Tag Archives: Murder

Listen

It’s been nearly 5 years since Maple Batalia was murdered by her ex boyfriend as she was leaving Simon Fraser University in Surrey, BC; with a friend. I have placed a link to the newspaper article below.

Find the story here

A short back ground to the story:

Maple was 19 when she was murdered, had been a very beautiful young girl and dated her murderer for two years, the mother’s of the two young people were friends. The boyfriend was controlling and Maple had enough but he was not taking it well and was texting incessantly, up to 100 texts a day and stalking her. Eventually he bought a gun and knife and attacked her from behind, shooting her in the abdomen twice and then slashing her head and face numerous times.

I watched a news segment on the murder the other day because the trial for the boyfriend was finished this week. They were interviewing Maple’s mother who proudly showed pictures of her beautiful daughter, talked about how her daughter had been so intelligent, kind and never gave the family cause for concern. The mother now works raising awareness about violence against women.

The reporter asked her if she had any advice for other parents who might have a daughter going through what Maple did and she said, “Listen“. She said she has one regret, she can see now that Maple tried to talk to her but she was so busy with the other children and thought Maple was able to handle the problem on her own. She didn’t understand the danger and thought eventually the guy would get over it.

I have had people say to me, “He would have gotten her anyway, there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.” So what? we just let it keep happening because there is nothing that can be done to stop these murderous monsters?

If other people are aware of what is going on, if people get involved and step in, make it known to the abuser they are on to him and don’t agree with what he is doing, if the police are notified, if the victim is believed and knows the seriousness of the situation she is in; I believe there would be far fewer deaths of innocent women.

I remember years ago JC and I were driving down the road in his 1 Ton and he was punching me from the driver’s seat as we were going down the road. All of a sudden a car with two guys in it pulled up along side yelling something about being a man and why doesn’t he pick on someone his own size. They then cut him off and were shaking their fists at him through the back window. He pretended like he didn’t even see them but he stopped hitting me.

Another time he came at me with his fists raised and I curled up in a ball on the floor and was yelling for help. My friend who happened to be walking past saw a crowd forming outside our back door and came to investigate. When she heard the cries for help she jumped into action and bust through the door; landing in the kitchen on both feet (she was probably 4’11” and not even a 100 lbs) she yelled, “What’s going on in here?” JC immediately backed off. She told me there were at least 10 people standing outside most of which were men, some were even laughing.

We can not be silent any longer and we can not ignore what is right under our noses. I don’t expect people to put their own lives in danger but there are ways to get involved and help the victims without stepping in to danger themselves.

I had no idea that him choking me until I passed out, or throwing me across the room was domestic abuse. If it didn’t leave bruises, was it abuse? When I told anyone, no one seemed overly concerned or appalled by his actions so maybe it wasn’t abuse. Like he kept saying, it wasn’t like he came home and beat me every day.

There is a list that anyone working with domestic abuse victims must check to decide how much danger the victim is in. I never would have guess that choking is a high sign that the abuser is capable of murdering the victim. There are obvious signs like having a gun, but people don’t take things like stalking seriously. They think he is just jealous and it is a sign he loves her.

Stalking is a sign of control not love and is on the list of warning signs that he is capable of doing her major harm.

We need to break the silence and educate our young women and men to recognize the signs of abuse and how to protect themselves.

 

 

 

Oscar Pistorius Finally Found Guilty Of Murder

To be honest, I never thought Oscar Pistorius would face the charge of murder, I didn’t have faith in the laws and society to see the truth. But the appeal court agreed with the prosecutors that the manslaughter conviction had been based on a misinterpretation of the law.

How his guilt could have ever been in doubt I don’t know but then I remember my own mother’s reaction to his sobbing in court, snot and all; declaring his innocence.

My mother had been surprised I thought he was guilty, after all he threw up he was so upset about what happened, and he sobbed so hard in court and well, he had reason to feel vulnerable what with not having his legs. When I had pointed out he had a history of abusing past girlfriends she had said, “Oh but that was years ago!” I wanted to believe my mother was the minority but the longer the court case went on it seemed she just may have been in the majority, with the opinion that at least that there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him of murder.

The story he told was that he woke up to a noise and thought his place had been broken into, grabbed his gun and heard noises coming from the bathroom. Believing the thief had locked himself in the bathroom Pistorious chose to shoot through the bathroom door; without calling out to see who was in there, even though his beloved girlfriend was not in the bed beside him when he woke and got out of bed.

Oscar-Pistorius

This is a man who was supposed to be a trained in how to handle a gun and yet, did not wait to identify his victim before shooting blindly into a locked door? My father taught me how to handle a gun before I even reached my teens.

If someone broke into the house I was to get his gun from where he kept it stored and the ammunition from where IT was stored, load the gun, position myself in the bathtub (because from that location I could see straight down the hall into the living room and my back would be against the wall.) I was to sit there and wait until I could see who I was about to shoot so as not to shoot a family member. Luckily I never had to test my aim or nerve to shoot someone but I can tell you, I would NOT have shot into a locked bathroom door without knowing where my partner was first.

So typical of a narcissist/psychopath that he didn’t even think that anyone would think twice about his defense. What kind of coward would wake up to an empty bed and not immediately call out for his girlfriend to ensure her safety? Why on earth would he assume it was a thief locked in the bathroom?

Because it was all a lie, him and Reeva had argued that night as they did many times because of his jealousy. He got enraged and she was afraid for her life and locked herself in the bathroom thinking she would be safe in there. In a rage and knowing she had reached her fill; was going to leave him and he could not stand the thought of losing her to some other man, he got the gun he kept by his bed and shot through the door, killing her in cold blood.

Not all victims of a narcissist/psychopath are as “lucky” as I was, not everyone gets proof of an N’s extraordinary acting abilities.  But I will never forget James ability to switch on the tears at any given moment. Or go from sobbing about his ex’s death one minute to laughing about how it had always bothered her that he was with me. Even seeing it with my own eyes I doubted anyone could be as heartless as he is and still had moments of self doubt and thoughts that maybe I made him the way he was or deserved the way he treated me. It takes work to get over these toxic chameleons, don’t expect yourself to never have self doubt; you have to keep telling yourself the truth until it sinks in.

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oscar

In typical narcissist fashion he put on quite a display of emotions and made himself out to be the victim.

 

 

 

As it is he has only served a 6th of his sentence and was out of prison and under house arrest when this new verdict came down, it will be interesting to see what kind of sentence he will get now. For sure it won’t be the punishment he deserves.

I am ecstatic that for once a narcissist didn’t “get away with murder” but it still drives home the fact that even when a narcissist commits cold blooded murder he has people who will believe his innocence, is it any wonder victims of domestic abuse are not taken seriously and their pleas for help go unanswered?

Once again I was reading up on domestic abuse and the figures blow my mind, one in 4 women in Canada and the US will suffer abuse in her life time, one in 3 worldwide. Schizophrenia affects .04 % of the population and we hear about it all the time, yet it is estimated that 4% (I think a very low estimate) of the population are narcissists. Anorexia is said to be epidemic at 3.40 % of the population being affected. Yet we hardly ever hear about narcissists, there are no support groups or awareness campaigns about the Anti-Social disordered living among us. No one is teaching our girls how to protect themselves and recognize the signs of a toxic abusive soul sucker.

In the video below people who knew Reeva speak about who she was and the relationship she had with Pistorious; it could have been the story of anyone of the victims who have visited this blog, the immediate attraction, the whirlwind romance, he couldn’t get enough of her or do enough for her. Their relationship was described as “like something out of a movie”. Unfortunately the people who tell her story still believe that love was the basis of the relationship when love had nothing to do with it, Pistorious wanted to own Reeva, control her, and keep her all to himself, she was a possession to him; it had nothing to do with love.

Again it is proven that we have a long way to go in raising awareness about narcissists and domestic abuse and the need to educate victims, law enforcement, the courts and society in general. Don’t ever think your voice doesn’t make a difference, that one person can not create change and make a positive difference, or save lives. As victims unite around the globe, each speaking out about their experiences, there is a chorus rising up, getting louder and louder………eventually it will be so loud it can not be ignored.

I want to thank everyone who speaks out and tells their story on this blog, every time someone shares their story it validates my story; it is the combined effort of everyone here that makes the difference to victims looking for answers. I know whenever I was filled with self doubt I would read the comments on my blog and know that I could not be crazy and making it up, not if everyone had the same story as me. One person might be able to make up a wild story but there is no way hundreds of crazy, psycho bitches could all come up with the exact same experiences just by chance.

Never be silenced again!! United we are strong and through our combined voices we WILL end domestic abuse!

 

 

I Can’t Seem To Stay Away-No Contact Is Just Too Hard

“He always talks his way back into my life”, “I don’t think he could ever really hurt me”, “Once we split he always feels so sorry and I take him back”, “He just won’t leave me alone, I asked him to, but he keeps calling, telling me he needs me”; “I feel sorry for him”, “He admitted to everything he ever did wrong and cried real tears”, “I will just go talk to him, hear what he has to say”, “I know I should stay away but he makes me feel guilty”, “I know he is a liar, I just want to see what he has to say for himself”, “I know he is unhealthy for me but I can’t help it, I love him, I need him, I am addicted to him”, “I am trying to wean myself from him slowly,” “maybe if I break it off slowly it won’t hurt so bad or he will slowly get the hint and find someone else”.

I am sure I have missed a few of the excuses you tell yourself and anyone who asks why you keep him in your life even though he makes you so unhappy and treats you so badly. You probably think you are only hurting yourself, what harm can it do to just hear what he has to say? You can always think of a hundred reason to call him, I remember almost daily I could come up with some problem only he could solve, or need advice only he could give, or have some need to be in his neighborhood. Especially when you first split, every where you go you are thinking about him, you see something that you know he would like, you hear something that you know would interest him, you will feel the need to contact him dozens of times in a day. It took me over a year to not want to buy something I knew he would like, or when I saw something while hauling scrap that I knew he would have been thrilled to get off my truck; I struggled with tossing it off the truck and not giving it to him. I remember how we would split and still never go a full day without seeing each other or at least making contact somehow. I would lie to everyone, even myself; and say I won’t take him back this time, this time he had taken it too far, cheated one too many times, or messed with my truck for the last time but I really wanted him to come to me and beg me to come back. I was a prime candidate to be sucked in by the lies, because I wanted to hear them so bad. As long as he was lying to me, I could lie to myself and I was off the hook and didn’t have to take responsibility for my own pain. After all, he lied; I was honest. But to be honest, I knew when he was lying, especially in the last few years, the last time he came to apologize, I knew he was lying but i didn’t have proof, plus he was saying all the things I longed to hear for so long and I didn’t have any better offers. I wanted to believe he was being honest, so I did.

I conveniently forgot those times when he had stalked me, the times I had feared for my life, he appeared so sincere now in front of me with tears streaming down his face, this man in front of me was not the same man who had stood towering over me spewing his hate-filled venom at me, calling me a selfish bitch with his fists clenched and loathing in his eyes, as I ;lay curled in a ball in the corner with my arms wrapped around my head yelling for help. After all, we had gone a couple of years without any sign of violence on his part, mind you, I had been independent and had my own place so he was not in the power position, he knew it was easy for me to leave. That is why when we got back together he had to destroy my truck and my ability to be independent. Once he did, there was nothing to stop his hatred. There is no way i can tell you what he was thinking. it makes no sense to beg a person back so you can hate them, make them dependent on you so you can reject them. That is something that someone filled with hate would do. A normal person would want to get as far away as possible from a person they hate.  He told me once that he had never been as violence with any women like he was with me and that when I was curled in a ball and he saw that fear in my eyes he felt powerful, he liked it, knowing he could reduce me to a shake blob of fear curled on the floor. but it disgusted him at the same time, he didn’t respect me.

As with all things, what gives a person a rush of adrenaline, what excites them loses it’s effect after a while and the narcissist has to ramp it up to get the same sense of power. For one thing, the victim gets immune to the abuse and doesn’t react as strongly the 15th time she catches him screwing around, he knows she will take him back, she always does, she knows she will take him back, she always does. It becomes “just the way they are”, the victim gets complacent and loses her natural instincts to sense danger because it has become part of the day, part of the way the relationship “works”, he gets angry, she does this, he does that, he apologizes, she forgives, and so it goes but it gets boring for the narcissist. The narcissist thrives on power, if he can make you cry he feels in control, after you have forgiven him so many times he has to do something worse to prove to himself he still has that power and control. At some point in time, who knows when; he will cross the line and go too far. He will get lost in his need to control, he is a sick person remember, he doesn’t think like a normal person, he doesn’t reason like a normal person. The victim is the cause of all things bad in his life and to continue to play Russian Roulette with a narcissist is gambling with your life, you never know when he will lose all sense of reality or just stop pretending to care, you will be more bother than you are worth. Or you will finally end it before he is ready, or he will just deem you worthless.

I was talking to a fellow the other day and he happens to be good friends with the people who live next door to the woman who was burned alive by her abusive boyfriend. He told me that his friends had to move out of their trailer because it was so badly smoke damaged and the trailer next door is just a charred rumble. His friends have a 16 year old son who refuses to ever go back to the trailer. He can’t even go in the trailer park, the minute he does he has a panic attack. All the kid keeps seeing the trailer engulfed in flames and hearing the screams from inside. I asked if the couple were split at the time and he said it had been an “on again off again” relationship. They had been split at the time and he was staying with friends in a small community about 20 minutes away. That is where the police found him and arrested him that night.

You can bet that the woman knew he could kill her, but she told herself she was being paranoid, he never really hurt her, maybe she thought she was appeasing him by staying in contact, maybe she was afraid to end it totally and thought she could wean him out of the relationship. Or maybe she thought he could change, who knows what she was thinking but she obviously was playing Russian Roulette, had gotten complacent with the abuse, numbed to it, the relationship had become “just the way they were” maybe she was tired of the fighting and found it easier to just give in to him. I am sure if she would have thought he was going to kill her she would have taken precautions, When I feared for my life I didn’t go to the cops, I was afraid they would think I was crazy, I didn’t tell anyone because whenever I did people would shut down, change the subject, tell me I was imagining things and look at me like I was insane.

if you wait for ;proof that he can kill you it will be too late. Believe me, if he is capable of hurting you to the degree he has already, he doesn’t have a conscience that would stop him from killing you. I am not even telling you to leave, that is something you have to do with well thought out plan if possible but once you do leave, or he leaves you; please stay away.