Tag Archives: Music

Knowing When To Fold Them

There is an old Kenny Rogers song that goes something like this:

“You gotta know when to hold ’em
know when to fold them
know when to walk away
and know when to run
Don’t count your blessings
while you’re sittin’ at the table
there’ll be time enough for countin’
when the dealin’ done.”

My apologies if I didn’t get it exactly right; its been alot of years since I heard that song but it has been playing in my head lately.

Hal really pissed me off the other day and I felt helpless to do anything about it. I hate, I mean really hate, being dependent on anyone, so really did not want to accept more money from Jim to get home that night.

It burns my butt to not be totally self sufficient and I can hear JC’s voice ringing in my ears,”See?! I told you you couldn’t make it on your own, I told you someday you’d realize all I did for you”.
But he was wrong, I see all the things he did to me not what he did for me.

When Hal started accusing me of avoiding him, demanding to know how much I was getting for the truck, and talking over me when I was talking and then getting angry with me for not shutting up and saying I was talking over him. I found myself getting frustrated because he was twisting my words and refusing to understand what I was saying. Then it hit me; I don’t have to put up with this any more from anyone, ever again. I know what is fair, I know what is right, and I know when I am being played for a sucker.

I was frustrated, crying and angry but I took control of the situation.  I know he is bad mouthing me and you know what? I really don’t give a shit, I don’t have time for that kind of highschool bullshit. Yeah he’s got $350 of my hard earned money and I got the “shaft” (excuse the pun I couldn’t resist) Like I said to Hal that night, “If I wanted to get screwed over I would have called JC.  I don’t need to go looking for assholes. You knew the position I was in financially and you took advantage of it. I am done with you. You have nothing  to say that I want to hear and I have nothing I want to say to you.” Sure I sat in a parking lot in Langley crying my eyes out, sobbing to the dogs about how unfair life is and asking them ,”what do I do now?”

Then I saw the dumpster behind me and thought, “Nothing like digging in a dumpster to take a girl’s mind off her troubles.” I got a really nice vase, a tall one, you know they’re about 2 & 1/2 feet tall? the kind that sits on the floor with tall grasses in it. It has a $60 price tag on it and I can’t find a thing wrong with it. I also found the cutest Halloween decoration, a Styrofoam pumpkin head with a top hat that just needs a bit of glue, priced at $25. Three nice sweat shirts, 3 cardigans; a white one, blue one and a black one and they all fit me. A few blouses and a dress and jacket in an oriental design I haven’t tried on yet. I also got some really nice smelling vanilla hand soap in a pretty clear glass pump dispenser that I gave to my girl friend and she loves,  she also picked out a glass flower ornament that she liked.

When Jim called to say he was in Langley I was already asleep with my head on Laila, one good thing about really bad times; you know a night sleeping in the truck isn’t going to kill you. The worst thing that happens is you don’t have a toothbrush in the morning, your contacts are stuck to your eyes because you slept with them in and you kinda look like a raccoon because your mascara is smudged.

Sure I fell into a depression the next day and wasted most of the day feeling sorry for myself and when every one told me I should have called the cops and when the guy who wanted to buy it offered me $400 and said he had a tow truck waiting to pick it up I told everyone, “I can’t talk about it right now, I can’t make a decision right now, I will have to get back to you.” and I weighed my options.

I call the police;
I know Hal is an N and I know he’s probably already done damage control, I have a 50/50 chance the police will even listen to me, I have nothing in writing and neither does he so it will be a he said/she said scenario and the cops probably can’t do anything and will tell me to take him to small claims. It would prolong dealing with an asshole and I really don’t need that in my life.

As it is Hal has cost me $850 ($350 I paid him, $300 I lost in the sale of my truck, and at least $200 I would have made on the job in Port Moody I missed and someone else picked up) Plus I’ve wasted more hours on that man than can be calculated because he is always late and if I hadn’t bought the other truck I wouldn’t have been royally screwed because he took so long fixing my GMC and I wouldn’t have had any way to make money to pay him.  I shudder to think about it and it makes me really angry but do I want to waste any more time on the asshole? Do I want him in my life in any way? No!!

Some times doing nothing is really doing the best thing. I don’t want to feed Hal’s need for attention through conflict.

So if I am not calling the cops my other option is to find a driveshaft, buy it and install it myself but that means I have to sit on the phone trying to track one down. Not having phone reception where I live means I will be cutting into time I could be using to make money. I need to make money because I am dead in the water without it.

So like the song says, “I decided to fold and walk away.”
I called the buyer and told him I can’t accept $400 could he do $500? He said he’d ask his son; yes they would go $500. He got a tow truck to pick it up and take it to his place. I said I have to work to make enough money to buy fuel to get the registration to him and he said not a problem. I did a few pickups that I missed last week when my truck was down, now there was even more. So I had a good money making day and got $279 for 3 hours work.

I called Jim and said I’d have his $550 by the end of the day. He said not to leave myself short, he would be happy with $300. I said I wanted to at least pay the $400 he lent me to buy the 1974 Chev. I also owed my girlfriend $100 and wanted to pay her.

So yesterday I was able to buy a jug of oil for the truck, a new pair of work gloves, stock my cupboards with groceries and dog food, and even bought myself a pair of cowboy boots at Value Village for $20. ( For whatever reason wearing cowboy boots makes me feel more confident, when I was still with JC he told me that when I wore my cowboy boots I had an air of confidence about me, that can’t be a bad thing)

Now that I have walked away from the table what are my blessings?
1. I handled it, I didn’t let the bastard intimidate me, I didn’t feed his sick need for drama and attention and walked away with my head held high.
2. The guy who bought the truck got a good deal and I was out $350. Oh well, I really like the guy who bought the truck and guess what! he owns dump trucks and rebuilds antique cars; what does that means? he has scrap! and he is going to call me to come pick up within the next week.
3. I could have spent all day
looking for a driveshaft and then gotten frustrated trying to put it in and possibly had to deal with Hal again today and wasted another day I could have been working. Instead I made almost as much as I lost ($25 less) big deal and today it is all ancient history; I can close that page and move on. It was 10:30 by the time I got to Jim last night but I paid him for the truck and that felt wonderful!!!
I paid my girlfriend and by midnight I was sitting at my kitchen table drinking a ice cold Mike’s Hard Lemonade and eating a turkey tv dinner.

With that out of the way I can focus on getting my butt out of this trailer and I have a few ideas about how to do it. I’m quite excited about one idea but will save that for another post.

Once I am out of here and have an internet connection I have a new career idea I am excited about and could put all my experiences over the past 12 years to good use. But that is a post of it’s own also.

So that’s all folks!
Like my blog says; Playing with the cards I’m dealt, the best I can. This time I decided to fold and walk away. Next time? who knows; I guess we’ll see what I get dealt in the next hand.

Hugs to you all.
off to work I go……hi ho hi ho.

(written Tuesday morning and posted on Wednesday)

What Was I Thinking

I was thanking my lucky stars, I could not believe my good fortune. I had seen my girlfriends meet men who treated them like queens and wanted to take care of them and my girlfriends let them.

In the past I had been ferociously  independent and self sufficient. I had listened to my dad and mom fight about money and laid awake at night listening to my dad threaten to take my brother and leave. I never wanted to rely on a man for anything, I wanted to be able to leave if I wanted I didn’t want to give up control or more than wanted to. It wasn’t so much me giving up control I guess I was afraid of giving the man too much power over me.

I didn’t want to control the man  either; I wanted a relationship based on mutual respect, honest communication, shared interests, and compromise, great sex would be a bonus.

I dated alot, I didn’t fall for men easily and if I didn’t feel a spark on the first or second date I moved on. If a guy “fell in love” too quickly I was completely turned off. If he was too possessive or tried to monopolize my time I was out of there. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like playing games so if a guy couldn’t handle honest communication I was history. My girlfriend’s boyfriends either loved me or hated me because I was my own person and I didn’t tolerate bullshit from men. One of my friends told me whenever she stood up to her boyfriend he would  say,” You’ve been talking to Carrie again haven’t you?”

I never cared about material things, only that a guy worked, in fact I have a real attraction for men with working hands. Soft manicured hands on a man has never been a turn on for me.

I think part of it is that I am 5’10” almost 11″ and I don’t feel feminine with a guy smaller than me. When a man holds my hand I want to feel a man’s hand. Hard to explain.

My whole adult life I have had a group of girlfriends I enjoyed spending time with and I like my alone time more than most people. When Victor and I were married he worked shift work at the prison and I quite enjoyed my nights alone. We had our mutual friends but we our individual friends also. I have always liked that line, “How can I miss you if you won’t go away”.

Because I didn’t need a man and was quite capable of providing for my son and myself and because I wasn’t materialistic and I had a soft spot for the underdog I had gotten tangled up with a few guys who weren’t too motivated to work but I had never been in an abusive or controlling relationship.

I had gone straight from Victor’s motorcycle accident to being a single mom. Then my mom and dad split and my mom practically lived with me for over a year she was so devastated. I had bought and sold homes, held responsible positions at work, married a man with 4 children and been step mom to them (and loved it and them I’m not saying I didn’t but lets face it; it was alot of work and I always put 100% into anything I do), Kris had not been an easy child to raise and he was now 17 and very independent. I had been the major bread winner in most of my relationships and now I was ready to be pampered a bit. I really felt that it was MY time.

I was ready to relax and enjoy my life and enjoy a loving relationship without worrying about kids, exs, daddy weekends, school supplies, not making too much noise having sex because some little ears might hear. I was at the prime of my life and I had just met the man of my dreams and I was going for it.

JC was a little too demanding of my time for my liking but he was so good to me and I had passed up nice guys before so I fought the urge to dump him when I felt clastraphobic.

He wasn’t working (which I thought was the reason he was wanting me around so much, he was bored) but had graduated top of his class in water sewer technology and was looking for work but he always had money and didn’t mind spending it. He was always wheeling and dealing, buying things out of the Buy & Sell and reselling them, trading things; it amazed me how he could make money that way.

Sundays we would hop in the car and just take off, destination unknown. We would blitz Vancouver, stop at a pub and share a burger, visit a friend, cruise pawn shops and second hand stores. He wanted me to meet all his friends and his family. I’ve read dating advice articles on what to look for to make sure the guy isn’t hiding anything and JC was doing everything right. He had Mr answer his phone for him, took me to meet family and friends, didn’t hesitate to introduce me as his girlfriend,   he gave me a key to his apartment  so I could come and go as I pleased. He was always on time or called been if he was going to be 20 minutes late.

If he went to the corner store he wanted me along, he always wanted me along. (which annoyed me sometimes because it was only through corner store, but it wasn’t a deal breaker).

We laughed, alot, in public we played off of each other, we were in sync. I have a thirst for knowledge and loved talking to him because he knew something about every thing and he didn’t mind explaining things. We discussed the environment, the world situation, religion, things that not every one likes to talk about. We watched documentaries instead of sitcoms. He was the only man I’ve ever known to spend $500 on Partylite candles. We both loved aquariums and spent hours looking at the fish and hundreds of dollars buying fish. He found a 90 gal aquarium and we filled it with discus. Every Sunday we would buy more fish. Money was never a problem. He left me little love notes that were waiting whenever I arrived before he got home, or if he left before I woke up, he bought me flowers, and he told me he loved me often.

He was always pointing out how well we got along. He told me how it was so refreshing to be with a woman who didn’t play games and could talk about problems calmly and rationally. (when he got with the new woman he told me she was so calm and rational he could talk to her, they never fight; she was nothing like me) I had said, “I am sure she is a frickin’ saint, I don’t want to hear how wonderful she is. When she’s been with you 10 years like I have you get back to me and tell me if she’s still so calm and rational.”

He cried the first time he said he loved me, he said he had thought he knew what love was before but now he knew what real love felt like.He told me I was perfect the way I was and to never change.

He was the most even tempered man I had ever met. I am an Aries through and through so I tend to be emotional. If I get upset I let off steam and then get over it, he handled me perfectly. When I was upset about something he would pack me off to the bedroom, make me lay down with my head on his chest and he’d stroke my hair while I told him what was bugging me. Of Ncourse we would end up having sex but I always felt better. I remember laying in his arms, my head on his shoulder, the smell of him, the strength of his arms around me and thinking, “As long as we always have this, everything will be ok in the world.” I had never felt safer or more loved than I did when I laid in his arms. We slept wrapped in each others arms and would wake up in the morning exactly the same way.

Sure, he was lying to me about alot of things but I didn’t know it, (some things I didn’t find out about until 10 years later) as far as I was concerned he was incapable of lying, being unfaithful or being abusive. I was determined to not take his good nature for granted and to show him every day how much I appreciated him; not like the other women who had taken advantage of his tender heart.

Fred and Laila take a run

Fred and Laila take a run

I got a call the other day; well a message actually from an old customer and I got a smile on my face. They aren’t a money making customer for me and I don’t go there to pick as much as I go there for Kato, for the hugs and just to get that good feeling I get every time I go there.

Gee, I can’t remember when I first got a call from them, quite a few years ago now; like 2004-5. They had called Amix looking for someone to come pick up a load and scrap and Amix gave them my number..

It’s Kief Music in Surrey, the owner is Fred Kief and he called me to see if I could do this pick up. They are a distributor of all sorts of high end musical instruments. This first pickup was a money maker for sure; a full truck load of brass cymbal’s, and music stands, guitar stands, light stands, key board stands. I didn’t scrap it all, I donated a lot of it to a local high school who’d had their music program funding cut. Of course being a guitar player JC took possession of a lot of it and I gave some away to some friends and customers. I still did well on it money wise. But the odd good haul is not why I love them.

This business is so near and dear to my heart because of Fred and Maria. I don’t know what nationality Maria is, possibly Filipino? And she is the sweetest little thing you could ever want to meet. She is always so happy to see me I am smiling while I type! Lol

The first time I went there I rang the bell and she opened the door. I introduced myself and she grabbed my hand and lead me to the scrap. From that first day we have hugged every time I go there.

Then there is the owner Fred Kief, I hate to venture a guess at his age; I would hate to insult him. He is not a big man, I am taller and probably out weigh him but he has a heart like all outdoors. This is no small business and I am sure the man is worth some money. He is always dressed to the T in lovely suits. He travels the world. This man is distinguished

This man loves Kato; and Kato loves him. When we leave Fred’s slacks are covered in dog hair, he always has a treat for Kato and when they have a pick up if he has time he asks I come before 3 so he and Kato can play.

One time Fred came down from his office and asked if I wanted to see the warehouse. Well, lol, it was more that he wanted to introduce Kato to everyone who worked there. We met everyone from the young guy sweeping the warehouse floor to the executives and secretaries and every single one of them knew who Kato was.

They took pictures of him and Fred and him together. We hadn’t been there in over a year when I took Roxie and Kato there but Fred was gone back to Germany. I went by again and he was in Germany again. This time he was there.

I wanted him to meet Laila. We pulled in and Kato’s head snapped to attention and he looked at me with questioning eyes. I said, “Do you know where we are? Are we going to see Fred?”. He got all excited and was waiting for me to open the door before I even got the truck stopped.

I rang the bell and Maria opened the door and threw her arms around me then went to get Fred. Kato is moving a lot slower than the last time he saw Fred but he knew him. They did their little run in the parking lot. Then I introduced him to Laila who promptly jumped up on his perfectly pressed navy slacks and left enough hair on him to cover keep a Mexican Hairless warm. Then she licked his face and started chewing on his hand. I started to discipline her and he shhhh’d me and said, “that’s what dogs do.”

Then he asked if he could take her for a run and of course it was. Kato got a little jealous but Fred didn’t leave his buddy out.

I explained this might be the last time Fred sees Kato and I wanted he to have the chance to see him before he goes. He thanked me so much, as we both watched Kato limping along and gingerly sitting and then laying on the sun warm pavement. Fred went to him and rubbed his chest and belly and they exchanged a few words.

Fred with his German(?) accent says, “So you think he remembered me eh? He remembered this place?” I assured him Kato knew it immediately. Then he petted Laila, “You think she will remember me next time you come?” I said I was positive.

He went back and gave Kato more loves and I said we should get going. Kato never wants to leave Fred’s and this time was no different and as usual Fred had to coax him to get in the truck. Fred thanked me again and I told him that there is a connection between him and Kato that is amazing.

He shook my hand and said how good it was to see me and then he hugged me and I hugged back.

I told him the truth; he is my best customer; because I got hugs.

Maria hugged me and Fred went in through the bay door.

Bay door slides closed, scene ends.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck