You know if it wasn’t so dang frustrating I would laugh, but |I am not quite there yet.  I keep telling myself that things happen for a reason and things will unfold as they should but I want things to unfold the way I want them too, I don’t want any more change right now, or at least change I have no control over. So get comfy, pour yourself another cup of coffee because this is going to take a while.

Let me see, what all has happened lately? let me take it one issue at a time because there are so many this might get confusing.

#1 – I was able to pay my mortgage payment, the donations of $550 plus $200 from my baby brother meant I covered the $700 payment and was able to buy groceries. My cell phone didn’t get paid and my phone should be disconnected any day now.

#2 – Greg the owner of Ccon has agreed to pay for the repairs on my truck and add the cost to what I owe him bringing the grand total to about $4700, $3500 for the truck and approximately $1200 for repairs. and then I paid $700 in taxes and to transfer it into my name so this really great truck, a 1993, a twenty year old truck is now costing me $5500. Great!

#3 – It is now one full month my truck has been down and I have no idea when it will be ready. Last week I lost my biggest customer, BD/Valley Fuel Injection, I can’t blame them, they said they need someone with a reliable truck who will be there when they need a pick up. They have been more than patient and the straw that broke the camel’s back was two weeks ago they had a big bin of shavings that had to be picked up and I promised I would have a truck from Ccon come by for it asap. I called Ccon three times and they never showed up. Last week Greg let me borrow a Ccon truck to do a pick up after hours and that gave me $125 for groceries and fuel for my mom’s car, which I have been driving for 2 weeks while they are on holidays, I have to give it back this week. After text messaging Colin for 5 days and not getting any reply I just heard from him and they haven’t even gotten the parts for the truck yet, someone was driving to Langley to get them today. A month!! and they are just now getting the parts!! OH MY GOOD LORD!!

Colin – well, he is turning into a very typical narcissist. I am over him totally because I had my guard up with him and not allowed the relationship to go too far. Yes I was hurt and disappointed when he had that woman up in his suite and had set it up purposely for whatever reason. I don’t try to figure out why narcissists do what they do, it is a waste of energy, it never makes sense. He has been seeing the same woman and she has either moved in or damn close to it. She is rather smug about it but I laugh to myself because she’s next. If she only knew how many women have had that key to his place. My guess is that I was not available enough for him because I refused to stay the night and be there every night. I will never again sacrifice my alone time for a man, I love my place and my dogs and any man who wants to be part of my life has to fit in there somewhere. I also think he used me to hook Miss POF, using triangulation, he sets it up to discard me right in front of her, she feels special and he reels her in. tisk tisk women should never compete with each other over a man, if he expects women to fight over him he isn’t worth their time and they should both leave him and go have a drink and meet a real man. I think I mentioned that when I asked him to check my truck and tried to re-establish some sort of friendship between him and I because I really needed his help he tried to get me into bed, I asked him if Miss POF knew he was still trolling for casual sex. I got no reply but he also stopped answering my text messages or being co-operative about giving me info about my truck. I refuse to sleep with a man and prostitute myself because I don’t have money and he can help me. So I emailed Greg the owner and told him as briefly as possible what had been happening, that we had been involved, I found him with another woman and if I wanted help with my truck I was expected to be a friend with benefits and I was not prepared to do that. I told him it had been two weeks and my truck was still sitting in the same spot where it broke down. That is when he had it towed and said he would pay for the repairs. Then I borrowed the company truck and brought it back after hours and Colin was going to let me in the yard, I text messaged to make sure it was ok and he was very friendly and said he would be home to do that. I went back to loading the truck and my phone died. When I got there he had just gotten out of the shower and invited me up and I said no I would wait outside. I dropped off the truck and left. later when I charged my phone I got the messages he had sent me earlier telling me he was getting naked and going for a shower and that he was sitting naked having a beer. I guess I was supposed to go running up there and screw him because now I get no response when I inquire about my truck. For the love of Pete, these people are sick! you can’t win for losing with them. If you fall for them they will destroy you, use and abuse you and toss you away, if you don’t take the bait and refuse to play their game they make your life hell and make you pay for rejecting their advances. So I guess I have to bother Greg again about stuff that really shouldn’t be his problem, but what can I do?

My health, not good! kinda scary actually. I have lost at least 15 lbs, now I used to be anorexic so losing weight has always been a good thing, my view has always been that I could never be too skinny but I am too skinny. I have no boobs, I never had much to begin with but I literally have nothing now and I don’t look good. Everyone is noticing, (that I have lost weight, not that I don’t have boobs, well at least they haven’t said it out loud, “OMG where did your boobs go?” it’s all happened so suddenly, all in the last month.

My neck – About 25 years ago Kris and I were in a bad car accident, I had just picked him up from daycare and we were T-boned by a big lifted 4×4 pick up, it totalled my little one month old Nissan Sentra but Kris and I walked away from it intact. Aside from bruising from the seat belts and a bump on my head from hitting the door frame we were fine, or so we thought. I was seriously into body building at the time so the injury didn’t show up for another 10 years.

I had quit weight training and had noticed I was getting bad head aches at work ( I was in an office doing a lot of data entry) and my hands would go numb and tingle. I thought I had carpal tunnel from so many years typing. But when they closed the company and I opened a day care it didn’t get better in fact it got progressively worse until my whole left arm throbbed, my left shoulder dropped and my arm started to atrophy. Being left handed, that was a huge problem, plus I was in excruciating pain. The doctors tried everything, acupuncture, physio, massage, and nothing was working, I was told I just had to live with it. Then a friend told me about a chiropractor who was a life saver and in a last ditch effort to get some relief I went to see him and he performed a miracle, I walked out practically pain free after a year of not being able to even sleep in a bed because of the pain. I went years with only an occasional need to see him and then he retired. I found that if I did a lot of any kind of repetitious movement like using a hedge trimmer for any length of time, or painting over my head the next day my left hand would lose all feeling.

Then my neck went out again and I went to a sports clinic where they x-rayed my neck. They called me into the office, the therapist and a nurse and closed the door, they had very serious looks on their faces and the therapist cleared his throat and said, “I don’t know how to say this so I will just blurt it out. You have the neck of a 70 year old. No, I retract that……..I have never seen a neck as bad as yours even in a 70 year old. I want to make this very clear that if you ever have anyone else adjust your neck you insist they take x-rays because they could put you in a wheelchair”.

I guess what had happened is I had seriously injured my neck in the car accident but had so much muscle it held it in place, but when I stopped weight training and lost the muscle my damaged vertebra slid out of place and pinched off the nerves. He adjusted me and gave me this apparatus that I could put myself in traction and for years I have been just fine. I have to watch how much time I spend over the computer because the angle irritates my neck, another reason office work is out of the question for me, I love to landscape but when I did it as a job it was too much and my hands would be numb every morning, I have found that hauling scrap didn’t bother me probably because I lift with my  lower back and legs.

Well, for the last couple of months I have been getting pain behind my right shoulder blade that has progressively gotten worse and now if I move my head the wrong way I get shooting pain that takes my breath away and I can’t help but yelp in pain.

My girl friend, Grace has a friend who lives out of town and gave her a massage a while back that she raved about. I forget what that kind of massage is called but it is a healing massage, where they release the toxins from your body. I had a friend years ago that did it. Anyway she had told me he can tell if a person is sick and although he won’t tell them what is wrong with them he will suggest they see their doctor. She said she asked him if he could feel anything wrong with her and he had said no. She promised me the next time he was in town she would call me and last week about 11 pm I got a call saying he was there and if  I came right away he was willing to give me a massage and she was paying for it. No need to ask me twice, I was in the car in 5 minutes, I was in agony. Before he starts to massage he runs his hands lightly over your back to see if he can feel any vibrations indicating problem areas. The minute he touched my back he started going, OH!!, ohoh, oh! wow!

Grace was like, “What? what? you didn’t make those sounds when you did me”

Then the guy asked if I had been to the doctor for a check up lately and if I had been sick lately or had any problems. I said no aside from the pain in my right side. Then Grace piped up, “And a heart attack!!” he said that explained a lot. He asked if my ankles had been swollen and yes they have been very swollen, he said that is a sign my heart isn’t working to capacity, he told me to drink more water, gave me some vitamins to take, gave me an awesome massage (very painful!!!) and said he would stop on his way through in a week and give me a massage for free. I felt a lot better after the massage, I still had to watch how I held my head but the pain was not as bad. Then I borrowed the truck to do a job and the stuff was really heavy and I have been in major pain ever since. The truck didn’t have a winch and I had to muscle these big pieces onto the truck. I know it was stupid, but when you are broke and there’s no food in the house and you have called welfare and anyone else you can think of and no one can help you what do you do? You do what you have to, I am losing weight, I have to eat right, it is just a vicious cycle. I should be buying Ensure or something to try to get the nutrients into myself, I should be taking vitamins and heart meds but if you don’t have the money how do you buy them?

It is what it is and |I don’t have many options.

So then this weekend the owner of the cabin called to see if she could drop buy, I made her coffee and we were having a nice visit. I like her, we can talk very easily and she is so pleased that I love the cabin and take such good care of it. Finally she got around to spitting out why she was here. In order to get my name on title at the land registry and make the sale of the cabin legal I have to come up with 1% transfer tax, $1200 plus the notary public’s fee of $700, a total of $1900 in two weeks. It is not going to happen!!

So the conclusion to all this? I am supposed to not get stressed, put my feet up, not lift anything, eat better, and somehow live without working. Not a problem!!

What am I doing about it?

I am changing some things but this all takes time and time is not cooperating, it is still going by as fast as always.

I never intended to make money off of my blog, but then I never thought I would be putting as much time into it as I am. I could be putting a lot more time into it, proofreading comes to mind!! writing more articles etc, I find when I am working I can barely find the time to reply to comments. I love the interaction with everyone and the blog has become a huge part of my life, I don’t want to give it up so I figure its time to make it pay for itself. What is that saying, “Do what you love and the money will come”?

I am going to test that theory out.

I have decided to start selling advertising on my blog, I hate pop ups and I want everyone to let me know if it is a big pain in the ass for them but maybe I can sell a few spots that won’t interfere too much. From what I have found out I can ask about $100 a month for one ad space, if I had 3 that would be $300/month and as my viewership increases I can ask more.  I have shared inspirational videos here before and on facebook, I found out I can get paid every time I do that, it isn’t much but it all adds up and if it is something I believe in and already use why not get paid?

As you know I  opened another blog focussed on my painting, I have yet to figure how to get the PayPal button on my blog, that is a big thing if I want to sell anything. Working on that today.

I am going to contact a girl friend I have who owns an antique shop where she does custom décor work for high end clients and the movie industry. She does a lot of distressing, and she hunts for special pieces that people request, she has offered me work many times so I think I could work part time for her doing what I love and have an eye for. Also, she admits herself she is not a “people person” and really doesn’t like that part of her job, she wants to create not be bothered dealing with customers. I could fill that position for her and it might increase her sales enough to be viable for both of us, but I can always make myself useful helping out at the shop and setting up shows and things like that. \my truck would come in really handy too because right now she doesn’t have a delivery truck and has to hire a truck. Plus Ccon wants 30% off the top of what I bring through their gate, I could still haul a bit of scrap and keep them happy (or off my back) and not lose 1/3 of my income.

As for my health, which should be at the top of the list, but unfortunately money doesn’t buy happiness but it does buy food and put a roof over your head; I he

ard from the guy who massaged my back last week and he is going to give me a free massage tonight and then |I am hoping my truck will be ready and I will be able to make enough money to refill my heart meds and go to the sports clinic and get my neck

adjusted again and replace the traction thing that somehow disappeared a few years ago and take it from there.

I don’t follow my horoscope religiously or anything but I do check it once in a while when things are in an upheaval, (which is quite often if you have noticed) but I thought my horoscope for the next little while was quite interesting. Here it is|:

Today. Assert your independence. You are reaching for an important goal and other people are getting in your way. Don’t let them. Act independently from others. Move forward without the hindrance of others. This is no time to be wearing a ball and chain.

For tomorrow. You might find yourself temporarily putting aside your usual tendency to push ahead without a glance backward. You could well reconsider ideas you’ve had in the past, seeing them in an entirely new light. Circumstances may force re-evaluation of your current job or lifestyle, or you could well contemplate making a move. Contact with a brother, sister, or neighbor may be restored – or such a person may seem to have changed radically. “Adjustment” is definitely the keyword for today.

This week. The planetary energy gives you the concrete desire to turn your most inspired thoughts into reality. If you see yourself as a long-distance runner but have never jogged a mile, run on down to the nearest sports equipment store and just look at the shoes – maybe have a conversation with the person in charge of that section of the store. Begin to help yourself feel comfortable in the areas you would like to grow into. Baby steps all the way, kid! Impress only yourself.