Tag Archives: suicide

The Lies They Tell

I took an excerpt from JC’s post on his blog to show how they twist the facts to put themselves in the role of victim and good guy. I could not possibly answer to all his accusations, it would take days but here are two of his accusations that I am sure have gotten him a lot of sympathy from the new woman, poor JC so taken advantage of. His comment is in black and mine in red.

No mention of the fact that her son showed up at my place with a stolen vehicle and the story that he would be killed if he didn’t get rid of it and come up with $1,000 for some dealer.

The truth is my son was wrapped up with some bad characters in his teens (over 12 years ago) He called JC and said he had this stolen SUV to get rid of and JC told him to being it to our house (not his house). Him and Kris were in the shop when I got home and asked who’s suv was in the driveway, Kris told me the truth, it was stolen, I insisted we call the cops. They said no way it would get Kris killed. I was beside myself, J C told Kris he would buy the vehicle $1000 and then immediately got on the phone trying to sell it for $5000,  He wasn’t going to give Kris any money and wasn’t letting him take the suv (which was fine with me I didn’t want him driving it)

Well….I got him the grand and gave him a ride out to Chilliwack to pay this guy, and Kris gave us the slip and we never saw him again for weeks. I phoned a friend of mine who is an RCMP officer and had him check the vehicle out. At least Kris was honest about that….it WAS stolen. 

It was one of the worst nights of my life, my kid is strung out from drugs and hasn’t slept for a week and there’s a stolen SUV in my driveway and my partner is on the phone trying to make money off of my son’s stupid choices, I went into the shop where JC was wheeling and dealing on the SUV and I was crying and begging him to not make Kris leave empty-handed that he would be killed and his reply was,” Don’t be so dramatic, they aren’t going to kill him, the most they’ll do is break his legs.”

I fell to my knees and begged him; he just looked at me with disgust.

 I went in the house and Kris had finally fallen asleep. His face wasn’t relaxed like someone who is in a peaceful sleep but contorted and tormented. I watched him sleep and remembered how when he was a boy when he had bad dreams I used to rub my hands together until they got really warm and put them on either side of his head and told him I took all the bad scary thoughts out of his head and they came through my hands and up my arms into my head and he only had happy thoughts left in his head. And we would say our own version of the Lord’s prayer, “Now I lay me down to sleep , I pray the Lord my soul to keep, keep me safe all through the night, and God bless Mommy, Daddy, and the whole wide world even the bad guys Amen.” It worked every time, even when he had friends sleep over and if they were afraid in the night he would tell them, “Don’t worry my mom will do her magic prayer and you’ll be fine.” I would do it for them and they all said it worked. LOL

 But I looked at him on the couch asleep and felt totally helpless, I knew my “magic” prayer couldn’t make this go away. I felt this horrible black evil had infiltrated my home and I didn’t have a clue how to fix it. I had always thought I could keep the bad guys away by leading a lawful life; I had always created a happy cozy safe home for my son.  He had always had the bluest eyes and now they were grey and vacant, I HAD to save him.

 

I went out and begged JC some more and he told me he had sold a rear end that was in the shop (turned out it was the owners rear end) for $1000 and the guy was coming over with the money. But when the guy got there he didn’t have the money he had $1000 worth of weed.  Neither JC nor I knew where to sell weed.

 JC phoned a friend who said he could sell it so JC gave it to him to sell. Kris and I are relieved and wait and wait and no money comes, Kris calls and gets an extension on when he has to show up with the money. JC isn’t giving me any answers as to what is going on and finally around midnight he says the guy can’t sell it until Tuesday, 3 days from now. He again says Kris has to leave empty-handed. The whole time he is still on the phone trying to sell the suv for $5000. Kris went over and got the weed from the friend and I dug out all my jewelry and I planned to take Kris back to these guys and go in with him, give them my jewelry and the weed and I would take the blame. I would have faced anyone to save my kid.

 In the last 5 minutes JC decided he was going to drive us into town. We got to this apartment and I could see a guy look out the window and watch us walk up to the door. Kris buzzed in and I walked up the three floors with him. He insisted on going in alone and I waited outside the door. They let him go and gave him two weeks to sell the weed and bring the money back to them.

 He said he had to make a phone call at the phone booth and then refused to get back in the truck. I wanted to grab his ankles and not let him leave but I knew there was nothing I could do except pray that God kept him safe and brought him back to me and give me another chance to help him.

 We got home and JC started driving the SUV like he owned it. He drove it home to visit his folks and told them he had taken over the payments from a guy he knew. He drove it to the race track for Street Legal where the chief of police was in charge of the event. He drove it everywhere and I refused to ride in it, I didn’t even sit in the damn black beast and it pissed JC off. 

 Then I got a call from Kris asking me to pick him up in Chilliwack because he wanted to go into rehab. I immediately went to get him and on the way home on the freeway a gravel truck pulling a pup trailer passed us and pulled into the slow lane too soon wiping us out. My Prelude did 360 turns down the freeway and into the median. As we catapulted off the freeway and down into the muddy grassy area between the east and west bound traffic the mud flew up onto the windshield, I managed to get the wipers on and steer the car, getting it stopped just before we hit the on coming lane.  Kris jumped out of the car and started ripping his clothes off and running between the cars in the oncoming lane screaming obscenities at the cars as they whizzed past. The gravel truck driver got out and came running up to me saying, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you I am so sorry!!” Kris spun around and came at him with a knife in his hand and I told the guy to please just go sit in his truck and he gladly did. I called 911 and told them to send an ambulance and the police. When the police came I begged them to take Kris to the hospital but they said he was the age of consent and if he didn’t want to go there was nothing they could do. Eventually they put him in my car with me and handed me his knife and wished me luck and sent me on my way.

 I wasn’t sure if it was the car or me shaking but it was really hard to drive and by the time I got home I was a nervous wreck. JC was on the computer and when I told him what happened he was totally uninterested and seemed annoyed I interrupted him. He was angry I had smashed up MY prelude. We called insurance and the car was so badly damaged it had to be towed to the body shop.

 I asked Kris what he wanted to do and we discussed his options; He had a really good friend who was a couple of years older than Kris who was living in Calgary and was working, I called Brody and asked if I could send Kris out there and he said he would put him to work and if he so much as thought about doing drugs he’d pound the crap out of him. So I gave Kris the option and he took it. I called my mom and asked if she could give Kris his Xmas money early and with my Xmas money and Kris’s we were able to buy him a flight to Calgary and safety. I remember JC demanding Kris buy him a burger before he left and we had to ride in the black beast to the airport. Kris was fuming but I begged him to just let it go, he was almost out of there.

 After he was safe I started concentrating on the black beast in the driveway and trying to get JC to turn it in. But he refused and kept driving it.  He had lost his job at the end of Sept, I lost mine at the end of November, and Kris left the beginning of December. Our phone got cut off in January. I kept telling JC that as long as that black beast was in our driveway we would have nothing but bad luck.

 With no job and no vehicle I did some work around the house and I ended up ripping up some carpet in the house that was full of mold. I went to pick up my car from the body shop and by the time I got home I was really sick. (JC refused to take me to emergency until  I started to turn blue because I couldn’t breath) he went to Sechelt for Xmas leaving me home alone delirious with a fever, the only heat was the fireplace and the hot water tank had sprung a leak so we had to boil water. My mom came and boiled water for me to wash, the neighbor brought me soup to eat and finally my mom said you call JC and tell him to come home or I am. He came home grudgingly.

 I was sick until the end of January. I used to get $197 a month from CPP for Kris because his dad was disabled from a motorcycle accident when Kris was 5 weeks old. If Kris didn’t live with me I didn’t get the money but JC always bitched that I gave the money to Kris, no matter how many times I explained that it wasn’t my money and wouldn’t get it if Kris wasn’t living with me, he was stuck on stupid about it. Kris was broken and called to see if I could send him his money. I was still sick so I asked JC to go and deposit it into Kris’s account, big mistake; he cashed the cheque and kept the money. Kris was furious and I was heart-broken.  JC and I had a big fight over it and he ended up throwing my keys at me, I ducked and they flew over my head and landed behind the couch. I just went to bed because I still wasn’t feeling great. When I got up in the morning I looked for them and couldn’t find them. My brother had gone into rehab on Vancouver Island and we had plans to go visit him and I was going to pick up my nephew and bring him to visit my brother. In the morning JC went out to start the car and came back in and said it had been stolen; he blamed Kris right away but I knew Kris wouldn’t do it besides he was two provinces away.

 We had to drive the black beast to take my nephew to see my brother. I was sure JC had something to do with it being stolen because he “found” the keys after it was stolen, insisted it was Kris who stole it but the car had an alarm and we never heard the alarm go off. JC had been bugging me for money for the wheels and tires he had put on my car. I had told him all along I didn’t want them because if something happened between us I didn’t want to owe him for them but he had said, “If anything happens Baby, and nothing is going to happen to break us up; but IF we did break up anything on your car is yours to keep. I would never take them back.”

He didn’t remember ever saying that of course but I knew I never would have let him put them on my car otherwise, I was too frugal and too self sufficient.

 JC ended up trading the beast to a body shop he owed money to. I was sick about it and kept telling him nothing would be right until we did the right thing and turned it in to the cops. Finally on feb 14th he agreed to go pick up the black beast and do the right thing. He called the shop and they had already taken a bunch of parts of the beast and painted them white. When we got there they told me to leave and they would drive JC home, I refused and they told JC to switch the parts back onto the beast and they would spray them black and give him 10 minutes to get out of the shop. So I waited all day for him to switch the parts and when they opened the bay door he drove out and I followed. We parked it down by the marina and went home. The next day we called a cop JC knew from Sechelt and met him for coffee and told him about the SUV. We took him to it and he ran the plate, it came up stolen. JC had been driving it for 4 months with the original plates on it and never been caught. I explained that my son had brought it to the house and was now in Calgary, working, clean and sober and they didn’t see any point in bringing him back if he was doing well and seeing as JC turned it in they would cut him slack.

 I stayed with JC because I knew he would throw Kris to the wolves and I wanted to make sure the truth was told.  When we got home from turning the truck in we weren’t home an hour when there was a knock on the door and it was a place JC had applied for a job. They had tried to get hold of him but our phone was disconnected so they sent one of the drivers over to offer him the job. He then agreed with me that having the black beast had been bad Karma. He was really happy and good to me for a while after that.

 He treated me pretty good until it came time for him to go to community court about the black beast. Thanks to my testimony he got off scot-free and once he knew he was in the clear the abuse started again.

She fails to blog about her, her brother, her son, and my sister….all trying to kill themselves, more than once.

First of all my brother has never attempted suicide, and in fact I have blogged about Kris attempting to commit suicide here,

http://wp.me/p1wKh3-sI

and here

http://wp.me/p1wKh3-fv

I have discussed my attempt many times and how JC encouraged me to try again because no man would ever want a psycho bitch like me anyway and I had made his life hell for 10 years.

 As for his sister I may not have mentioned it because I didn’t see the relevance to my blog. But she text messaged me telling me she loved me and thanking me for all I had done for her. I texted back saying “this sounds like a goodbye text” and got no reply. I knew where she was living and found the number for the front desk and asked them to check on her I was on my way. I got there just as the ambulance was leaving. I saved her life. I called JC to tell him and he said he had tried to get hold of her for months. I said well I can solve the problem for you, she is in VGH. He never went to visit her and her number had not changed since the last time he called her. He just didn’t give a shit.

It is so typical of a narcissist to include others in his fabrications, as if pointing out other people’s failings make him look better. What he fails to realize (because he is so self-absorbed) is what my brother or his sister do has no bearing on my blog and has nothing to do with narcissism. Of course the fact that he kept a stolen vehicle shows how self-centered he is, and the fact that he doesn’t feel an ounce of empathy for people who try to commit suicide shows once again how a narcissist mind works. He sees someone trying to commit suicide as a maneuver to take the attention away from him, because everything he does is done to manipulate and get something he wants he just assumes that is why other people do the things they do. If his sister had contacted him she would have died, just like i would have if I had taken a few more pills. They just don’t give a shit. 

He fails to see that although he is mentioned in my blog, it is about the abuse not about him per say and that is why i don’t make much mention of people like my brother, my son or his sister; because they are not abusive narcissists. I am discussing narcissists.

Quote From My Journal

Monday November 8th 2009.

“I guess deep down I’m afraid of the truth and I know it without asking. It’s killing alot of my love for him; or maybe loving him so much has killed a part of me.”

June 1, 2013
When I wrote that my truck was running, I had a solid customer base, I was making good money and I had options.

A year later when he told me HE couldn’t take it any more and didn’t love me enough to tolerate “this” I had nothing. He said I could stay because he didn’t want to see me on the streets; what a nice guy!

So I left, with enough fuel to get to my girlfriend’s, $5 and 1/2 a pack of smokes, 1/2 my customers and a truck that was just limping and broke down a week later. But most importantly, that extra year of being with him killed my will to live, to fight.

A month after leaving him I attempted suicide and obviously failed; I fought the urge to end it all for months. Then in March I found out he had moved in with another woman, I was devastated; he told me to kill myself because no man would ever want a psycho bitch like me and I had made his life hell for 10 years. He had met the love of his life, she wasn’t anything like me. She was calm, rational, and he didn’t have to lie to her. (they had known each other 6 weeks and he’d found the love of his life a month before that and told me he still loved me the night before)

I got off the phone and sat for two days with a bottle of pills in my hands. That’s when something, somewhere deep inside me; a little piece of the old me, that had been buried in the darkness and pain, stirred.

I didn’t trust myself to not try suicide again and I didn’t have a support system.

That is when I decided to start this blog; I figured if I was going to try to heal myself I had to be accountable to someone and I needed to know I wasn’t alone.

April 2010 I had one visitor. I kept posting, crying out to the universe.

So many times I read the comments of women who visit here and I break down sobbing because I know the pain they are in. There are no words to adequately describe that kind of immobolizing pain. I look back on that time and its like an out of body experience. I see myself sitting on the couch, for hours, breathing was too much effort, my mind numbed with so much pain I couldn’t watch TV or read. I resented letting Kato out for a pee.
Life has been hard the last two years; really hard. I imagine I have had PTSD, I had a heart attack about a year after I left, I basically had to give my truck away JC had done so much damage to it. ( the young guy that got it took 6 months to get it running and God knows how much money)

I have lived in conditions no person should have to live in and thought it would kill me. I have gotten and lost a job and right now have a broken down truck and rent is due and I am still $150 short.

I am scared, I can’t lose this cabin, I can’t move again; a door has to open up, God must have a plan. I will change professions, he just has to lead me where he wants me to go.

I just want to say thank you to all the people who donated to my cause, more than the money it was the show of faith in me and support that meant the most. I am so terribly grateful for every single person who comes here, because whether you know it or not, you keep me going. Every time someone says I made a difference in their life. Every time I happen to say the right thing that resonates with someone, every time some one says Thank you for being here, or I inspire them to carry on; my strength is rejuvenated and I have the courage to continue struggling.

Just so you know; this is not one sided, I get back as much as I give.

My whole adult life I have tried to figure out my purpose for being on this earth.  There have been times I have thought being Kris’s mom was purpose enough, or running a daycare, or being step mom to 4 great kids, but there was still this little voice telling me I had a greater purpose for being here.

I thought for awhile it was to be an advocate for the impoverished, but it just didn’t come together.
I want to leave this earth better for me being here. I’ve wanted to change the world just a little bit for the better, change people’s views.

Not everyone feels like that, not everyone hears that little voice and that is their life. I know my mom looked at me like I was crazy when I asked her if she ever wondered what her purpose was for being here.

No matter what happens in my life I feel I have found my purpose. Discussing abuse, domestic violence and my experiences doesn’t bring me down or depress me. When I talk about it here or out in “the real world” I feel energized, knowing I am helping people understand domestic abuse, or leave an abusive relationship.

I just felt the need to share that; I don’t even know why. But I want you all to know I love you and knowing you has enriched my life more than any of you could know.

So have a great day!

Love and hugs
Carrie

Posted by Carrie Reimer the Lady WithaTruck