Tag Archives: living on a boat

Sun Rise At The Marina

It doesn’t surprise me that now that I have the internet I am feeling more myself. It is not that I am hooked on the internet per say but I am hooked on writing, the blog, knowing what is going on in the world and trying to find work or some way to make money. I really felt “out of sorts” to be away from the blog, to have the blog out there with my name attached to it, knowing people were asking questions, looking for support and I was unable to help and had no idea what anyone was saying on the blog. My good name is very important to me and I am very careful about what I say on here. I don’t want to mislead anyone but everyone did a wonderful job of supporting each other and new comers and I want to thank you all! But of course you are all loving, caring people or you wouldn’t be here to begin with! That’s what got us in so deep with the Narcissist after all.

I also think I am, once again; adapting to life. It is impossible for me to stay down when I have nature all around me. When I wake up at 5 am and Stella needs to go pee, so in my PJ’s and slippers we walked up the ramp to the grass and see this;

sunrise

You don’t have the benefit of the sound track that goes with the picture, a chorus of birds; how many different varieties, I haven’t a clue, but they harmonized like they have been rehearsing for this morning all their lives, but then, they sound that way every morning.

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I walk Stella several times a day and she has quickly become a fav amongst everyone, she is just so friendly and happy all the time, hard to stay down when she is around and when you are surrounded  by happy pleasant people.

This is a walk we do a couple of times a day, it is a 2km walk that starts at the marina and goes along the dyke. When the tide is out there is a huge mud flats where all the ducks, geese and heron feed off the goodies left behind. I usually let Stella off the leash while we walk and just put her leash back on if I see someone coming with a dog, until we know for sure that the other dog is friendly and if the owner of the dog is friendly. (some aren’t you know? but most are)

Anyway, I digress, the other day I let her off her leash and she took off like she was spring loaded, full tilt down the bank towards the mud flats. I looked to see what she was focused on and saw the geese way out by the water; there was a whole lot of mud between Stella and those geese and I yelled “Stella NOOOOO!!” but she was not going to be deterred, she was going to catch herself a goose!!

I knew I couldn’t go out there, I would get stuck for sure, her saving grace was that she was moving so fast she didn’t have time to sink but I knew I would get 1/2 way out there and start sinking and end up losing a shoe at the very least. Once she had chased the geese for a good 5 minutes and realized she was never going to catch them, she came back to me; covered in mud from her ears to her tail, wagging her tail sending clumps of mud flying in about a 5 foot radius around her. There was no way to wash her off, so all the way back to the boat I gave the heads up, “Muddy dog alert!!” I made her stay on her bed until she was dry and the mud mostly fell off but I had to shake all the sand out of MY bed the next day. (of course she sleeps with me) But how could I get angry? she was being a puppy and life is good when you are a puppy and you can chase anything across a km of mud!

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Looking back to the marina from the dyke. you can just barely see how wide the river is. The marina is actually sheltered by a couple of islands in the middle of the river.

She has two suitors, Turbo, a handsome one year old Cane Corso x that weighs about 100 lbs and can usually be seen dragging his owner down the dyke with the guy hanging onto the leash with both hands and his heels dug into the dirt trying hold Turbo back. But Turbo fell in love with Stella at first glance. Then across from us living on a sailboat is Mate a one year old Irish Setter who does a tap dance on the deck of the boat he is tied to every time Stella walks by and she likes to flaunt her stuff in front of him too, the little manx.

So today I go to meet with the CEO of the company responsible for whether I get funding or not, it will be interesting to see what he has to say. I will keep you informed.

Oh, and btw, someone asked for more specs on the boat. It is 34′ long and 10′ across. The aft berth is 6.5 ‘ long and 8′ across, the salon is 10′ across and 7.5′ long and the galley is 5′ x 8.5’.

Here is a close up pic from this morning and a pic of the swim grid off the back of the boat.

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April202015 057I have been very busy polishing chrome and doing small repairs every where. It is amazing how a little work is making such a difference. i will post more pics of the inside later. The curtains my mom made look great, but we only got half of them hung because it was no easy task getting a curtain rod up, the old one was so brittle it broke so I have to improvise something.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

Blogging From The Boat

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My boat is the one in the middle behind the blue sail boat. I am finally in the boat after days of going back and forth with loads. I was almost in tears yesterday I was so tired. I had to load up stuff and take it off the boat in order to make room for my stuff. There aren’t any stairs at the boat, Stella has mastered jumping from the dock into the boat and out but I had a much harder time moving boxes, thank God for long legs!! First on my list of “to does” is to get steps.
Second on my list is curtains which my mom is working on as I type this. I gave her the measurments and she will sew them.
I am doing this on my phone so it will be short but I wanted to touch base and let everyone know I didn’t drop off the face of the earth and I’m still alive.
I haven’t even read comments for a week so have a lot of catching up to do. I am sorry if anyone has asked me specifically a question. I will try to answer and start posting soon.
For some reason my phone got internet service, I have yet to get my laptop to hook up and might have to get internet in order to have a consistent connection. One thing at a time!!
I am feeling a little out of sorts. I think partly, just moving and it doesn’t feel like home. Partly being on a boat that is always moving, partly not knowing what comes next, the uncertainty can be an adventure but sometimes it’s nice to have certainty.
Anyway, I have to take Stella out for a much deserved walk and then get to work turning this floating disaster area into home.
Love to you all.
Hugs
Carrie

Life Is A Journey Without GPS

I have never been able to read a map worth crap, so it kinda makes sense that my life path tends to take detours. There are people in the world who stay the course their whole life, they set a plan in their twenties and they have pretty well stayed on course from that day forward. Not me!! Why? I think part of it is I get bored, I enjoy a challenge and I tend to be passionate and jump in with both feet before I think to ask “How’s the water?”

The jumping in with both feet used to work out ok for me when I was younger. I didn’t want to ever say “I wonder what would have happened if………” When I met Kristofer’s father he was in the army and transferred to the other side of the country 4 weeks into us starting to date. He said to me one night about a week before he was due to leave, “If I thought you’d say yes I’d ask you to come with me.” and I replied, “If you asked I might say yes.” He asked I said “We’ll see”.

I went to work the next day and put in for a transfer to Borden Ontario, it was a small bank, not likely to have an opening come up for months or a year. I took a couple of weeks vacation and drove with him to Ontario, met his folks (his mother didn’t speak a word of english) I flew home and walked into work and was told my transfer came through and I was to start work in Ontario the next Monday.

I called Victor and asked if he still wanted me to come and he said yes, he still had a week before he had to report for duty so he hopped on a plane, we sold all my furniture and loaded the rest of my stuff in my Honda Civic (diarrhea green) and drove across Canada for the second time in 3 weeks and that was that. It didn’t end up lasting “til death do us part” but we got a son out of the deal and until I met James I thought he was the love of my life.

My heart was broken when we split but he was not a narcissist and he didn’t try to destroy me. We had our reasons for splitting for sure but as anyone who has been with a narcissist knows; a narcissist has their own version of pain that far surpasses anything in the natural world.

I have bought houses on a whim and done well, taken jobs on a whim and had them work out great, my first house after Kris’s dad and I split I got after having a job for 6 months and it was only supposed to be a one year position, I took out a second mortgage to be paid in full in 2 years. I had no idea how I was going to pull it off but I had the job for 12 years and sold the house 4 years later for double my money.

I got used to my life going that way. Sure I would worry, I would be beside myself sometimes with worry about where the mortgage payment was going to come from but I had an excellent credit rating and at one point I had a full time job and a paper route to make ends meet. I always found a way.

After years of things working out I was very confident in my ability to recoup from anything and wasn’t too concerned when I jumped in with both feet because I always bounced back before, I knew I would again.

Until I didn’t. After having my feet kicked out from under me a few times I am not so cocky and confident. At 30 I didn’t anticipate ever having 2 heart attacks, not having money, investments or at least credit! It is a lot harder to recoup when you have nothing to recoup with and you have lost faith in yourself. I feel like I am hanging on the ledge of the highest mountain I have ever climbed and all I need is a little boost up or hand up and I will crest the top and never look back. Deep down I feel that the answer is within my finger tips but I just don’t know what the answer is. Write a book, it usually doesn’t make a person enough money to live on and what do I live on while I write the book? I know a book would open doors that could lead to a comfortable living. I think I have lost my innocence (a narcissist has a tendency to do that to a person) and now I know things don’t always work out but I still believe that things happen for a reason.

Life is such a journey, mine is never boring that is for sure and I cant help but get into my own story; like when you find a really good book and you want to see how it ends, want to flip forward and see what happens next to the character in the book. I like that feeling, I was missing it, I remember having it years ago, prior to James, actually I didn’t lose it until about 1/2 way into the relationship with James.

As much as things have not gone as I had hoped I am quite curious about seeing how this all ends and how many more twists and turns there’s going to be to the plot before we get there. Where is there? Your guess is as good as mine.

The most recent plot changes happened this week. I was so uncertain about going to Oliver. I had said yes immediately because that is me, ready to jump in without really thinking it through, especially when it comes to helping my kid. But I have to remind myself that I do not have the recouping ability I had 25 years ago. I cannot work like a dynamo day after day and “just get the job done.” People who know me are used to me moving and after two days I have all the pictures hung and I am having company for dinner.

That is the mom Kristofer remembers and expects, I think in his mind I froze at age 30, and he is 31, do the math.

Anyway, aside from my car needing new tires, that I have never even done an oil change on the thing and had it two years, it is a 1995 Saturn and might not even make it the 9 hour drive and I could end up broken down in the mountains with no cell service and no money; there were other things holding me back. I was walking away from at least $200 a month extra income per month, all my friends and family, and going to  where I know no one. But the biggest thing holding me back and the thing that made me say yes so quickly to begin with; the mother of my grand daughter.

She is a narcissist, screaming, controlling, vicious, vindictive, psycho narcissist and I wanted to protect my son from her wrath. I was packing one night and thinking about what I was about to do, move all that way because she needed help being a single mom. Women do it every single day, I did it, you hire a babysitter, you adjust your life to accommodate the child. She had promised to move closer to my son but reneged on that promise and moved to the smallest, middle of nowhere town and my son gave up an $80,000 a year job to follow so he could be near his daughter. He can’t find work there, not that pays him enough to pay his child support etc. He is at the age where he has to make some smart career moves, he is in construction and he is already feeling the effects on his body. He has a great talent and reputation and experience to be making $40/hour, he should not have to settle for $25 an hour doing a job he hates. He has fines to pay off before he can drive legally in BC and will go to jail if he is caught driving, he had job offers that would enable him to pay off the debt in 6 months. There was no other reasonable option, jail…….job……. not a decision that takes too much thought. He has always paid his child support and he is a dedicated daddy (his daughter didn’t even know he was her daddy for the first 4 years of her life) long story, but the mom was with another guy and he was daddy. My son was mommy’s friend, he paid his child support, he worked all week, got in his truck on Friday night, drove 12 hours, sleep for a couple of hours, saw his daughter for a couple of hours and then drove all the way back to start work on Monday again and didn’t even have the respect to be called daddy. It burns my butt in the biggest way.

Anyway, he was getting all sorts of flack from the mom and that is why I said I would go, to take the pressure off him. But as I was packing, thinking about moving there I kept thinking, “I just got away from one narcissist who controlled me and now I am willingly going right back into a situation where a narcissist is going to be calling the shots and I am going to be stuck there” The more I thought about it the more pain I had in my chest and I thought I was going to end up in the hospital with heart attack number 3. I had to stop and do some relaxation techniques and the pains passed.

I asked my brother what his thoughts on the move were and he said, the Pros – you are closer to your grand daughter Cons – You have to deal with that psycho bitch everyday. tough call.

My mom thinks it would be a big mistake and most of the people here weren’t to keen on it either. When I looked at all the pros and cons I knew I could not go. It was not the best thing for me. So then I had to break the news, I called my son, he was disappointed for sure, then I had to the mom and chickened out and text messaged instead. You guessed it, she called my son and spewed venom all over him. He called me and was furious. I don’t think I have ever had him that angry with me. I knew his anger was misplaced, I knew he was reacting to her venom but it was an ugly conversation and I started to have such bad chest pains I had to get off the phone. My son text messaged and called the next day to apologize and we are fine. But I should not have said yes before I thought it through, I have to learn to not say yes immediately, it is my go-to reaction from years of jumping in with both  feet and it just doesn’t work for me any more.

It was hard to renege, I don’t renege on promises but I knew in my gut it was a mistake; I am proud of myself that I acted on my gut and didn’t succumb to pressure or guilt. It was a huge step for me and something I have needed to do for many years. It is one of the reasons I went back to James so many times, I would be so thrilled he called and wanted me back I would say yes and then later think, “Why did I say yes? I don’t really want to go back” but I would have said I would and I didn’t want to renege. He had come to me spouting off all the things I had wanted to hear for years and I would think, “I have to go back, he is promising all the things I have asked for.” inside I would be thinking “A little too little too late” but I would go back. If I would have waited a few weeks or days I would have found out they were empty promises.

So that was my growth spurt this week, growing pains and all.

I got a text from my brother the other day asking what my plans were, that he was worried about me and I can live on his boat and we will work it out. So I am going today to take the first load to the boat. I will take pictures and share.

It is going to be different living on a boat, an introduction to living in a Tiny House. I still have to get rid of my furniture but if I build a tiny house I won’t need it anyway. I have been purging for a week. It is going to be a different lifestyle that is for sure.  The boat is my brother’s old boat, he bought himself a newer much nicer boat this summer and my son was going to buy his old boat but then he moved to Oliver and my brother got his old boat back. This big boats are not an easy thing to sell and it has been sitting for a while and can use some polishing and paint which I will do while living in it. he will get more for it fixed up and I will enjoy doing the work.

For now it is a reasonable solution and it keeps me from sleeping in my car.

I have not been able to respond to everyone’s comments and try to answer the ones that seem the most pressing but I am going to be very busy from now until about the 7th of April. I am moving today and tomorrow, cleaning the cabin Saturday, celebrating Easter and my 57th birthday on Sunday at my mom’s and taking the final stuff to the boat on Monday.

Have a great few days and maybe I will post pics later.

Let your light shine!!