Tag Archives: Lost

A New Support Site Worth Checking Out

New support site

I have felt bad for a long time now about not being available to listen and help other survivors of narcissistic abuse. When I first started the blog 8 years ago I was monitoring it 24/7 and was able to be present and available almost any time someone needed to talk, cry, rage or just ask a simple question, or needed a complex answer to something.

It wasn’t always easy, times when I didn’t have a computer and did all my posts on my Blackberry, or couldn’t afford the internet, was living in my car, or my health was so bad I thought I was going to die; but I always found a way to get on the site and check on everyone.

In all honesty it was not as altruistic as it sounds, I needed the site as much as anyone and I also felt I was a few steps ahead of most everyone coming to the site and even if I didn’t have the answers to everything, and didn’t always know the right thing to do; I felt obligated to share my mistakes in hopes others didn’t make the same ones I did. I don’t know where I would have been without the support and encouragement I got from everyone here, not to mention the financial contributions I received, that quite literally kept me fed at times.

I still get the odd donation and it always brings tears to my eyes. As much as the money always helps, it is the fact that someone cares or is grateful or helped by my ramblings that fills my heart. This blog was my rebirth, through it I found the courage to speak honestly because I was never criticized for it, in fact I was praised for my openness and saying it like it is.

I would still like to write a book some day, I have it started……..I just have to find the time to getter done.

But, the last year I have found life getting in the way of the things I want to do, or maybe I have come to the stark reality that I am not getting any younger, 61 yrs old; and I have nothing! If I don’t somehow find a way to provide some security for my future I am in big trouble. I was told 2 years ago that without a heart transplant I wouldn’t live 6 months, so now I am concerned I might live and not be able to survive.

Plus life just keeps kicking me, or the narcs in the world and on Friday I go to court to fight some psycho who wants my dog killed because he says she is vicious. She has never bitten anyone in her life, but they decided to deem her vicious and now she is supposed to be muzzled at all times and kenneled or chained, I refuse to do it because she didn’t do anything; so I am going to court. I don’t know why the guy is lying through his teeth and is focused on killing MY dog, but then, narcissists don’t make sense. They want to destroy things and if you happen to be in their line of vision at the time it strikes them, they will take you down just for the sport of it, to show you they are all powerful. It doesn’t help that he works for the district and of course would have connections and loyalty from any department of the district.

Anyway, I didn’t start this post as a rant about my personal problems; I just wanted to say that I will always leave the site up and pay my $24/ year to keep it active. At one point I had over 3000 followers and was getting thousands of hits a day, it’s down to a few hundred hits a day now, but, when I started I thought if I helped even one woman avoid what I went through, I would be happy and it would have all been worthwhile. Well, it far exceeded my wildest dreams and for that I am extremely grateful. I will still pop in like I have been but I got an invite to “Empaths and Survivors”, took a look and I think it could be a really good support system for victims of abuse. So Check it out and tell Karen I sent you. 🙂

 

I Can NOT Believe This!!

I can NOT believe this, it is simply beyond comprehension and I am about to lose it completely!! That is why I am blogging right now, to try and calm down and breath!

As you all know I live in a VERY small trailer, if the dogs need to go pee and we are all at the door there wouldn’t be room for another person to stand. I always sit at the table with the heater beside me. The table is where I do everything. I eat, blog, do my makeup, remove my makeup, take out my contact lens and put in my contact lens.

There is no where to lose anything. Its impossible because there is only one place it would be, on the table and IF it isn’t on the table it will be on the floor under the table. Granted the place is a pig sty because I don’t have enough room to store everything, especially since its winter and I have boots and heavy coats, sweaters etc. This trailer was made for a 2 week vacation when you are wearing T-shirts and shorts. So I spend most of my time at the trailer frustrated and tripping over things or bumping into things.

This morning I was taking Dee’s comment to heart and trying to research on the net how to get published in certain magazines; which is an exercise in frustration in itself. I don’t have consistent internet or cell service and lost my connection for the ump teenth time and decided to forget it and received a messaged saying Home Depot called 2 hours ago, I have a voice to text feature on my plan because that way I can read my voice messages and they needed a pick up asap!!! Damn!!! Two hours ago!!

I jump into high gear and go to put my contact lens in and I can’t find them. I have torn the trailer apart! Where could they be? I pulled everything out from under the table, everything off the table, removed the seat cushion, swept the floor, nothing!! It is F’n ridiculous!!! I know I had them when I got home!! I know I took them out!! I know I took them out while sitting at the table. I also know that Laila has stolen a pop tart off the table in the middle of the night and she loves to chew anything and every thing!!

I know I am blind without them, I can’t even phone Home Depot to say why I am not there, I don’t have the money to replace them and couldn’t drive down the hill without contacts even if I did have money!

You all must get sick of my bitching, I know I do!! But good grief!! Give me an flippin’ break God!! This is too much! I fail to see the humor.

To top it all off we are into like day 10 of constant rain.

Well, I am going to rip the bed apart now and hope I find the contact lens case intact in there. If not Laila is going to be having an uncomfortable pooh later on!!