Tag Archives: Nature

Sun Rise At The Marina

It doesn’t surprise me that now that I have the internet I am feeling more myself. It is not that I am hooked on the internet per say but I am hooked on writing, the blog, knowing what is going on in the world and trying to find work or some way to make money. I really felt “out of sorts” to be away from the blog, to have the blog out there with my name attached to it, knowing people were asking questions, looking for support and I was unable to help and had no idea what anyone was saying on the blog. My good name is very important to me and I am very careful about what I say on here. I don’t want to mislead anyone but everyone did a wonderful job of supporting each other and new comers and I want to thank you all! But of course you are all loving, caring people or you wouldn’t be here to begin with! That’s what got us in so deep with the Narcissist after all.

I also think I am, once again; adapting to life. It is impossible for me to stay down when I have nature all around me. When I wake up at 5 am and Stella needs to go pee, so in my PJ’s and slippers we walked up the ramp to the grass and see this;

sunrise

You don’t have the benefit of the sound track that goes with the picture, a chorus of birds; how many different varieties, I haven’t a clue, but they harmonized like they have been rehearsing for this morning all their lives, but then, they sound that way every morning.

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I walk Stella several times a day and she has quickly become a fav amongst everyone, she is just so friendly and happy all the time, hard to stay down when she is around and when you are surrounded  by happy pleasant people.

This is a walk we do a couple of times a day, it is a 2km walk that starts at the marina and goes along the dyke. When the tide is out there is a huge mud flats where all the ducks, geese and heron feed off the goodies left behind. I usually let Stella off the leash while we walk and just put her leash back on if I see someone coming with a dog, until we know for sure that the other dog is friendly and if the owner of the dog is friendly. (some aren’t you know? but most are)

Anyway, I digress, the other day I let her off her leash and she took off like she was spring loaded, full tilt down the bank towards the mud flats. I looked to see what she was focused on and saw the geese way out by the water; there was a whole lot of mud between Stella and those geese and I yelled “Stella NOOOOO!!” but she was not going to be deterred, she was going to catch herself a goose!!

I knew I couldn’t go out there, I would get stuck for sure, her saving grace was that she was moving so fast she didn’t have time to sink but I knew I would get 1/2 way out there and start sinking and end up losing a shoe at the very least. Once she had chased the geese for a good 5 minutes and realized she was never going to catch them, she came back to me; covered in mud from her ears to her tail, wagging her tail sending clumps of mud flying in about a 5 foot radius around her. There was no way to wash her off, so all the way back to the boat I gave the heads up, “Muddy dog alert!!” I made her stay on her bed until she was dry and the mud mostly fell off but I had to shake all the sand out of MY bed the next day. (of course she sleeps with me) But how could I get angry? she was being a puppy and life is good when you are a puppy and you can chase anything across a km of mud!

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Looking back to the marina from the dyke. you can just barely see how wide the river is. The marina is actually sheltered by a couple of islands in the middle of the river.

She has two suitors, Turbo, a handsome one year old Cane Corso x that weighs about 100 lbs and can usually be seen dragging his owner down the dyke with the guy hanging onto the leash with both hands and his heels dug into the dirt trying hold Turbo back. But Turbo fell in love with Stella at first glance. Then across from us living on a sailboat is Mate a one year old Irish Setter who does a tap dance on the deck of the boat he is tied to every time Stella walks by and she likes to flaunt her stuff in front of him too, the little manx.

So today I go to meet with the CEO of the company responsible for whether I get funding or not, it will be interesting to see what he has to say. I will keep you informed.

Oh, and btw, someone asked for more specs on the boat. It is 34′ long and 10′ across. The aft berth is 6.5 ‘ long and 8′ across, the salon is 10′ across and 7.5′ long and the galley is 5′ x 8.5’.

Here is a close up pic from this morning and a pic of the swim grid off the back of the boat.

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April202015 057I have been very busy polishing chrome and doing small repairs every where. It is amazing how a little work is making such a difference. i will post more pics of the inside later. The curtains my mom made look great, but we only got half of them hung because it was no easy task getting a curtain rod up, the old one was so brittle it broke so I have to improvise something.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful day!!

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Another Visitor

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I mentioned to a friend that lives down the road from me that I wanted a dock or party barge; next thing you know there is this dilapitated dock tied to my shore. It must be a hundred years old, maybe even a piece of the Ark. The support cross beams are broken so it sags in the middle, its HUGE and just plain ugly.

Someone had cut it loose and it was floating free so my friend decided it would be perfect for me.

Not wanting to hurt his feelings I accepted it and asked if he was going to help me fix it.

Everyone who has seen it agrees, it is damn ugly and BIG!

The other day I suggested to him that I thought we should set it free, it looks wild and probably would be much happier floating free. I suggested it might best be suited in the bird sanctuary as a place for the birds to sit and enjoy the sun in the tall grasses. But he didn’t seem as eager as I to let it go.

So it is still sitting, now marooned on my beach because the water level has dropped and it is no longer floating and must weigh several tons due to all the water its soaked up.

But the birds love it!! The ducks are always sunning themselves on it and then this evening a Heron was walking around on it. I knew the birds would love it!! They don’t sit on anybody else’s dock, but its so damn ugly and BIG!!

I knew I should have released into the wild, but I do love the visitors it attracts.

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Posted by Carrie Reimer the Lady WithaTruck

Well That’s Just Ducky!!

Very protective momma had just beat the crap out of a male duck that got too close to her babies.

 
Very protective momma had just beat the crap out of a male duck that got too close to her babies.

setting sun glows off the baby feathers

Babies and mom

Mommas coming for bread crumbs

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Follow the leader

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half the brood is around my feet waiting for bread crumbs

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Proud momma of twelve

Proud momma of twelve

My life has been on freeze frame for a month now and the frustration of not being able to make anything go the way I want it to eats away at me. I try to not worry or let things get to me but really, we all know that even if you refuse to acknowledge stress it is still there eating away at you.

But if there is any place on earth that will DEstress a person it is the lake, water of any kind is relaxing but living in the middle of nature has a very organic property to it’s stress relief. In my mind there is not much that can beat walking out your door and counting ducks, eagles, Heron, Osprey and fish jumping in the lake. Nothing is quite as awe inspiring as an eagle swooping down not 10 feet in front of you and scooping a fish out of the water and flying off. Nothing lulls you to sleep like the crocking of bull frogs, combined with the wails of the coyotes. My sister in law lives in downtown Vancouver where the streets are alive 24/7 and the sirens blare all night long, and when she stays with me she complains because nature is so noisy it keeps her awake. lol

On any given evening you will find me putzing in my back yard, pulling weeds, having a Mike’s Hard Lemonaide and counting ducks. I have two families that come for a visit, when I walk out to the water’s edge they come expecting bread crumbs. One time I give them bread crumbs and now it is expected and they bring friends. The one momma has her hands full with 12 baby ducks, they are actually quite big now and scared me when they stampeded at me for crumbs.

The other family is just 4 but they are so tiny and SO cute!!

Every day has a blessing to be thankful for when you live where I do, so I thought I would share the blessings before I start complaining. lol

Healing Crisis

There is something every one healing from narcissistic abuse should be aware of; I had one commenter call it a healing crisis. I can’t think of a more fitting name for it.

It is a phenomenon that happens to a person when they are recovering from an extremely traumatic event. We have all heard how the mind will block out extremely traumatic events. They find it happens often with young children who have been abused, they have no recollection of the abuse but later in life; as an adult something, perhaps the birth of their own child will occur and they are flooded with memories. They go to a psychiatrist because they think they are having a breakdown and don’t know why.

The same thing often happens with victims of domestic violence. You were in a situation you felt helpless to leave, you were confused, afraid and feeling trapped. Plus the narcissist was using alot of the same techniques used for years on prisoners of war to brain wash them and torture them into submission.

Your mind only allowed you to absorb as much as it thought you could handle.

You might find that as you heal more memories will come to the surface. You will be feeling like you are over the worst of it, feeling like your old self, not even missing him, laughing again, you’ve gotten the spring back in your step and then it happens. Out of the blue you have a dream about him, or watch a movie, or see him drive past or maybe read something here and all of a sudden you are in the pits of despair again.

You can’t believe it; you are no better than you were when you first left him. You are crying all the time, can barely function, you are flooded with memories of him again. You feel crazy again and if you don’t know what’s going on you panic. You had been doing so good and now you’re back sliding, you fear you will never heal and he will haunt you forever more.

What is happening is a healing crisis, your mind is allowing you to feel those emotions you weren’t strong enough to handle up until now. Its a very important step in your recovery, if you don’t deal with those feelings they will lay dormant and could pop up at any time in the future.

Try to just allow the feelings to surface, cry, get angry, whatever you have to do to release them and know this will pass. I have gone through several; the first time I was afraid it meant I wasn’t making any progress at all but I have found that every time I go through one I feel so much stronger and lighter when it passes.

It feels like slodging up to your waist through thick mud; you can barely move your legs and it takes forever. But as you go through it the mud thins and by the end you are in fresh water and the sun is shining.

So rest assured you are not having a breakdown, it is all very normal, you are healing and that is a good thing!

I Feel Like Dog Doo

My good God I feel and look like crap.

Long gone are the days when I could go a night without sleep and look great in the morning. I was awake most of the night; wide awake and sitting at the kitchen table at 12:45am, 2:30am, 5:15am and then got up at 7. It is now 10:30 and I wish to God I had a shower and a strong cup of the coffee. Neither is possible due to lack of water.

Kato is only following his natural instincts but I am at my wits end with these two dogs. Kato will not leave Laila alone, if he can’t be with her he will lick the blankets where she was laying. Groooooss

Laila is hating him in a big way, in a really BIG way!! I leave him at home during the day because I can trust him to not escape or destroy the trailer but I feel terrible leaving him alone like that. I have been getting home late because , well the other night I had to grocery shop and last night I was out of town for work and then had some errands to run and of course my commute is so long because of where I live.

I had to leave Kato outside last night because Laila tried to rip his throat out and he wants to LOVE her and does not understand she is his daughter. Yuck

Anyway he was outside crying all night, whimpering at the door. At 2:30 I woke up with a killer tooth ache and got up. Laila was asleep so I closed the bedroom “door” which is a cloth bifold thingy that does nothing to keep a dog in the room.

I opened the door and Kato came in and Laila flew out under the door like the Tazmanian devil and attacked Kato. She was full on attacking and not backing down. Kato was trying to eat so the food and water dishes went flying, but he was still trying to eat the kibbles off the floor while she was trying to rip his throat out.

I grabbed her by her choker chain and she still would not let go so I smacked her across the snout. I kept her in a head lock until he finished eating and then I had to put him back outside. Laila was just vibrating and at one point I thought she might bite me but aside from growling at me she backed down. I gave her a few good smack across the snout though to show her who’s boss and I am not going to let her hurt Kato.

My poor buddy, he is so mild mannered he didn’t even try to defend himself. He doesn’t deserve that shit. If I had a place with real rooms and real doors at least I could keep them both in the house in different rooms.

Now it is 4 am the next day. I had another good day money wise so I knocked off early and spent some time with Kato. We went frog hunting and to the river for water.

Then I spent some time with Laila, all the while keeping the two if them apart. I went to my girlfriends to use the internet and left Laila in the trailer and took Kato. He was thrilled to be able to come along and was kissing me and rubbing his head on my leg. Poor little buddy.

We got home later than I had planned because I was almost home when I realized I forgot my purse at my friends and had to go back. When I opened the trailer door it took me a minute or 5 to  absorb the sight before me.

Laila had almost scratched and chewed right through the door. There was insulation and screen door every where in the trailer. She knocked my French Vanilla coffee out of my hand covering me, her and the floor with hot sticky coffee. The fruit flies should love that!!

Sigh!

She really missed me I guess. Piss. Tonight Kato is sleep in the truck.

Quote from Ann Landers

If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity it would be this:
Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life.
and when it comes, hold your head high, look it straight in the eye and say
“I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.”

Ann Landers. b 1918

The Here and Now

I thought maybe it was time to give an update to where I am at as far as getting my life back on track, mentally, emotionally and financially.

I am disappointing myself lately; somewhere along the way I lost my “I’ll show them, no one can keep me down, F you all attitude” that has always gotten me through the tough times in my life. Does a person run out of that sort of resource? I literally look for it, try to will it back, but nope, not even a morsel of it anywhere. More times than not I just feel beaten down and like I am flailing in a huge ocean and no one is throwing me a life raft. All around me things are sinking, my business, people I thought cared, my health, and I am treading water helpless to stop it.

Where I live has alot to do with it,for me anyway, my home is my sanctuary and I always try to make where ever I live welcoming and a place I feel safe and secure at the end of a long hard day. I am ashamed of where I live. I know there are people who live in worse situations but it would be impossible to get too much worse without being homeless. I am thankful I am not homeless.

It isn’t the area; as much as not having phone reception, internet or TV is a pain in the ass; there are things that compensate. Like a few weeks ago I took little Laila for a walk to the corner store/gas station/restaurant /community meeting place. It was a warm summer morning, as we walked the only sound was the crunch of my feet on the gravel and the snorting of Laila (shar-pei’s sound like piglets). In the field beside us were people, some wearing big straw hats like they have in China, some draped in East Indian garb and one or two wearing baseball caps; picking blueberries.

Across the street there’s a pasture with a dozen or so beautiful thoroughbred horses fattening up for winter, grazing. Laila was very interested in checking them out and as we stood watching them they realized we were there and started to walk in our direction. Then one of the biggest, a grey dappled stallion came galloping straight at us. There is no fence just a narrow ditch and for a moment I thought it was coming over it but he screeched to a stop right at the edge only feet from us and snorted, and gave us the “evil eye” with one eye. I swear I could feel his breath and Laila and I got the message loud and clear to keep moving.

The grey dapple and another horse can always be seen standing under the same tree, head to tail; swishing their tails to keep the flies off each others face. Cute.

As we carried on the crunch of my feet on the gravel startled the frogs in the high grass along the road and they gave a little shreak and then we could hear the plop of them hitting the water in the ditch. Aside from that there wasn’t a sound. I stopped and listened; to silence. We carried on and the high grass changed into bullrushes/cat tails, probably an acre of them and they opened up to a pond where ducks were swimming; momma and her brood; some of them with their little bums poking up wiggling as they fish for food under the waters surface. There were lily pads; some in bloom with yellow and pink flowers, and off to the side, standing so still I almost missed him was a crane on one leg waiting for his breakfast to swim past.

At the store there was a couple of Harleys parked and the two riders wearing black leathers were on the veranda having a smoke and coffee. The smell of bacon and eggs frying wafed from inside as did the lively conversation of the same 6 men that congregate there every day. They sit in the same corner, actually there is only one table in there, drink gallons of bitter coffee and solve the problems of the world. As I walked in I overheard one of the old timers say, “Yep, that’s when the world went in the crapper; that’s when it all started.” followed by the others mumbling their agreement. Then they fell silent and all looked at me as I smiled and got myself a coffee. I guess the tiny bell ringing as I walked through the door alerted the little chinaman that owns the place because he came running out of the kitchen. I told him I was just getting a coffee and he nodded his head, waved his hands in the direction of the coffee pots and scurried back to his eggs and bacon. I bought a paper and my coffee, nodded at the bikers as we passed and Laila and I made our way home. All in about 1/2 an hour; I can’t think of a better way to start a day. Doesn’t it sound like a little piece of the 1950’s was somehow forgotten? The twilight zone, the town that time forgot. It could be heaven on earth if I didn’t have to make money and if I had running water, sewer, and wasn’t living in a 23′ holiday trailer where I bang my head 15 times a day, the dogs have to be in bed when they are in it because there is no room to walk. It is a great holiday trailer; I can envision a family making memories to last a lifetime in a little trailer like it. But at the end of two weeks mom and dad would be longing for a nice hot shower and the luxury of laying on the couch, mindlessly watching tv and telling the kids to go outside and play in the traffic. And they would have had water and sewer.

I can not tell you what going to the bathroom in a bucket does to your self esteem, and I will spare you the details. But it doesn’t stop there because then you have to dispose of the bucket’s contents! I have to pack water, I finally started getting it from the river down the road instead of driving down the hill; it saves me $10 in fuel and an hour in time. I probably shouldn’t be drinking it but what the hell; live on the edge I say. I have to boil the water to do dishes, wash etc and some days I get home too late to get more water or I’m just too tired to lug it up the hill so I give what water I have to the dogs and do without. The holding tanks are full so when I fill the sink with water to wash it drains into the tub, so once a week or so I have to bucket out the moldy water from the tub. I made my little outside shower and it is better then sex when I can get it timed right to have a nice hot shower. Even a cold one is better than nothing; the theory behind the shower is that the person using it is on vacation and will be available when it reaches its desired temperature. If I get home after the sun sets I have missed my opportunity for a hot shower.
I feel like Ma on Little House on the Prairie; without Pa.

As for my health; I was working at getting my teeth fixed and I’m about 3/4 done, I have about 4 more teeth to get pulled and then I get my partials, but when the scrap prices dropped I stopped going into Surrey with my scrap because it was better prices locally (I will cover work in another post) my dentist is down there and I just didn’t have the money to throw into driving down there. PLUS I am a big chicken and the last time I went alone I was in tears as the receptionist held my head and he had both hands and a foot in my mouth pulling my tooth. Ok so I’m exaggerating a bit but I was traumatized ok?!

So anyway, now I have had an absessed tooth for over a week; my ear aches, my throat is sore, and I am having chest pain. (When I had my heart attack I had an absessed tooth.) I know they won’t pull it while its infected so I got some antibiotics; they looked familiar but I couldn’t remember why until I started taking them; I am allergic to them and they cause excruciating pain in my chest and yesterday I thought for sure I was having a heart attack, then I got a urinary infection and then it dawned on me; I can’t take those antibiotics, they made me violently ill last time. So now I am waiting for the effects of them to wear off. I have to work today to make enough money to pay for more antibiotics I can take.

Not going to Surrey has been a good thing and maybe that is why it happened that prices dropped, my truck broke down and it was better to stay local. I have gone to Surrey once in a while just to keep that door open and almost every time I’ve been in the area I have seen JC, one day 3 times. I know it was fluke, he didn’t even know what I was driving until he saw me that day and I could tell he was surprised. He was on his bike and pulled over; I don’t know if it was to talk to me but I kept going and then he passed me on the freeway going home. I know her dad lives out that way so he could have been heading over there and it was just a fluke he passes me again. Either way it is a nice feeling to know I am not going to run into him at any point in my day and I find myself getting way more tense and reminiscent when I have to go into Surrey. I actually dread having to go down there but I have work in the area and money wins every time.

As far as James (that’s his name; I never called him JC) is concerned, I will cover more about him in another post also. For now I must boil some water to wash and go to work. Have a great day all. Hugs Carrie