Tag Archives: slander

I’m Rubber, You Are Glue

trump-glue

Remember back in grade school some smart ass kid that made your life hell and when you told him what you thought of him, he would sing, “I’m rubber and you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” or another favorite was, “I know you are but what am I?”

As a young child you would get angry, perhaps cry,maybe even hit the other child and defend yourself. But no matter what you said nothing fazed the kid, he always had a come back, laugh, and when you tried the same lines, they just didn’t work for you, his words still hurt.

Fortunately most kids grow up and develop empathy and communication skills. We certainly aren’t expecting to have to deal with that kind of childish taunting as an adult but we found ourselves feeling just like we did as a child in the playground, frustrated, helpless to defend ourselves, crying, with our tormentor laughing at us, taunting us.

If you are still with the narcissist you probably haven’t figured out that; trying to reason with a narcissist, defending ourselves, or trying to make a narcissist admit any fault in the relationship is futile and will result in it bouncing off him and sticking to you. You accuse him of cheating, eventually he will accuse you, tell him he is a narcissist and he will research it and accuse you of all the traits of a narcissist; you may not believe it now because you are still thinking he/she is a normal person and eventually you will get through to them.

Trust me that you are not thinking clearly right now. This kind of gaslighting will drive the most sane person crazy. I can’t say I blame you because there is no way anyone could have convinced me he would turn against me the way my ex did. Deep down, through it all I truly felt there was a deep love for me buried inside him that he was terrified to admit or at the very least he had a conscience and could never lie about me so blatantly. I admit I felt superior to him because I was faithful and honest; he was the one screwing up the relationship, there was no way I could be blamed for the relationship failing.

Then came the day when he told me he’d had enough and it was over.

I said, “YOU’VE had enough??? enough what?”

He looked at me with disgust and said, “This”

I was furious, “You’ve had enough of this????? I have been faithful, I have been honest, you are the one who screwed around, you are the one who didn’t come home at night, who lied…….not me!”

He looked at me over his glasses and sneered when he asked, “And what did you do????”

Looking him right in the eyes, I was indignant, “I stayed.”

He spit out “Exactly” before he went back to reading his magazine and I stood there trying to absorb the enormity of three words. “I stayed” and “Exactly“.

It took a few months before I finally moved out, even though my ex said, “I don’t want you to be homeless so you can stay.” For whatever reason my biggest fear had always been being homeless and of course he knew that but I also knew that if I stayed it would be the death of me.

I had suspected he was cutting me down to his work mates but I had always conducted myself with class, honesty, hard work and wasn’t concerned with what he told his buddies. What I had not counted on and sadly underestimated was his vindictiveness and his ability to lie straight faced and be believed. He knew that all he had to do was put doubt into people’s minds, make a few anonymous phone calls, and act like an unwilling victim. It made me sick how he could play the victim, I had seen him do it with me about other people and now I knew he was doing it about me.

It took me a painfully long time to figure out that any one who decided they were going to “remain neutral” was not a friend of mine. I had never had a relationship where friends had to choose, I had never had a relationship end where I couldn’t remain friendly with my ex and I didn’t want to appear unkind or vindictive but I was constantly being put in the position of defending myself. What worked against me was the fact that I had remained loyal to him and not told people what was going on behind closed doors so when I defended myself to his accusations it all sounded like sour grapes. He had already told everyone I was a liar and crazy and I had stayed for 10 years and not said a word, so of course no one believed me. If it was that bad why did I stay, why didn’t I complain to anyone about him? call the police, go back time after time?

I kept thinking, he stole my identity! he had totally reversed roles and taken mine! He even used my own lines on me! Lines like:

“I can’t just shut off my feelings after we have a fight an pretend nothing happened.”

“Try putting yourself in the new girlfriend’s position, how would you like it if I was seeing an ex girlfriend?”

“She kept saying no one would love me like she did.”

“I am afraid of what you are going to do next.”

“She is trying to ruin my life, get me fired, destroy me.”

“She keeps trying to cause trouble in my life, destroying property, stealing from me etc”

It was infuriating to be accused of exactly what he was doing to me! but I knew the more I denied it the guiltier I looked. It was like entering the twilight zone. I had a couple of “friends” who insisted on telling me how happy he was with his new woman and all the things he was saying about me and what I was doing. It didn’t matter that I told them I didn’t want to hear it, they wanted to hear my explanation or defense against what he was saying, and I did play the game for awhile, until I realized that I didn’t need a friend who doubted my character and would listen to the shit my ex was spreading. I knew he was using them as a pawn to hurt me and to destroy my good reputation. Something I learned from being with my ex is; if a lie is told enough times to the right people, it becomes a fact in people’s minds. It’s a rather interesting phenomenon witnessed during the Trump campaign

That is when I decided the only thing I could control was how I conducted my life, I couldn’t anticipate what he would do next, I could only live honestly and true to my morals and principles AND cut all toxic  people from my life and keep trying to be the best version of me I can be.

When I started looking for answers about 2 years into the relationship there wasn’t a lot of information out there. In fact 6 years ago when I started the blog there still wasn’t much information out there, I did a lot of research and from sharing my own experiences and listening to the stories of thousands of women and men, I consider myself to be a bit of a layman expert and I will continue to spread the word about narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, or whatever label you want to give these soul sucking vampires. I am here to tell you that any attempt to make the narcissist admit his mistreatment of you or feel any morsel of guilt or remorse, is not going to happen. In fact, anything you say will bounce off him and stick to you.

 

 

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Just Like A Cancer In Remission – You Never Know When It Could Come Back

No offense meant to anyone dealing with cancer, it was the only analogy that I could come up with to accurately describe what it is like waiting for the narcissist to rear his ugly head in your life again.

It has been 5 and 1/2 years since my ex and I split, he has been involved with another woman for 5 years and 5 months of that time. He got her to sell her house and he has gotten everything material that he ever wanted, trucks, heavy equipment, trips, mobile shop, you would think he would be so happy he wouldn’t have time or the desire to care what I am doing.

But almost like clockwork he pops into my life to stir up shit once a year. The last time he showed up to destroy my life I was on my brother’s boat, May 26th, 2015 to be exact.  I was being interviewed by Nice Guy Eddie on his talk radio show In My Humble Opinion. I was waiting for Eddie to Skype me at 5 pm to do the interview when I heard what sounded like a a remote control car or weed whacker outside. Like I said I was living on a boat so either one was not likely to be outside my window. I finally went to check because it had been out there a while and when I look out the window there was a drone so close I could have reached out and touched it. Long story short, Eddie couldn’t get through on Skype, nor Face Book, my laptop crashed, never to work again and Eddie and I did the interview over the phone.

A few days prior I had received a call from my ex’s step dad, who I had always stayed in contact with and trusted. I had told him where I was living, two days later I was taking Stella for a pee at 5 am when a semi that looked exactly like my ex’s old one came around the corner and stopped. I had told myself to not be paranoid, his truck got repossessed before we split. But in light of the drone and my laptop crashing I decided to check online to see what he had been up too lately. My heart skipped a beat when I saw that same semi in his Flikr album. He had acquired the same truck just a few years older. That same week I was cut off welfare. Then his son was in the area camping with his mom, step dad and siblings and called to see if I would meet them at their camp site. Of course I went in a heartbeat, I love his son and we had a special bond because my ex was so abusive. I met them and we had a great time, his mom and I hugged, his little sister ran and hugged me, we went to the wharf in White Rock and carved our names in the wood, I got to talk alone with Allan. The only thing Allan said was, the minute he saw me and gave me a hug and then he looked me right in the eye and asked, “How are you?” I said I was great and he sighed with relief and said, “That is all I needed to hear” and hugged me again. We didn’t talk about his dad at all except for him to thank me for standing up to his dad for him and getting him out of the house and home safe to his mom when his dad punched him for eating his double chocolate donut.

A few weeks later I notice on Allan’s mom’s Face Book she has posted pics of their trip. There is one of Yogi bear and a comment from my ex asking where’s BooBoo? Allan’s mom replied, “Who needs BooBoo, Carrie came for a visit and she is awesome!!”

His reply was, “She can be.”

I could tell he was not happy and he said something about if he had known they were coming he would have gone to see them. My ex lives about 8 hours away. She said the date they were there and that they had been there 3 days and had a great time! He said he had been in White Rock the same day I had been there. What a coincidence! haha I had gotten lost and had to do a couple of u turns, I probably lost him and didn’t even know he was following me. You know I had a gut feeling though that whole night.

I have moved so many times I can’t keep count and with this last move I made sure no one who knows him knew where I was. I didn’t post any pictures that had identifying landmarks on here or Face Book. I turned off my GPS on my phone, laptop and any posts I did. I have had one person from my past who knew me while I was with my ex call and ask where I was living now and I was evasive and she called a few times and dropped off.

So, my mom calls me yesterday, very upset; she got a phone call from the police looking for me. She didn’t give them any information, good! because it could have been anyone looking for information, it would not be the first time my ex pretended to be a cop over the phone. The Constable asked where I was living, how often did she see me and she finally asked him what this was about. He told her it had to do with my blog and I was “Inciting Violence” against someone and it was a very serious offense. He gave her his number and asked her to get me to call him.

When she told me I was not the least bit surprised, the one thing that struck me first was this, “If he is accusing me of inciting violence, what the hell does he have planned for me? because they always accuse the victim of the same things they themselves are doing.”

The next thing that struck me,

Why did they call my mother, they could have emailed me through my blog if that is what this is pertaining to and if I didn’t respond then call my mother.

I took the number from my mom and assured her it was not a big deal, she never reads my blog but went in and read it yesterday for herself. She said she saw nothing that would be considered inciting violence. I ask you all, have I ever incited violence ever on this blog? I am one of the least violent, nonjudgmental people I know. I have forbid people from using their ex’s real name and making threats to their safety or even slandering them.

I called the number immediately and surprise surprise, it was the Powell River Police Station. The cop wasn’t on duty so I left a message and not had a call back. I only know one person living in Powell River. I know of 6 times where my ex had someone impersonate a cop or he did it himself; in order to create trouble for me or to get information on my whereabouts in order to create trouble for me. He of course would know who my parents are and I am sure he thought that if a cop phoned the house looking for me she would panic and spill the information, but she is smarter than that thank God.

Not knowing where I am would piss him off to no end, because after all it is all about control. It is like when I started locking my truck and sleeping with the key; my truck battery started to hold a charge and it actually ran for a solid week; if he couldn’t get the hood up, he couldn’t sabotage the truck BUT it was then that he got angry and started to ramp things up and do things that endangered my life, like my tire blowing at 110 km an hour with 3 tons on the truck.

I don’t know what is going on, but one thing for sure I am not letting this slide, it is time he got a life and moved on. I know his relationship is on fragile ground, the engagement ring is off….. he is probably having to be on good behavior in order to get her sucked back in so I am the scapegoat, I will pay for anything that goes wrong in his life for the rest of my life. The one ex he counted on for his emergency supply died the same year him and I split so I guess I am the replacement. Great!!

Depending on what transpires I will be shutting down the blog. I will be closing all my email accounts, my paypal, and changing my phone number. I will be back, I have my other blog I am going to open up, I will not stop spreading the word, but if I am breaking the law I have to do it legally. I never intended to slander or get revenge on my ex, I want to warn other women about all narcissists so whether it is this blog or another one makes no difference to me. I just start building my readership again, I love a challenge, right?

I want a restraining order on him again and I will inform them he has a gun.

I will keep you all informed, for now the blog stays but if it disappears I am not gone for good, just for awhile and I will be back.

Hugs to you all!!

 

 

Winners and Losers and Those Who Just Don’t Play By The Rules

I watched a video the other day about an 11 year old little boy with Cerebral Palsy who decided he was going to participate in the longest running race at school. There was no way he had a chance at winning and it was unlikely he would even be able to finish but when he started to lag and look like he was about to give up his gym coach ran out to him and said, “You aren’t thinking about giving up are you? then a girl from his class ran up and started shouting words of encouragement. Other kids saw her and joined in, eventually the whole school was cheering him on and he made it to the finish line.

He was the last across the finish line but in his mind and the minds of everyone who witnessed his run, he was a winner.

stand up

I feel sometimes like this blog is like that, when one of us starts to lag, feels like giving up; the others rally around and cheer them on. None of us knows even how far it is to the finish line, it can be hard to run a race when you can’t see the end and someone is putting obstacles in front of you trying to trip you up. But it is so nice to know there are people rooting for you out there in the big scary world. Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

I mentioned that it bothers me to think James might “win”, and it does cross my mind that in HIS mind if he can ruin my chances of a comfortable future, he will have won. Which only goes to show how sick he really is. The fact that he thought it was acceptable when he said that he was a “success” and wanted to help me be a success also; when all he had done was hook a widow with money, shows how out of touch with reality he is and how far off course his thought patterns are. How fucked up his priorities are and how low his standards are. No normal man would brag about being a success when he is living off of a woman.

unblanaced

I know that no matter what James has not, nor will he ever “win” over me; no matter what he thinks or what he values, he has lost. It is one thing to revel in the thought that a person loved you so much that they never got over you and lived with a broken heart until the day they died. I suppose some people would get some sort of sick ego boost out of that but to purposely try to destroy a person’s future is so far from normal or acceptable it boggles my mind that he would get any kind of thrill or self satisfaction from it.

I will never forget the look of pure glee on his face when he was talking about his ex who drank herself to death and how much she hated me. It was an Ah Ha moment where he revealed his true colors, when he said she hated me because we were so happy for 10 years. For one thing, why on earth would someone be happy about someone drinking themselves to death over them and for another thing he obviously was telling her something totally different than what was going on in our house, because according to him i made his life hell for 10 years. You can’t have it both ways; unless you are a narcissist. Because you fabricate reality to suit your needs at the time. he needed her to believe we were madly in love and happy, he needed me to feel like I made him miserable for 10 years and in order to “prove” to his new woman and his family that it was me making him the way he was. The way he looked at me when he said it, I could tell he didn’t see anything wrong with what he was saying and he was confused because I wasn’t laughing with him. He had thought I would be complimented or something and I just thought, “You sick son of a bitch”.

I didn’t play the rules like he thought I would, he didn’t think I would ever speak out, he didn’t think would be able to walk away, he didn’t think I would ever put up a fight and call “bullshit”, so he is pissed off. When I had to get rid of my F550, when he screwed it up and it had to be towed, he never counted on me calling his step dad to help me get it out. He had approached me with an offer from one of his friends, that they would pay the towing and storage charges on it and give me a few hundred bucks on top to buy a cheap car with. I know what he was planning. He was going to get a buddy to bail out my truck and he was going to take it. I told him hell would freeze over before a buddy of his got my truck. Then I traded it for the Chevy 1 ton and he saw me driving it, I didn’t see him but he called me, all he said was, “Nice truck”. He was pissed. Then I paid his step dad back $500 of the money I owed him. I took a picture of the Chevy, which had a box on the back and cut a slit in the top of the box and stuck 5 one hundred dollar bills in so they stuck out and framed it. I wrote on it that if not for his help I would have been dead in the water and thanked him very much for his help. I got another call from James, “Good one.” He was pissed.

Then when the Chevy broke down I got the little Ford truck and he passed me on the freeway and almost dumped his Harley trying to get a better look.

I know why he is pissed, because I refuse to roll over and play dead. He under estimated me, just because he wants me to act like the psycho bitch he says I am, I haven’t, I have stayed true to me and I have fought for what is right. It may be covert and maybe no one knows what he has done to me, but he knows and I know and……

I know with all certainty that when it comes to who is the winner between James and I; I win by a long shot, no matter if I die living in a card board box under a bridge somewhere; because there is nothing to be proud of when you purposely destroy someone else. Purposely hurting people doesn’t show how powerful you are, it doesn’t make you better, even if it makes you richer, you still lose. Lying to people about someone so as to ruin their reputation, slandering someone in order to take their kids away, turning family and friends against someone you used and abuse; may fool some of the people for a while but eventually the truth comes out. But even if the truth never comes out, that doesn’t make you a winner, it makes you the biggest, saddest loser of all. A narcissist thinks a lie is as good as the truth and as long as you have everyone fooled into thinking you are a great guy; it is the same as being a great guy. But they are wrong, and the really funny thing is, they are too stupid to realize it so they keep doing what they have always done.

I drove into Langley for my cousin’s daughter’s grad ceremony on Thursday night. On my way home my car started to vibrate especially at higher speeds. If I stayed on the freeway I was going to be home in less than 1/2 an hour but something told me I needed to get off at the next exit. So at the last minute I did. I just took my time getting home and it was after midnight when I finally walked through the door. I didn’t go any where yesterday and then today I went out to clean the car and check my tires. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I checked my driver’s side front tire, it was so close to blowing up it is a miracle I made it home that night. I don’t know why it didn’t, it is in shreds. If it would have blown going 110 km on the freeway I probably would not have survived it. Like my son said, the car would not have been as easy to handle as the truck was, it probably would have flipped. Another uncanny coincidence.

I never worry that James has changed because he keeps proving to me he hasn’t over and over again. I saw a card one time that said, “If you are living your life like there is no God, you had better hope you are right.”

The narcissist better be “praying” there is no God, because when the day of reckoning comes there is going to be hell to pay.

If It Wasn’t So Sick It Would Be Really Funny

I can not believe it but James still lurks about. i have had a rather strange occurrence I thought i might as well share now that it has all unfolded. I was waiting to see what he was up to before I said anything.

A couple of weeks ago he started lurking on my blog again, his town came up on my Statscounter almost every day for over a week, one day over 20 hours. I was thinking either it was him or her looking for answers, but I really don’t care what he does or what he reads any more, I really think he needs to get a life. He probably got fired again and needs to be mad at someone and I would be the prime target because I am the only ex who hasn’t “played nice” with him. I really think he thought I was going to be waiting by the phone for him the rest of my life like Karen did, and finally die by drinking myself to death.

you know that saying, “What other people think of you really is none of your business”? he needs to take it to heart (ooops, i forgot, he doesn’t have a heart teehee) He knows I am talking about him on the blog, so what? I am not talking to his friends, I am not phoning his boss, or his new woman. I am leading my life and he really can’t tell me what I can and cannot say about my life. he is badmouthing me I am sure, I know for sure he is, i don’t care, he still has his blog up slandering me, big deal. No one reads it so it has fallen so low on the Google search no one will ever see it anyway.

But he has an ax to grind and doesn’t have a life, i guess.

Anyway, what happened besides him lurking? Well, he lurked and then last week i got a call from his step dad. I hadn’t heard from him in well over a year and just assumed our relationship died of natural causes. I never really expected to remain friends with his mom and step dad, blood is thicker than water and really, I didn’t want to take the chance of hearing how wonderful his life was. There was no need to stay in touch. I thought too that maybe he had convinced them I was the bitch he said I was, but I really didn’t think too much about it. But then his step dad called a week ago, saying he had been going through business cards and came across mine.

I trust his step dad, I don’t think he would ever do anything to hurt me but it seemed a little strange because he asked where I was living now and I told him about the boat and how I couldn’t keep the cabin at Hatzic Lake and as soon as I said that he lost interest in hearing anything more and really had very little to say when i asked how he and Cauline were. I got off the phone with a funny feeling in my gut.

Then my brother was here this week to pay the moorage and the marina guys told him they are going to move my boat back a few slips. Apparently someone has complained about Stella barking. now I would not find that strange at all, if Stella ever barked. When my brother told me I know the shock showed on my face, he said, “They only had one complaint, they weren’t pissed off or anything, just thought moving you might appease the person who complained”. I said, “No, I am not worried about that, i don’t care if they move me or if someone complained, the thing is Stella NEVER barks, never, someone could break in and she wouldn’t bark, she doesn’t bark when other dogs bark, she doesn’t bark at other dogs, she doesn’t bark at cars or people, Stella never barks.” He looked puzzled and shrugged.

I immediately was reminded of when I first moved into Everglades and they got a complaint about me arguing with my boyfriend in the middle of the night keeping the neighbors awake. Only problem was I did not have a boy friend, I had not had any company period, so not even any one to argue with, i didn’t even have a TV that I might have had on too loud. I asked the neighbors and no one had heard me fighting and I lived on a dead end street, I only had 3 neighbors. It almost got me evicted, until i  told the management board to tell the person complaining to call them when it is happening and they can come down and hear for themselves. i added to not worry about being woken up in the middle of the night, because there was no fighting going on. That time James had put a tracking device on my vehicle and tapped into my phone and was trying to make my life hell.

when I moved here I had this strange feeling he was lurking, that I was going to run into him, i think I was sensing he was going to do something to make trouble in my life again. It is so juvenile and really scary that he hasn’t gotten on with his life yet.

I went on the net and found a recent picture of him and printed it off, I am handing it out around the marina so if he shows up the police will be notified. I have to go to the office and verify whether the complaint was made by phone or in person. I can;t see anyone here complaining about Stella and if someone is thinking she is barking I want to set them straight. But i really don’t think it is anyone here.

i just shake my head.

Maybe If I Wouldn’t Have Gotten Angry – (the narcissist wouldn’t have left)

Thinking that they could have somehow prevented the narcissist from leaving them or abusing them is one of the main reasons victims stay and find it so hard to let go.

The narcissist leaves, immediately gets involved with another “love of his life” and appears so happy. The victim and the casual observer might believe it was the victim’s fault because the narcissist appears happy-go-lucky, loving, generous and caring. It is like living in the Twilight Zone where someone steals your personality and you are left empty like they used to be. He was doing everything I had wanted him to do, for the new woman, he was a mini ME and indignant that I would even suggest he might do something illegal or hurt me in any way.  Narcissists are constantly studying human nature and especially the character of their victim and they use the information, lines, beliefs, morals of their victims to hook the new victim. If you could be a fly on the wall you would hear him using the same lines he heard coming from you.

How sick yet ingenious is that?

The victim on the other hand wants to crawl out of their own skin, the intense emotions are scary and they feel out of control of their own mind and body. They feel soiled by the evil of the narcissist, like by association they are as evil as he is declaring them to be.  How did they get this way? Why are they this way? When did they lose control? and how the hell do they ever get back to the way they were?

How did it start? Once you understand and accept the relationship for what it is you will see very clearly the steps that got you to where you are.

The narcissist knows that history repeats itself and a good way to predict how a person will treat you is to look at their past relationships so they are usually very careful to isolate the victim from anyone who has witnessed his past transgressions, either by moving to a different town or by not allowing them to get close to those people who know the narcissist best. By not allowing the victim to get too close to his family he also ensures his family has no choice but to take his word for it when he professes he is the victim of a psycho bitch. His family ends up thinking he just makes poor choices in women.

Even if a family member does see the narcissist for what he is, they rarely “out” the narcissist and risk alienating their whole family and the family (even if they know deep down there is something extremely wrong) will cling to the hope that this new woman will change the narcissist with her special love.  If the narcissist feels there is any possibility that his family will tell the victim about his past he will go to great lengths to keep the victim away from them.

JC was quick to take me home to meet his family but I immediately felt an elephant in the room, the interaction between him and his family was stilted and not natural and warm. I felt ill at ease, which was not like me when I meet new people. When he told me that his family didn’t really like me, I felt hurt and it made sense why I felt uncomfortable. For the first 8 years we were together any time we were supposed to be going to his family’s he found a way to prevent it from happening and other times he went alone. I found out later that he told his family I didn’t want to visit them.

Without a track record of his past we are left to take his word for everything and he appeared so honest in the beginning, why wouldn’t we believe him?

If his ex is in the picture more than likely she is trying desperately to get him back, quite possibly even apologizing profusely. He isn’t taking her calls, you have heard him on the phone telling her that he has met the love of his life and is happy and to leave him alone. He says he doesn’t want to hide anything from you and shows you her texts, if she wants him back that badly he must be a great guy! If he was abusive why would she want him back? That’s what I thought when JC’s ex called him, if he was an asshole why would she even be his friend?

Victims like to think that the narcissist doesn’t realize the hurt he inflicts and he is so self-absorbed and unaware of how other people feel that he inadvertently hurts them but that is what they want you to believe. They know damn well what they are doing and will orchestrate events in order to manipulate the players in his life to give him the desired results. I played right into his plans even though I knew better. I knew exactly what he was doing yet I did it anyway. I called and begged him to not do this, even though I didn’t really want him back, I knew he was toxic, I didn’t respect him, I was embarrassed to admit he was my boyfriend so why was I begging him not to go with this new woman? Because he did it in such a cold callous and vindictive way, he blamed me for everything, he was cruel beyond anything I had ever experienced and I had been stripped of everything and it was obvious he had it planned all along and that was why he came back to me. I didn’t want to admit that I had been sucked in, that I willingly walked into his trap, I didn’t want to admit the truth. So I ended up helping him secure his next victim, my phone calls, him not answering my texts gave him everything he needed to secure his next victim. I proved I was unstable, madly in love with him (so he must be a great guy) and if she had any doubts about getting involved with him I erased them and she was thinking; “I am not going to lose this great guy, my love is special, he appreciates me so much, he is choosing me over her, I win!!!” The truth is, the narcissist wins!!

Then the abuse starts. As with most victims, JC would tell me if I would only do this or that he would be happy so I would give him exactly what he asked for and then he would be upset I did it, tell me to do something else and deny ever saying he wanted me to do the first thing. He had me running in circles, changing the rules daily, saying one thing then denying it. It drives a person crazy. There were times I totally lost it on him out of sheer frustration, I would shock myself with my reaction. Looking back I can see why it happened, there was no discussing anything with him. He twisted my words, corrected my grammar, twisted facts, accused me of things and I would end up defending myself, or he would simply refuse to discuss anything and walk away. Eventually, I would become a screaming bitch, desperate to be heard and understood; and he would say, “and you always say you love me, that’s really loving alright.” and I would immediately feel guilty and apologize.

I felt forced to do things I would never do ordinarily, like snoop, hide money, lie to him…… because I couldn’t trust him but all those things served to make me feel like a bad person and believe him when he said no other man would put up with me. Sometimes he would leave evidence of his infidelity for me to find, like when he “forgot” to sign out of his hotmail account and I saw his POF profile. He wanted me to find it, he wanted to get me upset, it was all part of the abuse, control and manipulation, reprogramming of my mind, breaking me.

I had never been like that in my life, but his refusal to admit things I KNEW to be true, the way he twisted my words, the way he rolled his eyes, walked out of the room while I was talking…… all drove me to the point of insanity.

I would leave because I didn’t like who I was with him and as soon as I was away from him for a while I would return to the calm rational person I had always been. As long as I could get away from him, I could date him; when he made me angry I would just go home, he couldn’t badger me if we lived apart. I always thought I had come up with the solution. “If I did this or acted that way or if I anticipated his needs” we could avoid the fights.

It became clear to me that the best way to keep him on his toes and treating me half way decent was to keep him guessing. As soon as I let him move in he would start treating me like shit again so I rationalized that I could keep the relationship alive by keeping it in perpetual “dating mode”. For a couple of years I didn’t allow him to move in and kept my own place, I never knew if we were a couple or not. He would show up at the door most nights. I didn’t let him bring anything in the house, not even a change of clothes because I knew if I gave him an inch he would take a mile, eventually his stuff would work it’s way in. It is not in my nature to not be loving and giving and I would weaken and let my guard down. As soon as I relaxed and showed love back or did something nice for him, he would pull away. Yet when I was aloof he complained I didn’t love him. I couldn’t win for losing. It was a constant tug a war. It was an impossible scenario to keep up.

He created the belief that even though we fought all the time, we were so in love we could not stay away from each other, we were destined to be together, we needed each other; I even had proof of it from God, whenever we were split  or I was fed up my truck would break down or he would get injured somehow. He promoted my faith in God and even created situations that could only be considered miracles, that I believe now were just elaborate ruses on his part. Read my post on the Bible here.

He kept me attached but never gave the relationship the nurturing needed for it to grow, he kept us in perpetual chaos in order to keep me from getting to really know him. The longer the relationship with a narcissist goes on the bigger the lies and deceit has to get and at some point the narcissist has to walk away or be exposed.

When the final discard comes he has to destroy the victim in order to confirm his story, he has to villainize the victim and become the victim themselves. In his mind it is him or them, he has to get everyone on his side in order to hook the new victim and alter history. He cannot just walk away amicably, what if you decided to expose him for who he really is? He has to discredit you before you discredit him.

When I finally found him at that woman’s house something snapped in me. It was a dead end street and my truck was facing the dead-end. I got in and drove to the end of the street, he didn’t even look at me and just sat in the car. I turned around at the end of the street and sat there facing the back of his car with the engine running. He was so cold and unresponsive, uncaring and I thought, “I’ll make you care, you son-of-a-bitch, you’ll care when I drive this truck right up your ass.” I revved the engine, I had straight pipes on the truck so it didn’t have the stock exhaust and it was loud, a F550 with a 7.2 L diesel engine that roared. I shifted it manually, revving the engine, the smoke billowing out of the pipes, I had enough room to build up speed and I am sure the whole block heard me barrelling down on him. I was going to drive over that damn car, that would wipe the smirk off his face and destroy his cockiness. At the last-minute I swerved around his car, as I went past I could see he was reading something and he didn’t even look up.

That was it, I drove away and cried for a couple of hours. I fell apart totally, called his sister and she came out to stay with me for a couple of days. Later of course I thought of all the rational things I should have done, like just take the car and park it a few blocks away and not tell him anything. It was MY car after all, I had every right to take it. But no matter what I would have done he would have been able to twist the story making himself a victim and ne the villain.

At the last-minute I was able to think clearly, see the consequences of my actions, I scared myself. I knew I could never live with myself if I killed him, but I can understand why some victims crack, driven insane by the manipulation, the disregard, the cold unfeeling abuse of their love, the denial of the truth.

There was a handful of times I did things I regretted but I always apologized and I never did it again.

When the narcissist starts his character assassination he peppers his lies with enough truth to be believable and to keep the victim quiet. The victim knows they acted irrationally and they are ashamed,  The narcissist knows the victim will be honest so all they have to do is embellish the truth. He even told me he was afraid to be alone with me because he didn’t know what I would do and I am sure the new woman was listening to his end of the conversation. When they make an accusation like that the victim doesn’t even try to explain to anyone because it sounds convoluted to their own ears and to defend themselves would take retelling the whole story of the relationship.

After we were no contact for a couple of months my conscience got the better of me and I wrote him an apology letter saying I wished him happiness and that I would always love him. I don’t really regret it any more because all it did was prove I was human. I forgive myself for every stupid thing I did because I was fighting with the devil blindfolded, I did the best I could.

I read comments from people and I see myself 4 years ago. All I can say is, Please do not beat yourself up and please stay no contact. You HAVE to remind yourself that it was all a huge plot on his part and any further contact with him, blaming yourself, or even anger is only helping him weave his web of lies and set the trap for the next one. Save some of your dignity and self-respect, come in here and spill your guts but don’t pick up that phone, don’t send that text message or email.

If it gets really bad, if you feel you just HAVE to apologize, get closure, “be friends” , get a piece of paper and a pen, sit down and;

– write out all the times you acted like a nutcase and what the events leading up to it were. If you just lost it for no reason, then maybe you do owe him an apology, maybe he isn’t a narcissist.

– list all the things you could have done to make him happy that you refused to do but his new woman will do without hesitation. ie: work and pay all the bills, buy him all the toys he wants and never buy anything for yourself, reject your children, etc

– make another list of all the things you denied him that any other woman would have accepted without question. -ie: him watching hours of porn, dating other women, not coming home at night………

– Now make a list of all the times you wrongly accused him of; infidelity, got angry for no reason, screwed around on him, denied him sex for no reason.

 

 

The Vindictiveness of The Narcissist

 I received this comment on one of my posts this morning and thought the topic was worth a stand-alone post.  I always recommend women in a relationship with a narcissist keep a journal for many reasons, several of which are in the post from Louise. In the beginning I started a journal in self defense because JC kept a daily journal and would accuse me of doing things and when I denied them he would refer to his journal. It was his “proof” that things occurred the way he said they did and because I had nothing in writing I was wrong and he was right. As you know, you know the events and what you did but you may not remember the exact day and time weeks or months later.

After we split the first time I decided when I went back I would keep a journal of my own and if nothing else I would know I wasn’t crazy, he kept telling me I had a warped view of reality and saying how could I be angry if I didn’t  even remember what day it happened. All our fights ended in the same way, him declaring something fact and me with no proof otherwise.

It came in very hand, even for simple things like him saying, “Every day I go through this with you, you are crying, demanding, I am sitting here peacefully drinking my coffee and you wake up and tie into me the minute you walk in the room; then I come home and you are at me again. I started keeping track of when I cried or when I didn’t cry, when I was angry about something, how much money I made and how much I spent on groceries or gave him. I never used to keep track of money, we were a couple and if we needed food or he needed something and I had money I would spend it but he never recognized any contributions I made and had his own financial records that I was not allowed to see showing he gave me all his money. Journaling didn’t end the arguments but it did give me a leg to stand on and it was easier for me to stand my ground if I knew I was not imagining things.

One example was when he was going on and on about how I cried all the time and that is why he had joined a local dating service (not even an on-line one and it cost $200 to join and he had been badgering me about money for weeks) I went back in my journal to that day and the week prior to when he joined and it said, “I haven’t cried all week, JC and I have been getting along the best we have in months, I am hopeful this is the sign of things to come. I love him so much.” I read it aloud to him, he had nothing to say. It was a small victory, after all he had joined a dating site and then not come home for two nights, and nothing had changed but at least I knew I wasn’t crazy.

Most importantly though is a journal can be invaluable if you have to prove abuse or have to go to court for child custody prove you innocence to false accusations. The narcissist always projects a calm, rational and amiable image and the victim is emotional, nervous and seems uncertain and confused. Authority figures such as the police and the courts tend to believe the narcissist. If you have the events documented and you can refer to your journal you are more apt to be able to stay calm yourself and not get flustered.

It feels wrong to keep track of someone you love; we don’t naturally keep track of the wrong doings of people we love, but the people who love us do not usually do the things a narcissist does either.  On one occasions when JC had begged me to try again he said if we really were sincere about leaving the past behind us and starting fresh we should both destroy letter we had written each other in anger. Another time I found him going rummaging through all my cupboards and later discovered he had destroyed all my notes and journals; so it is imperative that you not let him know you have them and hide them well because they do snoop in your things trying to find evidence of infidelity on your part or to see what you are up to. They are lying and conniving and just assume you must be also. They live in a world based on deception, their lives are carefully orchestrated and if the truth were to come out their fabricated world would crash in around them so they are very protective of it and paranoid and there is no way of knowing how far they will go to prevent the truth from coming out.

I do not recommend what Loujean did unless, you like her; are pushed into a corner with no other avenue of protecting yourself. I am very concerned for Loujean’ s safety as you will see in my reply to her comment.

I cannot stress enough how vindictive and dangerous narcissists can be. Victims rarely realize the danger they are in until it is too late. Please be careful and assume the worst when dealing with a narcissist.

Here is Louise’s comment

Hello Carrie,

I hope you and yours are well and happy.

It has been a while since I wrote a post but I thought I’d give you an update on what has been going on.

I apologize in advance for this lengthy post but hope that it may give courage to others and answer some questions for others in a similar situation.

As I’ve mentioned before me and H work in the same office so it was difficult to ignore the harassment in the work place. However, I did inform my team leader who unfortunately is friends with my N. I told him that if he continued to ignore the abuse then I would have to take the matter up with his managers. I felt he too was being intimidated by N so I felt distrust, not because he is a horrible person but because N said to me that if he needed to know anything he could get the information from my team leader.

After not having a cell phone for more than 5 months a friend suggested I gather evidence of the abuse by getting a new cell phone, send him a text to say leave me alone and then when he began calling to record him.

I did this and recorded just one week end of what I have had to endure for almost a year since he left and got back with his ex partner.

I kept a written log for over a week and recorded numerous phone conversations and one of the occasions when he threatened me and wouldn’t allow me to get into my vehicle outside of work.

I also began putting him on loud speaker at work so everyone could hear what he was saying to me including my team leader. I also showed him obscene emails he sent to my work email address.

After cutting all contact outside of the office my N began stalking me more and more since December just gone. He would turn up in random places threatening me. As usual there were no witnesses or if there was he would make it look like I was the one who was harassing him.

2 weeks ago I was on my way home and visited a petrol station. On returning to my car he turned up out of nowhere and began threatening me and again not allowing me to get into my car. Only this time there were witnesses who intervened. The police were called and he was arrested. One of the witnesses gave an independent statement to the police and there may also be CTV evidence which the police are now applying for.

He has been let out on bail until the 8th April on the conditions he or his family are not allowed to come anywhere near me except for work purposes.

I gave a statement to the police and admitted that during the last year I have said things to him and met up with him to plead for him to stop. I have also admitted that on occasions I have pacified him and said I love him and that I will do whatever he wants if he stops trying to humiliate me in the work place. I am worried about phone calls and emails which I have sent to him because I fear it will incriminate me and that they will think I have led him on.

I was worried that my team leader would not support me because he is his friend but yesterday amazingly he told the police how N has intimidated me in and outside the work place.

After sending all the recordings and chronological account of events the police called me to say that they needed to consult with senior officers to see what they can do for me and did sound concerned for my well being.

I have to go and make a further statement on Sunday but I am so worried about the phone calls I have made to him and the emails which I have sent to N when I have told him what he wants to hear in order to keep him from going crazy at me in and out of the work place.

This is the personal statement I gave to the police along with the log and recordings which I am sure you will all relate to:

________________________________________________________

Right now I feel physically sick. I admit that in the past year I have done things and said things to H so that he wouldn’t carry out his threats of humiliation in the office. I have met with him for drinks because he wanted to talk to me. On these occasions I have told him that I do not want a relationship with him because he is already in a relationship and I couldn’t possibly have a relationship with a man who has done what he has done to me. His reaction to this has always been threats to humiliate me at work and tell people about my private life including sexual explicit details. He will say things like ‘let’s see what people will think when I tell them what you are really like’ followed by personal sexual comments. When this happens I go into a state of anxiety and worry about what he is saying to people at work especially other men. I end up calling him and telling him what he wants to hear like, ‘I do love you and I will do what ever you want me to do’ I’ll wait for you to sort your life out and I promise not to meet anyone else. I beg him not to bring my personal life into work. I ask him for reassurance. He sometimes ignores me and leaves me hanging for the whole week end. I get desperate at these times because I want to speak to him so he can reassure me that he won’t do what he threatened to do. Other times he phones me the next day and says he is sorry for doing this to me, he cries and says he is a horrible person and he doesn’t know why he is doing it except that he loves me. He has on occasions threatened to take his own life or has implied that he hasn’t got long. I realise now that I have not helped the situation by sometimes telling him what I think he wants to hear but the threats get bigger, he wants to involve my friends, my ex husband and says he is going contacting them. He has accused me of having intimate relationships with male friends and threatened to approach them to ask them if I have. I have stopped being friends with a lot of people for fear of him involving them. If I am talking to people in the office he assumes I am talking about him and then makes threats to tell these people lies about me to make me look like I am a bad person. He has shouted out remarks in the office which imply I am an alcoholic, drug addict, mentally unstable and sexually promiscuous. None of these are true. I have no idea if people have heard these comments because no one reacts. When he has said these things to me at work I have ignored him.
________________________________________________________

My doctor signed me off work for two weeks because I broke down in the work place. My manager, team leader and all my colleagues have been so supportive it is unreal. N made me feel like no one would believe me and had me distrust anyone I came into contact with but I realize now that he was just manipulating me and everyone around me.

He has kept me in this loop for almost 3 years in total however I only realized when I discovered your page what was actually happening to me.

You see he kept me there by threatening to expose my most intimate details which I had shared with him. My past, my fears and my deepest secrets.

In the end though he will have just exposed his own.

If you can give me some reassurance regarding the emails and phone calls I have sent to him to pacify him I would be most grateful.

I know I have not done anything wrong and I do know that when people are in fear they will do almost anything to make it stop. I only hope that the police will see that too.

Best wishes

Louise

Louise, good to hear from you and know that you are ok and have taken control of your life back. No matter what;  you had to take action to end this blackmail. You could have gone many more years suffering his abuse and threats.

What you did is exactly what I always recommend victims to do; keep track of evidence, take pictures, keep a journal, document document document. I would not recommend someone do what you did, contacting him again in hopes of gathering evidence, only because it is a dangerous game to play. Narcissists are so unpredictable and vindictive and are so close to and intertwined with being psychopathic. But I can see in your case you really didn’t have much choice if you wanted him to leave you alone.
I worry about him trying to get revenge and him popping up out of nowhere is very scary. I have to be honest I am concerned for your safety and suggest you try to have someone with you at all times and only ever park in wide open public places and carry pepper spray and a personal alarm system on you. This whole situation has the potential to destroy him, his marriage, his job and the loss of all his henchmen that he’s had suckered all this time. NOT that he doesn’t deserve it and it would be justice served but he could feel he has nothing to lose by killing you to shut you up and make it all go away. The N’s greatest fear is being exposed for the bottom feeder he really is.
I am sorry if I am scaring you but I can’t pretend I am not afraid for your safety and I pray the police realize who and what they are dealing with. Do you have a no contact order against him? not that they always work of course, JC totally ignored the one I got on him; in fact he flaunted the fact that it wouldn’t keep him away.
As for the phone calls and the emails you sent; I think honesty is the best policy always. The police seem to be sympathetic to your cause and taking you seriously, hopefully they are educated in domestic abuse and the effects it has on the victim. None the less you have witnesses and proof of his abuse and threats and I am assuming you only contacted him the once to ask him to stop and have not contacted him saying you love him etc in recent weeks and he still persisted with his threatening behavior.

In cases like this the outcome is so reliant on the attitudes of the police and the judicial system. If they are sympathetic to victims of abuse they will see right through his lies and mask of innocence. But I have had the cops get totally sucked in by JC’s nonchalant attitude and claims that i was the psycho bitch and he was just trying to get away from me. But from the sounds of it, you have good cops helping you.

Stay calm and assured in your position, don’t let guilt or self doubt sway your stance. You are in the right, you did nothing wrong, he has brought this on himself, you have tried for 3 years to give him the opportunity to stop and it all would have gone away long ago. Many times women do not charge the abuser or say anything to anyone for fear something they did will be brought out or the people of authority will believe the abuser and turn against the victim. But you have the support of many people at work and your team leader told the truth, people know the truth when they hear it and it is presented with evidence and by a rational person. That is what narcissists do; they present themselves as calm and rational people while the victim is an emotional basket case and people tend to believe the N just because he appears so certain he is right. But he cannot deny eye witnesses and physical evidence. The fact that he approached you in public is what is scary, he is obviously getting desperate.
If he had evidence of emails or phone calls from you, I would think he would have presented them to the police by now. Has he shown anything to his cohorts at work? I would venture a guess that he really doesn’t have anything incriminating. If he is married he would not have wanted his wife to find any evidence so he may have destroyed them thinking he had you so under his control that it wasn’t necessary. I am sure after 3 years he didn’t think you would actually do anything about it.
No matter what though, remain calm and if evidence of you saying you love him or whatever is presented don’t act surprised or like you are caught, just act like “of course I sent it………I was desperate to get him to stop, I would have said or done almost anything to get him to stop, he was jeopardizing my job, I was afraid for my safety. Maybe it wasn’t smart but I was desperate.” any one would have to understand that.
Please let me know how this all turns out and BE SAFE!! make sure he never has the opportunity to get you alone anywhere. have someone walk you to your car everywhere. If you go to the mall or grocery store find a security guard and tell him you are afraid for your safety and would he please walk you to your car. Do not feel foolish for asking, it is their job to make sure people in that establishment are safe and if he won’t, ask to speak to the store manager. I mean it!
big hugs and prayers God keeps you safe.
Carrie

I am not going to bore you all with all the details of JC’s posts but I had to share with you what I consider to be a typical narcissistic train of thought. Once again his comments are in black and mine are in red. This was the last couple of paragraphs of his second post on July 10, 2013.

I met a girl who has totally changed my life. She is kind, loving, positive, attractive, does not drink, smoke or do drugs, she does not condone my smoking and she tolerates my occasional drink, but she is concerned for my health, and the longevity of our future. She is organized, very thrifty, and has helped me finally get on top of my finances and debts.

Note the part about organized, he will refer to it again 3 days later. Helped him get on top of his finances, yeah; I know of $20,000 she gave him 2 months after meeting him and he still owes his step dad, $20,000. So that is $40,000 if he paid his step dad. I paid off almost $10,000 in debt the first year after we split and I didn’t have any one helping me.

On top of that…I love her so much that I cannot begin to describe it. 

He can’t describe it because he doesn’t know what it feels like to love any one.

We are born 2 weeks apart, and we will be 50 this year, and for the first time in my life I am looking forward to a future, with her, instead of just surviving every day, not knowing what crisis was coming, while throwing my time, finances, and affections, into a black hole. (as was a coexistence with CR)

 Pot calling the kettle black as is typical of a narcissist, this statement makes me want to spit nails!!! His time, finances and affection?? I threw up in my mouth when I read that.

This is but a sliver of what is going on, typed at one sitting. There is no way to address the hours and days and weeks of ladywithatrucks completely delusional and fantastic accounts of my life as her evil overlord. All I can say is…..there are 3 sides to every story. And now that I put a second side out there, or a bit of one….I can go back to the awesome life I am starting with MP,

Awesome life he is starting? They’ve been together over 2 years, he must mean restarting. We used to do that all the time too. Something would happen, he would get fired or something and make all kinds of promises of a fresh start, in a new town, a new job. He would profess his love and point out some flaws of mine that if I could get a handle on MY issues he was really ready to make a full commitment. We would move, I would be happy and hopeful because he would have promised to change but then nothing would change, things only got worse and then a year or so down the road we would have another “fresh start” after he got fired and we got evicted and I found a nice place to live and got all set up. I was SO STUPID!! grrrr.

and drive another stake into the heart (that’s why I have heart trouble, he has a voodoo doll he is sticking pins into) of that vile demon from Chilliwack that keeps trying to cause us harm.  Vile demon rotflmao

 Vile demon from Chilliwack? He clearly knows where I live because he has obviously been going into my blog, he knows where I live and it isn’t Chilliwack. But its his attempt at putting up a smoke screen because he has been trying to get me kicked out and if he doesn’t know where I live it can’t be him calling the management board right? He thinks he is so sly.

 It is like when my tire blew on the freeway, it was 3:30 and I am sure he was wondering why he hadn’t heard from me yet, or maybe he was concerned we were dead and he had better cover his tracks but what ever the reason he text messaged his sister and said, “You guys be careful out there”. She said to me I just got this text from JC, has he ever told you to be careful at work? I said no, why would he? I don’t do anything dangerous? She laughed and said, “Watch……our front tire is going to fall off or something.” She wasn’t too far off; we had barely stopped laughing when my driver’s side front tire blew up, severing my brake line, destroying the fender and bending my door. It immediately pulled me to the left. God was with me that day because had I been in the slow lane it would have pulled me right into the traffic. It was rush hour and bumper to bumper. I told Denise to hang on and I managed to keep the truck on the road, an F550 with 3 tons of scrap tied to the deck. There is a steep gully between the highway and the on coming traffic, had we gone off the road we would have rolled and probably either been killed or seriously injured; but I got it stopped and pulled safely off the road. Rubber from the tire was strewn all over the freeway. A young girl parked behind me and came running up to me yelling, “lady,,, that was awesome fucking driving!!” LOL

 We called him and he sounded so concerned and said he was packing up right away and coming to help us. My son had just gotten here from Calgary and went to his shop to wait until I got off work. JC told him what had happened. Kris said JC’s tools were all packed up already but JC dicked around for hours before they left to get us. I just wanted him to single out one of my rear dually tires so I could buy a cheap used tired the next day but he arrived with two brand new $400 tires. I told him I couldn’t afford to pay $400 a tire and he was pissed off. He started to take the back tire off like I wanted and then said he didn’t have the right tool and ended up putting one of the new tires on.

 It was 6 months later he casually mentioned to me that perhaps I should go and get my wheels checked because he had loosened all the lug nuts and my wheels might fall off. I asked when he did it and he said when he had come to rescue me when my tire blew. I said, but you said you couldn’t single out the back dually because you didn’t have the right size wrench to undo the lug nuts, that is why I ad to use the new tire. He said, “Just get them checked. And you might as well get them to check under the engine there are some bolts that hold the cab onto the frame that are missing,”  I asked how he knew that and he said he noticed it while he was under there for some reason, I thought to myself , “Why didn’t you use the wrench you used to take them off to put them back on?” But we were split by this time and I didn’t really want to get into it.

 Sure enough I went to a tire shop and the guy just about crapped his pants. I heard him say Fuck!! And then he called me over and showed me where they had been rubbing. He said it was a miracle my wheels didn’t fall off.

 He says I am trying to cause them harm? Again, in typical narcissistic fashion turning the facts around and accusing me of doing to him what he has and continues to do to me. Calling my work and getting me fired and lodging phony complaints with the management board where I live. In his post he also mentioned that I laid on the couch all day drink my vodka coolers, smoking, doing drugs and eating Tim Horton’s while he worked 24/7 to keep me supplied but I was never satisfied, I was insatiable. Finally he told me I needed to get a job so I knew how much I was costing him. He said he set me up with a truck and customers so I could do scrap but it was too much work so I quit. What a bunch of hooey!!! You know, I would like to give him credit where credit is due because he was a big help in many ways. No, he did not give me customers, the one customer he “gave” me was someone else’s customer and when I started going during the day (instead of in the dark of night like he did) I got shit for taking someone else’s scrap. No, he did not set me up with a truck, I did my own deal on the truck and a guy I worked with gave me a small crane and then another guy gave me the winch and heavy duty crane and I had another guy weld it onto my truck. BUT he did give me pointers on what was what, how much stuff was worth, and helped me load some heavy stuff some times; he was very supportive and encouraging because I knew nothing about scrap.  He ended up using MY contacts and getting better prices for his batteries and scrap because he would use my name every where. For a period of time we both had scrap trucks and he would call me and say there was a bunch of scrap and to come down and he would share it with me. We always loaded his truck first and mine never got loaded. We would use my crane and winch to load his truck and then we would be out of time or some other excuse. He scooped jobs right out from under me!!

 For one thing he knows damn well I used to drink Mike’s Hard Lemonaide, but he didn’t want to say that on his blog because he told Ccon I was drinking Mike’s; the boss even made a note of saying it was Mikes and looking me straight in the eye. I looked him back straight in the eye and said, “Yes I drink Mikes, but I was not drinking in the truck at the Husky, my ex also knows I drink Mikes”. He didn’t say anything then. And I thought how the hell could anyone see what I was drinking from a distance; if I was in deed drinking at all. Why would a responsible citizen see someone doing drugs and drinking and wait until the next day to call the company. Why wouldn’t he call the cops and have them take me off the road immediately so I didn’t kill someone? It is almost funny that he thinks he has covered his trail with these feeble and obvious attempts to cover his ass.

 I don’t know where he lives, don’t have his phone number and don’t know where he works, so how I was causing him harm is beyond me. I am sure he is doing shit to M and saying it is me just to make her believe I am a psycho. I know years ago he put sugar in his own gas tank and said it was his g/f’s ex boyfriend so she would be mad at him. I didn’t think anything of it when he told me that her ex put sugar in his tank until his son was living with us and his son said something about it and JC got defensive. He said to his son, “is your mom saying he didn’t? She knows he did it, she had to help me clean out my gas tank.” The fact that there was sugar in the tank does not prove the guy did it. Tricky little play on words. In general people don’t analyze what other people say and if someone wasn’t paying close attention they would think yeah, he must have done it.  Just like Ccon figured I must have been seen drinking and drugging at the Husky if some guy saying he is a fireman (JC was a fire fighter in Sechelt) and sounding official calls to tell them I was. But if they would have thought about it and just asked me, I could have pointed out why that is such a bizarre statement.

SHe has her blog, and her minions, and they feed off one another.

The only minions I have.

The only minions I have.

He is jealous because I have a following, he would love to have 600+ people following his blog, he has had 3 blogs the first one was in an attempt to raise money for him to go to Sudan and he didn’t raise a dime and never had one follower because he is an egomaniac that bragged about all the women he had lined up and laughed about how gullible we all were. He doesn’t understand that my blog is about narcissism and domestic abuse; he thinks I am just bitching about him but I wouldn’t have the following I do if I was just bitching about my ex. I have a following because people can relate to what I went through and are seeking answers just like me. It is ridiculous to even discuss it I know because he does not have the emotional or mental ability to grasp what I am trying to do. His life is superficial and based on lies and fabrications, to expect him to fathom wanting to help people for the sake of helping people is  an attempt at futility.

 I have MP….and yes….we eat each other once and a while too. She is delicious….but thats another story.

The above statement was meant to hurt me but I just got sick to my stomach. This coming from a 50 year old man, it sounds like something a 15 year old would say. If I was MP I would be embarrassed; how crude.

Below is his post three days later on July 13, 2013.

 moving. Alone again…naturally.

To read the title one would assume this poor man has had to move all by himself his whole life or is single. The truth of the matter is, that every time he and I moved I did the whole move and he disappeared to God knows where. I was forever rescuing his tools and guitars because he had procrastinated so long that we were out of time and he took off in his truck and left his stuff behind.

I lost so much furniture because he didn’t show up when he said he would, or wouldn’t let me load my stuff onto his truck and it got left behind, one time it was left in a pickup truck he had stored at the pit. Then he sold the truck and my stuff got thrown out into the snow. He finally took me up to get it a month later, dropped me off and left. I had to pack my stuff down a long driveway in the snow and then wait in the freezing cold for him to return. When he got back he pulled up and just sat in his truck. I was pissed and told him it would be nice if he helped me. He yelled at me, “Can’t I even eat a sandwich in peace? I haven’t eaten all day.”  I guess he didn’t think I needed food and could live off of the love I had for him.

 The one and only time he was a big help moving was when I was supposed to be buying the house in Saskatchewan that he told me about and the deal fell through at the final hour. He flew out from Alberta and told me to go to bed he would load the truck. I was so impressed because I thought he was staying true to his word and really trying to change. LOL he just wanted to be there when I got the news that the house had been sold, and he wanted to make sure I didn’t back out.

I am loading the last load of SIX….yes….six….loads. We sure have a lot of shit.
Well….she had probably 4 and a half anyhow. Most of my stuff went up on car trailers and in guitar cases.

He can not help himself, he HAS to brag about his vehicles and guitars. To hear him talk he has had over 80 different cars all in mint condition when in reality most of them were scrap cars and not even running. His guitars end up getting pawned and he loses them because he doesn’t pay the pawn shop. Then he gets some money from some where and buys another one, eventually he pawns or sells that one too.  I bought him one for $500 from my son but to hear him tell it I never bought him anything.

Anyhow…the end is in sight…and no one was killed in the process. Now….as long as I can keep a lid on her at the other end….bob’s yer uncle.

This is where I start to feel sorry for her.

Thats how different personalities work….in trying times such as these.

In trying times like these! Oh give me a break ….he sounds like he’s talking about the great depression, they moved for God’s sake! People do it everyday, they just don’t do it with HIM.

She is so organized, and focused…..that she tends to get frustrated and angry….when things invariably don’t correspond with her timeline. (and they never could with the domino setup she engineered)

Notice the not so subtle jab at her. Three days ago being organized was a good thing, but now she “engineered” it to fail. I know only too well what she was probably going through, he made her life hell and then blamed her for everything falling apart when in fact it fell apart because he refused to help or simply disappeared, or just concerned himself with his shit and didn’t help with the household stuff. I can’t help but remember him telling me that she was so calm and rational and how he could talk to her……..not like with me. I had said to him at that time. “I do not want to hear how wonderful M is. When SHE has done 10 years with you and she is STILL calm and rational I might listen, but until then I don’t want to hear it.”

Me? Slow and easy. I made my calculations, checked out what was heavy, what was bulky, and then just started loading. No need to be pissy about things, they are gonna take what they are…..and I just keep a variable ETA in mind, subject to….whatever.

I had to laugh, he just can not help trying to make himself out to be superior. If only he knew how stupid he sounds but I guess some one that doesn’t know him would maybe feel sorry for him having to put up with MP temper tantrums when he is so calm and easy going. Cough cough it certainly would not be like JC to get “pissy” about things. LOL

Meanwhile….It’s been VERY quiet around here. As soon as moving was mentioned….tumbleweeds started blowing up our street and I am sure I saw mothers herding their children indoors.

I know it is none of my concern, and I am going to take my own advice and not waste any time thinking about it but….she owned her house and JC told me when he met her that she would never move from that house. It sounds like she didn’t have much choice in the matter. It would be so like him to some how make her lose her home and that would be tragic. Her dead husband must be rolling over in his grave watching how his life insurance money is being spent after he made sure she was set for the rest of her life.

I can’t help but take a little pleasure in the fact that obviously Miss Calm Cool and Collected is not so rational and easy to talk to now and it hasn’t even been 2 full years let alone 10!! It may be nasty of me but I have to be honest, I LOVE IT !!!!

Oh well….it is said….blessed are those who expect nothing from life, for they will not be disappointed.

That has to be his favorite line; I heard it so many times I could vomit!! What a cop out!! It shows once again how out of touch with reality he is. How can any one get any where in life without expectations, how can you have a relationship without expectations? I used to tell him that he had expectations of me and he would deny it. But he expected me to not get angry with him having personal ads, he expected me to accept that he didn’t come to bed, or call if he was late or not coming home at all, he expected me to be faithful, he expected me to cheat and treated me like I had when it was him that was unfaithful. He expected me to believe his lies and not confront him on his lies or stealing. He expected the neighbors to put up with him revving his car engine at 1 am.

Well, I feel better getting that off my chest.

I know I am not following my own rules, I should not even respond in any way and I know he might read this, but I have stewed about this for a couple of months now and I want him to know I know and I think he is a piece of shit but it didn’t work; he didn’t destroy me. Like he always said, “you can’t polish a turd.” Another thing he used to say was, “I am not going to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person,”  I am not going to try to explain feelings and empathy to a person totally void of a soul.