Tag Archives: Victim Blaming

When You Start Blaming Yourself – Read This

When you start to be filled with self-doubt or do what I think all victim’s of a narcissist do; think of a million ways you could have saved the relationship.

When you start mentally listing all the times you lost control and screamed at your ex like a psycho fishwife

When you remember all the times you refused to have sex or weren’t as active or agreeable participant as your ex would have liked

When ever friends tell you that it takes two to make or break a relationship

When your ex takes great pleasure in telling you how the new woman is nothing like YOU, she is perfect and his soul mate, he doesn’t have to lie to HER.

When you start to think that maybe you should go back because you can think of at least a dozen times you weren’t as nice as you could have been.

Just to show you how far-fetched this thinking can get. I never used to wear a bra. I didn’t wear one when I met James and I didn’t wear one for our whole relationship, because I am small busted and really don’t need one, to be perfectly honest. It was not a fact that I hid, he knew I was small busted from the first time he met me and most certainly the first time we had sex, yet he never once complained. Well, he didn’t actually come right out and say, “I wish you had boobs.” but I got the message when he stayed up all night glued to a website called, “Big Busted Babes” or I glimpsed pictures he had downloaded from women where the women showed their ample cleavage. Then there was the time our friend Chuck was over and telling us that he was an “ass-man” and the size of a woman’s breasts didn’t interest him, in fact he preferred small busted women. James argued with him, “Oh come on Chuck, ALL men like boobs.” Chuck had insisted that, “He didn’t, he liked a nice round ass, and didn’t care about breasts at all.” I silently thanked Chuck as I sat uncomfortably listening to the two of them discuss whether Chuck liked boobs or not. It was obvious that James had a point to make and I finally said, “It’s obvious you got the wrong woman if you like boobs.” He didn’t say anything.

After we split I bought a bra, I hadn’t even looked at bras for years and someone had told me about padded push-up bras and I thought I would give them a try.  I was impressed, I almost had cleavage! So I bought two bras and then it hit me, “Why didn’t I buy them sooner? It’s all about how things look to a narcissist, maybe if I had bought a padded bra sooner James wouldn’t have gone looking elsewhere, maybe he would have loved me more.”

So now that I have revealed how warped my thinking had become, I hope you can see how crazy our thinking can get after leaving a narcissist.

When the walls are closing in on you and you feel a need to call the narcissist, confess your sins, apologize and beg his forgiveness so he will tell you that you are a good person go to this link instead. Chumplady