Tag Archives: Making fun of narcissists

The Narcissist Handbook

book

When I first started researching what happened to me I was constantly amazed at how similar everyone’s story was to my own. Here I had thought I was all alone and no one understood what I was going through then all of a sudden I was rereading posts of other people’s experiences because I thought I had somehow already commented or it was one of his ex’s. How on earth could all these women have the exact same experiences as me?

It became even more apparent when I started my blog. Sometimes someone would comment and it was so similar to my story I would go and check the IP number to see where the person was from; but from all corners of the world there are men and women telling the same story, right down to the same lines the narcissist uses.

How can they all be so much alike? Take any nationality, sure there are common traits among certain cultures but they don’t all use the same lines and do exactly the same things. Once you get to know what narcissists are like it is very easy to predict their next move.

They always think they are so special and unique when in fact they are the most predictable and boring people on earth.

I have an active imagination sometimes and have often thought perhaps they sold their souls to the devil in a previous life and are destined to do the devil’s work for ever more.

I have pictured an auditorium full of men (women are in another auditorium next door) talking among themselves and then the lights dim and the devil appears at the podium, clears his throat and waits for the room to fall silence, when it does he welcomes everyone and starts giving a course on “How to Get Everything You Want by Using Other People”.

At the end of the course he announces his new book,”Narcissism for Dummies 101″, is available for sale out in the lobby, and encourages everyone to buy it now for an introductory offer of 75% off the suggested retail price. It is the perfect accompaniment to the course.  Inside there are chapters titled,

” The Chameleon – Becoming A “Soul Mate” To Anyone In 10 Easy Steps”,

“Juggling 101 – How To Have Multiple Partners Fighting For Your Attention”. and the invaluable chapter

“History – Rewriting History To Suit Your Agenda (and drive your partner crazy)” and the ever popular,

“Word Salad – A Dictionary for Narcissists Listing Double Means For Words”.

But that’s not all!! oh no!! If you buy the book tonight you can get the special one time offer of 50% off on the “Narcissist Phrases Book” a handy-dandy little reference book every narcissist should have for those times when you want to baffle them with bullshit. Phrases for every possible occasion, “Phrases for when you are caught cheating”, “Phrases to instill guilt’, “Phrases to cause confusion.” No self-respecting narcissist should be without it!

Not only that! For tonight only, a special preferred customer offer, for purchasing the phrase book; for a mere $5, we will throw in the “Facial Expressions That Make You Look Almost Human” an invaluable guide for any soulless person (and it comes with a mirror!!!) it is much like the series of books for children, the “Mr” books (ie: Mr Grumpy, Mr. Happy). and clearly shows how to make a happy face, Sad face, Mad face, Sorry face and much more, the book also gives examples of when the various facial expressions are appropriate. (we will not be held liable should you use the wrong expression at the wrong time and you use the book at your own risk that it may blow up in your face, at which time follow the narcissist motto: deny deny deny)

And that’s not all folks!! Oh no!! because we appreciate your purchase so much, as our thanks to you, we are throwing in the Narcissist Game; yours to keep whether you keep the rest of the package or not. Get hours of enjoyment playing the Narcissist Game with friends, lovers, and family, ripping them off right under their noses, our gift to you!

If for any reason you are not satisfied with the books you can return them for a complete refund up to 60 days after the date of purchase, no questions asked. Just ship back to us COD and we will cover the costs of shipping and handling, and remember you get to KEEP the Narcissist Game as our gift to you!!

(as in true narcissist fashion the guarantee is total bullshit and you will never get your money back, in fact we will charge you twice on your charge card and totally disappear off the face of the earth and open under a different name. You took the course, you should know better than to think a narcissist would ever be true to their word. We say anything to get what we want, we promise anything and totally deny it later anyway and if you don’t know that you should take the course over again. We offer a refresher course for half price!)