Tag Archives: Saying Goodbye

Controversial Topic – Dying With Dignity and Love

 

sunsetRuin

 

I never knew Gillian Bennett, but I have cried buckets the past two weeks thinking about her life and mostly her death and the love that surrounded her death.

I don’t feel sorry for her or her family, don’t get me wrong; I am sorry for their loss but I admire and, yes, envy what she had. 

For those of you who don’t know who Gillian Bennett is, she chose to take her own life after being diagnosed with Dementia. 

You can read her story at http://www.deadatnoon.com

i am sorry for anyone that gets Dementia, I watched both my grandmothers slowly slip away mentally, it is a painful process for the person afflicted but even more so for the family that loves them. Gillian did not want her family to go through that; she wanted to die with dignity and her family loved her enough to respect and honor her wishes. 

I am not saying everyone with Dementia should kill themselves, I am saying I can totally understand why she did it and I agree with her decision. I listened today to CBC radio interview her son and husband of 57 years. The love in their voices is so evident. I have sobbed every time I listen to them being interviewed or read their story and to be honest I don’t know if I am crying for their loss or because I am feeling sorry for myself.

Isn’t THAT insane? to envy a woman who chose to kill herself because she had dementia? 

When I read about her life, (she wrote a 4 page letter that her son posted after her death at her request) I can’t help but admire the life she led. She raised two children who love her dearly, was married 57 years to a man she loved dearly and who loved her just as much. They lived in various countries and retired to Bowen Island off the coast of Vancouver in 1996. She was a stay at home mom who went back to school to become a psychologist because she wanted to have a career to sustain her in case her husband died before her. 

When the time came she called her two children and asked them to come for the weekend because on Monday she would be dead by noon. This didn’t come as a surprise to her children because she had discussed it often throughout the years, she had made it very clear she did not want to be a burden to anyone or to slowly become incapacitated. She had no fear of dying but to be a shell of the person she once was did scare her.

Her children came to their parents home on Bowen and spent the weekend walking and talking, saying their final goodbyes knowing the next day their mom would die. On the Monday she woke up with her husband, they had their usual breakfast and went for a walk to her favorite cliff and then they went back to the house and she dragged a foam mattress out to the place she had chosen to die. (she didn’t want her husband to help because she didn’t want him to assist her in anyway)

She had a mild whiskey that she drank after taking whatever the barbiturate was that would kill her; her husband held her hand and she went to sleep. Within 3 minutes she was asleep and within 1/2 an hour there was no sign of life. 

I think about the love her and her husband shared, how hard it must have been for him but he loved her enough to be there and hold her hand, to help her die the way she wanted to die. They had 57 years of love and raised a family together with mutual respect and love. 

That is what love is all about.

By contrast, what James and I had was a pitiful joke. He encouraged me to kill myself and left me to  die alone, and had I not been as good a driver as I was he would have been responsible for my death. When I look back I am embarrassed that I ever considered what he and I had to be love. Not everyone has a love like Gillian and her husband, but to me it is the ultimate, it is what every couple should aspire to.

An excerpt from the CBC article and Gillian’s blog:

“Bennett told her family of her plans but did not allow them to take part. It is a crime in Canada to assist in a suicide.

In her final hours, she wouldn’t allow her husband to drag a mattress to the spot she had chosen to die, worried even that could cause him trouble.

“That pretty much broke his heart, that he couldn’t help her with that. She was pretty frail herself,” Fox said. (Gillian’s daughter)

In her letter, Bennett lamented the law.

“This is all much tougher than it need be on Jonathan, and I wish he did not have to be alone with his wife’s corpse,” she wrote.

“Today, now, I go cheerfully and so thankfully into that good night. Jonathan, the courageous, the faithful, the true and the gentle, surrounds me with company. I need no more.”

“Each of us is born uniquely and dies uniquely. I think of dying as a final adventure with a predictably abrupt end. I know when it’s time to leave and I do not find it scary.”

Gillian Bennett

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How To Know It’s Time To Move On

Another good article passed along to me by my friend Fannie.
Here’s the link.

Some Times Things Are Not As They Seem

Ours faces were inches apart as I looked into JC’s eyes and said,”Its over, stop, the police are on their way.” I felt his arm relax and I relaxed my grip. As I let go of his arm he took one more punch at Kris and I screamed. Then he got up and walked to his truck and called the police, saying he had just been attacked by Kris.

I got Kris into the trailer and locked the door. My phone didn’t work so I ran to my girlfriends trailer and heard JC on his phone laughing telling his buddy he had taught the punk a lesson. My girlfriend wouldn’t let me in and handed me her phone and closed the door.

One thing that has always confused me is JC is very strong, and I am sure he wasn’t holding back, he even had a chain wrapped around his hand but aside from Kris’s glasses being broken he wasn’t badly injured. It was the same any time JC hit me, there was never any marks and it never hurt. Divine intervention?

Anyway, I went back to the trailer, Kris was out of control, he’s a hot head by nature and now he was going on about how he was going to kill JC. I wasn’t able to deal with him rationally. I heard JC out on the patio, “my glasses, where are my glasses ?” I looked out the window and saw him crawling around on his hands and knees feeling for his glasses, they were right in front of him and for some reason I thought he was faking. It wasn’t until weeks later I remembered the glasses I found that day that only had glass in them.

Then I heard him say,” oh Kris, a knife?” and saw him pick up a knife and put it on a cupboard on the patio. I thought to myself, “He picked it up so there would be an excuse for his prints being on it, its a set up.”

I asked Kris if he had a knife and he said no.

I went to get a pen and paper to make notes before the police got there and that’s when I realized the trailer was littered with letters written by JC and there was not one pen or piece of blank paper any where in the whole trailer. He had taken all my personal papers and journals, and left notes in their place. Weird notes, some of them quite coherent saying how much he loved me and other scary ones that talked about God; how God had a special purpose for him and how he was being persecuted unjustly just like Jesus had been and we didn’t know what we were doing. His innocence would be proven and he would lead the people. They were every where, the bathroom, on counters, the floor, there must have been a dozen or more. For days afterward I found letters, under my pillow, my recipe box.

The police arrived, took our statements, hauled JC away, we got a restraining order against JC and were told he was not allowed in the resort or to contact us in any way. They took all the letters, the chain and knife and left us a number for victim services. And that was it, they left me with a kid freaking out wanting to kill JC and me a nervous wreck.

I felt totally deserted. My brother said,”JC is a big boy, if he would have wanted to hurt Kris he could have. You’re over reacting”. My mom didn’t want to talk about it. Most of neighbors stood in groups whispering, my landlord was about to evict me but I had already decided to move. One neighbor said they had a hard time figuring out where the screams were coming from. The lights on JC’S truck blinded them and when they looked into the patio area they couldn’t see a thing, that’s why he asked if I wanted him to call the police because he couldn’t see what was going on. He also said he had noticed that the lights I had strung through the latticework weren’t on and he thought that was strange because I always had them on.

But the police didn’t interview any of the neighbors. No one explained the restraining order to me, no one from victims services offered counselling for domestic violence, I felt totally deserted and shunned. I had been told JC was not to be in the park yet he was living at his buddy Chuck’s, every where we went he showed up. Kris was freaking out thinking he was going to kill us. I would pull in the resort and be waiting for the gate to open and BAM !!! we were in the headlights of JC’s truck. Driving down the road he’d pass us and wave, I would phone the police and no one could help me. The cop who wrote up the restraining order was on 4 days off. Every time I saw JC he was calling the cops saying I was following him, we would be on the phone to the cops at the same time. One cop even said, “Well Mr xxxxxx just called to say you are following him and harassing him.” my phone rang once and it was JC’s number I didn’t answer and it rang again so I answered and it was a cop, JC was in the cop shop and his phone started to ring and it was my number on call display so he handed it to the cop. I hadn’t called him.

I went to my friends one night, parked the car across the street and got 1/2 way across the road and BAM!!! I was a deer in the headlights again. I ran inside and JC tooted his horn and drove away.

He was telling everyone how Kris provoked the fight, how he had reported to the cops previous threats by Kris and it didn’t help that one of the neighbours picked up a piece of paper Kris dropped and it had a list of weapons he wanted to buy.

About a week after the attack the police called and said they were escorting JC to come get his things from the trailer. When they arrived a cop came to the door and said to me,”Now I want you to keep your mouth shut and not start anything.”

I stayed in the trailer and heard the cops and JC laughing. JC was saying this and that was missing and then he’d say, “oh well, it doesn’t matter”. He went in the storage room and I opened the door and said to the cop that all JC’s stuff was on the patio. He turned and pointed his finger at me, “I told you to keep your mouth shut and not start anything.”

I felt totally victimized again. The cop said to JC, “Anything in the trailer you want Bud?”

I thought,”you son of a bitch, you’d let him rob me blind and stand there telling me to shut up!”

JC played the nice guy and said, “Let her keep it, I can replace anything she’s got.”

The cop – are you sure Bud, this is your last chance, you can’t come back.

JC –  I’m sure. And don’t worry; I won’t be back, they both laughed.

About 5 minutes after they left the cop came to the door and said they took JC’s clicker for the gate and they escorted him off the property and he won’t be back, and added, “And don’t you be bothering him”.

I went out to get boxes because I was packing to move and BAM!!! I was caught in the headlights again!
I looked up and he was parked 1/2 a block away. He tooted his horn and pulled away.
Finally I went into the cop shop and said,” just so you know, I’m not suicidal.”

I went out to the shed for something the next day and found. a letter JC had dropped the night before. In it he professed his love and how sorry he was for everything and said how much he was going to miss me. He also said the truth would come out.

Kris was sleeping in my room and came out about 3 am and said he’d taken a bunch of pills. I rushed him to emergency and as I went flying through town JC was coming out of Tim Horton’s. He followed me and I saw him drive slowly past the hospital.

Then my phone rang, it was him and I answered.
JC – everything alright? I saw you flying through town.
He sounded so genuinely concerned and I was so lonely and confused I started to cry.
Me – Kris tried to commit suicide, he took a bunch of pills.
JC – Oh Baby, is he ok
Me – yeah, their getting ready to pump his stomach.
JC- I wish I could hold you. Baby shhhhh baby he’s going to be ok. Don’t cry.
Me – I don’t think anything is going to be ok.
JC – will you meet me somewhere? I need to talk to you?
Me – ok. After I check on Kris
JC – I’ll wait for you in that empty lot by the track. Can you drive ok.
Me – I think so.

I met him and he pulled me into his arms immediately and I sobbed for the first time since the fight, no one else had let me cry and now it all came flooding out. He stroked my hair and rocked me – its going to be ok baby.
I raised my head and looked in his eyes, he was crying and we kissed. He said – you have to believe me I didn’t bring the knife or the chain, it was Kris.
I tried to pull away and he held me and looked me straight in the eyes, – You have to believe me. All those messages he left, I tried to be out of there. I called back and asked for a few more minutes.
Me – my phone died. What messages?
JC – you don’t know?  I didn’t think you would let him send them but I thought maybe you hated me that much.
Me – what are you talking about?

He pulled out his phone, punched few buttons and handed me his phone. It was Kris’s voice threatening him and saying horrible things; I couldn’t even listen, all sent from my phone that night. JC went on to say that the chain was Kris’s bike chain and he swore the knife wasn’t his. JC was looking at jail time for assault with a weapon, if Kris brought the weapons it changed everything.

Ambushed

I was in a very tiny old trailer, it had one bedroom with a double bed and very small open living area, but it had a large covered concrete patio. The patio was closed in with lattice work with a screen door entering it. I had strung white lights through the lattice and they provided a warm glow. My son slept on the couch so with JC there it was crowded. After a week I asked when he was getting out and he said he wasn’t ready. I told him this is what he had wanted and now he had to live with his decision, it wasn’t fair to me or Kris for him to stay.

He was pissing off the neighbours by working on his truck in the middle of the roadway. The landlord was getting complaints and I had told him my son was moving in but not JC. Still JC did not leave, I called the police and asked to have him removed and they said I would have to evict him.
*I forgot to mention that before JC moved out of the house I went over to borrow the truck, my son was there working on a car he had bought off JC (actually my mom bought it). JC wouldn’t let me use the truck but I went to take it anyway and JC ran out of the house and threw me out of the truck. My son stepped in and said,” If you ever hit my mom you’ll have to deal with me”. JC said, “I’ve already hit your mom and I’ll hit you too punk”
Kris ran off to get a baseball bat. He came to his senses dropped the bat and came home. Anyway even after that my son wanted to save JC’s stuff and welcomed him to stay for a few days but this was going too far.
Everyday I asked JC to please move out. He wasn’t happy to be there, he was miserable, sullen and distant. So leave!!
I put all his stuff out on the patio. I was very careful to not damage anything and even took my photos out of a rubbermaid container and put them in a card board box so his photos wouldn’t get wrecked. When I got home there was some kind of liquid spilt on the patio with a pool of it by the storage room door. My girlfriend lived nextdoor and when she saw I was home she walked over with her dog, I saw her dog licking the liquid and then she left. A little while later her dog was convulcing. She took her dog to the vet and I deciding to check out the source of the liquid. I opened the shed door and there was an empty antifreeze jug on the floor and all my photos were sopping wet. I was heartbroken, JC said it had been an accident.

I had designed and had made a ring for my son for his 16th birthday using old jewelry I had. It was very cool, the gold was formed into his initials, KO. I had a small diamond set in for my birthday and his birthstone was sapphire. I also had a dinner ring made for myself with the 2 stones set in. Both rings disappeared. We never found them by I have my suspicions as to where they went. (interestingly years later when JC got engaged to the young girl in Africa their rings were designed very much the same)

I started to feel very uneasy with JC around, one minute he would be friendly to Kris and I and then later act like he couldn’t stand us. He bought contact lens but made a big deal about the fact that he couldn’t put them in by himself. I never saw him wear them. One day he had gone out and I noticed his glasses on the fridge. I thought, “omg JC forgot his glasses, he’s blind without them, how could he see to drive?”

Then I noticed it was just glass in the frames. I thought it was strange but put them back on the fridge and forgot about them.

I kept putting JC’s things back out on the patio whenever he brought stuff in yet he did not leave.

He worked for two weeks putting lights on his truck. He mounted 3 high powered fog lights in his front bumper and really bright hallogen bulbs in his headlights. Then he mounted a directional search light to the roof of his truck on the drivers side. He installed two directional work lights to the head ache rack on the back of his truck.

I was walking up to the trailer one evening and could hear cupboards slamming. Ignoring my gut I went in. JC had been going through all my cupboards and pulled out my receipts, journal, all my info on domestic violence, my calendar with dates marked when he had been violent, letters he had written me and he was furious. He started in on me immediately with his right or wrong, yes or no crap and I said I was not going to discuss anything with him.  He just kept badgering me so I went to leave but he blocked my way, my purse was on the kitchen table but I couldn’t get to it. He was pushing me around so I tried to go in the bathroom to get away from him but he pushed the door open before I could lock it. I managed to squeeze past him, giving him a push as I did and ran!!! As I passed the kitchen table I grabbed my purse and didn’t look back until I was in my car with the doors locked. He was standing at the screen door staring at me as I pulled away and headed into town. My phone started ringing immediately, it was JC telling me to come back, I refused and hung up. He kept calling and finally I weakened and picked it up.
Me – yes
JC – Baby, I love you
Me – I love you too, but you scared me.
JC – baby, I would never hurt you I just wanted you to admit some things, for the first time I felt we were getting some where. We can work it out baby. Come home please.
Me – I just need some time ok? I’ll come back in a while I just need time to think ok?
JC – OK Baby, I really do love you.
Me crying – I love you too, I’m just tired of the fighting.
JC – oh baby, I hate it when you cry, just come home please. We don’t have to talk, but you’re too upset to be driving around. Where are you, I’ll come get you?
Me – No, I’m ok. Honest, I’ll come home in a bit.
JC – Ok. Babe?
Me – yes
JC – I love you more than ever.
Me – I love you too JC.

I pulled over to the side of the road to take a deep breath and get my wits about me and realized how much I was shaking.

Right about then Kris walked past with a couple of friends pushing his bike. When he saw me of course he was immediately concerned. I told him JC and I had a fight, so I left but we had talked on the phone and he was calmed down I just didn’t feel like going back yet.

Kris put his bike in the trunk and we decided to visit friends who lived near by. JC called again and I told him where I was and to please stop calling and give me some time to think. I refused to answer my phone after that and my friends poured me a glass of wine and we talked. Kris sat with us a while and then went outside with friends. I wasn’t paying much attention to what he was doing. At one point he asked to borrow my cell phone because his was dead and I let him use it.

Before I knew it it was 3 am and I was exhausted. JC called again and I asked him to please just go somewhere for the night and we could talk in the morning but I was just too tired to face him tonight. He agreed to leave me alone. I told Kris he could come with me as long as he promised to not go on and on about JC, I just wanted to sleep. I knew he would worry if he didn’t come so I let him drive me home. I called JC to say I was on my way home and Kris was with me. He said to give him 5 more minutes. I said ok and then my phone died.
JC tried to call again but my phone didn’t have enough charge left and dropped the call.
We got home 10 minutes later and JC’S truck was parked across the front of the trailer with all his spot lights blazing, so we parked across the street.

Something was not right about the whole scene. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was but my gut was telling me to not stay. I was so tired, all I wanted was my bed.

Kris got his bike out of the trunk and I said, “Now don’t go looking for a fight, we’ll just walk right past him, into the trailer and lock the door.

JC’s spot lights were blinding, it was hard to even see the ground. We had to squeeze between the deck of the truck and the lattice work to get in the door and once we were inside it was pitch black. It took a minute for my eyes to adjusted before I could even see the door of the trailer. I heard Kris say, “I thought I told you to get out”.
I turned and all I got out was, “Kris”
JC was on Kris and Kris was saying, “I don’t want to fight JC, just leave.”
I tried to get between them but JC threw me out of the way, and threw Kris on to the patio table that collapsed under their weight. I was trying to dial 911 but couldn’t I was shaking so badly, so I screamed for help. I tried to pull JC off Kris and when that didn’t work I climbed on his back and started bashing him in the head with my phone.  I saw a chain wrapped around JC’s fist and tried to hold back his arm. I kept screaming for help, time seemed to be standing still; why wasn’t anyone coming?!!!
Then somewhere in the darkness I heard, “Do you want us to call the police?”
Omg, finally!!
Me – JC stop, its over, people are here.
He looked at me almost like he didn’t recognize me.

My Shower

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a hoolahoop as a curtain rod, $5 at the dollar store for a shower curtain, bathmat, and curtain hooks

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the shower caddy came in the scrap from Home Depot and was exactly what I needed for my supplies

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bought for $7.99 at WalMart I ended up getting two because then I have hot water for doing dishes

We Say Goodbye To The Warehouse

They say that one of the traits of narcissism is that they can appear to be putting in phenomenal effort, say that they are carrying the load at work and at home and yet are lazy at the same time. That was JC, when he did have a job he would be at work 7 days a week and put in 15-24 hours a day. He would tell me how the previous guy had screwed everything up and even the company would be singing his praises. They would be so happy to have found him; but within a few months he would be fired again. He would be accused of stealing, wasting company time and screwing up on jobs. Things weren’t any different at home; he would put in phenomenal hours in the shop only to have it look worse than when he started. Like when you send a child to clean their room and they get sidetracked playing with their toys and nothing gets done except to make a bigger mess.

Every time we had moved it had been the same thing, he’d work for hours and get nothing done, then when moving day came it was a mad panic and this time was no different. We were no longer allowed to stay the night at the warehouse and were only allowed in during the day and it seemed JC wasn’t making any headway at all packing.

I had packed everything I could and was trying to keep his ass moving. Since the night he had held me and said he loved me he had been cold and distant again. I tried to tell myself it was because of everything going on, moving, boxes with green stuff oozing out of them; it could distract a person, right?

We knew the two guys that did the night shift were having friends come by to hang with them while they were on duty, so to see a few beer bottles around didn’t cause any alarm bells, but we arrived one morning to dozens of empties littering the ground. I went in the shack and the stereo had been moved from the warehouse into the shack; that was strange.

Then JC called me to come up to the warehouse. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I walked through the door, the place had been ransacked, there were parts and tools strewn every where, we had a 90 gal aquarium ½ way up the stairwell to the upstairs living area and someone had put flashlight batteries in the aquarium and all the fish were dead; that was just plain malicious and cruel. We went back outside and noticed all the vehicles hoods were up, dead batteries no doubt. JC had a HUGE ring of keys; he kept any keys he found because with heavy equipment and older vehicles especially often times the same key will work for other vehicles and it was missing. Then we noticed the keys scattered around on the ground; they must have been trying to steal or at least joy ride in the vehicles.

A fellow who lived in a warehouse down the road came up when he saw our truck pull in and he had JC’s car jack in his hand. He said there had been partying here all night. He said that the kids had the music up on previous nights but last night it had been unbelievably loud. He said they had been burning rubber up and down the road all night and at one point he saw some kid outside his place and went out to investigate and the kid threw something in the bushes and ran. He checked out what the kid had thrown and it was JC’s jack. JC always wrote his name on all his tools, (even the ones that weren’t his) either with paint or carved it in with a marking tool.

We couldn’t believe the brazenness; they knew we would know who did it.

JC had one of the kid’s phone number and called him. I didn’t hear the conversation but JC said he told the kid he had the day to bring everything back or JC was calling the cops and his boss, but he liked the kid so he would give him a break. The kid showed up a few hours later with a car load of young people and an attitude a mile long. He popped his trunk to reveal a fraction of the tools and parts that were missing. After he left I said to JC that the kid’s car sure sounded “throaty” and he said, “It should, he has my headers on his car.”

JC said he had made some sort of deal with the kid that he wouldn’t tell his boss if he paid JC back over time and the kid agreed but we never got any money from him. We reported it to his boss and the guy said his company wasn’t responsible for the kid’s actions. JC even talked to the kids father who gave him some money but I wasn’t involved in the whole thing because I didn’t always believe JC’s version of events or the value he put on things. If it was mine or someone else’s it was crap and not worth anything and if it was his it was worth big bucks.

It was just a big fiasco and when it came right down to it, I kinda felt it was karma. You can’t keep riding the fence of legalities and not expect you won’t get pay back.

I always found myself explaining right from wrong with JC, he seemed naïve, like he genuinely did not understand how society functions or to learn from his mistakes. He made himself out to be this innocent farm boy from Saskatchewan who believed in a handshake to seal the deal, trusted everyone and was the one being taken advantage of. His mother in Edmonton collaborated on the image he projected, that he was a misunderstood country boy.
I had real issues with the way JC operated, to him there was nothing wrong with buying “hot” merchandise and I’ve known other people in my life who thought nothing of buying TV’s or stereos from someone who worked at the docks and got them “cheap” but for me it was wrong; it was stolen, no grey areas. One time he bought a bunch of tools really cheap out of some guys trunk, when he got back I said to him that they were stolen and it was wrong. His mouth dropped open and he did his best “shocked” look (I think he practiced his “looks” in the bathroom mirror) and said no, the guy said he was short on cash and just selling his tools. I told him karma will bite him in the ass. How can he expect for his tools to not get stolen when he buys stolen tools. Its just karma; the laws of nature, justice, whatever you want to call it. To me; having his tools stolen was karma and I just wanted to get out of there and forget the place.

A few days before we were to be out of the warehouse JC came back from town and said he had seen the owner, the guy who had lived here before us, the realtor who supposedly had the place listed for sale and the police captain all talking on the street. We thought that it was rather strange.

Then the day we were to be out of the warehouse a delivery truck arrived, I went out to see what he wanted and he said he had an antique table to be delivered to this address. I told him he must be mistaken, no one here was expecting a table. He argued that he had the right address so I asked for a name and he gave me the name of the guy who had lived here before JC moved in. I told him that the guy had moved a couple of months ago and no one had seen him since. I said that he probably just didn’t have his new address. He told me he had talked to the guy himself and written the address down only 2 days ago and this is where he was told to bring the table.

When our final day came around Captain Hook was the only security guard and although I was happy to be getting out of the warehouse, it was a sad day in a way also. Hook had gotten quite attached to us I think and I liked him, he was a good old guy with his heart in the right place. He took me aside and said, “I gotta lock that gate at midnight, I have to, but what is outside that gate is none of my concern so just make sure everything you want to take is on the other side of that gate at midnight OK?” I thanked him and promised.

JC was dicking around, not getting things moved; we had half a dozen vehicles to move, all his tools and a houseful of furniture. I loaded up our one ton flat deck with all the household stuff and as many parts and tools as I could lift, I moved the running vehicles outside the gate and there was nothing left for me to do. It was 11:00 pm and the 5 ton wouldn’t start yet JC was painting pinstripes on it instead of trying to get it running. I said, “Can’t that wait? Pinstripes won’t do you any good if it is locked behind the gate in an hour.” He wouldn’t listen to me, I was just being a nagging bitch again.

I went in the warehouse to do a walk through for anything we might have missed and was standing there is a daze, I was tired………. no exhausted, scared and sad because now we were supposed to go our separate ways. He walked up behind me, put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to look at him, his eyes filled with tears and he pulled me close, with one hand in my hair and one around my waist he held me against his chest. I could feel his tears falling on my cheeks and I started to cry. He said that he hadn’t treated me right and that he didn’t care what he lost as long as he didn’t lose me. He said he could get through anything with me by his side. He thanked me for sticking by him and said, “We will be ok Baby, as long as we have each other.”

I know now I should have run but at the time it was all I wanted to hear. He promised to never break the law again, promised we would find a church to attend and that he would treat me like I deserved to be treated. I loved him so much, I know no one can understand that and I can’t explain it even now, especially now. Even as I am typing this the tears are running down my face and falling on the keyboard; it makes me so sad to know that I loved someone that much and it was all a lie.

We wiped our faces and both kinda laughed because we were crying and he hugged me and said, “Will you help me get that truck out of here it’s almost midnight.” He looked sheepish, as if to say I know you told me so.

We got it out the gate at midnight on the dot and Captain Hook closed the gate behind us and locked it, “You kids take care of yourselves eh? Good Luck and …………JC, treat this girl right, you’re lucky to have her.”

JC steered the 5-ton while I drove the one ton and towed the 5-ton to a friend’s yard, we left two cars parked outside the fence; they were towed and impounded by the next day. I had JC’s guitars in my car and the one ton was loaded to the max with everything else.

For the first time in a long time I felt positive about the future, strange as that was because we had no where to go………… but I was with JC and he had his arms around me, kissed my forehead and said, “Thanks Babe, I’d be lost without you. I love you.” And I believed him.

As we pulled away the sun was coming up in the distance and I took a deep breath, rested my head on JC’s shoulder, closed my eyes and said a silent prayer thanking God for opening JC’s eyes, it’s going to be ok; silly silly girl.

*(As soon as we were out of the warehouse the guy who had lived there moved back in, the for sale sign came down and renovations began. They worked for a couple of months inside the warehouse and when they were done it was rented out to a roofing company The guy disappeared and we heard the owner went back to Mexico after being here about 6 months.)

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck