Tag Archives: Karma

How I Turned Conflict Into A Positive Experience

I know, what you are thinking. “How could conflict ever be positive?” I have always felt the same way myself but I am an Aries and push come to shove I could be provoked. But with James I tried to avoid conflict at all costs, even at the cost of my health.

I am not going to go into the whole story because it is far too long but this week I learned another valuable lesson and I am going to share it with you.

There is a woman here, well several women (women can be so catty can’t they? I always get along better with men it seems and that pisses off the catty women even more) who rule the dock and have not especially liked me right from the start. If you recall when I first moved in one of the women didn’t like that a single woman moved in across from her because she worked nights and thought her hubby might sleep walk into my bed, so she filed a complaint about Stella barking. I let it go, didn’t want to create conflict by confronting her on it, failing to see that it would not have been me creating conflict but her because she filed the bogus complaint.

Well, I have butted heads with another one of the clique over my dog not being on a leash. I have tried to appease them and kept Stella on a leash until we are off the dock but it has not been enough. One of the women has a dog that she doesn’t keep on a leash and the bitch (excuse my language but it is going to get worse as the post goes on so if swearing offends you stop reading now) had the audacity to say, “If you don’t keep Stella on a leash we will all have to keep our dogs on a leash.”

I looked at her in astonishment and blinked, “Do you even listen to yourself speak?” I laughed and said, “I am not getting into this with you today.” and walked away.

I knew I had started a feud but I can not stand stupid people who say things that don’t even make sense. I did try to accommodate her but it never failed that whenever Stella was off leash this bitch saw her.

The other thing that started was:

The women started asking me what I was hauling down and up from the boat. As you know I make money by fixing things up, selling the odd thing I get in scrap and my painted stuff and lately I was selling stuff from my mother’s basement. Stuff my step dad had kept for the boat he was some day going to rebuild and never did. I sold everything to people who live at the dock and I donated what I had left to a bunch of young people who formed a nonprofit to research the island of plastic in the Pacific. They were fixing their boat getting ready for an expedition. (side note* I had this feeling I should ask them if they needed a depth sounder. I had a 30 year old one, totally out of date and useless but this tiny voice kept saying “Ask them” so I did. They lit up, their depth sounder had been acting up. I told them it was right here in the car and pulled it out. it was exactly the same as theirs! I gave it to them. They were thrilled!!! I also gave them a big fishing net and down rigger for fishing and they couldn’t thank me enough. The look on their faces was enough thanks for me).

The husband of one of the women cut me off one day as I walked past with a wheelbarrow full of my groceries, got right in my face and asked what was in the wheelbarrow.
I sighed, looked him in the eyes, “My groceries.” and went to walk passed but he stood in my way.
“Groceries eh? you sure haul a lot of stuff down to your boat.”
Me: “Yes I do, do you have a problem with that?”

He looked in the wheelbarrow and could tell all I had was groceries.
I said, “If you are wondering what I hauled up to my car earlier, it was saw horse ends that I found while walking Stella, there was a pallet of them with a sign that said, “Free Help Yourself” so I called my son who happens to be in construction and asked if he wanted some. He said sure. So I went and loaded a bunch of them into my car and brought them here. I wasn’t going to see him for a couple of weeks so I hauled them all the way down to my boat. Now I am going to see him tomorrow so I hauled them back up to my car. What a good mom I am eh?
I went on “and his favorite supper is Shepperd’s Pie and he hasn’t been feeling well so I promised I would bring his favorite supper, soooooooo I went and bought GROCERIES” and I pointed at the wheelbarrow. “so I could do that. What a good mom I am eh?” and he nodded his head.
I said, “Excuse me” and went to my boat quietly simmering. The nerve!! I calmed myself down and let it go.

I was unloading the car after coming back from my son’s when the same jerk came up and started rummaging through the wheelbarrow pulling stuff out and looking at it.
Me: “That is MY stuff.”
I had done some landscaping while at my son’s and was unloading my gardening tools, he grabbed a brand new edging tool I had bought a few days earlier and said, “This looks brand new.”
I said, “It should, I just bought it.”
Then he starts looking through my trunk. I was getting very annoyed and said, “I understand that some people are suspicious of what I take down to the boat and I don’t owe any one an explanation but I will tell you and I proceeded to tell him my situation as briefly as possible. About how I make some extra money by painting things etc. Then his wife called him to come and he obeyed.

My gut was telling me there was big trouble brewing but what was I to do?

Within two days, last Friday to be exact; my brother received a formal complaint, not just about Stella being off leash but accusing me of selling stolen property, saying the traffic of undesirables coming and going from my boat at all hours day and night “could” be responsible for recent thefts from boats and at the very least was disturbing my neighbors and if it continued they would have to terminate his lease. Of course he knew it was all bullshit (now is when the swearing really getting started) but he phoned me to see what the hell was going on. I told him I have had one visitor since I moved in and that was our mom. He had already told the woman in the office that the stuff I was selling was from our step dad. He said he understood the dog being off leash, he said, “If anyone ever tells me I have to put my dogs on a leash I tell them to go Fuck Themselves. but maybe you will have to keep her on leash while she is on the dock to appease them.”
I told him I have and filled him in on what had been going on with this one bitch and her team of supporters. He said to let it go, it was Friday, not to worry about it and talk to the office Monday, he said whatever you do don’t confront anyone this weekend.

He called back to say, “If you do decide you can’t handle it and just have to throw the bitch in the river, give me a heads up so I can find a place to move the boat.” Gotta love my little bro’

I was very upset though, VERY. I immediately felt powerless, I was feeling like I had done something wrong but knew I hadn’t, I was feeling victimized again. And everyone, even the ones not involved in the complaint knew what had happened and were uncomfortable. It was so reminiscent of James I felt somehow he must be responsible, even though logic told me there was no way. I was amazed at how quickly I reverted to victim mode.

My son called to tell me how much he had enjoyed the night I came up for supper and how we had some really good laughs and he just wanted me to know he had really enjoyed our time together and he loved me. It was just what I needed to hear. Then he asked how I was doing and I told him. While I was telling him I started to cry. He said, “Please don’t cry mom, don’t let the bastards get you down.”

I tried to explain what I was feeling, “James took everything from me but as hard as he tried he couldn’t take my good reputation. No matter what, I have managed to always hang onto that and to have that jeopardized by a bunch of petty bitches is so unfair.”

He said, “Mom do you remember what you said to me years ago when I was being picked on at school and wanted to change schools?” I said no I didn’t.

“You told me that I could switch schools but that there would always be assholes in the world no matter where I went and I was going to have to learn to deal with them because there is no running away from them. They are every where.

Go tell them to keep their fucking mouths shut and if they don’t I am only 2 hours away and I will come down there and throw the bitch in the river. No one makes my mom cry!”

I had to laugh through my tears, “I appreciate the sentiment honey but you don’t have to do that. I was a pretty smart mom years ago. I can deal with it.”

We talked a bit longer and I laughed when, before he got off the phone he said, “Remember mom I’m only 2 hours away. I was the one who was supposed to be living on the boat, if I was living there I would have the music blasting every night and my dog would NOT be on a leash, I don’t even own a fucking leash and if anyone told me to put her on a fucking leash I would tell them to Go Fuck Themselves!! and if anyone dug through my stuff I would punch them in the head! they don’t know how lucky they are.”

I got off the phone and thought about it and he was right. If I was a man that guy would not have gotten away with what he did, for one thing he probably would not have even tried it for fear of getting punched in the head. But he felt like the big man intimidating a woman. They had all treated me with disrespect repeatedly and I had taken it. And now it was stealing my peace of mind and I was allowing it because I didn’t want to look like a bitch and I was trying to avoid conflict when I was NOT the one causing conflict, THEY were causing conflict and they had no problem with it.

I had shoulder pains all night,(for months before I had heart failure and just before my first heart attack I had what I thought was a knotted muscle behind my right shoulder blade, but in fact it was my heart) my heart was beating so hard when I went to bed that night my whole body shook with every beat. I thought I was going to have a heart attack for sure. The next day I wrote a 7 page letter to the “instigators of the witch hunt” and dropped it off to who I thought was the leader of the pack and said, “Now keep your fucking mouth shut.”
She jumped up and said, “Are you threatening me in front of all these people?” I thought she was going to attack me.

I turned and when I looked at her I think she saw by my face I was not to be messed with, “I did not threaten you, I told you to keep your fucking mouth shut, the letter explains it all, I suggest you read it.” and I walked away. I was vibrating, at what level I don’t know; but definitely vibrating.

The letter had explained my whole situation, James, why I was not working and I provided names and numbers of people who could back my story. I was not apologizing, I was not ashamed or fearful, I was proud of what I have accomplished and angry yes…. very angry but not afraid of conflict any more. Trying to avoid conflict had done me no good and now they could bring it on because I knew I was right and I was not going to back down even if it killed me.

And it almost did, I had neck pain, shoulder pain and chest pains for 3 days, my hair has even been falling out by the handfuls (what happened after my last heart attack). I won’t put the whole letter here but these are a couple of excerpts:

I have answered questions honestly and you all chose to disregard the truth and make up blatant lies, so now I must repeat myself because idle minds in this place have nothing better to do that make trouble in my life. You really all should thank your lucky stars that your lives are so uneventful that you have to make up drama to entertain yourselves.

I refuse to be disrespected any longer and I have nothing to say to anyone and don’t want any platitudes or apologies. Go to the office and tell the truth or go to hell.

As for people coming and going from the boat at all hours day and night. Bullshit! I have had one visitor since I moved in, my mother, once! Anyone else was sent down by my brother to either fix the boat or list it for sale. If there is someone around my boat at night, please CALL THE COPS, it might be my ex!! I have told you all that I have an abusive ex but you prefer to make up lies to suit your wild imaginations.

I also spend 7 days a week on my blog which has had almost 1,500,000 (that is a million and ½ for those not good at math) and has almost 1900 followers. I have attached just a fraction of the messages of gratitude I have received.

It is nothing short of a miracle that I am alive, healthy and happy because I overcame obstacles that would bring most people to their knees. I work tirelessly to help victims of abuse and will until the day I die. What have you done today?

Do you even think before you engage your vicious mouths? You all should be ashamed of yourselves, I am disgusted.

I included my resume, about 100 testimonials from people I have helped on the blog and I refuted their lies one by one. Stuff I had already told them but they refused to believe.

I just have to interrupt myself here because one of my neighbors just stopped to pat Stella who is sitting on the dock outside the boat. I said that Stella loves the attention and the woman said, “We all really enjoy giving her a pet. She has a good soul.”  I think we enjoy having Stella more than she enjoys the pets. She is good for us and puts smiles on people’s faces.   I agree.

Stella in her leash at the step outside the boat. Who could not love those eyes. It is like you can see into her soul. How lucky I am to have a son who gave me such a priceless gift called Stella.

Stella in her leash at the step outside the boat. Who could not love those eyes. It is like you can see into her soul. How lucky I am to have a son who gave me such a priceless gift called Stella.

Anyway, I heard from my brother Monday morning and the woman in the office said it was all a misunderstanding, they weren’t accusing me of stealing and no one said anyone was visiting my boat. He said that she mentioned my 7 page letter and that there was no witch hunt going on. funny how on Friday it was a different story which he has in writing but I guess my letter had the desired effect and I got what I wanted. I have stuck to my word, not gone to the office and just stay out of everyone’s way. I am sure that fellow digging through my stuff and cornering me is bordering on being illegal.

When you have a bad heart, the stressful situation may go away the effects still linger and I was having really bad pains last night and was exhausted all day yesterday. I kept thinking, “What would I do with Stella if I had to go to the hospital? My brother is leaving for a month on his boat, my son is at least 2 hours away, and my mom couldn’t take her. I must have had 6 naps and still went to bed at 11. I slept until 7, a full 8 hours without waking which is rare for me. When I woke up my neck felt so much better and the heaviness around my chest was gone.

I walked up to the shower and my neighbor, a nice lady with an equally nice husband ; who have both been nothing but neighborly and friendly to me and Stella; said Good Morning and asked how I was. I said my usual “Fine thanks” and she called me over and said, “You know my hubby and I were talking and if you ever need to go somewhere for an extended period of time we would be happy to take Stella, we both love her. You know where we are and stop by for a drink sometime too.” I thanked her very much. There is no way they would have known I was concerned about Stella.

All day everyone keeps coming by to pet Stella and the guy across the way gave me a salmon steak and all the trimmings to Stella who followed him around like a shadow while he cleaned the salmon he had caught. The fellow in the sail boat in front of me knocked on the sliding glass door and said he had cooked a tenderloin steak and couldn’t eat it all and handed me the leftovers for Stella. I have not said anything to anyone, haven’t tried to get people on “my side” in my mind it is done and I would have carried on if everyone would have joined forces against me because I know I am right because I know I am not doing anything wrong or illegal.

I feel a switch went off this week, all part of the learning process and the growing pains on this journey to be the best I can be.

You see I did for myself what I have done for people I love my whole life. Even people I didn’t know; I have always stood up for people when I felt they were being treated unjustly and I used to defend myself also. But after a year with James I stopped because I didn’t want to be called a bitch. I never used to be worried about being called a bitch when it came to fighting against an injustice.

Not one part of that letter contained fear, shame, guilt or even anger; it told the truth in a fearless and confident way, not as a victim.

Being “nice” does not always attract good things to a person, being “nice” does not guarantee you peace and joy because the world is full of assholes and you had better learn to deal with them because there is no where to hide. I gave that advice to my son over 20 years ago and you know what? I was a pretty smart woman back then, and I still am.

The really neat thing about all of this is; I am not the least bit angry because I can understand it may look suspicious that I haul a lot of stuff down to my boat and I understand that people’s imaginations can get away on them. I think probably I am the only one who learned anything from this though because shallow people never admit they might be wrong.

Stella off leash down at the boat launch chewing on one of her sticks. She collects them, all sticks belong to Stella and she keeps them in one spot, until the tide comes in and packs them away and then she is very upset until she finds more. She is such a puppy.

Stella off leash down at the boat launch chewing on one of her sticks. She collects them, all sticks belong to Stella and she keeps them in one spot, until the tide comes in and packs them away and then she is very upset until she finds more. She is such a puppy.

Oh!! and the woman with the dog, the one who started all this? I saw her with her dog on Monday; her dog was on a long rope trying to swim. She was trying to roll up the rope and it was all tangled. I took Stella to the boat launch like always, off leash. I never cared if that woman’s dog was off leash and now she has made such a big stink about my dog she has to keep her dog on a leash, just like she predicted. Funny, she caused her own grief. Who did she hurt? it seems to me, she is the only one suffering, but I am sure that is somehow my fault too.

What is that called??


Wasn’t I just talking about Karma? what do you know Karma is alive and well and living in a marina on the west coast of Canada.

You too can learn to take your power back without being considered a bitch, or if you are; you won’t care.

The workshop starts in a week, one person is signed up already. Oh did I mention; the price is now $30/ month. More to come later.

Ever Have a Horrible Night Mare?

You sit bolt upright in bed; your heart is about to pound right out of your chest, you gasp for air, all your senses are on overload. Your eyes dart around the room, slowly you come fully awake and realize you are in your bed and you are safe; it was just another night mare.

Even though you know it was just a bad dream you are too nervous to sleep; every muscle in your body is twitching, your adrenaline is pumping and you can’t shake that horrible feeling of doom that enveloped you. You start to cry; when will the night mares stop. Why does he have to haunt your sleep too.

That is the way I have felt all day, like I am waking up from a horrible, horrible night mare and I have just realized I am safe, everything is ok, but I am filled with conflicting emotions; relief that its over, anxiety from the memory of the bad dream and a natural instinct to want to run from danger even though there is none there.

You see, my night mare is over; I woke up this afternoon from a night mare that has consumed me for 12 years, a night mare I struggled to get out of but couldn’t wake up from.

My cake got iced, my ordeal got wrapped up with a pretty little bow. Its over……..my night mare is over and its ending exactly where it started. It is almost surreal.

Ok, what am I talking about? JC was right, she is nuts!!

As you all know I have had this “Trailer Project” I have been trying to get off the ground and I’ve hit stumbling blocks at every turn. I believe that if something is too much work maybe you need to rethink the whole situation; maybe it isn’t meant to be.

I have been checking the bulletin board at Everglades Resort every month to see if any new places were up for sale. Last week there were several new notices on the board, even a rent to own lot that turned out to be too small for my trailer. I called on another one but it had a 26′ trailer on it already. And then there was an ad that I had seen before but hasn’t given much thought to. A 500 sq ft cabin, on the water, it comes with another empty lot elsewhere in the resort and they want $120,000. There was a phone number and a message saying to call or text message for more info.

The guy that owns the trailer I am in called last week and said he might need the trailer back because he might have work in Alberta. At first he said he needed to be in Alberta by the 20th of Feb. He needed a few days travel time so we agreed I would have it ready to go by the 15th. I explained that I work full time now and don’t have the luxury of taking a day off whenever I need to and it is dark when I get home, its impossible to clean and pack with the dogs there so really I was going to find it tough to get it done but I would find a way. I arranged with Colin for him to babysit the “kids” while I packed up the trailer and gave it a good cleaning. Colin’s apartment is almost finished and he offered for me and my dogs to move into his trailer and he would move into his suite. It was a very generous offer but I so wanted my own place to call home. Then Jim called to ask when I would be done with the trailer, I said,” what do you mean? We agreed it would be ready on the 15th”.
Jim said now he had to be in Alberta on the 15th. I informed him again that I work all day and its dark when I get home; let alone I have no water or power to clean with. He said,” Well how late do you wk?”
I was getting annoyed now, I told him I work 9-5 like most people and it gets dark at 5. I said don’t worry about it, I’ll have it ready by the 10th. I want out of here in the worst way and I want him out of my life right along with the trailer. This whole situation has been another disaster. He only put me up here because he thought hrs could guilt me into having sex with him, throughout the whole time I’ve been here he has not given up trying and I am angry now. If he would have ensured I had water and sewer and not expected sexual favors I would be alot more thankful but as it stands I felt taken advantage of abduction victimized further and now I resent that he brought me up here on the premise he was helping me and it almost did me in. It was so close to being the straw that broke the camel’s back that every day I was sure I could not survive another day. I don’t know how I did survive it; it was absolutely horrific and has cost me thousands in destroyed property from mice and being exposed to the elements. It finished off my business because it was costing me so much in fuel and I was so far away from any friends who could help me when my truck broke down. It has been extremely difficult to work full time from here, the commute of over an hour each way has made for very long days.

Anyway the pressure was on to find a place to put the trailer; but then I still didn’t have the registration in my name because the transfer papers I was given has the wrong name on it and we were having to jump through a bunch of hoops and are still looking at a month or more before I will have it in my name and THEN I still have to get the propane system certified, fix the shouts, and find a place that will take it.

I finally thought I’ve got nothing to lose, I’ll never know if I don’t ask; and text messaged the number on the ad for the cabin. I laid it out short and sweet. well, here I will copy and paste what I said…. hang on I’ll be right back.

Here it is
I saw your ad at Everglades. I am going to throw an offer at you; because I’ll never know if I don’t try. I won’t bore you with my long sob story. I have a blog, “Ladywithatruck.wordpress.com that chronicles it all & will tell you anything you want to know about me. I left a 10 yr abusive relationship, 2 yrs ago with my clothes & dog & have been struggling to get back on my feet since. I recently got a great job in marketing and as a buyer for CCon Steel in Abby. I make $40,000 plus com/yr, have a com vehicle, fuel card etc. I can well afford paments, but my credit sucks. I hope we can work out a rent-to-own agreement for 5 yrs and then I pay you out the balance. If I renege you get your cabin back. I have excellent character references.
Thx Carrie

About an hour later I received this reply:

Hello Carrie, maybe we can work something out. A big part of renting is that we owners are only allowed to rent from May to October. Resort regs. But if you own it, year round is fine and dogs are certainly allowed.
Would it be possible to maybe meet up on Sunday so you can see the cabin?
Regards, Astrid

In subsequent messages she told me it was lot #47. Now this is where it gets rather spooky. You see in 2001 JC was hired by the developer of Everglades as the water/sewer tech. JC and I made a rent-to-own agreement on a house on lot #41 and that is where we had the experience with the spirit, where the abuse started etc. That was where the ending of JC and I started and carried on for the next 10 years.
JC was fired from his position after 3 months (I had no idea at the time that months was about how long all JC’S jobs last) we stayed in the house a year and then I rented a small trailer in the resort and that is where JC ambushed Kris and I. The developer kicked JC out of the park after that and took back his clicker for the security gate. (unbeknownst to anyone JC had made himself half a dozen clickers while he was working there and had spares) JC was stalking me even with the restraining order so I was moving and asked for the letter of reference from the developer who wrote me a glowing letter that brought tears to my eyes. The developer’s Life’s name was Astrid.

I remembered then that they had a run down shack a few doors down from JC and I that they never used.

Could it be the same Astrid?

I found out today, at 1o’clock, I walked up and saw a woman waiting in a car in the driveway of this cute little cabin. I wasn’t sure I had the right place; it looked nothing like I remembered it. The woman got out of her car and introduced her

I Can’t Say It Enough-They Don’t Change

The last time JC commented he said he wouldn’t be back and not to contact him again which was moving fine by me
This time he really spewed venom and told outrageous lies that sent me spiraling down into that same pit of self doubt and hopelessness I got so used to during the years I was with him. My stomach was sick, my hands were shaking, my mind racing unable to focus, panic, a feeling of impending doom gnawing at my gut. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten until my girlfriend insisted I eat some sheppard’s pie for supper. I had night mares of him and her laughing at me last night.

I have gotten good at self counseling but JC’s attack this time was especially volatile so it took a bit more talking to myself.

I know what I lived with, I have recounted it here in various posts; it was all the truth; his son, my son and his sister lived with us at various times so I have witnesses. I have police reports of abuse, I have neighbors who witnessed it, he got fired from every job he had, he was unfaithful, he begged me back numerous times and admitted everything he did wrong and I stupidly took him back and I paid dearly for it. I have letters in his own hand writing admitting fault and saying how much he loved me and promising to change. But now, according to him I always made his life hell and he had to tolerate my abusive behaviour. It is so hard to not defend yourself from accusations like that but as usual he spouted a bunch of lies and left without allowing me to respond.

I have put in the time recovering from the total devastation he caused in my life. He can say anything he wants, it doesn’t change facts or define me. The past predicts the future, every ex he has would have the same story I do. I have talked to two of them; (remember the one who died and he thought it was so funny that our relationship had bothered her so much because we were so happy and stayed together so long?) I don’t have any ex’s who would agree with his description of me and I doubt they would have much bad to say.

On here all we have is our word, he said, she said, he said, she said, it could go on for ever and we would never get anything accomplished because he has totally fabricated a different relationship; there is nothing I can do to change that. To continue on with this back and forth is juvenile and counter productive

I keep having to remind myself that I am not dealing with a normal individual who you can talk to and after some give and take come to some agreement or compromise.

JC made a threat in his comment saying that my business should ‘flourish” now that he has put information out on the net for everyone to see.

To me it is obvious he is being vindictive and this is not simply him trying to defend his name or get facts straight. Whenever two people are in a relationship there are two versions to the same event but when a relationship is based on lies and the other party continues to lie about every detail of the relationship it is impossible to resolve anything and the other person has to just walk away. I am just walking away.

I found his blog where he is spewing his venom, it is the same blog he has had since 2007 and the one that I found after we split that aided me in putting all the puzzle pieces together about the women he was seeing etc. He has erased all the posts previous to when he met his new victim because “Life didn’t start until he met her and anything prior to that doesn’t matter”. He goes on to describe the wonderful relationship they have and how wonderful she is and then goes on a tirade about all the ways I made his life hell. He is telling down right lies, saying my mom kicked me out of the house I was living in and I moved in with him two weeks after we met which is absolute bull shit. I moved in 6 months after we met and my mom did not kick me out, she sold the cottage after I moved out.

No…………, I am not going there. He is not pulling me back into his pit of despair and deception. I don’t want to know what he is doing or what he has to say, I had said I would send his comments to anyone who wanted to read them and I am reneging on that. I have met some people on here who I trust and consider to be a friend and I would send it to them but I have had requests from people I don’t know and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it with strangers.

I chose to not moderate the comments made on here because when people comment they are looking for support and don’t want to have to wait for me to approve each comment; it would be rather counter productive when I want this to be a place where people can share without judgment and where they can go for support and get it.

I won’t be surprised if he spews again. Next time I will delete his comment immediately and ignore it.  After reading his blog I went to comment and he has his comments moderated so he is obviously not interested in any kind of resolution he is strictly out to destroy my reputation. He used my name and my company name. I have been very careful to not give any information that would bring people to my site if they Google his name because I was not being vindictive.

I was trying to help others involved in abusive relationships. Right from the start I have said JC would have his own version of events. I have used my experiences as a way of relating with people who come here, to show the various tactics narcissists use, and as examples of typical behavior for a narcissist, and it helped me deal with all the pain I was packing and release it, to feel strong again, to find hope again.

Once again I am to blame for every thing, I made him abusive, the reason he was always broke, the reason he cheated, he said he took me back over and over because I would have been homeless yet it was I who always took him in, I have the rent receipts to prove it, any one that knows us knows the truth. That is why now he says he won’t have anything to do with anyone who talks to me, how convenient; then there is no fear M will hear the truth from them and he doesn’t have to pay his step dad back.

Well I am ending contact with his step dad and mother so he can resume contact and live up to his obligations. He is a director for the North American Truckers Guild and another trucking association; I never emailed them to tell them what a scum bag he is, I have known where he works and never contacted his employer.

He has tried everything else and it didn’t work so now that he can see that he didn’t succeed in destroying me, he is resorting to slandering me on the internet using my company name in hopes it will come up when people Google it.

I think that says all anyone needs to know about his character.

He is also obviously jealous of my blog; on his blog he said it is obvious why I am not making much money I spend all my time blogging and I think I am the “Guru of Narcissism” because I get comments like “you saved my life” and “thank God I found your site” and he laughed.

He says in his blog and in his comment that he quit methamphetamine since being with M. He was quiting crack when I met him. He had told me he had quit. They drug test truckers so I believed him; but it certainly explains how he was able to stay up all night and why he was always so broke and I did find out about it close to when I was moving out
(my son walked in on him) but didn’t feel it was appropriate of me to mention it. And it wasn’t relevant information, it didn’t make any difference to how he treated me. He accused me of being a habitual user and that all my lemmings would now become users also. Once again projecting what he is doing onto me and making himself look foolish. I noticed he sent his comment at 4 am, rather a strange time for a normal person to be up on a Sunday morning, I was in bed. If he had come to me and said he had quit and was sorry for his treatment of me I would have understood but this is “confessing enough to make his lie seem real”. There are many things he has done that I haven’t mentioned on here because I didn’t feel it was right.

The ironic thing is, in the 5 years that he has had his blog he has had 207 views. I have had over 60,000 in less than a year. He has named my blog, I don’t know who would visit his blog but a normal person would visit my site to see what I am saying so he might actually be doing me a favor.
I am putting this to rest and carrying on with my life as usual. I refuse to feed his ego any further by responding or allowing him to get to me; I have come too far to turn back now. So my next post will be about my trailer and how that is progressing. Positive, no more negative, no more lies, no more manipulation, no more guilt or trying to defend myself. No more time wasted on some one who didn’t deserve the time he or love he got. I will not allow him to poison my life any more, he can rot in hell for all I care and I hope Karma bites his dick off.