I started the blog in hopes that, by sharing my experiences with a narcissist I would help other women dealing with the same confusion and pain. Occasionally a man would come in and be angry because I was talking about narcissists as if all narcissists are men. I have always stated there are female narcissists, but I am writing about my personal experience and that is why I refer to narcissists as “he”, and there are more male narcs than females.
A few months ago in my local town, there was an emergency broadcast put out telling people to stay in their homes and lock the doors because there was a manhunt on for a guy with a gun. His girlfriend posted on Facebook that she and the children were ok but he had left the house with his gun and no one knew what his intentions were. She was afraid for his safety. Bulletins were every where with pictures of his truck and his smiling face.
I didn’t know the guy, he was only a couple of years older than my son; I guess that’s why he was on my mind a lot.
Days passed and it became a missing person’s case and then they found his truck, and then him, dead. Criminality was not suspected.
A couple of months later I received an invitation to a private Facebook group. I think I was included in a blanket invite to the site by mistake. I went to the site and it was for the friends of a local man who had recently died. I left the site because I realized I must have been invited by accident but curiosity sent me back and after reading for a few minutes I realized they were mourning the death of the man from the manhunt. He had shot himself, leaving two young children behind and a huge group of lifelong, loving friends.
Our local newspaper published an interview with the girlfriend and as all people do these days she had started a; “Go Fund Me” asking for money for the children’s education etc. from the newspaper article and Go Fund Me campaign I assumed the children were either hers and his or hers and he was the step dad. I did get a funny feeling in my gut reading the girlfriends interview, it seemed unemotional, detached, ……. just strange, but I chalked it up to being in shock and grief.
As I read the comments made by his friends and ex’s I got to know the kind of man he had been, a devoted father, hard working, award winning photographer, a nature lover, a sense of humor and a friend you could count on. He didn’t sound like someone who would commit suicide, he had so many friends who obviously loved him very much. Even his ex’s spoke highly of him.
Bit by bit I got a clearer picture of who this fellow was and the relationship he had with the woman claiming to be his girlfriend. It turns out that the grieving girlfriend hadn’t come home the night before and in fact been with another man. The man who killed himself had posted on FB that he was needing a place to live and the relationship was over, this time. There had been other breakups and a lot of drama in the relationship. Most of the friends didn’t like her and only tolerated her for his sake. Now friends are saying they wish they would have reached out that night he was looking for a place to live, but no one ever imagined he would kill himself.
From what I have read, she closed his FB account which means none of his friends have access to the pictures and conversations they had over the years. She has been telling lies about him and apparently none of the Go Fund Me money has made it to the kids ad she is milking the role of “heart broken wife of a man who killed himself.” It wasn’t even her that alerted his friends, it was another friend who couldn’t get a hold of him.
I wrote a comment to the group explaining she is a narcissist but I don’t know if it even made it to the wall. I hesitated to say any thing because I don’t know any of them and they might just think I am a nutcase. I thought maybe it would give someone a bit of peace of mind or answers. I don’t know. I felt I had been invited, even if by accident; for a reason. Because I have been there myself I could recognize right away she must be a narcissist.
I knew when I left my ex and was suicidal that he would milk everyone for sympathy if I killed myself and I would only give credence to his claims I was mentally unstable. When I messaged him I had taken a bunch of pills, he never call 911, my mother or brother, he had no idea if I had been successful or not. The next day a mutual friend got a call from him wanting to meet for coffee, then the friend got a feeling he should check on me and messaged my ex to meet him at my place instead. My ex never said a word about me messaging him that I had taken an overdose. I am sure he was waiting to hear from our friend that he had found me dead and was ready to cry real tears and be so remorseful and blame himself, expecting our friend to console him. I am SO glad my attempt didn’t work, but it took years to get here.
If you are feeling hopeless and thinking about suicide, first, GET HELP!!
THEN, remember, if you kill yourself you will only give him what he wants, he/she will have exactly what they want.
Once they are done with you and they deem you worthless, there is only one thing still of value to them, your pain, suffering and eventual death because of them; feeds their sick deprived need for attention. Imagine the act they would put on after you kill yourself! They will play it for all they can get and tell all the lies they want.
I think about what he must have dealt with from her that made him feel that worthless and hopeless and now his kids are without a father, she is getting all the attention and playing it and benefiting from his suffering. I wonder, had I known him before his death would I have been able to make him see the truth?
How many victims do we never hear about because they killed themselves?
