Tag Archives: suicide

There Is Such A Thing As Murder By Suicide

I started the blog in hopes that, by sharing my experiences with a narcissist I would help other women dealing with the same confusion and pain. Occasionally a man would come in and be angry because I was talking about narcissists as if all narcissists are men. I have always stated there are female narcissists, but I am writing about my personal experience and that is why I refer to narcissists as “he”, and there are more male narcs than females.

A few months ago in my local town, there was an emergency broadcast put out telling people to stay in their homes and lock the doors because there was a manhunt on for a guy with a gun. His girlfriend posted on Facebook that she and the children were ok but he had left the house with his gun and no one knew what his intentions were. She was afraid for his safety. Bulletins were every where with pictures of his truck and his smiling face.

I didn’t know the guy, he was only a couple of years older than my son; I guess that’s why he was on my mind a lot.

Days passed and it became a missing person’s case and then they found his truck, and then him, dead. Criminality was not suspected.

A couple of months later I received an invitation to a private Facebook group. I think I was included in a blanket invite to the site by mistake. I went to the site and it was for the friends of a local man who had recently died. I left the site because I realized I must have been invited by accident but curiosity sent me back and after reading for a few minutes I realized they were mourning the death of the man from the manhunt. He had shot himself, leaving two young children behind and a huge group of lifelong, loving friends.

Our local newspaper published an interview with the girlfriend and as all people do these days she had started a; “Go Fund Me” asking for money for the children’s education etc. from the newspaper article and Go Fund Me campaign I assumed the children were either hers and his or hers and he was the step dad. I did get a funny feeling in my gut reading the girlfriends interview, it seemed unemotional, detached, ……. just strange, but I chalked it up to being in shock and grief.

As I read the comments made by his friends and ex’s I got to know the kind of man he had been, a devoted father, hard working, award winning photographer, a nature lover, a sense of humor and a friend you could count on. He didn’t sound like someone who would commit suicide, he had so many friends who obviously loved him very much. Even his ex’s spoke highly of him.

Bit by bit I got a clearer picture of who this fellow was and the relationship he had with the woman claiming to be his girlfriend. It turns out that the grieving girlfriend hadn’t come home the night before and in fact been with another man. The man who killed himself had posted on FB that he was needing a place to live and the relationship was over, this time. There had been other breakups and a lot of drama in the relationship. Most of the friends didn’t like her and only tolerated her for his sake. Now friends are saying they wish they would have reached out that night he was looking for a place to live, but no one ever imagined he would kill himself.

From what I have read, she closed his FB account which means none of his friends have access to the pictures and conversations they had over the years. She has been telling lies about him and apparently none of the Go Fund Me money has made it to the kids ad she is milking the role of “heart broken wife of a man who killed himself.” It wasn’t even her that alerted his friends, it was another friend who couldn’t get a hold of him.

I wrote a comment to the group explaining she is a narcissist but I don’t know if it even made it to the wall. I hesitated to say any thing because I don’t know any of them and they might just think I am a nutcase. I thought maybe it would give someone a bit of peace of mind or answers. I don’t know. I felt I had been invited, even if by accident; for a reason. Because I have been there myself I could recognize right away she must be a narcissist.

I knew when I left my ex and was suicidal that he would milk everyone for sympathy if I killed myself and I would only give credence to his claims I was mentally unstable. When I messaged him I had taken a bunch of pills, he never call 911, my mother or brother, he had no idea if I had been successful or not. The next day a mutual friend got a call from him wanting to meet for coffee, then the friend got a feeling he should check on me and messaged my ex to meet him at my place instead. My ex never said a word about me messaging him that I had taken an overdose. I am sure he was waiting to hear from our friend that he had found me dead and was ready to cry real tears and be so remorseful and blame himself, expecting our friend to console him. I am SO glad my attempt didn’t work, but it took years to get here.

If you are feeling hopeless and thinking about suicide, first, GET HELP!!

THEN, remember, if you kill yourself you will only give him what he wants, he/she will have exactly what they want.

Once they are done with you and they deem you worthless, there is only one thing still of value to them, your pain, suffering and eventual death because of them; feeds their sick deprived need for attention. Imagine the act they would put on after you kill yourself! They will play it for all they can get and tell all the lies they want.

I think about what he must have dealt with from her that made him feel that worthless and hopeless and now his kids are without a father, she is getting all the attention and playing it and benefiting from his suffering. I wonder, had I known him before his death would I have been able to make him see the truth?

How many victims do we never hear about because they killed themselves?

Welcome and Safety Plan Download

Welcome to my site, Lady Witha Truck!

You may be wondering why its called Lady Witha Truck. Well, when I started the blog I had no intention of writing about narcissists, I really didn’t know anything about narcissist or domestic abuse really. I started the blog because I was trying to promote my business and had planned on blogging about hauling scrap metal with my loyal companion, Kato, a Shar-pei. But I was so broken after leaving my narcissistic/psychopath ex that I couldn’t think of anything BUT him and my pain.

I hadn’t gone “no contact” so almost daily he did something to hurt me and he was already involved with the “new love of his life”. He encouraged me to just kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, psycho, nutcase like me. I had made his life hell for 10 years and his new woman was nothing like me.

My suicide attempt failed and even though I had called to tell him what I had done, he never even sent an ambulance or have a friend check on me.

When I woke up and didn’t have any more pills, no money, my truck in the repair shop because he had sabotaged it AGAIN, and no family or friends left, I made the conscious decision to fix myself. Not only would I survive but I would thrive and figure out what happened to me and warm other women so no one ever went through what I did. I thought I couldn’t be the only woman going through this and if even one woman was saved by me sharing, it would all be worth it.

Plus, I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and figured the blog would make me accountable. I couldn’t very well announce to the world I was going to thrive and then kill myself.

That was in November 2010. A lot has happened in the last 9 + years and most of it and my experiences while in a on and off 10 years long relationship with a narcissist are contained in this blog.

I found when I was looking for answers the forums I went into were the same women having a pity party and not fixing anything or were experts who shared some facts but nothing about their personal journey. I wanted to hear I was normal, not the only person feeling the way I was and that they did eventually heal and thrive. I decided I would be totally honest about what I was going through as I went through it and share my journey in hopes victims learned from mistakes and benefit from my struggles.

I accomplished that and more. I have helped hundreds of people, been published, interviewed on talk radio, quoted, and had many many people write to thank me for saving their life. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life, by far.

I only write a handful of posts these days, I have said it all before. Besides, if I was to really thrive I had to focus on something other than toxic narcissists and I had health issues to deal with, work, finding a place to call home.

I promised I would speak out and educate people about narcissists and domestic abuse until my dying breath and I plan to keep that promise so keep the blog up, pay my annual fees for my domain, and try to answer any comments or questions people have, so feel free to comment.

Dig around in some old posts, read, educate yourself it’s the first steps towards healing. Read the comments along with the posts to see what other people have gone through and the advice they were given. There is almost as much useful information in the comments as the actual post.

I have a free download for a Safety Plan link below. Please use the information if you are planning to leave a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qUkYvybgVMzC0f_6JIr5GGB3jXV8tZul/view?usp=drivesdk

You don’t think it will ever happen to you, 90% of women killed by their domestic partner didn’t believe it would happen to them. 1 out of every 3 women will end up being abused in some way in their life time. 75% of domestic homicides happen either just prior to or up to 2 yrs after the victim leaves the relationship. Stay Safe!

So…….here you are looking for answers and wondering if your partner is even a narcissist. Years ago I read somewhere that people in a healthy loving relationship don’t go looking on the internet trying to figure out “what the hell happened?”

Hugs Carrie. XXX000

Another Woman Dies – True Story

My mom was telling me about an accident that happened on Hwy #3 near Hope, BC. Apparently a car had been driving eratically and speeding then crashed into a highways maintenance truck.

The car literally broke into hundreds of pieces upon impact. The first people on the scene was a truck load of fire fighters who immediately started CPR on the female passenger. While they were desperately trying to save her life the driver of the vehicle jumped into the fire fighter’s truck and sped from the scene, leaving his female passenger to die alone in the middle of the highway.

My mom was wondering why he would have been driving erratically prior to the crash and I said, “Maybe he was trying to scare the passenger”. 

I thought to myself for a minute, “Have I become cynical? Always assuming domestic abuse when a woman is found dead?” 

As I watched the news they flashed the victim’s picture and then showed segments of an interview with her sons and sobbing husband. She was just 36 years old and I knew her. 

I hadn’t seen her and her husband for years, probably 10 years at least. 

Last night I looked up the husband’s Facebook page and he was talking about how they had been split. His wife had been seeing a guy off and on for a year but she had decided to end it and give her marriage an honest effort.

The guy she had been seeing wouldn’t leave her alone and was threatening to kill himself if she didn’t come talk to him. She went. That was the last time her husband and kids saw her alive.

I was lucky when I got in a vehicle with my ex, ….. just to talk. I have heard more horror stories from people who have visited the blog; than I can count. 

Stories of being thrown from a speeding vehicle, having a knife held to their throat, a gun to their head, literally fighting for their life, women set on fire, acid thrown at them. 

I am willing to bet every single woman who is murdered by her abusive ex, (and have no doubt, this young woman who died on Hwy #3 was murdered) didn’t believe he would ever really hurt her but her gut told her something else and she didn’t listen to it.

Those last few minutes or hours must have been terrifying. His speeding, passing on the right, passing around corners, her begging him to stop, him screaming at her he was going to kill them both. 

That isn’t love, it has nothing to do with love, what these assholes feel is not love. 

You are their possession and if they can’t have you, no one else can. Don’t kid yourself.

If your ex is threatening to kill himself call 911 and send help if you must, but whatever you do, DO NOT go to him yourself.

Again, children have their mother stolen from them. 

The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim ends it. It does NOT help the situation if you keep going back and forth. You ate much safer to just stay away, no matter what he threatens. To go back and forth only antagonizes him and puts you at more risk. 

Yes, it is hard but no contact is the only way to end it with these people. They are not normal, they don’t think rationally, they don’t act like a normal person, they don’t react like a normal person, you can not be their friend.