Tag Archives: suicide

Welcome and Safety Plan Download

Welcome to my site, Lady Witha Truck!

You may be wondering why its called Lady Witha Truck. Well, when I started the blog I had no intention of writing about narcissists, I really didn’t know anything about narcissist or domestic abuse really. I started the blog because I was trying to promote my business and had planned on blogging about hauling scrap metal with my loyal companion, Kato, a Shar-pei. But I was so broken after leaving my narcissistic/psychopath ex that I couldn’t think of anything BUT him and my pain.

I hadn’t gone “no contact” so almost daily he did something to hurt me and he was already involved with the “new love of his life”. He encouraged me to just kill myself because no man would ever want a suicidal, psycho, nutcase like me. I had made his life hell for 10 years and his new woman was nothing like me.

My suicide attempt failed and even though I had called to tell him what I had done, he never even sent an ambulance or have a friend check on me.

When I woke up and didn’t have any more pills, no money, my truck in the repair shop because he had sabotaged it AGAIN, and no family or friends left, I made the conscious decision to fix myself. Not only would I survive but I would thrive and figure out what happened to me and warm other women so no one ever went through what I did. I thought I couldn’t be the only woman going through this and if even one woman was saved by me sharing, it would all be worth it.

Plus, I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and figured the blog would make me accountable. I couldn’t very well announce to the world I was going to thrive and then kill myself.

That was in November 2010. A lot has happened in the last 9 + years and most of it and my experiences while in a on and off 10 years long relationship with a narcissist are contained in this blog.

I found when I was looking for answers the forums I went into were the same women having a pity party and not fixing anything or were experts who shared some facts but nothing about their personal journey. I wanted to hear I was normal, not the only person feeling the way I was and that they did eventually heal and thrive. I decided I would be totally honest about what I was going through as I went through it and share my journey in hopes victims learned from mistakes and benefit from my struggles.

I accomplished that and more. I have helped hundreds of people, been published, interviewed on talk radio, quoted, and had many many people write to thank me for saving their life. It has been the most rewarding experience of my life, by far.

I only write a handful of posts these days, I have said it all before. Besides, if I was to really thrive I had to focus on something other than toxic narcissists and I had health issues to deal with, work, finding a place to call home.

I promised I would speak out and educate people about narcissists and domestic abuse until my dying breath and I plan to keep that promise so keep the blog up, pay my annual fees for my domain, and try to answer any comments or questions people have, so feel free to comment.

Dig around in some old posts, read, educate yourself it’s the first steps towards healing. Read the comments along with the posts to see what other people have gone through and the advice they were given. There is almost as much useful information in the comments as the actual post.

I have a free download for a Safety Plan link below. Please use the information if you are planning to leave a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qUkYvybgVMzC0f_6JIr5GGB3jXV8tZul/view?usp=drivesdk

You don’t think it will ever happen to you, 90% of women killed by their domestic partner didn’t believe it would happen to them. 1 out of every 3 women will end up being abused in some way in their life time. 75% of domestic homicides happen either just prior to or up to 2 yrs after the victim leaves the relationship. Stay Safe!

So…….here you are looking for answers and wondering if your partner is even a narcissist. Years ago I read somewhere that people in a healthy loving relationship don’t go looking on the internet trying to figure out “what the hell happened?”

Hugs Carrie. XXX000

Another Woman Dies – True Story

My mom was telling me about an accident that happened on Hwy #3 near Hope, BC. Apparently a car had been driving eratically and speeding then crashed into a highways maintenance truck.

The car literally broke into hundreds of pieces upon impact. The first people on the scene was a truck load of fire fighters who immediately started CPR on the female passenger. While they were desperately trying to save her life the driver of the vehicle jumped into the fire fighter’s truck and sped from the scene, leaving his female passenger to die alone in the middle of the highway.

My mom was wondering why he would have been driving erratically prior to the crash and I said, “Maybe he was trying to scare the passenger”. 

I thought to myself for a minute, “Have I become cynical? Always assuming domestic abuse when a woman is found dead?” 

As I watched the news they flashed the victim’s picture and then showed segments of an interview with her sons and sobbing husband. She was just 36 years old and I knew her. 

I hadn’t seen her and her husband for years, probably 10 years at least. 

Last night I looked up the husband’s Facebook page and he was talking about how they had been split. His wife had been seeing a guy off and on for a year but she had decided to end it and give her marriage an honest effort.

The guy she had been seeing wouldn’t leave her alone and was threatening to kill himself if she didn’t come talk to him. She went. That was the last time her husband and kids saw her alive.

I was lucky when I got in a vehicle with my ex, ….. just to talk. I have heard more horror stories from people who have visited the blog; than I can count. 

Stories of being thrown from a speeding vehicle, having a knife held to their throat, a gun to their head, literally fighting for their life, women set on fire, acid thrown at them. 

I am willing to bet every single woman who is murdered by her abusive ex, (and have no doubt, this young woman who died on Hwy #3 was murdered) didn’t believe he would ever really hurt her but her gut told her something else and she didn’t listen to it.

Those last few minutes or hours must have been terrifying. His speeding, passing on the right, passing around corners, her begging him to stop, him screaming at her he was going to kill them both. 

That isn’t love, it has nothing to do with love, what these assholes feel is not love. 

You are their possession and if they can’t have you, no one else can. Don’t kid yourself.

If your ex is threatening to kill himself call 911 and send help if you must, but whatever you do, DO NOT go to him yourself.

Again, children have their mother stolen from them. 

The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when the victim ends it. It does NOT help the situation if you keep going back and forth. You ate much safer to just stay away, no matter what he threatens. To go back and forth only antagonizes him and puts you at more risk. 

Yes, it is hard but no contact is the only way to end it with these people. They are not normal, they don’t think rationally, they don’t act like a normal person, they don’t react like a normal person, you can not be their friend.


The Lies They Tell

I took an excerpt from JC’s post on his blog to show how they twist the facts to put themselves in the role of victim and good guy. I could not possibly answer to all his accusations, it would take days but here are two of his accusations that I am sure have gotten him a lot of sympathy from the new woman, poor JC so taken advantage of. His comment is in black and mine in red.

No mention of the fact that her son showed up at my place with a stolen vehicle and the story that he would be killed if he didn’t get rid of it and come up with $1,000 for some dealer.

The truth is my son was wrapped up with some bad characters in his teens (over 12 years ago) He called JC and said he had this stolen SUV to get rid of and JC told him to being it to our house (not his house). Him and Kris were in the shop when I got home and asked who’s suv was in the driveway, Kris told me the truth, it was stolen, I insisted we call the cops. They said no way it would get Kris killed. I was beside myself, J C told Kris he would buy the vehicle $1000 and then immediately got on the phone trying to sell it for $5000,  He wasn’t going to give Kris any money and wasn’t letting him take the suv (which was fine with me I didn’t want him driving it)

Well….I got him the grand and gave him a ride out to Chilliwack to pay this guy, and Kris gave us the slip and we never saw him again for weeks. I phoned a friend of mine who is an RCMP officer and had him check the vehicle out. At least Kris was honest about that….it WAS stolen. 

It was one of the worst nights of my life, my kid is strung out from drugs and hasn’t slept for a week and there’s a stolen SUV in my driveway and my partner is on the phone trying to make money off of my son’s stupid choices, I went into the shop where JC was wheeling and dealing on the SUV and I was crying and begging him to not make Kris leave empty-handed that he would be killed and his reply was,” Don’t be so dramatic, they aren’t going to kill him, the most they’ll do is break his legs.”

I fell to my knees and begged him; he just looked at me with disgust.

 I went in the house and Kris had finally fallen asleep. His face wasn’t relaxed like someone who is in a peaceful sleep but contorted and tormented. I watched him sleep and remembered how when he was a boy when he had bad dreams I used to rub my hands together until they got really warm and put them on either side of his head and told him I took all the bad scary thoughts out of his head and they came through my hands and up my arms into my head and he only had happy thoughts left in his head. And we would say our own version of the Lord’s prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep , I pray the Lord my soul to keep, keep me safe all through the night, and God bless Mommy, Daddy, and the whole wide world even the bad guys Amen.” It worked every time, even when he had friends sleep over and if they were afraid in the night he would tell them, “Don’t worry my mom will do her magic prayer and you’ll be fine.” I would do it for them and they all said it worked. LOL

 But I looked at him on the couch asleep and felt totally helpless, I knew my “magic” prayer couldn’t make this go away. I felt this horrible black evil had infiltrated my home and I didn’t have a clue how to fix it. I had always thought I could keep the bad guys away by leading a lawful life; I had always created a happy cozy safe home for my son.  He had always had the bluest eyes and now they were grey and vacant, I HAD to save him.

 

I went out and begged JC some more and he told me he had sold a rear end that was in the shop (turned out it was the owners rear end) for $1000 and the guy was coming over with the money. But when the guy got there he didn’t have the money he had $1000 worth of weed.  Neither JC nor I knew where to sell weed.

 JC phoned a friend who said he could sell it so JC gave it to him to sell. Kris and I are relieved and wait and wait and no money comes, Kris calls and gets an extension on when he has to show up with the money. JC isn’t giving me any answers as to what is going on and finally around midnight he says the guy can’t sell it until Tuesday, 3 days from now. He again says Kris has to leave empty-handed. The whole time he is still on the phone trying to sell the suv for $5000. Kris went over and got the weed from the friend and I dug out all my jewelry and I planned to take Kris back to these guys and go in with him, give them my jewelry and the weed and I would take the blame. I would have faced anyone to save my kid.

 In the last 5 minutes JC decided he was going to drive us into town. We got to this apartment and I could see a guy look out the window and watch us walk up to the door. Kris buzzed in and I walked up the three floors with him. He insisted on going in alone and I waited outside the door. They let him go and gave him two weeks to sell the weed and bring the money back to them.

 He said he had to make a phone call at the phone booth and then refused to get back in the truck. I wanted to grab his ankles and not let him leave but I knew there was nothing I could do except pray that God kept him safe and brought him back to me and give me another chance to help him.

 We got home and JC started driving the SUV like he owned it. He drove it home to visit his folks and told them he had taken over the payments from a guy he knew. He drove it to the race track for Street Legal where the chief of police was in charge of the event. He drove it everywhere and I refused to ride in it, I didn’t even sit in the damn black beast and it pissed JC off. 

 Then I got a call from Kris asking me to pick him up in Chilliwack because he wanted to go into rehab. I immediately went to get him and on the way home on the freeway a gravel truck pulling a pup trailer passed us and pulled into the slow lane too soon wiping us out. My Prelude did 360 turns down the freeway and into the median. As we catapulted off the freeway and down into the muddy grassy area between the east and west bound traffic the mud flew up onto the windshield, I managed to get the wipers on and steer the car, getting it stopped just before we hit the on coming lane.  Kris jumped out of the car and started ripping his clothes off and running between the cars in the oncoming lane screaming obscenities at the cars as they whizzed past. The gravel truck driver got out and came running up to me saying, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you I am so sorry!!” Kris spun around and came at him with a knife in his hand and I told the guy to please just go sit in his truck and he gladly did. I called 911 and told them to send an ambulance and the police. When the police came I begged them to take Kris to the hospital but they said he was the age of consent and if he didn’t want to go there was nothing they could do. Eventually they put him in my car with me and handed me his knife and wished me luck and sent me on my way.

 I wasn’t sure if it was the car or me shaking but it was really hard to drive and by the time I got home I was a nervous wreck. JC was on the computer and when I told him what happened he was totally uninterested and seemed annoyed I interrupted him. He was angry I had smashed up MY prelude. We called insurance and the car was so badly damaged it had to be towed to the body shop.

 I asked Kris what he wanted to do and we discussed his options; He had a really good friend who was a couple of years older than Kris who was living in Calgary and was working, I called Brody and asked if I could send Kris out there and he said he would put him to work and if he so much as thought about doing drugs he’d pound the crap out of him. So I gave Kris the option and he took it. I called my mom and asked if she could give Kris his Xmas money early and with my Xmas money and Kris’s we were able to buy him a flight to Calgary and safety. I remember JC demanding Kris buy him a burger before he left and we had to ride in the black beast to the airport. Kris was fuming but I begged him to just let it go, he was almost out of there.

 After he was safe I started concentrating on the black beast in the driveway and trying to get JC to turn it in. But he refused and kept driving it.  He had lost his job at the end of Sept, I lost mine at the end of November, and Kris left the beginning of December. Our phone got cut off in January. I kept telling JC that as long as that black beast was in our driveway we would have nothing but bad luck.

 With no job and no vehicle I did some work around the house and I ended up ripping up some carpet in the house that was full of mold. I went to pick up my car from the body shop and by the time I got home I was really sick. (JC refused to take me to emergency until  I started to turn blue because I couldn’t breath) he went to Sechelt for Xmas leaving me home alone delirious with a fever, the only heat was the fireplace and the hot water tank had sprung a leak so we had to boil water. My mom came and boiled water for me to wash, the neighbor brought me soup to eat and finally my mom said you call JC and tell him to come home or I am. He came home grudgingly.

 I was sick until the end of January. I used to get $197 a month from CPP for Kris because his dad was disabled from a motorcycle accident when Kris was 5 weeks old. If Kris didn’t live with me I didn’t get the money but JC always bitched that I gave the money to Kris, no matter how many times I explained that it wasn’t my money and wouldn’t get it if Kris wasn’t living with me, he was stuck on stupid about it. Kris was broken and called to see if I could send him his money. I was still sick so I asked JC to go and deposit it into Kris’s account, big mistake; he cashed the cheque and kept the money. Kris was furious and I was heart-broken.  JC and I had a big fight over it and he ended up throwing my keys at me, I ducked and they flew over my head and landed behind the couch. I just went to bed because I still wasn’t feeling great. When I got up in the morning I looked for them and couldn’t find them. My brother had gone into rehab on Vancouver Island and we had plans to go visit him and I was going to pick up my nephew and bring him to visit my brother. In the morning JC went out to start the car and came back in and said it had been stolen; he blamed Kris right away but I knew Kris wouldn’t do it besides he was two provinces away.

 We had to drive the black beast to take my nephew to see my brother. I was sure JC had something to do with it being stolen because he “found” the keys after it was stolen, insisted it was Kris who stole it but the car had an alarm and we never heard the alarm go off. JC had been bugging me for money for the wheels and tires he had put on my car. I had told him all along I didn’t want them because if something happened between us I didn’t want to owe him for them but he had said, “If anything happens Baby, and nothing is going to happen to break us up; but IF we did break up anything on your car is yours to keep. I would never take them back.”

He didn’t remember ever saying that of course but I knew I never would have let him put them on my car otherwise, I was too frugal and too self sufficient.

 JC ended up trading the beast to a body shop he owed money to. I was sick about it and kept telling him nothing would be right until we did the right thing and turned it in to the cops. Finally on feb 14th he agreed to go pick up the black beast and do the right thing. He called the shop and they had already taken a bunch of parts of the beast and painted them white. When we got there they told me to leave and they would drive JC home, I refused and they told JC to switch the parts back onto the beast and they would spray them black and give him 10 minutes to get out of the shop. So I waited all day for him to switch the parts and when they opened the bay door he drove out and I followed. We parked it down by the marina and went home. The next day we called a cop JC knew from Sechelt and met him for coffee and told him about the SUV. We took him to it and he ran the plate, it came up stolen. JC had been driving it for 4 months with the original plates on it and never been caught. I explained that my son had brought it to the house and was now in Calgary, working, clean and sober and they didn’t see any point in bringing him back if he was doing well and seeing as JC turned it in they would cut him slack.

 I stayed with JC because I knew he would throw Kris to the wolves and I wanted to make sure the truth was told.  When we got home from turning the truck in we weren’t home an hour when there was a knock on the door and it was a place JC had applied for a job. They had tried to get hold of him but our phone was disconnected so they sent one of the drivers over to offer him the job. He then agreed with me that having the black beast had been bad Karma. He was really happy and good to me for a while after that.

 He treated me pretty good until it came time for him to go to community court about the black beast. Thanks to my testimony he got off scot-free and once he knew he was in the clear the abuse started again.

She fails to blog about her, her brother, her son, and my sister….all trying to kill themselves, more than once.

First of all my brother has never attempted suicide, and in fact I have blogged about Kris attempting to commit suicide here,

http://wp.me/p1wKh3-sI

and here

http://wp.me/p1wKh3-fv

I have discussed my attempt many times and how JC encouraged me to try again because no man would ever want a psycho bitch like me anyway and I had made his life hell for 10 years.

 As for his sister I may not have mentioned it because I didn’t see the relevance to my blog. But she text messaged me telling me she loved me and thanking me for all I had done for her. I texted back saying “this sounds like a goodbye text” and got no reply. I knew where she was living and found the number for the front desk and asked them to check on her I was on my way. I got there just as the ambulance was leaving. I saved her life. I called JC to tell him and he said he had tried to get hold of her for months. I said well I can solve the problem for you, she is in VGH. He never went to visit her and her number had not changed since the last time he called her. He just didn’t give a shit.

It is so typical of a narcissist to include others in his fabrications, as if pointing out other people’s failings make him look better. What he fails to realize (because he is so self-absorbed) is what my brother or his sister do has no bearing on my blog and has nothing to do with narcissism. Of course the fact that he kept a stolen vehicle shows how self-centered he is, and the fact that he doesn’t feel an ounce of empathy for people who try to commit suicide shows once again how a narcissist mind works. He sees someone trying to commit suicide as a maneuver to take the attention away from him, because everything he does is done to manipulate and get something he wants he just assumes that is why other people do the things they do. If his sister had contacted him she would have died, just like i would have if I had taken a few more pills. They just don’t give a shit. 

He fails to see that although he is mentioned in my blog, it is about the abuse not about him per say and that is why i don’t make much mention of people like my brother, my son or his sister; because they are not abusive narcissists. I am discussing narcissists.