Tag Archives: inner peace

3 Million Hits

Three Million Hits!! Compared to many blogs out there, 3 million is no big deal when they are spread out over almost 7 yrs, but for me it is mind blowing that, that many people found value in what I had to say. The fact that I have almost 3000 followers who actually signed up for more posts from me is equally unbelieveable! As I have said before; when I first started my blog my only hope was that some day, some random woman would be searching the net trying to figure out, “what the hell happened to me?”, stumble upon my blog and know she is not alone. 

My tag line at the time was something like; “I don’t know where I am going but you are welcome to join me on my journey to find answers.”

It took a few months before I even had one hit; and that almost gave me an anxiety attack! It was fine and dandy as long as no one was actually reading what I wrote. I started to realize I was far from alone with my pain and confusion, I was getting hits from all corners of the world, from straight people to gay, rich and poor, young and old, religious and atheist, men and women; there was an epidemic world wide!! And there weren’t a lot of people talking about it, not honestly, there were blogs that told you what to do, leave. But no one was talking about the insanity of living with a narcissist, the roller coaster ride of emotions, gas lighting, manipulation and how absolutely helpless the victim feels. I remember the first time I decided to share some of the absolutely bizarre things my ex did; I was so afraid everyone would think I was crazy, lying, or deserving of the abuse I received, but the response I got was the exact opposite! I had more comments than ever before, people saying, “OMG! That happened to me too” or “It’s like you lived my life”.

It seemed the more personal experienced I shared the more people could relate to what I was saying and I felt an even greater responsibility to speak honestly and openly AND to not give up on my journey to find answers and ultimately heal myself. I couldn’t very well kill myself when I had all these people coming to me for answers, I didn’t want anyone to think dying was the answer. 

I look back now over the almost 7 years since I started this journey and I am amazed at; how my life has changed, how much I have grown, how much I have learned about myself and other people, and how rewarding the blog has been and how my attitude has changed from 7 years ago. I no longer think of my ex as the worst thing that ever happened to me and now view him as the catalyst to one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Don’t get me wrong, in no way do I believe he ever had any intention of being a positive influence in my life. I give myself credit for turning a negative into a positive and not allowing him to destroy me as he intended.

It has been a gradual thing and I have had my obstacles along the way that I can’t blame on my ex, but I learned one very important thingthrough the blog, I can be totally honest about my mistakes, voice my honest opinion and I am accepted and even liked for who I am. I never knew inner peace, no matter how strong I had been or obstacles I over came prior to meeting my ex; I never had true inner peace and had always struggled with self doubt.  I learned one very important truth through all this, self doubt comes from not living true to your core self, it comes when we try to be someone we are not, someone we think other people want us to be, because we feel like an impostor. I also learned that I don’t want to change who I am, I may not like everything about myself but I am a work in progress and I will strive to be a better person until the day I die. I also learned that we all screw up and we can all make amends, get back on the horse, forgive ourselves and make tomorrow a fresh start. Living with regret serves no useful purpose, learn from the past, yes; but to dwell on the past only ruins your future and to worry about the future and what might happen ruins your today. 

I had always worried I would never find my purpose for being here. Finding their purpose is not something everyone concerns themselves with but I feel I my purpose is the same as everyone’s purpose, be the best person I can be and help others if I can; by sharing my experiences and what I have learned. 

I was afraid that when I was unable to post to the blog it would die and fade away, but it continues to grow (albeit at a slower pace) and attract followers. Just the other day I received another thank you from someone who was helped by the blog. I always appreciate hearing from people who were helped in some way but as with any time I give, whether it is money, time or compassion; over the years I have received so much more back.

So today I want to thank you, my followers and readers. Thank you for sharing your story, for your support, (emotionally and financially) throughout the years. Thank you for coming along on my journey. Although I would say I am healed, my journey continues because it is a life long journey of self discovery and acceptance.

I was with Stella yesterday and she was laying in the sun. Some people were walking by andshe got up to greet them. They said what a lucky dog she is to have a mom a who provides her such a good life. I replied that she has never known anything else and probably doesn’t fully appreciate how good she has it. I thought for a second and added, “her momma has it pretty good also”.  I may not like where I live, I may not be where I had thought I would be at this age but all in all, right now; my life is good.  I always think about the serenity prayer

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change

Courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

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The Top Ten Truths 6 Years Out

I titled this the top ten truths after 6 years out because I am sure you will discover, as I did; that the longer you are out of the relationship with a narcissist the clearer your thinking becomes and what matters to you changes dramatically.

I left my ex in November 2010 and thought I would love him forever and couldn’t live without him. Now 6 years out, six years, SIX YEARS!! OUT !! I can not believe how different my attitude is, how much I have grown as a person and how much inner peace I have found.

Today I wanted to share with you some of the major truths I have discovered personally since leaving the narcissist/psychopath and focussing on MY recovery and happiness.

#1. I CAN survive without him in my life and once I stopped torturing myself with thoughts of “what could have been”, “how unfair it was that I invested so much into the relationship”, stopped trying to justify my actions while in the relationship and stopped wondering how he was treating the new woman; I was able to work on me.

#2. I am not that powerful. I do not have the power to turn a normal loving man into a psychopath and I certainly do not have the ability to change a psychopath into a normal loving human being.

#3. I was not happy. I was so busy trying to make him happy I totally over looked the fact that he could not make me happy and wasn’t even willing to try to make me happy.

#4. Not everyone is going to like me or love me and that is ok. I don’t like everyone I meet so what makes me think I am so great that everyone should love me? Some people are not meant to be friends, that is no reflection on my worth as a person.

#5. Never make decisions because you feel pressured. If you don’t know what you should do, do nothing. Often times the answer will come on its own. Very rarely is there a need to make a decision in panic or anxiety, usually when we feel panicked about something it is because other people are pressuring us. Take time to yourself away from the person pressuring you and use your logical, rational self to decide. ie: the narcissist is pressuring you to go back and try again. You don’t know if you should. What is the worst that can happen if you make him wait? He finds someone else? then your decision is made for you isn’t it?

#6. You can have inner peace even when your world is falling apart. If you live true to your core beliefs and never allow anyone to manipulate you into doing something you are uncomfortable with and if you speak your truth with kindness but conviction; you will always have inner peace no matter what is going on in your life. People confuse inner peace with having everything perfect in your life. But we can have everything we ever thought we needed and wanted and not have inner peace.

#7. You can have disagreements with people and still have a relationship with them. It’s ok to get angry, it is ok to say no, it is ok to walk away. We/I had always worried about what people thought of me, made choices in my life based on what other’s thought I should do or even more dangerous, based on what I thought they wanted me to do. When I decided to live true to myself I found I had to stand up for myself a lot more…….. and that was ok. It felt uncomfortable at first but it got easier and now it feels damn good! I refuse to be pressured into anything and if I am feeling pressured I remove myself from the situation (this year it meant I walked out of my mom’s house on Mother’s Day. I felt a bit of guilt over it, for a short while, but I thought about it and to do anything else would have not been living my truth. She was wanting me to make a decision about a place to live, I was unsure about it, in fact I hated it. So I was taking time to make the decision. As it turns out I did move into the place but negotiated a much better rent, and I still hate the place, it is not home to me, but it was the best option I had/have for now. BUT I have inner peace about it because I made the decision on my own and not because she pressured me into it. Recently she told me, now she can see why I don’t like it and why I was so hesitant.

#8. You will never make everyone happy, there is always going to be someone who thinks you aren’t doing it right, whatever “it” is, so you might as well make yourself happy by living true to yourself.

#9. Living true to yourself does not mean you are being selfish, in fact it makes it easier to be unselfish. If you only do things that are true to your core values and desires; then you can give freely without expectations or disappointments.

#10. When you start living true to your core self there is no need for approval, no need to be right, no guilt, and no need to control.

The greatest truth I learned since leaving my ex is: I am enough, I am a good person and when I live true to my core self and stop listening to other people tell me who I am or should be; I am more confident and self assured. I am at peace.

Expectations – Do They Set Us Up For Disappointment?

I received a birthday greeting from someone from the blog this week, this woman’s relationship ended one month before mine and she was saying how much the blog helped her to heal. Five years after D day and this is how she closed her message; it brought tears to my eyes;

“My peace is now profound.  I do so enjoy my life now and am still very happily single and doing so much with it!”

Read that again and really soak it in. Do you understand why those two lines made me tear up? 

Some people never attain inner peace, I am not even sure most people know what inner peace is; they are so focused on finding “happiness”, waiting for someone else to bring them joy, being disappointed over and over again when people don’t live up to their expectations. It is impossible to find peace while you are waiting for other people to give you happiness, your worth, your reason for being here. My ex used to blame me for him hurting me; one of his favorite lines was, “If you had no expectations you wouldn’t be disappointed”.  Eventually I stopped having any expectations of him or anyone else and I went numb inside. I shut off all feelings, oh sure it still hurt when he didn’t come home at night, but I stopped expecting him to be home. If he showed up, great; if he didn’t, oh well. His sister even said to me, “Aren’t you pissed? where is he? how can you just calmly sit there? I would be losing it if it was MY boyfriend.”

I had learned that to react only meant I would have to deal with more gas lighting,  more blame shifting, more word salad and just might get me a punch to the head; but worse than any of that…… I would be told how little value I had and that no man would want me or put up with what my ex had and my soul could not take it.

What was the point to getting angry? nothing ever changed and more importantly;  I was not prepared to leave. I felt my happiness, my very existence relied on my ex loving me and me pleasing my ex. Him showing any kind of approval or acceptance had become my life support. 

Is it possible to have any relationship and not have expectations? I don’t think so. We all have expectations of the people in our lives and they of us. The secret of having expectations is to not let them ruin your inner peace. 

My ex used to use another Dr. Phil Type quote, “No one else can be responsible for your happiness.”

Also a very true statement, but it needs clarification. NO, no one is responsible for your happiness but they can be responsible for your unhappiness and if you find you are consistently unhappy with someone it is your responsibility to not let them ruin your happiness. When my ex said his actions should not affect MY mood, it was a cop out. He was taking a true statement and twisting it to suit his purpose. 

It is true that no one can make you feel worthless unless you let them. A victim of a narcissist doesn’t see it coming and by the time the N is making them feel worthless they are so far down they can’t see the sun any more. But once you know what you are dealing with you have to break the spell and save yourself. It is hard, dang hard, I know and I remember having long talks with myself for a couple of years after leaving him. You are breaking an addiction to his approval, it is going to take time, don’t give up.

Keep reminding yourself that you can not control him or his actions, only your own. You can not fix him, only yourself, to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results is a sign of insanity. 

Before my ex I was an independent woman who took shit from no one, male or female. ( I had a long fuse, but once I reached my limit I was not wishy washy in defending myself and sticking to my guns) Everyone who knew me was waiting for me to have my fill and kick him to the curb; I was waiting for me to have my fill and kick him to the curb, walk away. It never happened.

A common lament of victim’s of a narcissist is, “I am not the same person. Will I ever get the old me back?”

The answer is “No”.

It is not possible to sleep with the devil, LOVE the devil and ever be the same again. BUT you can be a better version of yourself, you CAN find inner peace and a whole new life.

When I met my ex I had high expectations of everyone in my life but I worked very hard to exceed the expectations of the people around me. My self worth was very much wrapped up in the approval of others. I loved to entertain and cook for people but the torture I put myself through making sure the house was spotless, the meal was perfection and I was the epitome of a perfect host was not worth it.

Because of my own high expectations of myself I had given everyone who knew me a false sense of who I was. 

I also drank a lot!! because deep down I am a shy person and needed the liquid courage.

To put it plain and simple; I was not living true to myself, I was living up to other people’s expectations of who they thought I should be and who I thought they thought I should be. But one thing for sure, I was not living true to my core self. The only way to ever have inner peace is to be living true to yourself.

People have asked me how I can have inner peace when I am homeless and my life is in such turmoil. Inner peace has nothing to do with your outward world; it has to do with what is going on inside. For the first time in my life I am living true to MY standards, what is important to ME, and by MY moral code of conduct.

Some people don’t like it, they expect me to still jump through their hoops and live according to their rules. We all have to abide by common courtesy rules and have respect for other people’s rights and possessions. I am not talking about being like a narcissist and ignoring everyone else’s rights or just doing whatever we damn well please any time we damn well please. There is a happy middle ground.

It is not narcissistic to live according to your own standards and not accept bad treatment. 

I am not saying to become selfish to a fault, only to stop looking to others for your self worth, learn who you are inside, accept who you are. You ARE a good person, and if you find something about yourself you don’t like, you can change it. No one is perfect, NO ONE, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has some baggage. You are not defined by your mistakes or other’s opinion of you; only you can decide your worth.

I have always valued my reputation, even after my ex and I split I was proud that my reputation was intact. Well, he set about destroying that too and with some people he succeeded in changing their view of me. I struggled with that, a lot!! but when it comes right down to it, there is absolutely nothing I can do about it except live MY truth and carry on.

Like someone wise person said once, “What other people think of us is none of our business.”

What gives a person inner peace is living true to yourself no matter what other think or say.

That my friends is probably the hardest and greatest lesson I have taken away from being with a narcissist.

 

Put The Bullshit Aside – This Is All That Matters

As promised I am posting another comment made by a visitor of the blog. I read it, walked away, cried, my heart broke, I took a moment of silent reflection; I hope she felt the hug I was sending her through the miles. I find it hard to imagine she didn’t feel it because I could feel it almost like she was in my arms.
I thought I had composed myself enough to reply without tears but the minute I put my fingers down to type the tears were streaming down my face. This woman has lived my greatest nightmare, I can not possibly know what she has lived through, just trying to imagine brings me to my knees. 
But as with all tragedy, there are lessons to be learned and she has a very important lesson to share, one I felt deserving of it’s own post.
You see, this will be the one thousands post, there have been over 22,000 comments made on the blog; about every subject possible to do with narcissists. We rant, rave, do our own arm chair analysis of the relationship, we try to figure out why he did what he did, who he did it with, we discuss all we lost, how we don’t know how we will carry on, start over, ever find love again………. and we beat the subject into the ground for months, sometimes years, before we pull ourselves up and take control of our happiness once again. Hopefully!! Some of us will go back a couple more times, believe his lies until we believe our lies, putting value on worthless things and devaluing the only things worth anything at all, things that are priceless and irreplaceable. 
I hope you will read her comment, take a few minutes to absorb it and understand it and then read it a couple more times. It is THAT important. It is a message I have tried to convey but this message is coming from someone who has lived it and therefore is an authority on the subject of “What is really important in life”. 
When you have everything taken away you are left trying to figure out who you are. For years you have been someone’s daughter, wife, mother, you are identified by the car you drive, the neighborhood and house you live in, who your friends are, your profession, the size of your bank account. Some people go their whole life defining themselves by material things and what other people think of them, determining their worth in the world but all these meaningless worthless things. 
Without all these things who are you? That is when you have to be totally honest, face the true demons, the ones inside you, you have to just be you. You are all you have, if you let yourself down you have no one to blame. 
Here is Liz’s comment, she says it better than I.
Liz Catherine
January 8, 2016 at 12:41 pm

I want to bring a new perspective to these discussions with the hope of moving forward. I have posted here before and so I receive the latest comments which have recently saddened me.

My son was killed in an accident 3 years ago, and what I live with is that I allowed my partner to try to steal from our time and happiness together for 5 years before he died, aged 20. I allowed my ex to have greater needs to the sitting room than we did, to the extent that we stayed in the kitchen at all times. I allowed my ex, through controlling and manipulative tactics, to make me feel guilty for us being there or laughing with my boys and disturbing his peace (even though my sons and I were far quieter and more polite out of fear, than is healthy). I allowed that, no matter what the reason.. fear of confrontation, abandonment, approval or love.

The last time my son, Tom, spent the day with me at our house, there was a miracle.. my ex was out. We laughed, sang and played games free from the cold stare and judgement of being our happy selves. Tom wanted to play my ex’s accoustic guitar for us to sing to. Although he was a very talented guitarist, I knew I had to phone to ask my ex for permission. The answer was a straight, cold ‘No’ and no reason given. We smiled at each other compassionately, drove to fetch Tom’s own guitar, and had a magical afternoon of singing and playing our favourite songs. It is a memory I cherish, like all of the memories of him being with me in this life, and that day was only 4 days away from never being able to see him again. Nobody will ever steal the joy I shared with my son, and what is absolutely certain, is that noone could ever take a moment’s happiness from his life.. Tom was joy and love and thankfulness personified.

We can all be selfish and put our own needs for love/approval/money or anything else before what is really and truly important in this life. If you’ve lost a world of assets at the hand of a narcissist, but have your loved ones and your own soul in tact, then you haven’t lost at all. You’ve learnt a lesson. I learnt a lesson too.. that only Love gives us the ability to be honest about ourselves, to be grateful for what we have and have had, and to let go of the need to feel wounded. The loss of a child shows you that there is NO loss you can possibly suffer that comes close to their loss of their future. The only thing you can do in the face of it, is to go forth and live out your own future with integrity and love for others, in their place. If you can learn this lesson of letting go of everything but Love, without having to lose what is actually most precious of all to you, then you will have understood.

Sleeping Single In A Double Bed

Sleeping single in a double bed

When I went to bed last night I went with Stella. When I woke up about 3 am I had four big dogs in bed with me, all who weigh somewhere between 65 and 85 lbs. I had one behind my knees, one with their head on my shoulder, another one against my stomach and one at my feet. I didn’t dare move because that could cause a chain reaction I don’t want to experience at 3 am. Best to leave sleeping dogs lay.

I have not been around much lately because I have been trying to get myself centered again, figure out where I am going and what path I am supposed to be on. You see, often in life just when you think you are on the right path, life throws you a curve ball and throws you off course. Sometimes we are so focused on what we think should be happening in our lives we totally miss the fact that maybe we are on the wrong path.

If you are anything like me you hate to give up, on anything, a relationship, a job, a friendship, you follow through, you carry through on promises, you are loyal and …… well…….. rather stubborn. Then the ego gets involved, we don’t want to fail, we don’t want to admit we weren’t able to make it work. We get confused about some basic truths and we need to sit back, take a deep breath and get out of our own way. We do not always see things clearly, we do not always know what is best for us and we do not know when to let something go and that walking away is not failing……. sometimes walking away is the only way to succeed, the only smart thing to do.

When you are a strong, independent woman it is really hard to sit back and let things unfold the way they need to and not try to make them unfold as we think they should. We waste a lot of energy fighting the natural progression of things.

I would not have been with James 10 years if I would have let things just run their course, if I hadn’t been trying to fix things all the time and just let him prove himself to be who he was I would have been out of there years prior!!

I would have saved myself a whole lot of grief if I would not have defined myself as “The Lady Witha Truck”, I clung to that truck and business like it was me, my identity, my worth.

So many women attached their identity and worth to

  • The man in their life
  • The house they live in
  • The job the do
  • The money they have
  • I was reading a comment on Chumplady’s site the other day and the victim of infidelity was obsessed the new woman was using her stove.

Now I know what she is really upset about is not the stove but that is what she has chosen to focus on. We don’t realize we are doing it until we look back years later with a clear head. But I believe we can do it at the time it is happening if we force ourselves to, DO NOTHING!

  • do not respond
  • do not check FB
  • do not text demanding answers
  • do not beg
  • do not try to figure out why – why does not matter once you know he is a narcissist. I know I did it, I snooped, I tried to make things “add up” but they never do and even when you do figure out that he was cheating like you always suspected; it is fleeting gratification. So you proved you were right all along and should have left years ago, congratulations.

When your heart is breaking being “right” is a small consolation.

What will help you to heal and get back on track with your life is to stop placing your happiness on the actions of someone else and figuring out what will make you feel happy and fulfilled. And don’t you dare say, “All I wanted was for him to be honest and faithful. I just wanted the man I met back” Because that is not an option. That is what YOU wanted, what you fought for for so long and how did that work out for you? THAT is not an option so strike it off your list.

If the next thing on your list is, “Find a man who will love me and appreciate me for who I am.” strike that off your list also because no man is going to “give” you happiness and self worth; not long term.

You need to start listening to your little inner voice, not the one that is screaming you are not worthy; the tiny voice that speaks the truth, the one that tells you that you deserve to be happy, loved and you are enough.

When you live true to yourself you can not help but be happy, when what people think of you doesn’t determine your value you can’t help but feel you are enough.

Some people might think, how can she talk about self worth and inner peace when her life is in a shambles? That is the amazing thing, my life is in a shambles financially and I still have inner peace, I have disagreements with people and I still have inner peace, I sleep alone and my bed is full of love and peace (until the dogs wake up).

I forgot and slid into my old ways for a few months just before Christmas and I needed to step back and reevaluate my goals, adjust my attitude and reassess my expectations and how I need to proceed.

There was a time I had the time to dedicate to this blog to answer everyone who came here, give long in depth replies with links to other posts and sites and it was very rewarding and helped a lot of people. It is not realistic for me to keep dedicating that much time when I need to support myself. Yes, I do get donations and some people are extremely generous, every single donation I get brings tears to my eyes because whether it is $5 or hundreds of dollars, it shows me people care and I am making a difference in people’s lives.

Not only do I need to make money, I am stagnating repeating myself over and over again. I have never been happy in a job that doesn’t challenge me to learn and grow. Repetition is poison for my attitude and self esteem.

The pressure to make money made  me back slide into some unhealthy choices; one of which was to go to Hinton to paint. My mom was the first to say she thought it was a mistake because of my heart; I knew it deep down but my ego wouldn’t allow me to admit I can’t do what I used to plus I was afraid of what other people would think of me if I turned down work when I need money so badly. Well when I got to Hinton it became obviously really quickly that it was a mistake. I took myself aside and had a stiff talking to myself, was risking a heart attack worth $10/hr, (plus I was expected to buy my own food)? Was a friendship? was there anything more important than my health? If I had another stroke and ended up partially paralyzed would anyone praise me for over working myself and would it make me feel ok about being paralyzed? I had to admit I was jeopardizing my whole future for false pride and worrying what other people would think. So I told my friend I could not do the job and I took the bus home that morning at 4 am. I apologized, I felt bad about leaving her stuck but I had made a mistake and it was better to admit my mistake than try to make something work that was not in my best interest. We ALL make mistakes or bad choices, you CAN change your mind!

In my life I have said I am sorry many times just to keep the peace but you know what? keeping the peace does not give you inner peace. In fact it can create a ton of inner conflict and self doubt. Keeping the peace is not always the right thing to do, living true to yourself is the right thing to do.

I am working at the golf course and really enjoying it right now, it is what I do well and it is a bit of a learning curve.

I plan on being here on a more consistent basis and hope to get into some sort of rhythm soon.

I just wanted to say that it doesn’t matter where you are in life, one year after leaving the N, 5 years, 25 years or if you were raised by an N; you always have to stop, reflect and double check you are pursuing the right things and giving value to the right things; things that are in YOUR best interest. If you aren’t, then reset your course.

 

Putting the Pieces Of Me Back Together

I just posted this on No Reim’er Reason, to read the whole post all you have to do is join the new interactive blog No Reim’er Reason for a mere $15 for a life time membership.

For those of you who have already joined the site, we have over 20 members now, remember to click on the Follow Button in the sidebar so you get notified of new posts and comments.

I changed the format of the blog because the chat feature was just not working. Now the blog is interactive like a chat room, hopefully it will be sufficient  if not, I will keep searching until I find the answer. This format is supposed to work just like a chat room, so here’s hoping.

I have been there every day at 11, but only one person showed up so far. If the time is not convenient for you please let me know and we will try to work out a time that works for most people. This is our blog, not mine, so I want your input.

Putting The Puzzle Back Together,

puzzle heart

After James and I split I literally felt as if I was in a million pieces, I didn’t even know who I was any more and nothing felt natural to me. It was a bizarre feeling, scary, I stuttered and stammered when I went out in public, I would have thoughts in my head, logical and intelligent conversation but somehow by the time it got to my mouth I couldn’t put an intelligent sentence together, I forgot words, forgot what I was going to say; I felt like a fool. I had always been very outspoken and able to get my point across, what was wrong with me? If I tried to be funny my humor fell flat, I had always been able to come back with a witty one liner if a guy hit on me and now I could not flirt to save my life; all things that had been second nature to me prior. I had been an excellent cook and now I burned toast, I had been a obsessive house cleaner and now my place was a pig sty, I didn’t know what I wanted to eat, even in a restaurant I couldn’t make up my mind. At home I ate microwave dinners, just because I knew I had to eat and it saved me having to think if what to cook. AND to top it all off all I could talk about was James, because he was always in my mind, over shadowing everything I did.

I didn’t know how to have casual chit chat, I felt out of touch with the world, like I had been gone from civilization for years and just come back and everyone had left me behind. I had nothing in my life that could relate to what my old friends were doing now.

Who was I? and how on earth was I ever going to function in this world that seemed so foreign to me after James? I had always had being the Lady Witha Truck to fall back on as my identity, but he had stripped me of that before discarding me, so I was lost, who was Carrie is she wasn’t someone’s partner and she didn’t have a job, what defined me?

Offer Only Good Until 2016 – Be The Best You, You Can Be

I am offering membership to my new blog at $15 until the end of 2015, that will entitle you to a lifetime membership. In 2016 there will be a monthly fee to belong.

I have designed the blog to be more interactive and am committed to spending 2 hours a day on the site to answer questions live, 11 am – 1 pm daily.

This site is comfortable, we all talk about the narcissist and how horrible he is and what he put us through, which is good for awhile, but at some point you have to stop talking about the narcissist and start looking at yourself and doing things for yourself. There is a very real danger of getting stuck in the victim mode as you embed the narc into your brain deeper and deeper by talking about him.

There are women who are lifetime members of these support forums, never rising above being a victim because they have become a victim and don’t know how to be anything else. Being a victim has many appealing things about it, you never have to take responsibility for your actions, you can blame the narc for everything bad that happens to you, you always have something to talk about, and it is a role you know and feel comfortable in plus it keeps you attached to the narc in some tiny way. Letting go of being a victim means you have to let go of the narcissist.

But to just quit the blog and start dating is a dangerous step also because you haven’t done the inner work and still not taking responsibility for your own happiness and peace. So many victims of a narc go straight into the arms of another narc because they are looking for someone to tell them they are ok, loved and wanted and what does a narc do when he first meets a new victim? he lays on the charm. When do you discover he is a narc? when he has you hooked good. How do you protect yourself? By getting to know yourself an appreciating yourself, setting boundaries, knowing your worth. THAT is what this new blog is all about YOU.

No Reim’er Reason

Just $15 for a lifetime of support! Come on, I hope to have at least a hundred members by the new year!! Just click on the donate button, specify in the memo section of the paypal form that it is for a membership in the new blog and I will forward the password to you.

There will not be a donate button on the new blog. I hate to ask for money, I get so many private emails saying I should charge for the blog, I can’t charge everyone now that they already belong to the blog. So this is the free blog.

There are 2005 followers here, surely there are at least 100 people who want to become the best they can be. I have one member who has donated $30 towards two memberships, I have one free membership left, the 50th person to sign up with get their membership for free.