Imagine if you will; you’ve been on your own for almost a year, or maybe it’s even been a couple of years; however long it’s been since you left the narcissist who feasted on your heart and you are finally whole.
You’ve done alot of hard work putting the pieces of your life together, you have found a new you under all the pain and confusion. You are feeling stronger and you’ve set new healthy boundaries, no man is ever going to have that control over you again.
You’ve been dating, nothing too serious and you doubt you will ever meet another man who will stir up the passion you had with the narcissist. But that’s ok because it was that passion that brought you to your knees and made you sacrifice everything.
Life is ok and you are ok with just ok. No passion, but no emotional roller coaster either.
Then, the phone rings. You check call display, it’s become a habit, he hasn’t called in months, a year? You used to count the hours, days, since you last talked to him but it’s been so long you’ve lost count. Your heart stops, it’s him. You stare at the phone, your mind races; you wonder why he’s calling now, what could he possibly say now, remember; “curiosity killed the cat”.
Oh but damn, it’s so hard to put that phone down and walk away. You’re stronger now, you just want to see what he has to say, you think this is your chance to tell him what you really think of him, you’re on to his games, he won’t be able to suck you back into his web of bullshit this time. You know what you are dealing with this time. And……you answer.
Him in his soft, I couldn’t hurt a fly, soaked in honey voice,”Baby, I was afraid you wouldn’t answer. I don’t know if I should call or not, I just wanted to hear your voice. I need to know if you are ok.”
You, “You shouldn’t have called.”
Him, “Sorry. But it is really good to hear your voice.” he laughs nervously. “Are you doing ok?”
You’re forcing yourself to not smile. (He said it was good to hear your voice!! Heart get out of my throat) “I am doing good, no thanks to you! You really hurt me, left me with nothing but your shit and bills to clean up.”
Him in an even softer voice, “I know, and I am SO sorry. I will pay you back, that’s partly why I am calling. I’m finally making some decent money and you’re the first person I felt guilty about, I HAVE to try to make things right. I can’t live with myself knowing I hurt you……..I know I didn’t tell you enough, but you are the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
You are thrown off guard. He just admitted he did you wrong, he just basically apologized, he never admitted fault before! What’s going on?
He continues, “Look, I know you have every reason to not believe me and I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t want to disrupt your life, I know I screwed it up and I have to live with my mistakes and the fact that it’s my fault I lost the only woman who ever really loved me and understood me, my soul mate. I just want the opportunity to at least pay you back.”
You, “I guess that would be ok. But I am seeing someone and have a new life now.”
Him, “I understand. You have found someone else. As long as you are happy, you deserve to be happy. I hope he treats you like the queen you are.”
You, “He’s a nice guy.”
Him, “Can I call you again?”
You, “I guess.”
Him with a sigh of relief, “Thank you Babe, that’s all I can ask of you. Thank you!”
You, “No biggie”. You are struggling to keep calm and sound indifferent but your mind is screaming, “What the hell is going on??!”
You, “Ok, well I should probably go.”
Him, “of course. I’m sorry to babble. I’ve missed you.”
You, “I used to miss you too.”
Him, “There’s a song that always makes me think of you, Do You Drink About Me, just wanted you to know, it’s probably silly, forget I said anything. Sorry. I’ll let you go.” And in a barely audible whisper you think you hear him say, “I love you….”
You, “Alexa? Play Do You Drink About Me.
DON’T GO DOWN THAT RABBIT HOLE!!!
He has accomplished exactly what he set out to do.
1. Get you thinking about him, wondering why he called now, what does he want, did he really say “I love you”, is he really sorry, has he changed??!!
2. Make you doubt yourself.
3. Remind you that it wasn’t all bad.
4. Remind you of the passion and connection you had in the beginning.
5. Open the door, even a crack so he can slither back into your life.
And slither he will, just like the snake that he is. Once he is back in your life it won’t take long before you will be right back where you were.
He’ll leave you alone for a few days, maybe send a text saying how good it was to hear your voice.
Then the next day, another text. “Have you listened to our song yet? I just heard it and thought of you.” (Notice now it is our song)
That night, “Still drinking of you. Goodnight Babe. Sweet dreams. I’ll be dreaming of you.”
Oh you would have to be a hard hearted Hannah to not start to weaken.
This is why No Contact is so vitally important.
My next post. What To Do When The Narcissist Says All The Right Things.