Tag Archives: Murder

There Is Such A Thing As Murder By Suicide

I started the blog in hopes that, by sharing my experiences with a narcissist I would help other women dealing with the same confusion and pain. Occasionally a man would come in and be angry because I was talking about narcissists as if all narcissists are men. I have always stated there are female narcissists, but I am writing about my personal experience and that is why I refer to narcissists as “he”, and there are more male narcs than females.

A few months ago in my local town, there was an emergency broadcast put out telling people to stay in their homes and lock the doors because there was a manhunt on for a guy with a gun. His girlfriend posted on Facebook that she and the children were ok but he had left the house with his gun and no one knew what his intentions were. She was afraid for his safety. Bulletins were every where with pictures of his truck and his smiling face.

I didn’t know the guy, he was only a couple of years older than my son; I guess that’s why he was on my mind a lot.

Days passed and it became a missing person’s case and then they found his truck, and then him, dead. Criminality was not suspected.

A couple of months later I received an invitation to a private Facebook group. I think I was included in a blanket invite to the site by mistake. I went to the site and it was for the friends of a local man who had recently died. I left the site because I realized I must have been invited by accident but curiosity sent me back and after reading for a few minutes I realized they were mourning the death of the man from the manhunt. He had shot himself, leaving two young children behind and a huge group of lifelong, loving friends.

Our local newspaper published an interview with the girlfriend and as all people do these days she had started a; “Go Fund Me” asking for money for the children’s education etc. from the newspaper article and Go Fund Me campaign I assumed the children were either hers and his or hers and he was the step dad. I did get a funny feeling in my gut reading the girlfriends interview, it seemed unemotional, detached, ……. just strange, but I chalked it up to being in shock and grief.

As I read the comments made by his friends and ex’s I got to know the kind of man he had been, a devoted father, hard working, award winning photographer, a nature lover, a sense of humor and a friend you could count on. He didn’t sound like someone who would commit suicide, he had so many friends who obviously loved him very much. Even his ex’s spoke highly of him.

Bit by bit I got a clearer picture of who this fellow was and the relationship he had with the woman claiming to be his girlfriend. It turns out that the grieving girlfriend hadn’t come home the night before and in fact been with another man. The man who killed himself had posted on FB that he was needing a place to live and the relationship was over, this time. There had been other breakups and a lot of drama in the relationship. Most of the friends didn’t like her and only tolerated her for his sake. Now friends are saying they wish they would have reached out that night he was looking for a place to live, but no one ever imagined he would kill himself.

From what I have read, she closed his FB account which means none of his friends have access to the pictures and conversations they had over the years. She has been telling lies about him and apparently none of the Go Fund Me money has made it to the kids ad she is milking the role of “heart broken wife of a man who killed himself.” It wasn’t even her that alerted his friends, it was another friend who couldn’t get a hold of him.

I wrote a comment to the group explaining she is a narcissist but I don’t know if it even made it to the wall. I hesitated to say any thing because I don’t know any of them and they might just think I am a nutcase. I thought maybe it would give someone a bit of peace of mind or answers. I don’t know. I felt I had been invited, even if by accident; for a reason. Because I have been there myself I could recognize right away she must be a narcissist.

I knew when I left my ex and was suicidal that he would milk everyone for sympathy if I killed myself and I would only give credence to his claims I was mentally unstable. When I messaged him I had taken a bunch of pills, he never call 911, my mother or brother, he had no idea if I had been successful or not. The next day a mutual friend got a call from him wanting to meet for coffee, then the friend got a feeling he should check on me and messaged my ex to meet him at my place instead. My ex never said a word about me messaging him that I had taken an overdose. I am sure he was waiting to hear from our friend that he had found me dead and was ready to cry real tears and be so remorseful and blame himself, expecting our friend to console him. I am SO glad my attempt didn’t work, but it took years to get here.

If you are feeling hopeless and thinking about suicide, first, GET HELP!!

THEN, remember, if you kill yourself you will only give him what he wants, he/she will have exactly what they want.

Once they are done with you and they deem you worthless, there is only one thing still of value to them, your pain, suffering and eventual death because of them; feeds their sick deprived need for attention. Imagine the act they would put on after you kill yourself! They will play it for all they can get and tell all the lies they want.

I think about what he must have dealt with from her that made him feel that worthless and hopeless and now his kids are without a father, she is getting all the attention and playing it and benefiting from his suffering. I wonder, had I known him before his death would I have been able to make him see the truth?

How many victims do we never hear about because they killed themselves?

Listen

It’s been nearly 5 years since Maple Batalia was murdered by her ex boyfriend as she was leaving Simon Fraser University in Surrey, BC; with a friend. I have placed a link to the newspaper article below.

Find the story here

A short back ground to the story:

Maple was 19 when she was murdered, had been a very beautiful young girl and dated her murderer for two years, the mother’s of the two young people were friends. The boyfriend was controlling and Maple had enough but he was not taking it well and was texting incessantly, up to 100 texts a day and stalking her. Eventually he bought a gun and knife and attacked her from behind, shooting her in the abdomen twice and then slashing her head and face numerous times.

I watched a news segment on the murder the other day because the trial for the boyfriend was finished this week. They were interviewing Maple’s mother who proudly showed pictures of her beautiful daughter, talked about how her daughter had been so intelligent, kind and never gave the family cause for concern. The mother now works raising awareness about violence against women.

The reporter asked her if she had any advice for other parents who might have a daughter going through what Maple did and she said, “Listen“. She said she has one regret, she can see now that Maple tried to talk to her but she was so busy with the other children and thought Maple was able to handle the problem on her own. She didn’t understand the danger and thought eventually the guy would get over it.

I have had people say to me, “He would have gotten her anyway, there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent it.” So what? we just let it keep happening because there is nothing that can be done to stop these murderous monsters?

If other people are aware of what is going on, if people get involved and step in, make it known to the abuser they are on to him and don’t agree with what he is doing, if the police are notified, if the victim is believed and knows the seriousness of the situation she is in; I believe there would be far fewer deaths of innocent women.

I remember years ago JC and I were driving down the road in his 1 Ton and he was punching me from the driver’s seat as we were going down the road. All of a sudden a car with two guys in it pulled up along side yelling something about being a man and why doesn’t he pick on someone his own size. They then cut him off and were shaking their fists at him through the back window. He pretended like he didn’t even see them but he stopped hitting me.

Another time he came at me with his fists raised and I curled up in a ball on the floor and was yelling for help. My friend who happened to be walking past saw a crowd forming outside our back door and came to investigate. When she heard the cries for help she jumped into action and bust through the door; landing in the kitchen on both feet (she was probably 4’11” and not even a 100 lbs) she yelled, “What’s going on in here?” JC immediately backed off. She told me there were at least 10 people standing outside most of which were men, some were even laughing.

We can not be silent any longer and we can not ignore what is right under our noses. I don’t expect people to put their own lives in danger but there are ways to get involved and help the victims without stepping in to danger themselves.

I had no idea that him choking me until I passed out, or throwing me across the room was domestic abuse. If it didn’t leave bruises, was it abuse? When I told anyone, no one seemed overly concerned or appalled by his actions so maybe it wasn’t abuse. Like he kept saying, it wasn’t like he came home and beat me every day.

There is a list that anyone working with domestic abuse victims must check to decide how much danger the victim is in. I never would have guess that choking is a high sign that the abuser is capable of murdering the victim. There are obvious signs like having a gun, but people don’t take things like stalking seriously. They think he is just jealous and it is a sign he loves her.

Stalking is a sign of control not love and is on the list of warning signs that he is capable of doing her major harm.

We need to break the silence and educate our young women and men to recognize the signs of abuse and how to protect themselves.

 

 

 

Oscar Pistorius Finally Found Guilty Of Murder

To be honest, I never thought Oscar Pistorius would face the charge of murder, I didn’t have faith in the laws and society to see the truth. But the appeal court agreed with the prosecutors that the manslaughter conviction had been based on a misinterpretation of the law.

How his guilt could have ever been in doubt I don’t know but then I remember my own mother’s reaction to his sobbing in court, snot and all; declaring his innocence.

My mother had been surprised I thought he was guilty, after all he threw up he was so upset about what happened, and he sobbed so hard in court and well, he had reason to feel vulnerable what with not having his legs. When I had pointed out he had a history of abusing past girlfriends she had said, “Oh but that was years ago!” I wanted to believe my mother was the minority but the longer the court case went on it seemed she just may have been in the majority, with the opinion that at least that there wasn’t enough evidence to convict him of murder.

The story he told was that he woke up to a noise and thought his place had been broken into, grabbed his gun and heard noises coming from the bathroom. Believing the thief had locked himself in the bathroom Pistorious chose to shoot through the bathroom door; without calling out to see who was in there, even though his beloved girlfriend was not in the bed beside him when he woke and got out of bed.

Oscar-Pistorius

This is a man who was supposed to be a trained in how to handle a gun and yet, did not wait to identify his victim before shooting blindly into a locked door? My father taught me how to handle a gun before I even reached my teens.

If someone broke into the house I was to get his gun from where he kept it stored and the ammunition from where IT was stored, load the gun, position myself in the bathtub (because from that location I could see straight down the hall into the living room and my back would be against the wall.) I was to sit there and wait until I could see who I was about to shoot so as not to shoot a family member. Luckily I never had to test my aim or nerve to shoot someone but I can tell you, I would NOT have shot into a locked bathroom door without knowing where my partner was first.

So typical of a narcissist/psychopath that he didn’t even think that anyone would think twice about his defense. What kind of coward would wake up to an empty bed and not immediately call out for his girlfriend to ensure her safety? Why on earth would he assume it was a thief locked in the bathroom?

Because it was all a lie, him and Reeva had argued that night as they did many times because of his jealousy. He got enraged and she was afraid for her life and locked herself in the bathroom thinking she would be safe in there. In a rage and knowing she had reached her fill; was going to leave him and he could not stand the thought of losing her to some other man, he got the gun he kept by his bed and shot through the door, killing her in cold blood.

Not all victims of a narcissist/psychopath are as “lucky” as I was, not everyone gets proof of an N’s extraordinary acting abilities.  But I will never forget James ability to switch on the tears at any given moment. Or go from sobbing about his ex’s death one minute to laughing about how it had always bothered her that he was with me. Even seeing it with my own eyes I doubted anyone could be as heartless as he is and still had moments of self doubt and thoughts that maybe I made him the way he was or deserved the way he treated me. It takes work to get over these toxic chameleons, don’t expect yourself to never have self doubt; you have to keep telling yourself the truth until it sinks in.

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oscar

In typical narcissist fashion he put on quite a display of emotions and made himself out to be the victim.

 

 

 

As it is he has only served a 6th of his sentence and was out of prison and under house arrest when this new verdict came down, it will be interesting to see what kind of sentence he will get now. For sure it won’t be the punishment he deserves.

I am ecstatic that for once a narcissist didn’t “get away with murder” but it still drives home the fact that even when a narcissist commits cold blooded murder he has people who will believe his innocence, is it any wonder victims of domestic abuse are not taken seriously and their pleas for help go unanswered?

Once again I was reading up on domestic abuse and the figures blow my mind, one in 4 women in Canada and the US will suffer abuse in her life time, one in 3 worldwide. Schizophrenia affects .04 % of the population and we hear about it all the time, yet it is estimated that 4% (I think a very low estimate) of the population are narcissists. Anorexia is said to be epidemic at 3.40 % of the population being affected. Yet we hardly ever hear about narcissists, there are no support groups or awareness campaigns about the Anti-Social disordered living among us. No one is teaching our girls how to protect themselves and recognize the signs of a toxic abusive soul sucker.

In the video below people who knew Reeva speak about who she was and the relationship she had with Pistorious; it could have been the story of anyone of the victims who have visited this blog, the immediate attraction, the whirlwind romance, he couldn’t get enough of her or do enough for her. Their relationship was described as “like something out of a movie”. Unfortunately the people who tell her story still believe that love was the basis of the relationship when love had nothing to do with it, Pistorious wanted to own Reeva, control her, and keep her all to himself, she was a possession to him; it had nothing to do with love.

Again it is proven that we have a long way to go in raising awareness about narcissists and domestic abuse and the need to educate victims, law enforcement, the courts and society in general. Don’t ever think your voice doesn’t make a difference, that one person can not create change and make a positive difference, or save lives. As victims unite around the globe, each speaking out about their experiences, there is a chorus rising up, getting louder and louder………eventually it will be so loud it can not be ignored.

I want to thank everyone who speaks out and tells their story on this blog, every time someone shares their story it validates my story; it is the combined effort of everyone here that makes the difference to victims looking for answers. I know whenever I was filled with self doubt I would read the comments on my blog and know that I could not be crazy and making it up, not if everyone had the same story as me. One person might be able to make up a wild story but there is no way hundreds of crazy, psycho bitches could all come up with the exact same experiences just by chance.

Never be silenced again!! United we are strong and through our combined voices we WILL end domestic abuse!