Tag Archives: Living In Poverty

It is so hard to better your life when you have no resources

Quote from Ann Landers

If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity it would be this:
Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life.
and when it comes, hold your head high, look it straight in the eye and say
“I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.”

Ann Landers. b 1918

Knowing When To Fold Them

There is an old Kenny Rogers song that goes something like this:

“You gotta know when to hold ’em
know when to fold them
know when to walk away
and know when to run
Don’t count your blessings
while you’re sittin’ at the table
there’ll be time enough for countin’
when the dealin’ done.”

My apologies if I didn’t get it exactly right; its been alot of years since I heard that song but it has been playing in my head lately.

Hal really pissed me off the other day and I felt helpless to do anything about it. I hate, I mean really hate, being dependent on anyone, so really did not want to accept more money from Jim to get home that night.

It burns my butt to not be totally self sufficient and I can hear JC’s voice ringing in my ears,”See?! I told you you couldn’t make it on your own, I told you someday you’d realize all I did for you”.
But he was wrong, I see all the things he did to me not what he did for me.

When Hal started accusing me of avoiding him, demanding to know how much I was getting for the truck, and talking over me when I was talking and then getting angry with me for not shutting up and saying I was talking over him. I found myself getting frustrated because he was twisting my words and refusing to understand what I was saying. Then it hit me; I don’t have to put up with this any more from anyone, ever again. I know what is fair, I know what is right, and I know when I am being played for a sucker.

I was frustrated, crying and angry but I took control of the situation.  I know he is bad mouthing me and you know what? I really don’t give a shit, I don’t have time for that kind of highschool bullshit. Yeah he’s got $350 of my hard earned money and I got the “shaft” (excuse the pun I couldn’t resist) Like I said to Hal that night, “If I wanted to get screwed over I would have called JC.  I don’t need to go looking for assholes. You knew the position I was in financially and you took advantage of it. I am done with you. You have nothing  to say that I want to hear and I have nothing I want to say to you.” Sure I sat in a parking lot in Langley crying my eyes out, sobbing to the dogs about how unfair life is and asking them ,”what do I do now?”

Then I saw the dumpster behind me and thought, “Nothing like digging in a dumpster to take a girl’s mind off her troubles.” I got a really nice vase, a tall one, you know they’re about 2 & 1/2 feet tall? the kind that sits on the floor with tall grasses in it. It has a $60 price tag on it and I can’t find a thing wrong with it. I also found the cutest Halloween decoration, a Styrofoam pumpkin head with a top hat that just needs a bit of glue, priced at $25. Three nice sweat shirts, 3 cardigans; a white one, blue one and a black one and they all fit me. A few blouses and a dress and jacket in an oriental design I haven’t tried on yet. I also got some really nice smelling vanilla hand soap in a pretty clear glass pump dispenser that I gave to my girl friend and she loves,  she also picked out a glass flower ornament that she liked.

When Jim called to say he was in Langley I was already asleep with my head on Laila, one good thing about really bad times; you know a night sleeping in the truck isn’t going to kill you. The worst thing that happens is you don’t have a toothbrush in the morning, your contacts are stuck to your eyes because you slept with them in and you kinda look like a raccoon because your mascara is smudged.

Sure I fell into a depression the next day and wasted most of the day feeling sorry for myself and when every one told me I should have called the cops and when the guy who wanted to buy it offered me $400 and said he had a tow truck waiting to pick it up I told everyone, “I can’t talk about it right now, I can’t make a decision right now, I will have to get back to you.” and I weighed my options.

I call the police;
I know Hal is an N and I know he’s probably already done damage control, I have a 50/50 chance the police will even listen to me, I have nothing in writing and neither does he so it will be a he said/she said scenario and the cops probably can’t do anything and will tell me to take him to small claims. It would prolong dealing with an asshole and I really don’t need that in my life.

As it is Hal has cost me $850 ($350 I paid him, $300 I lost in the sale of my truck, and at least $200 I would have made on the job in Port Moody I missed and someone else picked up) Plus I’ve wasted more hours on that man than can be calculated because he is always late and if I hadn’t bought the other truck I wouldn’t have been royally screwed because he took so long fixing my GMC and I wouldn’t have had any way to make money to pay him.  I shudder to think about it and it makes me really angry but do I want to waste any more time on the asshole? Do I want him in my life in any way? No!!

Some times doing nothing is really doing the best thing. I don’t want to feed Hal’s need for attention through conflict.

So if I am not calling the cops my other option is to find a driveshaft, buy it and install it myself but that means I have to sit on the phone trying to track one down. Not having phone reception where I live means I will be cutting into time I could be using to make money. I need to make money because I am dead in the water without it.

So like the song says, “I decided to fold and walk away.”
I called the buyer and told him I can’t accept $400 could he do $500? He said he’d ask his son; yes they would go $500. He got a tow truck to pick it up and take it to his place. I said I have to work to make enough money to buy fuel to get the registration to him and he said not a problem. I did a few pickups that I missed last week when my truck was down, now there was even more. So I had a good money making day and got $279 for 3 hours work.

I called Jim and said I’d have his $550 by the end of the day. He said not to leave myself short, he would be happy with $300. I said I wanted to at least pay the $400 he lent me to buy the 1974 Chev. I also owed my girlfriend $100 and wanted to pay her.

So yesterday I was able to buy a jug of oil for the truck, a new pair of work gloves, stock my cupboards with groceries and dog food, and even bought myself a pair of cowboy boots at Value Village for $20. ( For whatever reason wearing cowboy boots makes me feel more confident, when I was still with JC he told me that when I wore my cowboy boots I had an air of confidence about me, that can’t be a bad thing)

Now that I have walked away from the table what are my blessings?
1. I handled it, I didn’t let the bastard intimidate me, I didn’t feed his sick need for drama and attention and walked away with my head held high.
2. The guy who bought the truck got a good deal and I was out $350. Oh well, I really like the guy who bought the truck and guess what! he owns dump trucks and rebuilds antique cars; what does that means? he has scrap! and he is going to call me to come pick up within the next week.
3. I could have spent all day
looking for a driveshaft and then gotten frustrated trying to put it in and possibly had to deal with Hal again today and wasted another day I could have been working. Instead I made almost as much as I lost ($25 less) big deal and today it is all ancient history; I can close that page and move on. It was 10:30 by the time I got to Jim last night but I paid him for the truck and that felt wonderful!!!
I paid my girlfriend and by midnight I was sitting at my kitchen table drinking a ice cold Mike’s Hard Lemonade and eating a turkey tv dinner.

With that out of the way I can focus on getting my butt out of this trailer and I have a few ideas about how to do it. I’m quite excited about one idea but will save that for another post.

Once I am out of here and have an internet connection I have a new career idea I am excited about and could put all my experiences over the past 12 years to good use. But that is a post of it’s own also.

So that’s all folks!
Like my blog says; Playing with the cards I’m dealt, the best I can. This time I decided to fold and walk away. Next time? who knows; I guess we’ll see what I get dealt in the next hand.

Hugs to you all.
off to work I go……hi ho hi ho.

(written Tuesday morning and posted on Wednesday)

I Don’t See a “Kick Me ” Sign On My Back

I don’t expect a free ride; I honestly don’t. Anyone who knows me will tell you I work hard for my money and I would never screw someone over on a deal; never! My conscience wouldn’t allow it. And I hate to be a whiner; live with or change it; but don’t whine about it.

I am so sick of people; (mostly)men screwing me over, pushing me around, and taking advantage of me and the fact that I am vulnerable and my family’s attitude that I deserve what I get because I went back to James.

I never felt I was an N magnet in my life, but I sure do now. It’s as if they hold meetings,
“Ok guys! guys settle down; this meeting has come to order. Men, we’ve got one bitch that just won’t lie down and give up; she’s a tough nut to crack. We’re got to ramp things up and get this done; we’ve spent too much time on her. Now who here has any ideas on what we can do to break this bitch once and for all? JC put your hand down; you had 10 years to get the job gone and you blew it! anyone else? ok You there at the back, state your name and your idea.”

Paranoid? not me!

As you all know life has been a real struggle for me lately but I’ve been dragging myself out there and doing my best to get my life back on track. Last week I was thinking finally things were falling into place.

One of the major stumbling blocks I face is; No internet or phone service  have been trying to sell my GMC because I just can’t afford to fix it; I put an ad placed on Craig’s list, I started at $1600 and then dropped the price to $1200; I started to get some calls at that price but then they wanted to see the truck and it is in Surrey, a good hour from where I living. I drove all the way out there two weeks ago because a guy said he had cash in hand and wanted it. He was a no show and I wasted $40 in fuel and my Sunday, not to mention I could have been at the flea market making money.

So, anyway, the truck I am driving needs brakes REALLY bad; they are squealing and I have a really bad vibration when I put on the brakes. It is also leaking oil and rad fluid. It’s an old truck; I expected gaskets and hoses would need to be replaced and planned to do all these minor repairs when I sold my GMC. Last Thursday I tried to put water in my rad and couldn’t get the cap off, I was going to get a man to try later and then forgot about it. I got a call on my GMC, the guy was only willing to pay $800 cash. I took it, cash is king. I owed my friend Jim $400 and he really needed his money because he is heading out hunting today. At $800 I could pay him and still get my brakes done and do a few other things.

I stopped at Tim Horton’s to use the washroom and get a bite to eat before I called the guy to say I was on my way. I forgot my phone was in my back pocket and when I pulled my jeans down in the bathroom my phone fell in the toilet. Yep folks, there it was submersed at the bottom of the toilet bowl; I was just thankful it fell in before I used the toilet. (notice the positive attitude?)

I tried to dry it best I could under the hand dryer. I can’t use my phone so I can’t call the guy to set up a time to meet and can’t get his number off my phone. I decide to take my phone back to Best Buy and see what they can do for me. On the way my truck starts to overheat so I park it at Lordco and take the dogs for a walk while it cools down. Then I bought some oil, antifreeze and a pair of work gloves at Lordco tried the rad cap and still couldn’t get it off. I try my phone and it worked (kinda) so I call the guy and say I will have to come tomorrow, he is fine with that. I call Jim and he comes and pries my rad cap off, I fill my rad, no visible leaks, must be a hose; he leaves, I go to get fuel and notice a HUGE puddle under my truck. Call Jim again and he says to limp it to his shop. He figures its just a gasket. We take water pump off and replace gasket, put water in, it pours out. I need a new water pump!; piss. It is 1am so Jim lends me his truck to go home and I return in the morning.
No one in Abbotsford has a water pump for a 1974 chev so we order one in. I miss a days work but I am rolling with the punches. I put my phone in a bag of rice over night and its working; only had to buy a $10 sim card. I called the guy and say I am going to be late.
I borrow $100 from Jim for the water pump and even installed it myself and I’m feeling pretty proud of myself. Still rolling with the punches. I head out to do the truck deal, call the guy and he says getting too late lets do it tomorrow. Fine with me.
Saturday first thing I get a call from a customer wanting a pick up in Port Moody, perfect! I can do the truck deal, take the bridge to Pt Moody and go home. I stop at a few customers and get a little load on and made $70; perfect! just enough to buy a permit $30 to drive it over to the guy and I couldn’t find my registration so paid $18 for a replacement, no biggie. Bought myself lunch $6 and a pack of smokes $9 and had just enough fuel to get to Surrey where $800 is waiting for me.
I got to my truck and the cab is full of Hal’s crap (Hal is the guy who “fixed” my driveshaft) and the battery is missing.

I call Hal and tell him I am there to get my truck and what does he figure I owe him. He never did give me an answer. We agreed that I had paid him $350 already so I said I could pay him another $100. He said when do I get the rest? I told him I didn’t feel I owed him more. Of course he feels I owe him for the trany in his van and for all the hours he spent fabricating a driveshaft unnecessarily. He tells me he’s also taken my brake switch off and put it on his truck. He said he’d be there in 1/2 an hour, I tell him I have a job waiting, he says 1/2 hr.

Four hours later I am still waiting; take the dogs for a walk and when I get back he is sitting there eating take out. I walk up and ask if my truck is ready to go, I can see the battery on the ground. He says he’s not doing anything until he’s eaten. I say I’ve been waiting 4 hours and I have a job to get to. He says he’s been waiting 3 months and starts accusing me of not going into Amix to avoid paying him. Why would I have paid him $350 if I wasn’t planning on paying him? Besides that; what is he doing going to Amix and asking if I’ve been in; that’s bullshit! He hauls scrap; he knows prices have been down. He called me a liar when I told him I got more in Abbotsford than at Amix. He’s harping on about my wrecking his trany and owing for that but he still won’t name a price.
I said, “You knew money was tight, how did you expect me to put fluid in the van? it had NO fluids whatsoever, that is your responsibility not mine.”
He says he wants more money than the $100 but still doesn’t name a figure. I keep saying I can only pay $100 and he says,”How much are you getting for the truck?” He wants at least half. I told him no way. He crawls under my truck and takes the driveshaft off. I say give me my $350 back. He says that is for the trany. I am furious (plug your ears because this is where I start swearing) I call him an asshole and he says he can see why I can’t keep a man. I spun around and said,”You can keep your fucking mouth shut, my personal life has nothing to do with you. If I wanted abuse and to get screwed over I would have called James. You have nothing to say that I want to hear; I am done talking to you”. He said something about me being a selfish bitch and I felt like punching him but instead told him, “I told you, keep your fucking opinions to yourself, I don’t give a shit what you think.” and refused to respond to his yabbering.

There are dogs across the street and Mary had let her dogs out so my dogs were going nuts, Hal left with his driveshaft and I gave Mary a hug and left.

I called the guy who was buying it and now he’ll give me $400 for it. I put the $7 I have into fuel but still only got 1/2 way home. I parked the truck and called a few friends, either they didn’t answer or couldn’t help. It is 9 pm, the dogs and I are hungry and I am broke. I start to cry. Enough is enough!

I call Jim to say I don’t have his money, he asks where I am and what I am going to do. I tell him I am going to sleep in my truck and call the guy in the morning and take the $400 I guess. I said I didn’t know what to do. everyone says phone the police but I was so upset I couldn’t think or talk straight.

I fell asleep with my head on Laila and woke up at midnight when Jim called to say he was in Langley and where was I. He bought me dinner and gave me $50 for fuel. I said I hate to borrow more money and he said,” I have to keep you alive because I want you”. Geeezzzzz

I got home at 4 am, no water at home; none. I went to girlfriends for shower yesterday. I have just enough fuel to get down the hill today.

No idea what I am going to do about either truck.

And to top it all off Laila is in heat and Kato is driving us both nuts!!!!

Welcome to my life!