunshine!!)

They could last quite a while as long as she never makes any demands, never gets sick, never expects him to pay his way or share expenses, as long as the money lasts, as long as her parents don`t need her, and as long as she never has an opinion different from his, and as long as she doesn`t cry and get upset when he starts having personal ads and dating other women. (because it will happen, the N can not stay faithful forever he needs new supply and to fulfill his sexual fantasies). As long as she never makes demands sexually, or wants him to say I love you, and doesn`t expect honesty or for him to keep a job longer than a few months and as long as she doesn`t say anything when he breaks the law.

But he will discard her someday any way because he will find her boring and not attractive enough, and he will need the excitement of a new conquest, he might keep her on the back burner just to make sure he gets every penny she has and destroys her emotionally and financially or kills her for the life insurance money and the inheritance.

Yes, I Deserve Every Blessing I Get

Whew!!!! What a week, two weeks……month………just goes to show that you never know where life’s road is going to lead you.

I have been noticing something different about myself; I am not as short tempered as I had become, and way less stressed which would go hand in hand. but more than that I am not only grateful for my new job, extremely grateful!! I am handling the good fortune differently than I ever have in the  . In the past when something good happened to me I was almost apologetic for it. I didn’t want people to think I was bragging and didn’t want to jinx it by being too cocky about it. Lately, I tell people about my new job and I can barely contain myself, I truly feel blessed; but more now when people say “I am so happy for you”. I say, “Thank you, I earned it”.

For the first time in my life I really believe I deserve every good thing that comes my way. I did my time, paid my dues and it is MY time. Oh my God did I earn my right to be happy!! I believe it with all my heart; with all my heart I believe I am a good person.

Some how between, wanting to die because a psycho bastard said my life wasn’t worth living and no man would ever want me and today; I realized I am not defined by any man’s opinion of me. I am not defined by anyone’s opinion of me, not my mother’s, my friends, my son’s no body has the right to say I am not good enough, pretty enough, or whatever enough.

I have met a man who I am becoming friends with; he has cooked for me, he text messages me almost everyday to say hi how is your day going? I like him, I feel comfortable with him but we haven’t kissed or anything physical. He calls me babe, which I am not sure how I feel about, but I am letting time define our relationship. I don’t feel I want a relationship with a man yet but this is giving me time to get comfortable being in the company of a man alone.
It feels good to spend time with a male friend, it reminds me that men can be a nice addition to my life. If he compliments me it feels good, but I am not waiting for that compliment to make me feel good. I already know who I am and don’t need a man to replace JC, or to tell me I am valued. I am valued for who I am by many people.

The other day I was telling my boss that since I started with the company my life has done a complete 180, I have been so blessed, meeting my grand daughter and buying a house; a year ago; hell a month ago I didn’t think I would ever have the opportunity to ever be a home owner again.  His reply was, “Good, because we are blessed to have you it’s only right you should be blessed also.” What boss says something like that? I can not believe how blessed I am!! and I am owning it, savoring it, protecting it and rubbing it all over my body!!

Family

I went down memory lane yesterday talking about my grandma’s and how things have changed in the world even since I was a child.

I think the loss of the family unit is the greatest tragedy of my time, my generation. Women’s lib was in my time and hey! I am one of the most independent women I know, I was a single mom and I would never advocate a woman stay in an abusive marriage for the sake of the kids. I don’t think a woman should be at home with supper cooked waiting with her husband’s pipe and slippers. I think in an ideal world a couple works together in and out of the home for the common good of the family. But I also think if a couple wants children there are choices and sacrifices that have to be made. I think a woman can do it all, but maybe not all at the same time or she has to be with a man who supports her in her career and is willing to take up the slack in the house and with the kids.
I have also run a day care, and I had my son in a day care (only as a last resort because I couldn’t find a grandmotherly type or stay at home mom to care for him) when I had my day care I advertised “Home away from home” child care. On my brochures I had a little child waving good bye with a line Kris and I used to use when I left him anywhere, “I love you, I’ll miss you, but I won’t cry”.

I raised my son to be self sufficient, taught him how to cook and do his own laundry, but there have been times he’s needed to come home to mom for awhile to regroup and I have always been happy to be there for him if he needs a helping hand once in a while.

Michael, The Heretic; has said a few things that got me thinking about family. One was a post he did about selling one of his guitars because they needed food, another time it was about his sister’s in laws staying with his family for a period of time, and more recently he said something about moving out on his own and not being in his 30’s still living at home. As if it’s a bad thing. I think Michael’s family is doing it the “right” way, they know what family is all about. I think it is awesome Michael reads my posts to his mom, watches movies with his dad and they argue about how a pulled pork sandwich should be made. I think if Michael wants to move out that is great but I’d don’t think there is any shame in living at home either. I think it is wonderful how his family is so excited about him going to school. That is what family is about!

In high school I had a girl friend Debbie, she was my best friend all through my pregnancy, her family knew what being a family was all about. I felt a little uncomfortable at her house just because they were so open and accepting. Their house was nothing fancy, I don’t know what her dad did for a living and I can’t recall if her mom worked, what I do remember is walking through the door and how relaxed everyone was. At one point her mom was trying to quit smoking and found laying in the tub helped her cravings. They only had one bathroom and she was in the tub day and night. Everyone went in and used the bathroom anyway. Her mom would call out from the bathroom, “Hey Deb can you grab me something to drink”. I think eventually she started smoking again. Deb’s grandma lived with them and often times she would be having a beer with Deb’s dad and watching the game with Deb’s two brother’s. Deb’s was attractive, to quote her, “If you’ve got it flaunt it”, but not stuck up, she was trust worthy and a good solid friend and I think she could tell her parents anything. Deb always had summer jobs as did her brothers, I think they were all good kids. When my folks called to see if Deb knew where I was when I ran away because I was pregnant I know that Deb and her Mom went to my folks house. Her mom encouraged her to tell them what she knew and I know her mom was concerned for me and my safety. She knew I was pregnant long before my folks did. I haven’t talked to Deb in 35 years but I bet she is one of the few who stayed married and raised her family, I just have a feeling.
Another family I look at with admiration is my friend Kathy’s family. I bet they’d be surprised to know that because they are just an ordinary family in their minds, doing what comes naturally and they probably don’t appreciate what they have as being anything special.

I met Kathy when we worked together at Fraser Valley Foods, 20+ years ago. At that time she was with her first husband. I don’t think her mom ever worked outside of the home and I’m not sure what her dad did because he was already retired when I met her. but her folks held the mortgage on her house and when her and her husband needed a new vehicle the folks lent them the money. When they shut work down and we all got laid off Kathy didn’t have the stress most of us did, sure she had to pay her folks back, but I believe it was without interest and if she missed a payment or two no one was going to foreclose on her. She had her house paid off before most people ever do. Her second husband went back to school several times because he couldn’t decide what he wanted to do and the mom and dad helped them out every time.

Kathy played baseball with my last husband, actually she introduced him and I. Her and I both love to dance and she had asked me to come to a ball dance and I said only if she could find me someone to dance with. And the rest is history, like she said later, I said he was a good dancer, I didn’t say marry him! Anyway I digress.

Her mom never missed a ball game, she would arrive with the family dog, a bag of Spitz, and cold drinks to cheer the team on. Her dad didn’t like to travel but her mom took trips with friends and they appeared to have a very nice life. Her mom was mom to the whole ball team.

Her brother lived at home, he was a fair amount older than Kathy and had never married. I had thought it was strange that he still lived at home but once I met him, it just seemed natural. He had a good job and took a transfer to Vancouver Island and lived there until he retired and then he moved back home.

After Kathy’s father died and before her brother moved back home it became apparent Kathy’s mom couldn’t manage the big house on her own so Kathy and her 2nd husband sold her house and built a beautiful suite attached to her mom’s house. That way they were there if she needed anything. When Kathy’s husband left her she was understandably devastated but she had no worries financially and she didn’t have to do it alone. She works as a travel agent and doesn’t make a lot of money but she doesn’t have to and when she is gone her mom and brother are there to care for her two dogs. I was over there about a year ago and I was envious of the relationship Kathy has with her brother and how they all take care of each other. When the mom dies I’d imagine Kathy and her brother will continue on in that house. I can’t imagine them fighting over money like so many families do.

To me it just shows that if a family sticks together it all works out in the end. It is synchronicity at its finest, they do “family” well. Unfortunately it isn’t always possible in families, even when they try and it’s getting harder because couples rarely stay together any more. Children don’t live with both their biological parents and often times have several step parents, 1/2 siblings and parents buy bumper stickers that say “I am spending my children’s inheritance”. Hey more power to them, as they say, they worked hard for that money and they want to enjoy it. But I don’t think Kathy’s mom would ever say she isn’t enjoying the way she spent her money. She doesn’t have a fancy house, I bet the kitchen is the same as when they build the house 50 years ago, and she doesn’t drive a fancy car but she has her kids right there and she knows she will probably live in her house until the day she dies. That is a hell of a lot of peace of mind.

I am not criticizing anyone for their life choices, we all do what we feel is best for us but when you see a family functioning as it should, for the good of the family, I think they deserve to be recognized for that. The thing is; they are just doing what comes naturally and don’t know they are special. But isn’t that what makes someone special? The fact that they don’t know it.

As Christmas approaches I try to not think about family because my son won’t be coming home this year. Not that I have a home for him to come home to. My brother and his wife have recently split and I am not welcome in my mom’s house by my step dad.
It’s ok, I think I will volunteer at a soup kitchen or something maybe decorate my truck and drive around handing out hot cocoa and turkey dinner to homeless people. It won’t be the first Christmas I’ve spent alone and it shouldn’t matter anyway. Family shouldn’t need a special holiday to get together.

There was a time not long ago I would be into my Christmas baking full steam by now and spending every weekend making cabbage rolls, swedish meatballs, antipasto, cookies, squares, tourtierre, my own Christmas crackers, and I’d be chomping at the bit to put up a tree. I’ve had some mighty fine Christmas’s in my day, mighty fine!.

Do you have plans made for Christmas yet?

Thanks for listening. Hugs from Carrie
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