Tag Archives: romance movies

Relationship Goals

 

http://www.iheartradio.ca/news/watch-bradley-cooper-lady-gaga-sing-shallow-in-vegas-1.8696604

If you haven’t seen the new “A Star Is Born”, you really need to. Once you do, you will join the millions of women around the world who want a love like Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.

Come on, don’t deny it, even if you know it isn’t reality, there is this part of you that secretly wants that kind of passion, a love that can’t be denied, a love so strong, you forgive and forget over and over again.

Almost every victim of a narcissist will tell you that the narcissist is the love of their life, they are soul mates, and a love like that doesn’t come along everyday, you don’t just walk away from that kind of love. Anyone who tells you to be”just walk away and go no contact” doesn’t understand the intense love you have for each other. You will never find another love like this.

I have heard from hundreds of women; it was the most romantic, intense, whirlwind relationship they’ve ever had. They felt like they were in a romance movie. I remember thinking, “I thought this kind of love only happened in the movies”. A person doesn’t just walk away, from that feeling. The victim is in love with loving that person.

A narcissist is an academy award winning actor. It is no accident that you feel you are in a Oscar winning movie, some of the lines the narcissist fed you probably came straight from some movie, word for word.

A narcissist doesn’t have any true feelings, they study and imitate other people. Right now narcissists every where are watching women swoon over Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga, the way they stare into each other’s eyes, the intensity, the forbidden love they can’t deny, and they are probably practicing in front of a mirror.

When you meet the narcissist you feel like you have met your Bradley Cooper.

Even if at first you don’t really like him that much, it is a hard hearted Hannah who can walk away from a man who looks at them that way, who thinks you are the sexiest woman he has ever met, who’s touch sends electrical shocks through your body.

Since we were little girls we’ve been read stories about the prince who rides in and carries us away to live happily ever after, we’ve watched movies like Pretty Woman, Officer and A Gentleman, A Star Is Born, Dirty Dancing, to name just a few; and we dream of someday finding that kind of love.

When I met my ex the intensity made me pull away at first, I didn’t believe anyone fell in love that quickly. I struggled with feelings of wanting to run in the opposite direction because I hate love sick puppies and telling myself it’s ok if a man loves you more than you love him. For once in your life let a man take care of you, don’t be so damned independent, let your guard down and enjoy the moment.

When, after making love for the 3rd time that day; my ex stared into my eyes, pulled me close and held me like his life line; and with tears spilling onto his cheeks whispered, “I think I’ve fallen in love with you”. My heart filled with love for him and I thought to myself, “You have to be very careful to not hurt him”.

A year later I was thinking, “I don’t care if he doesn’t love me as much as I love him, as long as I can have him in my life, I will be happy.”

It’s what makes strong, self sufficient, intelligent women weak in the knees, willing to forgive the unforgivable and do seemingly stupid things.

It’s not that they can’t walk away, they don’t want to walk away. It’s the one thing they can’t do for themselves, they don’t need a man to provide for them, slay dragons for them, buy them a castle, or fix anything for them; they can do all that! But, to be loved just the way you are, to have a man look into your soul and love you like neither of you have ever loved before, or will again. To find your soul mate, find passion, is something a person can’t buy or fake, (or so we think).

I admit, even after experiencing my fairytale romance shattering into pieces; I still look at Bradley Cooper’s eyes when he looks at Lady Gaga, and I desperately want to believe.

And that is why, ladies and gentlemen; women stay.

There were times when my ex seemed genuinely baffled I was angry about catching him in a lie. He was giving me the fantasy, he was saying all the right things, why was I not happy? He didn’t understand why it mattered what he did with other women in other towns as long as he pretended to be faithful to me. As long as he called me every night,professed his love, told me how much he missed me and was going to bed early and alone; what did it matter if he was with another woman professing his love for her? To him, feelings were an obscure concept. How can you understand feelings if you are unable to feel?

But for the victim, the idea that someone could fake such intensity is impossible. But think about it, crying at the movies, if actors can make you believe, so can a narcissist.

Bradley and Gaga made a love movie, they acted in love and we fell for it. We want to believe.

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What Do 35 Christmas Movies All Have In Common?

xmas movies

They all could be an educational film on “How a narcissist hooks their target”. I didn’t watch them all, all the way through, really, once you have seen one or two the story line doesn’t change much and they all end in the same way.

The heroine of the story is engaged to a guy who doesn’t really know or understand her and is a work-a-holic or something similar. She is going home to her family for Christmas, or going to meet his family for the first time, either way she does not fit in because she is a sweet sensitive girl who loves Christmas and the simple things in life. Then quite by accident she meets the handsome broken hearted hero of our story who is either widowed or recently dumped and afraid to get involved.

There is an immediate attraction but one or both do their best to ignore it, several misunderstandings occur, ie: his ex comes back and the heroine sees them together and jumps to conclusions, the woman accepts the promotion over seas and the hero thinks she doesn’t love him but she thinks he is playing her.

There are many variations that involve, cheating, misunderstandings, miscommunication, a love that just can not be denied even if one of them is involved with someone else, someone is fighting their feelings, but on Christmas Eve, at the final hour, they admit their feelings, admit they are soul mates and nothing else matters except being together. They stare into each other’s eyes, they kiss, they linger, they smile, one of them says, “It’s always been you, I could never love anyone else.” They embrace, the snow flakes fall gently, the music starts to play and the credits start to roll. We are left to believe they live happily ever after.

No one ever tells us what happens after the credits roll.

In real life, the only name in the credits is the narcissist’s (because he is the writer, actor, director and producer; there is no happy ending, it is just the beginning of the emotional roller coaster ride from hell.

How many of you felt like you were living in a real live romantic movie you had seen a million times on TV or read in a soft cover romance novel, when you first met the narcissist? I remember feeling giddy, part of me wanted to just end it because he was so intense and I felt he cared much more than I did, but another part of me was saying, “What can it hurt to just see where it goes? He’s a nice guy, you just aren’t used to a man being so open and honest about his feelings, besides, it never hurts to be the one who doesn’t do all the giving. Let a man take care of you.”

We had misunderstandings and I was ready to break up with him but he cried and swore it was a misunderstanding. You all know how it goes, I don’t have to tell you.

With all the advances society has made with women’s rights we still teach our children that a knight in shining armor is going to ride in and save her and true love happens when two people’s eyes meet across a room and they are swept away with their powerful feelings of love.

I believe in love and I believe in romance, I have to be one of the most romantic people I know, but even before I met my ex I didn’t trust any man who fell in love with me too quickly or who couldn’t be without me for a few days and had to call 10 times a day. In fact, I used to dump a guy if he “fell in love” too quickly and with my ex I felt the urge to stop seeing him because he called me far too often, but I didn’t follow my gut instincts.

Our minds only know what we feed into it. If a girl is raised on typical fairy tales and romance novels and movies when her gut tells her that a man is not being honest and she shouldn’t start dating someone who is already involved, that there is a good likelihood that he is not a trust worthy person; she won’t listen because she wants the whirlwind romance. We don’t teach our young girls to think rationally and logically.

We have not allow ourselves to be sucked into the believing the fairy tale the narcissist pretends to be. Believing in Santa Claus was fun too, but as we got older we realized there really wasn’t a Santa and we were able to survive the disappointment. Just like there is no Tinkerbell, Peter Pan or Winnie the Pooh, the narcissist is make believe and just like wishing Santa was real won’t make it so, wishing the narcissist actually is capable of love will never make it so.