Tag Archives: Intuition

It May Sound Crazy-That Is What the N Is Counting On

If I could recommend one article everyone should read to learn about domestic violence it would be the one I posted a couple of days ago, about empaths, apaths, and sociopaths. Here is the link https://ladywithatruck.com/2013/12/25/empaths-apaths-and-sociopaths/

There is a bit of confusion about what the difference is between psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists, there is talk about lumping all three under one heading because they all have one very important trait in common and that is the lack of a conscience and empathy. The article I am referring to calls them sociopaths. In my research I have read that psychopaths are born that way and sociopaths are turned into sociopaths by some traumatic event in their youth, but if that were the case a sociopath could be fixed and there is no evidence saying that it has ever happened. As for narcissists, it is healthy to have some narcissistic traits, we need them in order to have self confidence, and it seems to me there are varying levels of narcissism which makes narcissism rather ambiguous. All psychopaths and sociopaths are narcissistic but not all narcissists are psychopaths or sociopaths. Often people get stuck trying to define what their abuser is, as if they feel they have to justify leaving the person abusing them and can only do that if the person is labelled. The thing the victim seems to forget is that they are being abused and that is never ok no matter what name you give it. I think there are guys out there who are abusive and not a psychopath but no one should stay with an abuser, ever, it is never ok for another person to abuse you physically, mentally or financially. And you will never convince me that an abuser can change, not without extensive counselling and a deep desire to change and in the 3 years I have had this blog I have not had one person come in and say their N changed for the better. Personally I feel most, if not all abusive people are narcissistic and that if you can identify many of the narcissistic traits in a person you should run to the highest hill and not stick around until they prove to be psycho.

The reason I liked the above mentioned article so much is they deal with it in a little bit different way that made a lot of sense to me and gave me a few aha moments and that doesn’t happen to me very often after 3 years of researching narcissism and hearing hundreds of women and men tell the same story of abuse.

According to this article there are three types of people; empaths, apaths and sociopaths, (or conscienceless) I am going to call them N’s for the sake of brevity but we all know I am referring to those soul sucking bastards who feed off of others pain and destruction. When you think about it, it is pretty obvious how dangerous a person without empathy can be. Empathy is what makes it possible for us to relate to how another person feels; it makes us “toe the line” for lack of a better description; empathy gives us the ability to understand how our actions affect others and because of that most people adjust their behaviour accordingly. Without empathy there is nothing to stop a person from taking whatever they want when ever they want it.

Don’t let this confuse you into thinking they don’t know what they are doing so can not be held responsible for their actions. The N knows exactly what he is doing is wrong or hurtful, he is not stupid; he just doesn’t care. Remember, their whole existence relies on their ability to read people’s emotions so they know better than anyone the effect of their actions on people; that is why they do it. I can remember so many times saying to JC, “you just don’t give a shit”; long before I knew what he was. I used to say, “I know you aren’t stupid JC, so why can you not understand why you being with other women hurts me?”

If you find yourself explaining over and over again why you are hurt or angry and your partner just doesn’t seem to “get it” you are dealing with a person incapable of empathy.

At first with JC I really believed he was honest, I truly did not think he was capable of lying; why did I believe that he was so honest? because he told me he was, he seemed so shocked and hurt whenever he was accused of lying. I defended him like a lioness protects her cub, I stood up to everyone and anyone in defense of JC. I went toe to toe with his bosses, neighbors, and my family. I realize now that is one of the reasons he kept me around for so long, I was good for his reputation. I took on the role of damage control and I was so honest and adamant in my defense of him, people had to doubt their suspicions.  Ironically, or I suppose part of his manipulation (because there isn’t much in the narcissist’s life that he doesn’t control and plan) the more he falsely accused me of shit the more I defended him and doubted my own suspicions. I knew how horrible it felt to be accused of something I hadn’t done that I didn’t want to do the same thing to him. I knew I hadn’t done what he was accusing me of so maybe I was wrong about what he was doing. See how twisted it gets after a while?

Why do we believe the N? because we believe he is a normal person like us and we know that most people when caught in a lie will admit to their lie, or at the very least act guilty, not be able to look you in the eye or give themselves away in some other way. But an N can look you right in the eye and tell a bald faced lie, swearing on a stack of bibles he is telling the truth and get totally indignant if you accuse him of lying.

He will make you an accomplice to your own abuse and the abuse of others.

How does he get you to help him destroy you, surely you would know what he was doing and not help him; that is insane. JC even told me that the best way to commit a crime is in broad daylight, because people can’t believe you would be that brazen. How did he do it?

An example: We were split at the time when I walked out to go to work one morning and saw him crawling out from under my truck, immediately I got that feeling in my gut and asked him what he was doing. He didn’t act the least bit like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar like a person with a conscience would, he didn’t stammer or seem flustered, all he said was, “Pop the hood”. and went to stand in front of my truck waiting. My gut was saying he was up to something but he interrupted my thoughts with, “Are you going to pop the hood?” I said I had to get going, I had a job waiting but he said, “It’ll just take a minute”. My mind was racing, I had no proof of anything, he was waiting and I did as I was told. He fiddled under the hood for a few minutes, had me start it, turn it off and on a few times, rev the engine etc and then slammed the hood and said, “Ok you’re good to go.” I asked what he was doing and he said something I didn’t understand because I am not mechanical and I went to work. When I went to leave my first job I had no brakes or steering, my brake line had “broken”. Coincidence? my gut told me no, but my empathy and penchant for being fair told me I was crazy to think he was capable of something like that, I could have died.

Now, N’s or the people without a conscience only make up about 5% of the population, yet they make up over 20% of the prison population and are 3 times more likely to reoffend. Those are staggering figures considering their superb acting abilities and reputation for being able to manipulate themselves out of sticky situations. Also there is a critical lack of understanding of psychopaths etc within the law enforcement sector.

Not only does the N use you to in your own destruction he recruits the unwitting help of the ampaths in the world. Apathy is almost worse than no compassion and one of the greatest tools at the narcissists disposal. Apaths can show empathy, they do have a conscience and can feel bad about hurting someone, its just that they are easily influenced and really when it comes right down to it they don’t care enough to investigate the situation, they tend to go with the flow and if the narcissist tells them things are a certain way they believe him because it sounds like it could be the truth and they don’t care enough to investigate if it is the truth. Apaths go with the majority, want to avoid any inconvenience to themselves, are easily coerced into supporting the N’s claims as fact because the narcissist strokes their ego, makes the person feel special in some way and that they are doing the “right” thing. Apaths are the people who love gossip and will happily spread a juicy rumor, they like the attention it gets them, it makes them look good by comparison and it pleases the N. Apathy is what empowered Hitler, apathy is the great enabler. Apaths are not concerned with justice and learning the facts; that would take time and there is no reward to them. An apath is not going to stand up to the masses and say “you are wrong”.

It only stands to reason that the real problem is not the psychopaths, a psychopath is powerless without the apathy that allows them to continue on their trail of destruction.  In my own life I can come up with many examples of apaths unwittingly assisting JC, even my own parents. Apathy tends to blame the victim for their situation and doesn’t try to understand the victim’s situation. JC counted on this from my parents, he knew that if I went back to him they would disown me, a lot of people say that their parents will disown them but know that when it comes right down to it their parents will be there, but mine had shown they meant it and when JC came begging me back the last time knowing full well he had no intention of keeping his promises I said to him that if I went back to him my mom and step dad would disown me and he acknowledged he knew I was right. I, being an empath thought, “who would lie about loving someone and wanting to be with them forever if they knew that the consequence to the other person would be losing their family’s support, especially since they had full intentions of deserting the person? You and I would never think of lying to someone about loving them let alone allow they to lose their family because of my lies. But a psychopath thinks nothing of it, no; wait, I am wrong, he DOES think about it, he is laughing to himself and patting himself on the back for his brilliance at manipulating his victim’s support system into being his most powerful weapon. From that day on every time we had a fight I heard, “What are you going to do? where are you going to go? why don’t you call your mother?” and he would get that smirk, turn his back to me and walk away. It was one of his favorite ways to disempower me. If I was feeling strong and defiant a simple reference to the lack of support and understanding from my family immediately deflated me.

The psychopath learns as he goes, JC studied the human mind, he was always reading about mind control, different personalities and of course every relationship he was in was an education in human behaviour. You see, they are capable of learning from their mistakes but they don’t do it in order to not hurt people, they learn in order to use it against their victims to get what they want. My parents didn’t see they were playing into his game and felt they were right to “punish” me for being so stupid to go back to him, my mom has come a long way since I left JC, I know she loves me and always has but she really did not understand that when she turned her back on me she actually handed me to JC on a silver platter, gave him exactly what he wanted and put me in extreme danger. JC’s actions would not have had the power they did without the collaboration of my parents. What gives the narcissist power is the apathy of others.

JC counted on the fact that most people will take things at face value, most people do not dig for the truth, they don’t care enough to take the time to get to the truth, people tend to take the easy road. Apaths make up 60% of the population.

Empaths have always been viewed as “weak” by society, and often told they are too sensitive but according to this article they are actually emotionally advanced and tend to go on their “feelings” and are more in tune with their own feelings and the feelings of others. The ability to sense when something is amiss is what eventually makes the victim feel they are going crazy, they feel something is wrong, but the N denies it adamantly and the rest of society seems oblivious so they start to doubt themselves. They also tend to stick it out longer than an apath would because they need proof whereas an apath will go with the majority opinion. If the empath is with the N long enough they end up shutting down completely in an attempt at self preservation.

N’s are famous for giving just enough information to appear innocent and apaths are quick to accept anything that appears believable and will take it even further by perpetuating the N’s lies. JC rarely yelled or show emotion of any kind after his mask dropped, his tactics were very covert, quietly saying things to draw the victim into an argument and then walking away, driving the victim insane by denying the obvious, making false accusations and not allowing the victim to defend themselves. The only thing the neighbors see and hear are the victim crying, yelling, pleading and generally looking like the psycho the N says she is. To the outside world he acts like the victim is his greatest love and he is the abused misunderstood soul who just can’t please her. People tell him he needs to stand up for himself and not let her walk all over him, the N always presents the image of the victim and by the time he leaves the relationship he has everyone feeling sorry for him yet behind closed doors at home he treats the victim with loathing and the victim feels anything but loved.

Remember the N is always the victim.

The first time I finally got up the nerve to tell someone what was going on behind closed doors I told a good girl friend in the park about how I thought JC hated me, she was shocked and told me that he only ever talked very highly of me. She knew he really loved me, he always bragged about my cooking and how happy he was and she had seen him bringing flowers home to me. I never told anyone about anything after that because it just made me look foolish. The N is anything but stupid.

N’s are very vindictive and vengeful but rarely let it show. they can wait years to get revenge and are passive aggressive, again, something almost impossible to nail on him. Years ago when JC was with a woman named Tina, the mother of his son, she had an ex boyfriend who was coming around and JC didn’t like it of course so he had to come up with some way of discrediting this ex boyfriend. Now a vengeful person might put sugar in the boyfriends gas tank but no, JC put the sugar in his own gas tank and then accused the boyfriend of doing it. Of course everyone is thinking, “Who the hell would ruin their own car by putting sugar in the tank?” JC told me about the incident when we first started dating and told me that Tina had helped him clean out his gas tank but his car never ran right after that.  I had no reason to disbelieve his story until his son came to live with us, then one day his son said something I didn’t hear but JC was immediately defensive and said, “Did your mom tell you he didn’t put sugar in my tank? She was the one that helped me clean the tank, she knows he did it.” All of sudden I had an epiphany, “just because there was sugar in his tank and Tina helped clean it out does not prove the guy put the sugar in.”

JC used to bitch profusely about me not working, even though he disabled my car so I couldn’t drive to look for work and passworded me out of the computer so I couldn’t use the internet, so when we split and I started hauling scrap I made sure to always pay my way in hopes of ending that argument. He could no longer complain he was packing the load. So when he started to bitch about having to do the repairs on my truck any one listening would feel sorry for him, they could see with their own eyes him working on my truck and why on earth would he purposely do things to it so he would have to fix it? I have had people look at me with disbelief and say, “Why on earth would he sabotage your truck, you could have been out making money, it was in his best interest for you to be working.” Yes it was, and it made me doubt what my gut was telling me, it didn’t make sense.

When things don’t make sense, you are dealing with a psychopath.

When we split and he went to Africa I did very well on my own, I paid for my own truck repairs and was paying my rent by myself and always had $500 in my purse and money in the bank, any given day my son could call and need money and I could send him a couple hundred, There was nothing I did without, if I needed something I bought it. I had been on my own for quite awhile and had been maintaining my truck on my own, paying for a shop to do the necessary repairs (and there were a lot less repairs with JC not around) so when he came to me begging me to take him back he mentioned he didn’t want to be responsible for doing the repairs on my truck and I agreed. I was doing it on my own, I didn’t need his help and it that was the main issue I was happy to oblige. I, of course do not think like a psychopath so didn’t consider that he might get up in the middle of the night and sabotage my truck.

I don’t think he was counting on me being as self sufficient as I was because it took him two years to accomplish his goal of destroying my business. At first I had the money to do the repairs, then I had the backing of customers who allowed me to charge my repairs, then Amix lent me $2000 that I paid back, then they lent me another $2000, he had been working so hard disabling my truck it got so that there was not one week that it ran for 5 days straight. It was a diesel truck so had to be plugged in at night for it to start the next morning, time after time it would be unplugged when I went out in the morning and JC would shrug and say he didn’t know anything about the extension cord being unplugged. Then it wouldn’t start even though it had been plugged in, I went so far as to go to the battery shop and spend over $300 buying two new batteries, all new connections and wiring to ensure my truck would start. Within a month my truck wasn’t starting again, my posts were loose, my wires worn through and my batteries didn’t match any more but of course JC told me I was crazy to think he did anything. I didn’t know how to prove it and that is when his sister marked the batteries with a felt pen and sure enough the next morning the battery with the mark on it was not under the hood. When you are alone with the N you do doubt what you are seeing with your own eyes because what they do doesn’t make sense. Why would he make me miss work? it was money out of his pocket too. It still blows my mind that the only possible reason for him to do it was to destroy me and my business. why? that is why people, apaths, don’t believe you because it doesn’t make sense.

It was inevitable that sooner or later I would run out of resources and be reliant on his help and that is when he was rewarded for his efforts, and the true torture began. He would promise the fix my truck on the weekend and then not do it. I thought I would go insane. I can’t describe the feeling, I thought I would explode, I had to numb myself, I had to or die. Every day wondering if my truck would start, and then when it didn’t having to wait for JC to fix it, having it run for a day or two and then break down again, have him promise to fix it and go weeks, literally weeks, months waiting for him to do it, not able to get angry with him because then for sure he wouldn’t fix it. I was stuck, him telling me to get the hell out, my truck broken down and no money to fix it. I get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about it, it was quite literally torture and he was determined to destroy me and I was helpless to stop him. He projected himself as the good guy whose only concern was trying to keep my truck running and I was the inconsiderate bitch that was never happy and was busting his balls to make more money. To this day he says he never got to sleep at night because he was up all night fixing my truck, that I laid around the house waiting for him to come home with booze, cigarettes, drugs and Tim Hortons and bitching when he didn’t bring me enough of each. No one questioned why he had to keep working on my truck if he was the expert mechanic he always professes to be. He brags that he can fix anything and he can, so why did my truck sit in the driveway for months not running. If I didn’t want to work why did I pay people to drive me around picking up my scrap? OK I get it that his new woman and friends have no way of knowing what I was doing or not doing, but you would think that some one with half a brain would eventually go, “hold it, the truck wad only worth $10,000, and he is saying he put $10,000 into it. He says he is such a good mechanic why was the truck never running?” It doesn’t make sense. The people who knows me and have listened to him have come to me in his defense and I easily proved he was lying. I left the relationship with repairs bills at two shops, owing $5000 to his step dad for truck repairs and a truck that was not running. yet he tells everyone, including me that he did everything within his power to ‘help” me get on my feet when we split. I will never forget the night he called me and said he had to change the tranny fluid on my truck and to meet him at the Kal Tire in Langley. I fully expected to be waiting for hours but he was there when I got there, with a sub sandwich for me. I thought, “maybe he is really trying”.

Beware of an N bearing gifts.

He “worked” on my truck for a couple of hours and when he was done it wouldn’t go more than 5 miles an hour. He said, “I have to go to work in the morning, if you have trouble give me a call.” I told him I couldn’t make it home with the truck running that way. He just left, the truck would barely move and I called and called and he didn’t answer. It took me hours but I finally made it about 3/4 of the way home when I was faced with a slight hill, no matter how I tried the truck would not go up the hill and would power out half way up. Finally a cop stopped to see what the problem was.  He was a nice guy and let me try a few more times and then said he had to get it towed, it was a hazard to leave parked on the side of the road. I didn’t have the money for a tow truck (which JC knew) so the truck got impounded by the tow yard until the bill was paid.

I called JC the next morning and he acted so sorry, didn’t know how on earth he missed my calls and promised to pay the charges on payday.  It was just before Christmas 2010, I was broke, and had no choice but to pray he meant it. Payday came and went and then he denied ever saying he would pay to get it out. After a month with the charges now almost $1000 I was going to lose my truck and he called to say he had a friend who would buy my truck for the charges out standing on the truck. Seeing as I was going to lose the truck anyway, and I might be able to get a few hundred for myself. The light bulb went on……….he had always liked my truck and it was nicer than his, I knew he always wanted it and had suspected he would somehow get it for himself. When he came up with a figure of over $10,000 for repairs on it I figured he thought I would sign the truck over to him because that is all the truck was worth. But I refused. I knew now that if I did the deal with his “buddy” I would see JC driving it within a week. I told him hell would freeze over before I sold the truck to any friend of his.

I called his step dad and told him I was going to lose the truck, he was surprised, he said JC would never let that happen after all the work he had put into it. I said, “Its happening.” His step dad said he’d get back to me. He called an hour later and said he was taking the ferry the next day, picking JC up on his way to Abbotsford to pick me up and we were going to get my truck. Which we did and I am sure JC was fuming inside, but he never let it show. I had thwarted his plan. Another reason for him to want revenge.

With these people you can not win. If you allow them to use you, you lose. If you refuse to allow them to get their way, they seek revenge and ………..you lose.

When the victim is upset by the lies the N is telling about her other people say, “Who cares what he says, forget about him.” But if you have been in a relationship with an N you know how damaging his lies can be. He knows that all he has to do is tell a few key people a few lies about you, sit back and watch the apaths do his dirty work. He knows that if a lie is told often enough eventually it becomes fact in everyone’s eyes.

So often the new woman is terribly cruel to the ex partner and acts like a narcissist themselves, but in actual fact they are probably an apath; capable of empathy but easily influenced by the N’s charms and not really concerned with justice or getting to the truth. He has played to victim and “confided” in her how he is so ashamed he allowed himself to be so weak to abused by his ex, he started telling her that she was so understanding, not like his ex, he can talk to her. She is so complimented and feels so special and superior to the other woman she is hell bent on rubbing the ex’s nose in how perfect she is for the N. Again he sits back and just marvels in his ability to get others to do his bidding. An empath would be unlikely to play into that role for the N, but an apath would soak it up and revel in her role as the superior partner for the N.

I don’t think anyone ever figures out exactly how an N’s mind works but I have had snippets revealed to me that has helped me get over him. One is after we split and he showed up on my doorstep wanting to “help me be successful like him because I was one of his people” and one day I would realize how much he cares for me. I had said no thanks. But he had insisted I let things “play out” that no one knows what the future holds, oh I knew alright, I had been reliving the past for 10 years and now he was involved with someone else and I was supposed to hang on as a groupie making M feel insecure and giving him more opportunity to hurt me. Yeah, really?
While he was there he told me his ex (two exs removed) had died and he managed to squeeze out a few tears and said, “I don’t know why I am crying, we have been apart for years”. I offered up, “Because you ruined her life?” he had his script rehearsed and he had not rehearsed a response to that so said nothing.  Then looked at me with that smirk and said, “She sure hated you.” I asked why, she didn’t even know me, we had never met. He quite matter of factly said because we were so happy and lasted 10 years. I was obviously surprised by that and asked him, “We were happy? you were happy?” He shrugged and said, “Well yeah” and I just said, “You could have fooled me.” But it struck me then that he must have projected to her that he was so happy with me just to hurt her and drive her crazy. So I know, no matter what he says, no matter how he makes things look, I know the truth and I have not seen one bit of evidence that he has changed, in fact he is so on target to what I thought was going to happen I am even surprised at how right I was.

If it wasn’t so sick I would be in awe of how slick he was, I know exactly what he has done. He got me fired by telling lies and the people at CCon, in typical apath fashion took him at his word not questioning why I would sit at a gas station in broad daylight doing drugs and drinking when I lived 5 minutes away,  (I would bet money that that is what happened to him and the reason he lost one of his jobs, that’s what gave him the idea) the letter he handed to me in front of Marisa saying to leave him alone and never contact him again when I didn’t even know his phone number and he had been the one contacting me, the blogs he started accusing me of trying to ruin his life; saying he feared what I would do in revenge for him rejecting me, all a huge orchestrated plan to get what he wanted and it worked.

You can bet that I am the scape goat for everything that goes wrong in JC’s life. This man purposely crashed his truck to get the insurance money, purposely injured himself for attention and I have no doubt he would key his own vehicle or hers and say it was me just to make her believe I was stalking them and they had to move to get away from me. It is a lot easier to believe I would key his vehicle than to believe he would key his own vehicle. I know for sure he forged my signature before and altered court documents so I know he is capable of anything.  He would have blamed me for every time he got fired and said he had to get work out of town, he would blame his moods on me ruining “their life” He would have cried saying it was so unfair that he finally finds true love and I am ruining it. If they could move away and start over just the two of them everything would be perfect. And sure enough he got her to sell her house.

He is now learning to stand up for himself so she should understand why he is unreasonable some times, he has let so many women, namely Carrie walk all over him and he thought she was different than all the others. That is a very popular form of manipulation. Statements like I thought you were different, I thought our love was stronger than that, I thought you were understanding, I thought you wanted me to be happy. It challenges the person and it works every time.

Same as handing over money, it is human nature, you see it with gamblers all the time. They have lost a ton of money but keep gambling thinking they can recoup their losses. As it is with the N, they get you to lend them money, don’t pay you back but come up with some other investment that if you give them more money you will recoup all your money back. Or in the case of JC and M, he owed her $20,000, if she sold her house and they bought a bigger home with land than he could pay the mortgage and they would be equal partners. Except he can never hold a job down, but now that I am out of the picture that will change; by the time she figures out she has been duped its too late, she is in partnership with the devil with no way out except to lose everything she has.  Another victim. And you can bet he is telling everyone who will listen how much he loves her, and behind closed doors she is dying inside because she doesn’t know how she got into this mess and now has no way out.

It can take years for their motives and plans to come to fruition. I never understood why JC started a fight with me in front of my son when we first moved in together, not until years later. He knew he was going to hit me long before he ever did it. He picked the fight with me to make Kris angry knowing Kris would defend me. Kris did exactly what JC expected he would, told JC that if he ever hurt me he would kill him. JC immediately called the police and said Kris uttered threats and he was afraid what Kris would do. It was insane, even the cop agreed with me that it was a normal thing for a teenage boy to defend his mother and he refused to even come out to the house. JC had called the cops not thinking I would pick up the extension in the house. It still didn’t make sense to me why he would want to put a wedge between him and Kris, even if he did plan on abusing me. Until the night he ambushed Kris and I and on his statement he said that there was a history of Kris threatening him and he was acting in self defense.

That is a criminal mind, how can an average citizen ever suspect something like that? and that is how he gets apaths to act as accomplices, and empaths to question their own sanity. If you catch yourself thinking, “who would do something like that, I must be wrong” You are dealing with a psychopath,

This has gotten a lot longer than I had planned. I wanted to show that you can believe NOTHING these people say or do; the only thing you can be sure of is; nothing is as it appears, and they never do anything that doesn’t benefit them in some way.

Do me a favor and read the article, photo copy it and give it to friends, to people you don’t know, maybe if we can make enough people aware of their tactics we can disempower them.

I have to be honest, I am struggling with something and I thought maybe I should share it seeing as it does have to do with JC and “No Contact”.

Some of you may know that JC popped up a couple of months ago just to make trouble in my life and succeeded to a degree.

Here is a condensed recount of what transpired.

We have to go back to Feb of this year. I was living in this tiny holiday trailer, the only thing good about it was that JC didn’t know where it was. I didn’t have phone reception up there, if my phone did ring it would drop the call so I never answered the phone when I was at the trailer. When I got down to the Husky Gas Station I returned phone calls. So this morning in February I checked for messages and there weren’t any so I called the number back thinking it was a customer, but it went to JC’s voice mail. I didn’t leave a message and hung up immediately. my gut was telling me this can not be a good thing, why would he call, not leave a message and then not answer his phone. Below is an excerpt from a comment he made on my blog in January.

“Any techie can link up with the G P S in ur phone and track where you are….but then he would shadow your calls at the same time.”

I tried to not worry about it but I sensed impending doom.

A short time later I moved to Everglades and was not allowed to park the big company truck in the resort and had to park it on the side of the road outside the park. A few weeks after i moved Colin the mechanic was putting a new deck on my truck when he came up to me and asked if I knew anyone who would want to track me. He showed me a tracking device that he had found under my deck. Apparently they are very easy to attached, it would take seconds, and if a person hadn’t seen one before they would never know it was there, it was the size of a screw.

I had taken my phone to the Rodgers store and asked them if my phone was bugged and they said it wasn’t possible but now I asked Colin and he said most definitely, if the person has the same phone as you it is easier. The person just has to call your number and have you call them back as long as you don’t get a call in between the person will be hooked up to your phone and be able to hear and see everything you do whether you are on the phone or not. I know JC has the same phone I do.

In May I was called into the office at Ccon and told things were not working out, they had my final cheque made out and everything. I was shocked, I had issues I wanted to talk to them about and had been asking for a meeting for weeks, months and I had never had a job description, but I had no idea I was going to get fired without even a warning. I pushed as to why they were letting me go and they didn’t want to say anything at first and then one of the bosses said something about an anonymous phone call, the other boss gave him the death stare and he shut up. I asked “what phone call?” and they told me that I had been seen sitting in the company truck at the Husky Gas Station doing crack cocaine and drinking Mike’s Hard Lemonaide. I was blown away, I told them, “I don’t know what is going on but someone is lying to you.” They said it was a law enforcement officer who called and I asked why he didn’t arrest me then if that is what I was doing? They said he was a fireman. I said, “I have told you that I came from a very abusive relationship and you choose to believe an anonymous phone caller?”

they asked me to leave the office for a minute so they could talk privately and when they called me back in they made me an offer to finance a truck for me and I could pay them back with a percentage of what I made until it was paid off. I thought that was a great deal and started looking for a truck. I hadn’t enjoyed working for them any way and this gave me my freedom again. They wanted a 20 year old, some muscle bound guy that could hump steal 8 hours a day and bring in big loads, and customer service be damned and I can’t work that way.

It has bothered me ever since, who would call and lie like that? It didn’t even make sense, I lived 5 minutes from the Husky whether I was at the trailer or the cabin, why on earth would I sit at the Husky in broad daylight doing drugs and drinking when I could just go home? aside from the fact that I don’t look like a drug addict, act like one nor am I one but it is something that JC has told other people since we split up. But I had no proof……..until………

Some one on here said that they still checked their ex’s activity on the internet just to see what they were up to because knowledge is power and they didn’t trust their ex to not seek revenge even years later. I Googled JC’s most common username and up pops a blog he  has with WordPress, Titled “Disgusted with lady witha truck”

Below is the first post he wrote and in red my come back

“gimme a break!

I quit looking at Carries “ladywithatruck” blog long ago. Her whole premise of “surviving a relationship with a narcissist” and starting over “with nothing” is just so contrived and obtuse that I could not stand to even read it.

I left with a truck that was barely running and broke down the day after I moved. I had $5 and ½ a pack of smokes and moved into a trailer that was a friend of a friends who was a crackhead, (unbeknownst to me because I had never even looked inside the trailer and took my friends word for it being a typical guys place that just needed a woman’s touch) Here are pictures of the place when I moved in.

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the entranceway roof

from phone sept 17 012


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the nicotine stains on the walls

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Laundry room

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I cried all night and Kato and I slept on the couch. I slept sitting up with my coat on because it was so dirty. I cleaned for a solid week. I wore two pairs of rubber gloves to clean the bathroom and it took me 8 hours just to clean the bathroom. The old guy who had lived there before me chain smoked and the owners mother had died 6 years prior and he hadn’t removed any of her possessions yet. He was a trucker who went away to work for 5 months and came home and did crack for a month twice a year.

kitchen after I cleaned

kitchen after I cleaned



bathroom after 8 hours of cleaning

bathroom after 8 hours of cleaning



I moved in at the end of November and had a tree  up for Xmas

I moved in at the end of November and had a tree up for Xmas



I got a new washer and dryer off of Craig's List that were in great shape

I got a new washer and dryer off of Craig’s List that were in great shape



living room cleaned

living room cleaned

I owed $10,000 for truck repairs and managed to pay off all of it except $3,000 in one year. At one point the fuel pump In my truck packed it In because JC had put dirty fuel in it. I had the shop put a new fuel pump in and JC called the shop and talked them into taking it out because he said he had one and would drop it off the next day. He did not drop it off for a week and when he finally did it wasn’t the right one and I ended up having to pay for having the fuel pump put in taken out and put back in. The whole time this is going on I can’t work and I’m so depressed I took a bunch of pills and called JC to ask him to take Kato in the morning. He never checked on me or called anyone to check on me, or call 911. Luckily I survived.















His post continues

“It is like everything she ever wrote to me, and worse. Because now she ISN’T writing to me….so there is no boundary of truth involved. Now she can imbellish as much as she wants. Now she can totally invent new events, change time periods, omit anything and everything positive and good that I or anyone has ever done for her, and assign malicious intent to anyone she chooses with NO way for anyone to question her, correct her, or challenge her.

I don’t assign malicious intent to anyone but him and I have told the truth, once again a perfect example of a narcissist accusing the victim of exactly what he himself did.

Any question at all of her recollections is automatically deleted and derided. I remember seeing some innocent enough questions to why she was contradicting herself (her blog is a constant source of contradictions and complete opposite accounts) which were met with instant deletions, and her then commenting on the stupidity of those people, and her subsequent blocking of them on her blog, and in the end she took full control over comments….no comment is posted until she has homogenized it.

 I have one question, IF I did delete messages from readers how does he know unless he was the one to write them? How does he know I blocked them? the only person I have blocked any where is him. So that proves he has been in my blog trying to discredit me and is pissed he didn’t succeed, mind you on his blog he named me and my company and had comments set for moderation. I on the other hand do not name him or where he works so obviously do not have my blog in an attempt to destroy him or slander him, but with the intent of saving someone else from the pain I went through. His blog’s sole intent is to slander my good name and destroy my ability to earn a living.

Complete and utter control over the misinformation, and the ability to silence any questions or corrections before they are reviewed by her followers.What a fucking joke. And people are just lapping it up. Now she is canvassing for donations and really playing the woe is me card.

 Yes, after 2 heart attacks (women in domestic abuse relationships are 70% more likely to suffer from heart disease) and being let go because James made an anonymous phone call to Ccon, and considering I devote 4-8 hours a day to answering emails and comments plus writing posts if someone wants to donate I am very grateful. and if he doesn’t visit my blog how does he know I have a donation button?

She is still bullshitting about C Con….she got FIRED because someone caught her smoking crack in her company truck and phoned her boss. Good one! Some times concerned citizens are a godsend.

I told no one, not a soul about someone phoning Ccon because I was waiting to see what happened, I told them it was a lie and I thought it was my ex but I had no proof until he wrote this!! Now I know he did it because how else would he know?

Why am I posting his nasty posts? because I wanted to show how they twist the facts and fabricate stories just to destroy someone. He wrote this post just this past July 2013, we split up at the end of November 2010.  I have not contacted him in anyway in over a year. He is supposedly so happy with his new woman, there is no way anyone can Google his name and get a link to my blog but he is so vindictive he will cut off his nose to spite his face. Maybe he realized that because he has since deleted his blog. I have two other posts he did and I will post those shortly, they will show how they will be saying they love someone one day and the next ridiculing them.

I have to admit though, even all this time after leaving it still bothers me and I want to defend myself. That is how they get to you, he knew I would find it some day and he just can’t leave me alone; he literally has to destroy me in order to be happy and move on.

What a pitiful specimen of a human that is!!

praying handsWhen my son went into rehab at Union Gospel Mission on Cordova in the downtown east side of Vancouver he joined a church called Coastal Church where he was taken under the congregation’s protective wings. He found himself and God. He was baptized in English Bay one year and I was baptized a year later with him in the ocean right by my side, it was one of the most memorable days of my life.

When he was in the depths of his drug use and crime, he was lost to himself and to me. I had always been able to kiss it better, make the pain go away but this time I was lost and beside myself with fear, grief and helplessness. My family had told me to wash my hands of him and forget I ever had him, and that I had “ruined” him by “loving him too much”; which of course was impossible but i didn’t know how to help him. He would disappear for weeks at a time and I would be calling his friends trying to find him, but I couldn’t get through to him, I knew he was hurting deep inside from his dad not being in his life, being teased at school and I felt I had failed him also. I would go to work but wasn’t able to even think of anything but Kris, I was consumed with worry to the point of not being able to function.

ask believeThen a girl I worked with suggested I try praying. Now, I  had very little exposure to religion prior to meeting JC, aside from my paternal grandmother who tried to give me an introduction to God, no one in my family was a believer. When I met JC and found out he had been raised by very Christian parents I was reminded of my grandma and I soaked up any info I could off of him and his parents. I said I believed in God, and JC and I said Grace and discussed the Bible, but when the girl at work suggested I pray my immediate thought was, “You obviously don’t understand the severity of the situation, this is requires more than a prayer”. I finally was desperate enough to try anything, including prayer. The girl at work helped me come up with a prayer that went something like this.

Please God take care of Kris, let him feel my love in all certainty no matter where he is. Please help him see he is deserving of happiness and love. Please lead him down the right path to people who can help him and show him how special he is and please God keep him safe and healthy. one last thing, please God bring him back to me and let me have another chance at being his mother, if you do I will do better somehow. In your son’s name Amen.

I photocopied it and taped it every where I might have an anxiety attack, my computer at work, the bathroom mirror, the fridge; it became my mantra and eventually…….it helped.

Weeks went by and then Kris showed up at my door dirty, tired and hungry. I washed his clothes, he had a shower and I fed him then he told me how he had gone to Union Gospel Mission in Mission for dinner. At UGM if you want dinner you have to listen to a sermon first and a few nights prior he had heard a man speak and something he said stuck with Kris. He talked to the man and a few days later that he decided to go into rehab. The man was able to get him into rehab in two days, any time I had tried to get him into rehab it had been a 6 week waiting period and by the time the bed was available Kris was gone again. He stayed with me for two days and I drove him to UGM, the man was there to send him off. Kris did awesome, the people at UGM loved him and Coastal Church made him their “poster boy”, Coastal Church has a wealthy congregation and pride themselves on accepting any one into their church, prostitutes, drug addicts, criminals come as you are. Kris blossomed there with men to emulate, and the praise and encouragement he kept wanting to please,  they made him accountable, he took his GED, and was top in Canada, then he did a year of discipleship before he was accepted at Alberta Bible College and went to study Theology. Every time I attended church I was greeted by people telling me what a wonderful son I had. One of the members of the congregation gave him an apartment to live in for a small percentage of what he made in a month. Kris wanted black leather everything and I had thought he was being picky to not just take a used couch I offered him, but he told me that God wants us to ask for what we want and to be specific. He said that he had cut out pictures of the black leather couch he wanted and the tables etc. A woman member of the church, who set up apartments for out-of-town businessmen furnished the apartment with black leather everything out of an apartment she was hired to redecorate; she had no idea that Kris wanted leather. He had tattoos that another member of the church covered with professional tattoos and another member paid to have some others lazered off. A dentist that went to the church fixed his teeth, another paid for his education, he got a brand new top of the line bike from someone else, he traveled doing missionary work in Cambodia. He came into his own, his eyes have always been like a mood ring; grey if he was sad and the bluest blue when he was happy and his eyes were blue. My prayers had been answered. His church family was able to do more for him than I ever could have and they believed in him. He always knew i loved him and believed in him but I was his mother, he needed to hear it from people who didn’t have to love him.

The whole time JC and I were together we had miracles happen over and over, I have written about the house at Hatzic where we both felt the spirit of the daughter who had died, we had amazing people come into our life and it seemed there was always someone trying to save JC. It was a large part of why I stayed with him as long as I did.  I realize now that some of what happened was him manipulating the situation but there were genuine miracles that happened in our lives and times God stepped in that JC totally ignored. I had a very strong feeling God was trying to show him the way and he was fighting it tooth and nail.

My faith became stronger and stronger as time went on, mainly because I didn’t know what to do about JC and my relationship, I would pray for a sign that I should stay or leave; and as I am sure you know, a “sign” many times a sign can be interpreted the way you want to interpret it. One thing for sure, every time we split my prayers would be answered and I always did better when JC was not in my life, yet I would go back. My life would get better, I would get strong again and i would let him back into my life and within a few months my life would be falling apart again.

The first time JC strangled me, we were driving down the road on our way home from picking up a scrap car, he was driving and had badgered me for days about owing him $2000 for repairs on my Prelude, I had paid him back and he had agreed I had paid him even though I didn’t think I owed him and it wasn’t a week later and he was riding me again about owing him money. I was a nervous wreck and crying, he kept harping on me and I grabbed his leg and said I didn’t owe him, didn’t he remember I had paid? and without a word he slammed on the brakes and had his hands around my throat. Instinctively I grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands off my throat but he was far too strong. I stopped struggling, I remember thinking that he was going to feel so bad when he realized he had killed me, I wondered what he would tell my son Kris, then my body went limp and everything went black. I came too coughing and gasping for air and he continued the drive home. He went in and got on the computer right away and I tried to talk to him, he was just cold, his eyes icy blue and filled with loathing. I finally went to bed and cried.  I don’t know how much time had passed when I felt a pair of strong hands holding my head, one on each side of my head and I felt a calmness come over me and a feeling that everything was going to be ok. I opened my eyes expecting to see JC but there was no one there, I got up and went to him and asked if he had just been in the bedroom holding my head and he looked at me like I was crazy.

prayer answer noEvery time we split I left with nothing but my clothes. One time I went to live with my brother who had promised me work but then it didn’t pan out. I needed to make money and all I could think of was all the stuff I had painted over the previous couple of years. I had never tried to sell any of my art pieces and I was scared to death to approach shop owners about buying it but I was flat broke. I had enough money to get to Fort Langley, a tourist town that has antique and boutique shops lining the streets. When I got there I prayed that I would make $40, enough for gas to get home and some groceries.

I got there about 3 and went into almost every shop, losing my courage every time and walking out without approaching any one. I had given up and was heading out-of-town but I kept telling myself, “you won’t make it home without buying more gas.” I drove past the last antique shop on the edge of town and saw a woman hauling furniture back into her shop. It had been a sunny day and she must have had her wares on display outside and was now, at 4:50 packing it up for the day. I drove about a block and turned around. As I parked she looked up from what she was doing, she didn’t look happy to see a customer that late in the day and I thought to myself, “She’ll be even more unhappy when she finds out I want to sell her something.” I approached as I felt my cheeks getting hot. I told asked her if she would be willing to look at some of my art pieces and she said sure. Long story short she bought $40 worth and told me she was going on a month’s vacation but when she got back she wanted to see more of my stuff. I thanked her and went on my way.

I didn’t go back after a month, I was back with JC and didn’t have a car any more, besides I was too afraid to go back. It was almost a year later that JC and I were semi split again and I needed money desperately so I called the woman’s shop. She was off work that day but the woman who answered the phone told me to call Shirley’s cell phone. She didn’t sound happy to come to the shop on her day off but after a few minutes she told me to meet her there at 3 o’clock. All the way there I prayed to make $100, not $20, not $80, I had to have $100, I prayed non stop all the way there. Shirley liked my stuff and in the end bought $100 worth. She hesitated when she went to get the cash and then she looked at me with a strange look and said,” I would hesitate to say this to any one else but I have a feeling you will understand what I am about to tell you.”

She came and sat down on a bench in front of me and said, “You prayed on the way here didn’t you?” I nodded, she went on, “I didn’t really want to come down here today on my day off but God spoke to me and told me, “this woman really needs the money, go and spend $100.” I said yes that is what I prayed for and she smiled and nodded, “I knew it.” when she counted out the money she said, “$50 from me and $50 from God, we both think you have talent.”

Shirley became a good friend, every time I took product to her we would sit and discuss God and big and small miracles that had happened in her life and were starting to happen in mine.

I started listening for that tiny voice, and it seemed everywhere I went I met Christian people who shared with me, my faith grew daily because almost daily I experienced a miracle of some sort. I had left JC and didn’t have a job, nor furniture but I had income tax money to pay rent. The place I rented was owned by a man with a scrapyard and I was only there a couple of weeks when the owner offered me a job driving the delivery truck. After ten months of driving for him I was to be laid off and I decided I wanted my own truck to do landscaping, deliveries, anything but haul scrap metal. I had no money, a horrendous credit rating and soon no job. I looked everywhere for a truck, tried every way I could think of to get a truck but even those car lots that advertise, “Every one drives, we turn no one down” turned me down for a truck loan.

I was about to give up when I saw a cute GMC 1 ton with a flat deck on it parked on the side of the road with a for sale sign in the window. I stopped and immediately called the number. The man, Rene’ said he would be right there with the keys to let me have a look at it. He told me he had parked it there not even an hour earlier and I was the 4th call he’d had on it. I told him my situation, that I was losing my job and wanted my own truck. I offered him to trade my Eagle talon for the truck but he had enough vehicles so I thanked him anyway and headed home. I prayed for God to some how get me that truck and then I let it go. I must have told him where I worked because 1/2 way through the day he called me.

Rene – You really want that truck don’t you.

Me- Yes I do but like I said I don’t have any money.

Rene’ – I was talking to the wife about it last night, and well we don’t really need the money right now; maybe we can work something out.

Me – What did you have in mind?

Rene’- How much money do you have right now?

Me- Only about $100

Rene’ – Write up an IOU and come to my house tonight with your $100.

I went that night with $100 and a promise to pay the balance within a year and left with a signed transfer and tax form and the keys to the 1 ton.

A stranger, signed over his $4000 truck on a promise and a prayer.

And so began the Lady Witha Truck.


Miracles DO happen, even when it doesn’t seem possible, that is why they are called miracles. Believe in the power of prayer, no matter how bleak your situation may seem; nothing lasts forever, not good nor bad.

I want to share more about the miracles that have happened in my life but now it is very late and I am going to bed.

wishing everyone happiness and everyday miracles