Tag Archives: Support Groups

A New Support Site Worth Checking Out

New support site

I have felt bad for a long time now about not being available to listen and help other survivors of narcissistic abuse. When I first started the blog 8 years ago I was monitoring it 24/7 and was able to be present and available almost any time someone needed to talk, cry, rage or just ask a simple question, or needed a complex answer to something.

It wasn’t always easy, times when I didn’t have a computer and did all my posts on my Blackberry, or couldn’t afford the internet, was living in my car, or my health was so bad I thought I was going to die; but I always found a way to get on the site and check on everyone.

In all honesty it was not as altruistic as it sounds, I needed the site as much as anyone and I also felt I was a few steps ahead of most everyone coming to the site and even if I didn’t have the answers to everything, and didn’t always know the right thing to do; I felt obligated to share my mistakes in hopes others didn’t make the same ones I did. I don’t know where I would have been without the support and encouragement I got from everyone here, not to mention the financial contributions I received, that quite literally kept me fed at times.

I still get the odd donation and it always brings tears to my eyes. As much as the money always helps, it is the fact that someone cares or is grateful or helped by my ramblings that fills my heart. This blog was my rebirth, through it I found the courage to speak honestly because I was never criticized for it, in fact I was praised for my openness and saying it like it is.

I would still like to write a book some day, I have it started……..I just have to find the time to getter done.

But, the last year I have found life getting in the way of the things I want to do, or maybe I have come to the stark reality that I am not getting any younger, 61 yrs old; and I have nothing! If I don’t somehow find a way to provide some security for my future I am in big trouble. I was told 2 years ago that without a heart transplant I wouldn’t live 6 months, so now I am concerned I might live and not be able to survive.

Plus life just keeps kicking me, or the narcs in the world and on Friday I go to court to fight some psycho who wants my dog killed because he says she is vicious. She has never bitten anyone in her life, but they decided to deem her vicious and now she is supposed to be muzzled at all times and kenneled or chained, I refuse to do it because she didn’t do anything; so I am going to court. I don’t know why the guy is lying through his teeth and is focused on killing MY dog, but then, narcissists don’t make sense. They want to destroy things and if you happen to be in their line of vision at the time it strikes them, they will take you down just for the sport of it, to show you they are all powerful. It doesn’t help that he works for the district and of course would have connections and loyalty from any department of the district.

Anyway, I didn’t start this post as a rant about my personal problems; I just wanted to say that I will always leave the site up and pay my $24/ year to keep it active. At one point I had over 3000 followers and was getting thousands of hits a day, it’s down to a few hundred hits a day now, but, when I started I thought if I helped even one woman avoid what I went through, I would be happy and it would have all been worthwhile. Well, it far exceeded my wildest dreams and for that I am extremely grateful. I will still pop in like I have been but I got an invite to “Empaths and Survivors”, took a look and I think it could be a really good support system for victims of abuse. So Check it out and tell Karen I sent you. 🙂

 

Links to Old Posts About No Contact

We have quite a few new members on this site and as we all know; no contact is one of the hardest things we have to do after breaking up with a narcissist/psychopath.

The number one question I hear is; Why can’t I stay no contact?

Why is it so hard? He abused us, treated us like dirt under his feet, lied, cheated, played with our minds, criticized, well……..basically he broke our heart. In the past we have been able to walk away from men who didn’t treat us right and now a man treats us worse than any other man and yet we can’t walk away. WHY?

For one thing you have already partially answered that question – Because he treated you the worst you have ever been treated. We want the man we met back, we can’t get our heads around the fact that he never existed, we want the dream we had in the beginning, we don’t want to face reality, we don’t want to have to do the work of healing the hole left if he isn’t in our life any more. It is hard to accept we could love someone that cruel and evil, that we could make such a huge mistake.

At least with me, I felt out of sorts, edgy, bitchy, insecure; until I talked to him. We had talked everyday for 10 years, except for when he was in Africa, even when he would disappear from his family I always heard from him. When we were split he had always been more loving and a lot kinder (until he got his new woman).

I felt ok by myself as long as I talked to him everyday, even if he was nasty and we fought………we were connected, I could at least be angry with him. My pain meant we were still connected. If he got angry with me it meant he still cared. I was hanging onto my pain because our relationship had become pain, I knew if I let go of the pain I was letting go of JC just like letting go of JC was letting go of the pain; they were intertwined.

Plus, even though I knew he was a narcissist if not a psychopath there was that little voice that kept whispering in my ear; “you are nothing without him”. after all he had told me enough times and it is like brainwashing, if you are told something often enough you begin to believe it. How many times did I hear, that I was an ungrateful bitch, that I was too sensitive, too needy, too suspicious and “Some day you will realize all I did for you and you will be sorry.” Its been 2 1/2 years and the only thing I am sorry about is that I stayed 9 years longer than I should have.

Basically the reason we can’t stay no contact is; habit, refusing to face reality, holding on to a fantasy, we want a return on our investment of time, money and love, we are in denial, we want to be validated, we want the impossible!!

What is the definition of insanity? doing the same thing over and over 

do differentand expecting a different result.

Fact!
As long as you are in contact with the narcissist you will be in pain.

Fact:
You are in pain because you have given him the power to hurt you.

Fact:
You are in control and have the power to make him stop hurting you

Fact: He DID abuse you.

Fact:
If he continues to abuse you it is your own fault.

 

https://ladywithatruck.com/2013/08/10/stockholm-syndrome/

https://ladywithatruck.com/2012/12/05/releasing-the-hurt/

https://ladywithatruck.com/2012/02/20/last-letter-of-thanks-to-jc/

https://ladywithatruck.com/2012/01/15/can-we-talk-seriously/

https://ladywithatruck.com/2011/08/25/no-contact/

Silence Can Say So Much

lampverbal-abuse--most-interesting-and-creativ...

lampverbal-abuse–most-interesting-and-creative-ads (Photo credit: thelampnyc)

Abuse

Abuse (Photo credit: Ex-InTransit)

Silence tells the victim they are alone, they don’t matter

they deserve the abuse

Silence gives the abuser the power to continue the abuse

The only way to end abuse is to end the silence

Stop shaming and blaming the victim into silence

Stand proudly, speak loudly against abuse

Put the blame and shame where it belongs.

(Carrie Reimer 1958)