Tag Archives: life changes

Heart Breaks Do Heal

When the victim is leaving or has been dumped for the umpteenth time by the narcissist they feel like they can’t go on, won’t survive the pain.

I know I am not alone when I say I felt like I just wanted to die, life was not worth living. I literally had nothing to live for and no hope of ever changing my bleak future.

As my ex had told me, “No man is ever going to want a psycho, paranoid, whining, suicidal bitch like you anyway”

And I don’t share this video in order to make you think your happiness resides in meeting another man and falling in love.

My point in sharing is to say, what seems hopeless, and what feels like the end to you ever being happy again is just one door closing, a door that needed to close in order for you to find your true self and real happiness.

What you think is a perfect fit and what you thought was your future will seem rediculous a few years from now.

So many victims lament that they want to be their “old self”, happy go lucky, niave, innocent, confident, but don’t know how now that they have known true evil.

You can’t go back, nor should you. You wouldn’t have even gotten into that mess, or stayed if there wasn’t something in you that needed fixing.

I believe we should all spend our whole life learning, growing and trying to be our best selves. I don’t think it is a goal we can ever attain.

Anyway, this woman tells a great story I think any divorcing woman can relate to or anyone who can look back to a time they had lost all hope. We never know what the future holds.

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Update to What’s Going On

Just a quick update to what’s going on here in rainy Clearwater.

First of all we have 5 members of the new blog No Reim’er Reason, I will be sending invitations to those 5 people in a few minutes. Thanks you all for signing up! I am looking forward to working with everyone as we strive to become the best “me” we can be. I hope a few more people will join us.

I was away with my son for the weekend to see my grand daughter, do the trick or treat thing with her and to get my so’s stuff out of his storage unit in Oliver. We had a great time, my grand daughter’s momma made us very welcome, we left Kamloops at about 2 on Saturday afternoon and got to Oliver at 5. We trick or treated until about 7 and then went to the community hall for more Halloween celebrations. For a small town Oliver really knows how to party!

We stayed the night and my son made us a big breakfast (I am getting spoiled by my son cooking breakfast whenever he is home from work) He fries the best over easy eggs I have ever had, I never was able to master over easy like him.

We were on the road by noon and loaded up the truck with his stuff from storage, stopped to visit a friend of his. A girl he taught how to frame a year ago and who just passed her first inspection on building a garage herself. She was so proud as was my boy. Him taking her under his win gave her a new lease on life. She had lost custody of her two boys, was unemployed and with his help and training she is now making $23/hour, working for a company he got her a job and has her boys back. It’s amazing what a little helping hand can do for a person’s self confidence and how it can change a person’s whole life. I was fighting back the tears as she gave me a great big hug and told me what a great son I have.

We got home about 6 and I was in bed by 9. I have a bit of a stomach flue I think and just not feeling great today.

My son is back to work tomorrow.

Kim the other lay living with us has rented herself a mobile home and is moving into that today. She was going to go back east to home and where her friends are but decided to get her own place here instead and she will continue to care for Nova much to my relief. The other people will be arriving mid Nov or early Dec and I will be moving upstairs in the next week or so. All these changes again so soon.  I have to get myself a desk, I can’t keep sitting on the edge of my bed typing, it kills my back. I have been painting Christmas baubles in hopes of selling them to make money for winter boots, winter tires and a desk with a chair.

I have to say I am struggling like I haven’t struggled since leaving James. Giving up everything I owned again has taken a toll I hadn’t expected. I thought I was used to giving things up and starting over but maybe a person never gets to a point where it doesn’t take a toll. Being away from my family and friends, knowing that once the snow flies I am stuck here and my son is going to be gone for most of the time makes me feel trapped, and quite frankly scares the hell out of me.

Blogging From The Boat

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My boat is the one in the middle behind the blue sail boat. I am finally in the boat after days of going back and forth with loads. I was almost in tears yesterday I was so tired. I had to load up stuff and take it off the boat in order to make room for my stuff. There aren’t any stairs at the boat, Stella has mastered jumping from the dock into the boat and out but I had a much harder time moving boxes, thank God for long legs!! First on my list of “to does” is to get steps.
Second on my list is curtains which my mom is working on as I type this. I gave her the measurments and she will sew them.
I am doing this on my phone so it will be short but I wanted to touch base and let everyone know I didn’t drop off the face of the earth and I’m still alive.
I haven’t even read comments for a week so have a lot of catching up to do. I am sorry if anyone has asked me specifically a question. I will try to answer and start posting soon.
For some reason my phone got internet service, I have yet to get my laptop to hook up and might have to get internet in order to have a consistent connection. One thing at a time!!
I am feeling a little out of sorts. I think partly, just moving and it doesn’t feel like home. Partly being on a boat that is always moving, partly not knowing what comes next, the uncertainty can be an adventure but sometimes it’s nice to have certainty.
Anyway, I have to take Stella out for a much deserved walk and then get to work turning this floating disaster area into home.
Love to you all.
Hugs
Carrie