Here is the post from Chump Lady
As I was reading it I couldn’t help thinking, “Come on lady! you don’t know when to tell him you are dumping his sorry ass? You are still there and willing to stay behind with the children while he goes off to live his life with God knows who?” But I am no one to talk.
When you are in the middle of this kind of shit show you are not thinking straight. It is so obvious to everyone else but your heart and your head are not connecting, you aren’t thinking straight, you are so accustomed to having your feelings ignored and being treated like you are the sick warped one; you can’t think clearly and protect yourself.
When my ex went to Sudan with a Christian Charity to do “missionary” work we were split but still “dating”. He had multiple personal ads from Russian Brides to Ashley Madison (btw I thought Ashley Madison was like Victoria Secret and had no idea it was a cheating site. Naive yes I know). I thought it was the most unselfish thing he had ever done and if he followed through and actually went I would give him another chance when he came back. I allowed him to stay with me until he left and his mother and I promised to contact each other when one of us heard from him because he was going to be so far from any kind of civilization communication was going to be difficult. I won’t go into the whole story because I wrote about it here. I warn you, it is a long post and was written in 2012 so I was not fully healed and still discovering the depth to my ex’s evilness.
After just rereading it I am amazed at what I put up with and what I lived with, all those years wasted worrying about whether he had personal ads, impregnated anyone, still communicating with some young woman in Sudan. I should have kicked his ass to the curb years prior to any of this crazy shit happening.
I hope the woman who wrote to Chump Lady takes her advice to heart but I have my doubts; she will want to be fair and honest and will tell him what she is planning in hopes he will finally realize she is serious and not want to lose her. He will lay some guilt trip on her and she will doubt herself and cling to the dream and hope, just happy that he told her a good enough lie that she could continue to lie to herself.
I am hoping this post will help some of you to realize how out of touch with reality the victim gets and you will truly understand why no contact is so vital to recovery and ever finding happiness.