Tag Archives: Strange But True

Things that are unexplainable but happened

Interesting Facts About Psychopaths

I have had questions about the “WOS” that I have never been sure if they were traits that were common amongst narcissists/psychopaths or just unique to him so yesterday I went in search of answers, just out of curiosity. I am not going to quote a bunch of medical journals or thesis I read, I can get quite carried away on the net, you know how it goes, you click on a link and another and another and before you know it 5 hours have past and you have no idea how you got to where you got. (That was one of the excuses the “WOS” used to use for ending up falling asleep while looking at porn, he just clicked on a link and *BAM* there was porn on the screen!!)

Anyway, WOS had a very high tolerance for physical pain and an unhealthy lack of fear which makes for a dangerous combination and led him to have many “accidents”. According to him and his mother he was terribly accident prone as a young child and most of his life actually. As a wee toddler (now I am not sure it was the Grande Canyon but some huge canyon) they were at a national park with a cliff and he ran right up to the edge and looked over, teetering on the edge of the cliff. The parents didn’t want to scream and startle him and had to calmly coax him from the edge. He told me of the time he had matches in his pocket as a kid and fell, they lit on fire and he burned himself really badly and was afraid to tell. Another time he ripped his ass end some how and there was a parade happening in town and he was to ride on a piece of farm equipment in the parade so didn’t tell anyone he was injured. It was not until his dad saw the blood gushing that anyone knew.

As a teen he had car and motorcycle accidents, thank God he lived in Saskatchewan where the cops knew everyone and cut him some slack and where the land is so flat you can drive off the road and have a good chance of surviving. As an adult he was accident prone or so I thought, he was continually injuring himself, usually when he wanted to get out of something, like a job or trouble. If I was angry about something he would injure himself, what cold hearted woman is going to insist on discussed the personal ad when he is bleeding and needs stitches?

His unhealthy lack of fear showed in the chances he took speeding, even working on vehicles, and especially angering people and them coming after him. He had guys with guns, big Harley riding dudes who threatened to break his face because he had ripped someone off. When i first started dating him he called and told me he had been badly beaten, of course it was all a misunderstanding, he had done nothing to deserve it. I rushed down and took him to emergency. He had never had a woman do that for him. yeah ok.

But he never seemed to learn from it and would still rip people off but I think he didn’t hurt as badly as normal people so it didn’t impact him like it would a normal person. He told me more than once that he had never been afraid, he didn’t know what it felt like to be afraid. I found that strange.

He would cut himself and not even remember how he did it or know he had done it. One morning while his sister was living with us he had hit himself on the nose badly, it was swollen and had obviously bled and we both asked what he had done and he didn’t have a clue.

Apparently he had accidents in his semi where he was not supposed to walk again.

He used to say he got migraines and he seemed to be in pain, he also used to get a flu and be really sick with a raging fever etc and he said he had always been like that. Not get sick for a long time and then be delirious with fever but when I mentioned it to his mom she obviously didn’t have a clue what I was talking about. So I don’t know what I can believe and what was a lie. But I do know he totalled that pick up truck and put his head through the windshield and it sounds crazy that he would do that on purpose but it sure was convenient.

I think he probably was accident prone but from childhood he learned he could use it to his advantage.

Through studies they have determined that people who have had an injury to their frontal lobe of the brain have the same lack of fear and a very high pain tolerance exactly the same as psychopaths. This finding backs up Dr Hare’s research that showed psychopaths have deformed brains when they scanned normal brains and the brains of psychopaths.

I don’t recall WOS having a bad sense of smell but they say that is another trait of psychopaths and people with frontal lobe damage.

Another function of that part of the brain is their excitement level. They need a lot of stimulation and get bored on the job often (That is when James would end up stealing or something,) which would make sense and be why WOS never lasted more than a few months on most jobs.

It also explains why they are such good lovers (in the beginning) sex is one of the most stimulating things a person can do so it makes sense that they are insatiable sexually. I had never met a man who could have sex 4-5 times in a night. For the first 8 years of the relationship we had sex everyday 2-3 times a day. If he did come to bed he would wake me up in the night to have sex again. It explains the need for porn, why so many of them have addictions, and weird fetishes. The need for the excitement of affairs, leaving hints to their infidelity so you catch them, but of course they can’t ever be at fault and they want to be in control so not only are they getting the stimulation they crave they are getting the thrill of causing you pain.

That is why the physical abuse escalates he needs more and more in order to feel alive because he really is all most dead inside he is so lacking of normal feelings.

I just wanted to share that before I forgot. i am working on my funding package today so I have to get back to work on that.

Does any of this sound familiar to any of you?


Jason Alan’s Birthday

It’s coming up to that time of year again; September 19th. It is kinda hard to tell lately but usually I go into a bit of a depressed, teary state the closer Sept 19th gets. It has always been the time of year that I make big changes; like my own new years. For years if I was going to break up with someone, move, change jobs; I did it some time near the end of September.

He’ll be turning 37; far from a little boy, he probably has kids of his own. I pray he isn’t like his biological father, I hope he has a tender heart and is a good person. I really hope his parents loved him and he knows he is loved. I wonder if he looks anything like me and if I would recognize him.

I had a very strange thing happen about a month ago. As we all do from time to time, I checked how many followers I have and then checked who they were. I was scrolling down the list and 6 months ago a Jason Alan started following my blog. I would have picked up on that name immediately had I seen it when he signed up but he didn’t use that name when he signed up to follow me; he used something like ” the madpoet” and I remember seeing that name.

Anyway, of course I was very curious so I checked out his blog ” Jasonalanwriter” . His profile didn’t hold any revealing info so I started to read one of his posts. In the post he was talking about being in grade 3 in 1985. I thought; ok a person is 6 when they start grade 1, his birthday is in September so he would have either started school at the age of 5 or if he started at age 6 he would have turned 7 in grade 1 and been 10 in grade 3. Now I had to find out more so I Googled his name and found his FB where he has his birthday listed. I was September 1975 but not the 19th (I believe it was the 12th, to be honest once I saw it wasn’t the 19th any other date really was of no consequence) and it said he was born and raised in Texas.

I was told that the people who adopted my Jason were university teachers in Vancouver. I suppose they could have moved to Texas but of course my Jason was born in Chilliwack. They had said they were going to tell him he was adopted and they had liked his name and were going to keep it. They were also going to send pictures and didn’t, so who knows. That many years ago a girl didn’t have much say in what happened to her baby.

I have one well worn piece of paper where I signed him over to child services and a card from one of the nuns from a home for unwed mothers packed away in storage and that is all I have as far as a keepsakes of his birth.

It certainly got my heart racing though. It got me thinking too; what if it had been him? There was a time I would have been proud to say “I am your birth mother”, but right now, for him to meet me would be hard. For him and me. When Kris and I lived at the lake I envisioned us meeting, or when I had the house in Chilliwack, but since I met James there were few times I was comfortable with where we lived.

I was proud of where I was at in 2008, before I went back to James. I could have sat down with my stranger son and discussed my life and it would have been believable and I think would have shown his momma was a fighter, but you know; to explain how I got where I am right now sounds unbelievable to my own ears. I can only imagine how it would sound to him.

When James told me about meeting his birth mom he talked about how his grandma, aunt and mom had always looked for him; how welcome he felt; what a great experience it was. There would be only Kris and I.

When I gave him up for adoption everyone closed the book, except me.

When Kris was wee, long before I told him about Jason; he used to ask me where his brother was. I remember when he was about 4 he had asked where his brother was and I had said he didn’t have one and he got angry and said he most certainly did.

I think alot of people are psychic and as we get older we block it out. Kris often said things that “didn’t make sense at the time” like one time he asked me what happened to the white car. I asked what white car.
Kris – The white car we had before the red car.
Me – what red car?
Kris getting just as exasperated as me – You know!, the we had s white car and then we had a red car; what happened to the white car, I liked it better.
Me – Kris we have never had a white car or a red car. Is this a story?
Kris – forget it mom.

We had a burgundy Reliant K car at the time; the same one Victor bought just before his accident. About 6 months after Kris and my conversation about white cars and red cars the Reliant died and I bought a new car – a white Nissan Sentra. I loved that car! It was a 1988 SE and fully loaded, it was a new car with only 80 km on it but I bought it at the end of 1988 so I got a really good deal on it.

I had just picked Kris up from daycare about 2 months after we got it and we were T-boned at an intersection and the car was totalled. Luckily I had gotten replacement insurance so ICBC had to find me one exactly like it. There wasn’t another one in all of Canada so they ended up getting me a Red 1989 Nissan Sentra. Kris unwittingly had predicted the future.

So when he asked about a brother I knew he “felt” his brother’s existence. I hadn’t wanted to tell him about Jason until he was old enough to understand the circumstances and that I wouldn’t “give him away” too. I think he was about 8 or 9 when I told him and he hadn’t been surprised at all and just said, “I KNEW it, I told you!”

I hope he has had a good life, I have a feeling he did; certainly better than the life I would have been able to provide at that age. I remember the day he was born as clearly as if it was yesterday.

Where did the time go? So much has happened since then yet when I think its been 37 years its hard to believe.

Some Times You Think You Need a Man

A couple of nights ago I let Kato out for a pee while I brought in the laundry and groceries. He’s  been really good about not buggering off and coming when he is called; he laid in the sun in the driveway all morning and never moved. I was getting the laundry off the drying rack when something went flying past me in the tall grass in the field next door.

It was pitch black outside but I knew it had to be Kato and he was chasing something. I called him but all I could hear was thrashing in the grass and then I could hear something in the throes of death screaming and thrashing around.

It kind of sounded like a cat but there wasn’t any hissing like cats do and I am sure a cat would have put up a bigger fight. I couldn’t stand listening to it and Laila was getting all excited so I took her in the trailer, I could still hear it crying so I closed the door and eventually held my hands over my ears trying to block the screams. I am sure the neighbours heard it, living so far out in the country there are no sounds at night except for frogs and occassionally coyotes, so screams of something being killed must stand out.

I don’t own a flashlight or I would have gone looking for Kato; there was just a sliver of a moon and you couldn’t see two feet in front of yourself.

I don’t have a gun to put something out of it’s misery so I thought I should just let Kato finish the job. And I didn’t want to call him too loudly because that would make it pretty obvious who the killer was.

Then it got really quiet out there for an hour or more and Kato didn’t come back. I didn’t know what to do. (this is the part when I really thought I needed a man; I don’t know why I think a man can handle blood and guts better than a woman)

I didn’t know if Kato was hurt, I called him and there wasn’t a sound, not even grass rustling. I was sick about him killing whatever he killed and worried about him at the same time. It might have been a raccoon and they carry rabies, I’ve never seen raccoons around here though.

Then I heard his bark!!! I opened the door and called him afraid of what he might look like. I was afraid he’d be covered in gore but he looked just like normal.

He was raised with a cat in the house and they slept together I can’t see him killing a cat. Then today I was talking to someone and they said it was probably a possum.I can handle an ugly old possum getting killed better than a cat, bunny or chicken. And I actually saw one scurry across the road just n hour ago. I mean I am sorry the possum died a horrible death but I’m used to seeing dead with their guts all over the road. 

So I made it through another crisis without  man but I can see why people start to look like their pets, I’m getting stress wrinkles from my dogs, before long I’ll look just like a Shar-pei.

By the way; I know men aren’t just on this earth to kill  spiders and deal with dead things, they are good for changing tires and mowing the grass also!!

KIDDING!!! come on have a sense of haha 😉


We came home last night and as soon as Kato was in the fenced off area around the trailer he bolted to the steps of the trailer. Of course Laila was hot on his ass. I thought they must be thirsty and hurried to open the door but stopped dead in my tracks when kato turned to me with something in his mouth.  Right away I assumed mouse but as he got closer I could tell it was a barn swallow. I said, “Kato drop it! Its a bird drop it!!” and much to my surprise he did, and he didn’t drop it either; he very gently pushed it but of his mouth onto the ground with his tongue and made sure to place it on the ground and not just  “drop” it.

I thought it was dead because  it didn’t move, Laila stood back and watched from a distance, totally out of character for her; she always wants in like a dirty shirt. When she followed me out of the trailer she walked way around the little dead bird. Kato laid down a few feet away from it and didn’t even try to get it again, he just laid there watching it. I got a shovel to scoop it up with and bury it so the dogs wouldn’t eat it but when I got close I could see it was still breathing.

The barn swallows were there when we moved in and I had  noticed the last couple of days they were doing alot of swooping under the leanto where the trailer is and I assumed they were teaching the babies to fly. This little guy must have failed flying 101.

Then I remembered back in Ladner  when James’s son was with us Kato had  brought Allan and I a baby crow who had failed his flying lesson. And years prior to that my Border Collie  had  brought me an i.injured bird.

Hmmm could it be he was bringing me the sick bird?

Mom and dad swallow were frantically dive bombing us and making an awful rukus. I know you aren’t supposed to touch the sick bird because then the mother won’t accept it back so I put a clean rag in a basket, gloves on and
carefully placed the baby bird in the basket and put the basket on the roof of the trailer.

I  checked tonight and the little guy is out of my basket and peering over the edge of the trailer . Mom and dad are chirping up  a storm and swooping down from the roof of the trailer.
I feel sorry for the little guy; he’s probably scared to death. I mean after all yesterday when he tried he crash landed and then some THING!!! with a HUGE mouth got dog sober all over him and the dirt stuck to the dog sober and he couldn’t even move he weighed so much from the dirt, slobber and gravel. I sure wouldn’t be jumping at the chance to do that again either.

But I think  Kato redeemed himself, he saved a swallow i think d change for killing a possum; more than a fair trade. Aren’t animals amazing??