Tag Archives: slander

If It Wasn’t So Sick It Would Be Really Funny

I can not believe it but James still lurks about. i have had a rather strange occurrence I thought i might as well share now that it has all unfolded. I was waiting to see what he was up to before I said anything.

A couple of weeks ago he started lurking on my blog again, his town came up on my Statscounter almost every day for over a week, one day over 20 hours. I was thinking either it was him or her looking for answers, but I really don’t care what he does or what he reads any more, I really think he needs to get a life. He probably got fired again and needs to be mad at someone and I would be the prime target because I am the only ex who hasn’t “played nice” with him. I really think he thought I was going to be waiting by the phone for him the rest of my life like Karen did, and finally die by drinking myself to death.

you know that saying, “What other people think of you really is none of your business”? he needs to take it to heart (ooops, i forgot, he doesn’t have a heart teehee) He knows I am talking about him on the blog, so what? I am not talking to his friends, I am not phoning his boss, or his new woman. I am leading my life and he really can’t tell me what I can and cannot say about my life. he is badmouthing me I am sure, I know for sure he is, i don’t care, he still has his blog up slandering me, big deal. No one reads it so it has fallen so low on the Google search no one will ever see it anyway.

But he has an ax to grind and doesn’t have a life, i guess.

Anyway, what happened besides him lurking? Well, he lurked and then last week i got a call from his step dad. I hadn’t heard from him in well over a year and just assumed our relationship died of natural causes. I never really expected to remain friends with his mom and step dad, blood is thicker than water and really, I didn’t want to take the chance of hearing how wonderful his life was. There was no need to stay in touch. I thought too that maybe he had convinced them I was the bitch he said I was, but I really didn’t think too much about it. But then his step dad called a week ago, saying he had been going through business cards and came across mine.

I trust his step dad, I don’t think he would ever do anything to hurt me but it seemed a little strange because he asked where I was living now and I told him about the boat and how I couldn’t keep the cabin at Hatzic Lake and as soon as I said that he lost interest in hearing anything more and really had very little to say when i asked how he and Cauline were. I got off the phone with a funny feeling in my gut.

Then my brother was here this week to pay the moorage and the marina guys told him they are going to move my boat back a few slips. Apparently someone has complained about Stella barking. now I would not find that strange at all, if Stella ever barked. When my brother told me I know the shock showed on my face, he said, “They only had one complaint, they weren’t pissed off or anything, just thought moving you might appease the person who complained”. I said, “No, I am not worried about that, i don’t care if they move me or if someone complained, the thing is Stella NEVER barks, never, someone could break in and she wouldn’t bark, she doesn’t bark when other dogs bark, she doesn’t bark at other dogs, she doesn’t bark at cars or people, Stella never barks.” He looked puzzled and shrugged.

I immediately was reminded of when I first moved into Everglades and they got a complaint about me arguing with my boyfriend in the middle of the night keeping the neighbors awake. Only problem was I did not have a boy friend, I had not had any company period, so not even any one to argue with, i didn’t even have a TV that I might have had on too loud. I asked the neighbors and no one had heard me fighting and I lived on a dead end street, I only had 3 neighbors. It almost got me evicted, until i  told the management board to tell the person complaining to call them when it is happening and they can come down and hear for themselves. i added to not worry about being woken up in the middle of the night, because there was no fighting going on. That time James had put a tracking device on my vehicle and tapped into my phone and was trying to make my life hell.

when I moved here I had this strange feeling he was lurking, that I was going to run into him, i think I was sensing he was going to do something to make trouble in my life again. It is so juvenile and really scary that he hasn’t gotten on with his life yet.

I went on the net and found a recent picture of him and printed it off, I am handing it out around the marina so if he shows up the police will be notified. I have to go to the office and verify whether the complaint was made by phone or in person. I can;t see anyone here complaining about Stella and if someone is thinking she is barking I want to set them straight. But i really don’t think it is anyone here.

i just shake my head.

Maybe If I Wouldn’t Have Gotten Angry – (the narcissist wouldn’t have left)

Thinking that they could have somehow prevented the narcissist from leaving them or abusing them is one of the main reasons victims stay and find it so hard to let go.

The narcissist leaves, immediately gets involved with another “love of his life” and appears so happy. The victim and the casual observer might believe it was the victim’s fault because the narcissist appears happy-go-lucky, loving, generous and caring. It is like living in the Twilight Zone where someone steals your personality and you are left empty like they used to be. He was doing everything I had wanted him to do, for the new woman, he was a mini ME and indignant that I would even suggest he might do something illegal or hurt me in any way.  Narcissists are constantly studying human nature and especially the character of their victim and they use the information, lines, beliefs, morals of their victims to hook the new victim. If you could be a fly on the wall you would hear him using the same lines he heard coming from you.

How sick yet ingenious is that?

The victim on the other hand wants to crawl out of their own skin, the intense emotions are scary and they feel out of control of their own mind and body. They feel soiled by the evil of the narcissist, like by association they are as evil as he is declaring them to be.  How did they get this way? Why are they this way? When did they lose control? and how the hell do they ever get back to the way they were?

How did it start? Once you understand and accept the relationship for what it is you will see very clearly the steps that got you to where you are.

The narcissist knows that history repeats itself and a good way to predict how a person will treat you is to look at their past relationships so they are usually very careful to isolate the victim from anyone who has witnessed his past transgressions, either by moving to a different town or by not allowing them to get close to those people who know the narcissist best. By not allowing the victim to get too close to his family he also ensures his family has no choice but to take his word for it when he professes he is the victim of a psycho bitch. His family ends up thinking he just makes poor choices in women.

Even if a family member does see the narcissist for what he is, they rarely “out” the narcissist and risk alienating their whole family and the family (even if they know deep down there is something extremely wrong) will cling to the hope that this new woman will change the narcissist with her special love.  If the narcissist feels there is any possibility that his family will tell the victim about his past he will go to great lengths to keep the victim away from them.

JC was quick to take me home to meet his family but I immediately felt an elephant in the room, the interaction between him and his family was stilted and not natural and warm. I felt ill at ease, which was not like me when I meet new people. When he told me that his family didn’t really like me, I felt hurt and it made sense why I felt uncomfortable. For the first 8 years we were together any time we were supposed to be going to his family’s he found a way to prevent it from happening and other times he went alone. I found out later that he told his family I didn’t want to visit them.

Without a track record of his past we are left to take his word for everything and he appeared so honest in the beginning, why wouldn’t we believe him?

If his ex is in the picture more than likely she is trying desperately to get him back, quite possibly even apologizing profusely. He isn’t taking her calls, you have heard him on the phone telling her that he has met the love of his life and is happy and to leave him alone. He says he doesn’t want to hide anything from you and shows you her texts, if she wants him back that badly he must be a great guy! If he was abusive why would she want him back? That’s what I thought when JC’s ex called him, if he was an asshole why would she even be his friend?

Victims like to think that the narcissist doesn’t realize the hurt he inflicts and he is so self-absorbed and unaware of how other people feel that he inadvertently hurts them but that is what they want you to believe. They know damn well what they are doing and will orchestrate events in order to manipulate the players in his life to give him the desired results. I played right into his plans even though I knew better. I knew exactly what he was doing yet I did it anyway. I called and begged him to not do this, even though I didn’t really want him back, I knew he was toxic, I didn’t respect him, I was embarrassed to admit he was my boyfriend so why was I begging him not to go with this new woman? Because he did it in such a cold callous and vindictive way, he blamed me for everything, he was cruel beyond anything I had ever experienced and I had been stripped of everything and it was obvious he had it planned all along and that was why he came back to me. I didn’t want to admit that I had been sucked in, that I willingly walked into his trap, I didn’t want to admit the truth. So I ended up helping him secure his next victim, my phone calls, him not answering my texts gave him everything he needed to secure his next victim. I proved I was unstable, madly in love with him (so he must be a great guy) and if she had any doubts about getting involved with him I erased them and she was thinking; “I am not going to lose this great guy, my love is special, he appreciates me so much, he is choosing me over her, I win!!!” The truth is, the narcissist wins!!

Then the abuse starts. As with most victims, JC would tell me if I would only do this or that he would be happy so I would give him exactly what he asked for and then he would be upset I did it, tell me to do something else and deny ever saying he wanted me to do the first thing. He had me running in circles, changing the rules daily, saying one thing then denying it. It drives a person crazy. There were times I totally lost it on him out of sheer frustration, I would shock myself with my reaction. Looking back I can see why it happened, there was no discussing anything with him. He twisted my words, corrected my grammar, twisted facts, accused me of things and I would end up defending myself, or he would simply refuse to discuss anything and walk away. Eventually, I would become a screaming bitch, desperate to be heard and understood; and he would say, “and you always say you love me, that’s really loving alright.” and I would immediately feel guilty and apologize.

I felt forced to do things I would never do ordinarily, like snoop, hide money, lie to him…… because I couldn’t trust him but all those things served to make me feel like a bad person and believe him when he said no other man would put up with me. Sometimes he would leave evidence of his infidelity for me to find, like when he “forgot” to sign out of his hotmail account and I saw his POF profile. He wanted me to find it, he wanted to get me upset, it was all part of the abuse, control and manipulation, reprogramming of my mind, breaking me.

I had never been like that in my life, but his refusal to admit things I KNEW to be true, the way he twisted my words, the way he rolled his eyes, walked out of the room while I was talking…… all drove me to the point of insanity.

I would leave because I didn’t like who I was with him and as soon as I was away from him for a while I would return to the calm rational person I had always been. As long as I could get away from him, I could date him; when he made me angry I would just go home, he couldn’t badger me if we lived apart. I always thought I had come up with the solution. “If I did this or acted that way or if I anticipated his needs” we could avoid the fights.

It became clear to me that the best way to keep him on his toes and treating me half way decent was to keep him guessing. As soon as I let him move in he would start treating me like shit again so I rationalized that I could keep the relationship alive by keeping it in perpetual “dating mode”. For a couple of years I didn’t allow him to move in and kept my own place, I never knew if we were a couple or not. He would show up at the door most nights. I didn’t let him bring anything in the house, not even a change of clothes because I knew if I gave him an inch he would take a mile, eventually his stuff would work it’s way in. It is not in my nature to not be loving and giving and I would weaken and let my guard down. As soon as I relaxed and showed love back or did something nice for him, he would pull away. Yet when I was aloof he complained I didn’t love him. I couldn’t win for losing. It was a constant tug a war. It was an impossible scenario to keep up.

He created the belief that even though we fought all the time, we were so in love we could not stay away from each other, we were destined to be together, we needed each other; I even had proof of it from God, whenever we were split  or I was fed up my truck would break down or he would get injured somehow. He promoted my faith in God and even created situations that could only be considered miracles, that I believe now were just elaborate ruses on his part. Read my post on the Bible here.

He kept me attached but never gave the relationship the nurturing needed for it to grow, he kept us in perpetual chaos in order to keep me from getting to really know him. The longer the relationship with a narcissist goes on the bigger the lies and deceit has to get and at some point the narcissist has to walk away or be exposed.

When the final discard comes he has to destroy the victim in order to confirm his story, he has to villainize the victim and become the victim themselves. In his mind it is him or them, he has to get everyone on his side in order to hook the new victim and alter history. He cannot just walk away amicably, what if you decided to expose him for who he really is? He has to discredit you before you discredit him.

When I finally found him at that woman’s house something snapped in me. It was a dead end street and my truck was facing the dead-end. I got in and drove to the end of the street, he didn’t even look at me and just sat in the car. I turned around at the end of the street and sat there facing the back of his car with the engine running. He was so cold and unresponsive, uncaring and I thought, “I’ll make you care, you son-of-a-bitch, you’ll care when I drive this truck right up your ass.” I revved the engine, I had straight pipes on the truck so it didn’t have the stock exhaust and it was loud, a F550 with a 7.2 L diesel engine that roared. I shifted it manually, revving the engine, the smoke billowing out of the pipes, I had enough room to build up speed and I am sure the whole block heard me barrelling down on him. I was going to drive over that damn car, that would wipe the smirk off his face and destroy his cockiness. At the last-minute I swerved around his car, as I went past I could see he was reading something and he didn’t even look up.

That was it, I drove away and cried for a couple of hours. I fell apart totally, called his sister and she came out to stay with me for a couple of days. Later of course I thought of all the rational things I should have done, like just take the car and park it a few blocks away and not tell him anything. It was MY car after all, I had every right to take it. But no matter what I would have done he would have been able to twist the story making himself a victim and ne the villain.

At the last-minute I was able to think clearly, see the consequences of my actions, I scared myself. I knew I could never live with myself if I killed him, but I can understand why some victims crack, driven insane by the manipulation, the disregard, the cold unfeeling abuse of their love, the denial of the truth.

There was a handful of times I did things I regretted but I always apologized and I never did it again.

When the narcissist starts his character assassination he peppers his lies with enough truth to be believable and to keep the victim quiet. The victim knows they acted irrationally and they are ashamed,  The narcissist knows the victim will be honest so all they have to do is embellish the truth. He even told me he was afraid to be alone with me because he didn’t know what I would do and I am sure the new woman was listening to his end of the conversation. When they make an accusation like that the victim doesn’t even try to explain to anyone because it sounds convoluted to their own ears and to defend themselves would take retelling the whole story of the relationship.

After we were no contact for a couple of months my conscience got the better of me and I wrote him an apology letter saying I wished him happiness and that I would always love him. I don’t really regret it any more because all it did was prove I was human. I forgive myself for every stupid thing I did because I was fighting with the devil blindfolded, I did the best I could.

I read comments from people and I see myself 4 years ago. All I can say is, Please do not beat yourself up and please stay no contact. You HAVE to remind yourself that it was all a huge plot on his part and any further contact with him, blaming yourself, or even anger is only helping him weave his web of lies and set the trap for the next one. Save some of your dignity and self-respect, come in here and spill your guts but don’t pick up that phone, don’t send that text message or email.

If it gets really bad, if you feel you just HAVE to apologize, get closure, “be friends” , get a piece of paper and a pen, sit down and;

– write out all the times you acted like a nutcase and what the events leading up to it were. If you just lost it for no reason, then maybe you do owe him an apology, maybe he isn’t a narcissist.

– list all the things you could have done to make him happy that you refused to do but his new woman will do without hesitation. ie: work and pay all the bills, buy him all the toys he wants and never buy anything for yourself, reject your children, etc

– make another list of all the things you denied him that any other woman would have accepted without question. -ie: him watching hours of porn, dating other women, not coming home at night………

– Now make a list of all the times you wrongly accused him of; infidelity, got angry for no reason, screwed around on him, denied him sex for no reason.

 

 

The Vindictiveness of The Narcissist

 I received this comment on one of my posts this morning and thought the topic was worth a stand-alone post.  I always recommend women in a relationship with a narcissist keep a journal for many reasons, several of which are in the post from Louise. In the beginning I started a journal in self defense because JC kept a daily journal and would accuse me of doing things and when I denied them he would refer to his journal. It was his “proof” that things occurred the way he said they did and because I had nothing in writing I was wrong and he was right. As you know, you know the events and what you did but you may not remember the exact day and time weeks or months later.

After we split the first time I decided when I went back I would keep a journal of my own and if nothing else I would know I wasn’t crazy, he kept telling me I had a warped view of reality and saying how could I be angry if I didn’t  even remember what day it happened. All our fights ended in the same way, him declaring something fact and me with no proof otherwise.

It came in very hand, even for simple things like him saying, “Every day I go through this with you, you are crying, demanding, I am sitting here peacefully drinking my coffee and you wake up and tie into me the minute you walk in the room; then I come home and you are at me again. I started keeping track of when I cried or when I didn’t cry, when I was angry about something, how much money I made and how much I spent on groceries or gave him. I never used to keep track of money, we were a couple and if we needed food or he needed something and I had money I would spend it but he never recognized any contributions I made and had his own financial records that I was not allowed to see showing he gave me all his money. Journaling didn’t end the arguments but it did give me a leg to stand on and it was easier for me to stand my ground if I knew I was not imagining things.

One example was when he was going on and on about how I cried all the time and that is why he had joined a local dating service (not even an on-line one and it cost $200 to join and he had been badgering me about money for weeks) I went back in my journal to that day and the week prior to when he joined and it said, “I haven’t cried all week, JC and I have been getting along the best we have in months, I am hopeful this is the sign of things to come. I love him so much.” I read it aloud to him, he had nothing to say. It was a small victory, after all he had joined a dating site and then not come home for two nights, and nothing had changed but at least I knew I wasn’t crazy.

Most importantly though is a journal can be invaluable if you have to prove abuse or have to go to court for child custody prove you innocence to false accusations. The narcissist always projects a calm, rational and amiable image and the victim is emotional, nervous and seems uncertain and confused. Authority figures such as the police and the courts tend to believe the narcissist. If you have the events documented and you can refer to your journal you are more apt to be able to stay calm yourself and not get flustered.

It feels wrong to keep track of someone you love; we don’t naturally keep track of the wrong doings of people we love, but the people who love us do not usually do the things a narcissist does either.  On one occasions when JC had begged me to try again he said if we really were sincere about leaving the past behind us and starting fresh we should both destroy letter we had written each other in anger. Another time I found him going rummaging through all my cupboards and later discovered he had destroyed all my notes and journals; so it is imperative that you not let him know you have them and hide them well because they do snoop in your things trying to find evidence of infidelity on your part or to see what you are up to. They are lying and conniving and just assume you must be also. They live in a world based on deception, their lives are carefully orchestrated and if the truth were to come out their fabricated world would crash in around them so they are very protective of it and paranoid and there is no way of knowing how far they will go to prevent the truth from coming out.

I do not recommend what Loujean did unless, you like her; are pushed into a corner with no other avenue of protecting yourself. I am very concerned for Loujean’ s safety as you will see in my reply to her comment.

I cannot stress enough how vindictive and dangerous narcissists can be. Victims rarely realize the danger they are in until it is too late. Please be careful and assume the worst when dealing with a narcissist.

Here is Louise’s comment

Hello Carrie,

I hope you and yours are well and happy.

It has been a while since I wrote a post but I thought I’d give you an update on what has been going on.

I apologize in advance for this lengthy post but hope that it may give courage to others and answer some questions for others in a similar situation.

As I’ve mentioned before me and H work in the same office so it was difficult to ignore the harassment in the work place. However, I did inform my team leader who unfortunately is friends with my N. I told him that if he continued to ignore the abuse then I would have to take the matter up with his managers. I felt he too was being intimidated by N so I felt distrust, not because he is a horrible person but because N said to me that if he needed to know anything he could get the information from my team leader.

After not having a cell phone for more than 5 months a friend suggested I gather evidence of the abuse by getting a new cell phone, send him a text to say leave me alone and then when he began calling to record him.

I did this and recorded just one week end of what I have had to endure for almost a year since he left and got back with his ex partner.

I kept a written log for over a week and recorded numerous phone conversations and one of the occasions when he threatened me and wouldn’t allow me to get into my vehicle outside of work.

I also began putting him on loud speaker at work so everyone could hear what he was saying to me including my team leader. I also showed him obscene emails he sent to my work email address.

After cutting all contact outside of the office my N began stalking me more and more since December just gone. He would turn up in random places threatening me. As usual there were no witnesses or if there was he would make it look like I was the one who was harassing him.

2 weeks ago I was on my way home and visited a petrol station. On returning to my car he turned up out of nowhere and began threatening me and again not allowing me to get into my car. Only this time there were witnesses who intervened. The police were called and he was arrested. One of the witnesses gave an independent statement to the police and there may also be CTV evidence which the police are now applying for.

He has been let out on bail until the 8th April on the conditions he or his family are not allowed to come anywhere near me except for work purposes.

I gave a statement to the police and admitted that during the last year I have said things to him and met up with him to plead for him to stop. I have also admitted that on occasions I have pacified him and said I love him and that I will do whatever he wants if he stops trying to humiliate me in the work place. I am worried about phone calls and emails which I have sent to him because I fear it will incriminate me and that they will think I have led him on.

I was worried that my team leader would not support me because he is his friend but yesterday amazingly he told the police how N has intimidated me in and outside the work place.

After sending all the recordings and chronological account of events the police called me to say that they needed to consult with senior officers to see what they can do for me and did sound concerned for my well being.

I have to go and make a further statement on Sunday but I am so worried about the phone calls I have made to him and the emails which I have sent to N when I have told him what he wants to hear in order to keep him from going crazy at me in and out of the work place.

This is the personal statement I gave to the police along with the log and recordings which I am sure you will all relate to:

________________________________________________________

Right now I feel physically sick. I admit that in the past year I have done things and said things to H so that he wouldn’t carry out his threats of humiliation in the office. I have met with him for drinks because he wanted to talk to me. On these occasions I have told him that I do not want a relationship with him because he is already in a relationship and I couldn’t possibly have a relationship with a man who has done what he has done to me. His reaction to this has always been threats to humiliate me at work and tell people about my private life including sexual explicit details. He will say things like ‘let’s see what people will think when I tell them what you are really like’ followed by personal sexual comments. When this happens I go into a state of anxiety and worry about what he is saying to people at work especially other men. I end up calling him and telling him what he wants to hear like, ‘I do love you and I will do what ever you want me to do’ I’ll wait for you to sort your life out and I promise not to meet anyone else. I beg him not to bring my personal life into work. I ask him for reassurance. He sometimes ignores me and leaves me hanging for the whole week end. I get desperate at these times because I want to speak to him so he can reassure me that he won’t do what he threatened to do. Other times he phones me the next day and says he is sorry for doing this to me, he cries and says he is a horrible person and he doesn’t know why he is doing it except that he loves me. He has on occasions threatened to take his own life or has implied that he hasn’t got long. I realise now that I have not helped the situation by sometimes telling him what I think he wants to hear but the threats get bigger, he wants to involve my friends, my ex husband and says he is going contacting them. He has accused me of having intimate relationships with male friends and threatened to approach them to ask them if I have. I have stopped being friends with a lot of people for fear of him involving them. If I am talking to people in the office he assumes I am talking about him and then makes threats to tell these people lies about me to make me look like I am a bad person. He has shouted out remarks in the office which imply I am an alcoholic, drug addict, mentally unstable and sexually promiscuous. None of these are true. I have no idea if people have heard these comments because no one reacts. When he has said these things to me at work I have ignored him.
________________________________________________________

My doctor signed me off work for two weeks because I broke down in the work place. My manager, team leader and all my colleagues have been so supportive it is unreal. N made me feel like no one would believe me and had me distrust anyone I came into contact with but I realize now that he was just manipulating me and everyone around me.

He has kept me in this loop for almost 3 years in total however I only realized when I discovered your page what was actually happening to me.

You see he kept me there by threatening to expose my most intimate details which I had shared with him. My past, my fears and my deepest secrets.

In the end though he will have just exposed his own.

If you can give me some reassurance regarding the emails and phone calls I have sent to him to pacify him I would be most grateful.

I know I have not done anything wrong and I do know that when people are in fear they will do almost anything to make it stop. I only hope that the police will see that too.

Best wishes

Louise

Louise, good to hear from you and know that you are ok and have taken control of your life back. No matter what;  you had to take action to end this blackmail. You could have gone many more years suffering his abuse and threats.

What you did is exactly what I always recommend victims to do; keep track of evidence, take pictures, keep a journal, document document document. I would not recommend someone do what you did, contacting him again in hopes of gathering evidence, only because it is a dangerous game to play. Narcissists are so unpredictable and vindictive and are so close to and intertwined with being psychopathic. But I can see in your case you really didn’t have much choice if you wanted him to leave you alone.
I worry about him trying to get revenge and him popping up out of nowhere is very scary. I have to be honest I am concerned for your safety and suggest you try to have someone with you at all times and only ever park in wide open public places and carry pepper spray and a personal alarm system on you. This whole situation has the potential to destroy him, his marriage, his job and the loss of all his henchmen that he’s had suckered all this time. NOT that he doesn’t deserve it and it would be justice served but he could feel he has nothing to lose by killing you to shut you up and make it all go away. The N’s greatest fear is being exposed for the bottom feeder he really is.
I am sorry if I am scaring you but I can’t pretend I am not afraid for your safety and I pray the police realize who and what they are dealing with. Do you have a no contact order against him? not that they always work of course, JC totally ignored the one I got on him; in fact he flaunted the fact that it wouldn’t keep him away.
As for the phone calls and the emails you sent; I think honesty is the best policy always. The police seem to be sympathetic to your cause and taking you seriously, hopefully they are educated in domestic abuse and the effects it has on the victim. None the less you have witnesses and proof of his abuse and threats and I am assuming you only contacted him the once to ask him to stop and have not contacted him saying you love him etc in recent weeks and he still persisted with his threatening behavior.

In cases like this the outcome is so reliant on the attitudes of the police and the judicial system. If they are sympathetic to victims of abuse they will see right through his lies and mask of innocence. But I have had the cops get totally sucked in by JC’s nonchalant attitude and claims that i was the psycho bitch and he was just trying to get away from me. But from the sounds of it, you have good cops helping you.

Stay calm and assured in your position, don’t let guilt or self doubt sway your stance. You are in the right, you did nothing wrong, he has brought this on himself, you have tried for 3 years to give him the opportunity to stop and it all would have gone away long ago. Many times women do not charge the abuser or say anything to anyone for fear something they did will be brought out or the people of authority will believe the abuser and turn against the victim. But you have the support of many people at work and your team leader told the truth, people know the truth when they hear it and it is presented with evidence and by a rational person. That is what narcissists do; they present themselves as calm and rational people while the victim is an emotional basket case and people tend to believe the N just because he appears so certain he is right. But he cannot deny eye witnesses and physical evidence. The fact that he approached you in public is what is scary, he is obviously getting desperate.
If he had evidence of emails or phone calls from you, I would think he would have presented them to the police by now. Has he shown anything to his cohorts at work? I would venture a guess that he really doesn’t have anything incriminating. If he is married he would not have wanted his wife to find any evidence so he may have destroyed them thinking he had you so under his control that it wasn’t necessary. I am sure after 3 years he didn’t think you would actually do anything about it.
No matter what though, remain calm and if evidence of you saying you love him or whatever is presented don’t act surprised or like you are caught, just act like “of course I sent it………I was desperate to get him to stop, I would have said or done almost anything to get him to stop, he was jeopardizing my job, I was afraid for my safety. Maybe it wasn’t smart but I was desperate.” any one would have to understand that.
Please let me know how this all turns out and BE SAFE!! make sure he never has the opportunity to get you alone anywhere. have someone walk you to your car everywhere. If you go to the mall or grocery store find a security guard and tell him you are afraid for your safety and would he please walk you to your car. Do not feel foolish for asking, it is their job to make sure people in that establishment are safe and if he won’t, ask to speak to the store manager. I mean it!
big hugs and prayers God keeps you safe.
Carrie