Tag Archives: Jian Ghomeshi

Ghomeshi Case Takes Unexpected Turn

 

ghomeshi and lawyer

I have been following the case of Jian Ghomeshi, a Canadian celebrity charged by numerous women for sexual assault happening years ago. When the case broke it was a huge step for the “breaking the silence” campaign, women were coming forward with allegations of physical abuse by Ghomeshi; to satisfy his fetish for violent sex and he was celebrity and powerful enough to intimidate many people into remaining silent. Everyone who knew him and worked with him describe him as being cocky, disrespectful of his colleagues and generally; he was a legend in his own mind.

You can read up on the players in the trial and more about the case here.

Ghomeshi was fired from his high paying radio announcer job and in a matter of days he watched his reputation and life crumble before his eyes. Women started coming out of the woodwork with allegations of sexual abuse dating back a decade or more. Ghomeshi’s guilt was never in doubt, 8 women could not be lying. Out of all the women only 3 were able to testify for various reasons, and of those women only one would reveal her identity; Lucy DeCoutere, best known for her role in the popular sitcom “Trailer Park Boys”.

The women all had a similar story,they met Ghomeshi, he was very personable, they went on a date, went back to his place and at that point he was physically abusive in some way, punching them in the head, strangling them, throwing them, forcing sex or oral sex on them and often times talking about his teddy bear, Big Ears Teddy who he would turn around so the teddy couldn’t see what he was doing. Afterwards he would act like nothing unusual happened and the women left.

Gimeshi admitted he like rough sex, the only thing he denied was the fact that the women did not give their consent to rough sex.

My heart sank when the court case started and his cracker jack lawyer brought evidence of communication from the women to Ghomeshi in the form of emails and one hand written letter wanting to see him again.

They ended up changing their testimony at the last minute, said they had forgotten they sent the emails; it didn’t look good and Ghomeshi’s lawyer ran with it. “If it was non consensual and if indeed you were so traumatized by it, why on earth would you actively seek his attention and want to see him again?” I am sure much of society is asking the same question; it is a logical question because it doesn’t make sense. Just like the question, “Why do they stay?” or “Why do I miss him so much when he treated me so bad?”

I don’t really understand it myself. I remember the first time James was abusive; he strangled me until I passed out. When I came to I remember the only thing I wanted was for him to hold me and tell me it was all a bad dream. I was sure he must feel awful. But he acted like nothing out of the ordinary happened. In fact when I went to him to talk about it and said, “James that was abuse.” he snorted and said, “It was not.”

I said, “James, how can you say that? You choked me until I passed out.”

He sighed and took his eyes off his computer to look at me with disdain, “I did not choke you. I had my hands on your throat.”

Me, “that is abuse James, you could have killed me!”

Him, “Don’t be ridiculous, I know exactly when to stop. Besides, a real man would have done it a lot sooner.”

I didn’t leave, I didn’t tell anyone, I decided to solve the problem, talk to him, figure out why he did it, fix him, fix us; and I decided to prove to him that I loved him and I protected him then and every time after that. The longer it went on the harder it was to tell anyone because how could I explain why I hadn’t said anything up until now, why I was still with him.

There is something that happens to the victim’s mind when they are violated; maybe it is a survival mechanism where the mind just does not accept what happened or maybe it is because the abuser acts like nothing happened and we are uncertain about what abuse actually is. Is it abuse if you are choked, punched in the head once, twice, thrown across the room? Did we deserve it? We must have done something to bring it on ourselves. It is ugly and we don’t want to deal with it so we try to make it right. It is called Cognitive Dissonance, where in order to deal with something that goes totally against our belief system, we alter the facts in our head to be something we can accept. We minimize the events, make excuses or come up with some other way of making it acceptable. You can read more about Cognitive Dissonance here.

The real problem with the court case and this unfortunate turn of events is Crown Counsel didn’t properly prepare their clients for court. For once the police and society in general believed the women and because of that they didn’t investigate the case in as much depth as they should have. No one thought to ask these women if there were emails out there or anything else they had forgotten about what happened after the incident. Ghomeshi hired one of the best and most expensive lawyers available, a woman.

Once again, it is proven that the judicial system is basically ignorant about abuse and the effects it has on the victim. We need a lot more education on how trauma affects the victim, what defines abuse, and that when people are dealing with insanity they don’t always act in a sane and rational way.

Ghomeshi also brought up the book 50 Shades of Grey, I have never read it myself but I have certainly heard the women gushing over the sex scenes. I have never liked the whole story line of the book and didn’t read it. It truly does blur the lines of acceptable consensual sex and abuse.

And once again the abuser sits calm, cool and collected, admitting to enough fault to appear honest yet never taking any blame and as much as I hate to say it, I think Ghomeshi is going to get away with it.

I just hope that this doesn’t send the message to other victims that it is not safe to speak out. We have to keep speaking out and educating people until abuse can no longer be excused away.

 

What Happens When A Victim Has The Courage To Speak Out

I listen to CBC radio 24/7 at home. I don’t watch TV or read the newspaper so aside from the internet it is my only source of information on what is going on in the world. If a person doesn’t listen to CBC radio I don’t know if they will know who Jian Ghomeshi is, but until recently he had a talk show on CBC, “Q”,  interviewing various well-known celebrities. I think he has interviewed every celebrity worth interviewing and he is handsome, personable, well liked, and generally considered a “catch” and someone to know. Apparently he used to belong to a popular band and has had TV shows on CBC and is quite well-known, although I had never heard of him before enjoying Q.

jian ghomeshi

From what I could tell he was highly respected in the entertainment industry.

That is until this week when CBC announced they had decided they could longer be associated with Jian Ghomeshi and he had been fired.

“The CBC is saddened to announce its relationship with Jian Ghomeshi has come to an end. This decision was not made without serious deliberation and careful consideration. Jian has made an immense contribution to the CBC and we wish him well,” the network said in a statement.

Jian immediately filed a $55 million law suit against CBC and later posted a message on his Facebook page where he stated he was terminated by the broadcaster because of the risk of his “private sex life being made public as a result of a campaign of false allegations pursued by a jilted ex girlfriend and a freelance writer.”

The Toronto Star published a story on the topic.

In the Facebook post, Ghomeshi details a relationship with a former girlfriend that apparently included “forms of BDSM,” saying that he ended the relationship at the beginning of this year.

“After this, in the early spring there began a campaign of harassment, vengeance and demonization against me that would lead to months of anxiety.”

Ghomeshi said he has “always been interested in a wide variety of activities in the bedroom” but only those that are “mutually agreed upon” and “consensual.”

Ghomeshi said he was open with CBC about the matter because he wanted his bosses to be aware of the situation, but has “never believed it was anyone’s business” what he does in his private affairs.

“CBC has been part of the team of friends and lawyers assembled to deal with this for months,” he wrote. “On Thursday I voluntarily showed evidence that everything I have done has been consensual. I did this in good faith and because I know, as I have always known, that I have nothing to hide. This when the CBC decided to fire me.”

Ghomeshi added that CBC executives told him “that this type of sexual behaviour was unbecoming of a prominent host on the CBC.”

He also writes in the post that the CBC received no formal complaints or allegations.

I reserved my judgement of Jian because as we all know, a narcissist will do everything within their power to destroy their ex partner and I thought Jian might be the victim of such an attack on his character.

But within a day 2 more women had come forward to say they had also been physically attacked by Ghomeshi, but their allegations were questionable because none of them were willing to be named and made their allegations anonymously. Ghomeshi refused to be interviewed by CBC but kept claiming he was the victim of a slander campaign and that the truth would come out.

And THEN, a woman with nothing to gain and is famous in her own right, Trailer Park Boys star Lucy DeCoutere told CBC News that Ghomeshi physically attacked her during a date in 2003.

On Thursday, another woman made allegations against Ghomeshi. Reva Seth (a woman happily married for years but who has packed the secret for years) detailed her claims against Ghomeshi in an article on the Huffington Post.

Carleton University also issued a statement saying it was “aware of allegations about former CBC Radio host Jian Ghomeshi that may involve a Carleton journalism student or graduate.” The university said it is reviewing its records.

The Toronto police are now starting an investigation into the claims against Jian Ghomeshi.

Ghomeshi must be a little uncomfortable with the heat. His claims that he is being harassed by a jilted lover are looking less believable as more victims come forward and are willing to be named. Some of these incidents happened over 10 years ago, but prove “history predicts future behaviour”.  Perhaps the woman did come out with the info because she was jilted and angry, but her speaking out started a snowball reaction that is building and threatening to destroy Ghomeshi who has gone all these years abusing women and getting away with it. arrogantly continuing to victimize innocent women because he has always gotten away with it.

What are these women claiming?

They all tell the same story, they went on a date with Jian Ghomeshi, he was a gentleman, they enjoyed the date, perhaps had a couple of dates and had no red flags that he may be violent. There was no discussion about SMS or even sex. They went to his place for a drink and out of the blue he attacked them, one was thrown down on the floor and punched repeatedly in the head, another was choked and punched while he molested her with his fingers. All the women said they were in shock and when they started to cry he stopped and they left immediately.

Why didn’t these women come forward sooner?

They all said the same thing; they didn’t think they would be taken seriously, there were no physical marks, he was a celebrity and they felt intimidated and that they wouldn’t be believed, they were in shock and never had anything like that happen to them before and decided to just put it behind them and forget it happened. But they all said the experience left them scarred and they all questioned themselves and what they may have done to cause it to happen.

Why did the women not want their names made public?

Again they all said the same thing, because Ghomeshi is famous and has money and connections, the women were afraid of repercussions, damage to their reputations, it would be their word against his and it is common knowledge that women are regularly ripped to shreds in a courtroom, their personal lives are examined with a microscope  and they didn’t want the public humiliation.

And then a couple of women, hearing about the allegations, knowing they had kept their dirty secret for a decade decided to come forward publicly to support these other women.  Lucy DeCoutere and Reva Seth should be praised for their courage to come forward, even all these years later because they gave the other women’s allegations credibility and they have made a statement to society in general that women have been abused for generations and kept silent and they are not willing to be silent any more.

Abusers be warned, there is a revolution happening; women are sick of being abused and “just taking it”, women are sick of keeping the dirty little secrets of men who totally disregard a woman’s rights and feelings in order to satisfy their own selfish needs. For generations men have been taught that they can treat a woman anyway they want and they will more than likely get away with it. Women who have come forward and accused a man of abusing her were treated like the criminal and often times regretted their choice and wish they had kept silent. It has been a vicious cycle that promoted abuse, men knew women were afraid to speak out which meant they felt entitled to taking what they wanted, when they wanted it and if they did get caught they would blame the woman saying she was drunk and wanted it, was dressed seductively, or they do whatever they can to ruin her reputation, totally twisting the events; blaming the victim for her own abuse. I have been there, as if the abuse isn’t bad enough; to then be blamed for your own abuse is devastating and makes any kind of recovery so much more difficult.

When the perpetrator of the abuse is made accountable for their action the victim is validated, acknowledged and able to start the healing process. What holds many victims back from healing is the total denial the abuse occurred or worse, that they were to blame and the shame they pack because of the judgement and disbelief of society, friends and family.

Women unite, support each other, and refuse to be silent any longer, join the revolution.