Tag Archives: welfare

When Are You The Target Of A Narcissist – Revenge of The Narcissist

When can you relax and stop worrying about the narcissist see revenge? Statistics say that the most domestic homicides happen within two years of the relationship ending, either just prior to or within two years after. That does not mean it can’t happen 5 years or 10 years later, some victims never totally relax and let their guard down and lets face it. If someone wants to get you that badly and they are smart enough, they will find a way and won’t mind waiting.

Not all narcissists or psychopaths are murderers and just because they didn’t kill previous domestic partners doesn’t mean they won’t kill some day. I guess it depends on how vindictive the narcissist is and if he/she thinks they can get away with it.

I haven’t been talking about my personal life on the blog lately, a change I made a few weeks back because I realized that James was not reading my blog to read about himself, he was reading it to get info on me and what I was doing. I really  believe he is bond and determined to do everything within his power to prevent me from having anything good in my life. He is a tricky little bugger, I have experienced being stalked by him (something he totally denied but my son was with me and we both witnessed it) I know how vindictive he is and how long he can carry a grudge.

Anyway, a while back, after the drone, I had all my curtains closed, it was about 9 in the morning and I heard honking outside, I ignored it for the longest time and finally got up and looked out the window. Right across from the boat was a silverish coloured Pilot, exactly like what Marisa had when she met James and as far as I know it is what they still drive. I couldn’t see the driver but they weren’t honking at anyone else and waved when I looked out the window. I quickly pulled the curtain and they drove away. I don’t know anyone else that has a vehicle like that but I didn’t jump to conclusions and besides, even if it was him; what could he do? he would be just trying to make me paranoid, right?

I have not seen it since. Then three days ago I heard a Harley and looked up, it had taken the far side of the road and all I could see was the top of the helmet. Then I heard it turn around and come back my way. You see the marina is at the end of a dead end street and if you turn left or right you will come to another dead end. There is only one way in and one way out of the marina, unless you are on a motorcycle or walking. So anyway I was looking out the window when the Harley came past again. The driver was looking straight ahead but turned to look in my direction when he got alongside my boat, as soon as he saw I was looking he looked straight ahead and sped up. With the helmet on I can not be sure what the driver looked like but I do know what James’s Harley looks like. it is the only one like it I have ever seen, the gas tank has a design of bright orange that fades into black and so did this one. The tide was out so my boat was sitting below the road level and I couldn’t see where he went from there but from the sound I believe it left the marina.  I took Stella for a walk and could not see the bike parked anywhere in the marina.

Yesterday I was walking Stella along the dyke (to my left when I leave my boat, it is a shorter distance to the grassy area) There is a a bit of a gate entering the grassy area at my end and at the other end another gate but both have enough room to walk around them and if a motorcycle was careful they could get around also. The dyke we were on is also accessible from the main road and cars park down there all the time. Stella and I walked down there and I could see a car and a truck parked at the end of the road and noticed it was a guy and a girl kissing and making out. I was guessing they were having an affair, being each in their own vehicle and the way they kissed good bye. She left and the truck sat for a bit, Stella had wandered over there and I was watching where she had gone and calling her because I didn’t want her getting under the wheels of the truck. She had just started in my direction when I heard a Harley and the same Harley I saw the other day came into view and looked like it was going to come up on the dyke but at the last minute pulled away and was gone. When I got home I decided to do a little sleuthing to see if I could find a pic of it or some indication if he still has it or not. I didn’t find anything on the bike but I found something else that snagged my attention.

targets

You can see the pic was taken in March 2014, so it is not a recent pic. It is a picture of the kitchen renos they were doing on the house they bought last year. What I didn’t notice at first and later went back to check on was what is sitting on the counter in the foreground of the photo above the stove. Targets.  Now, I know that they live right next door to the rifle range and I know he had guns in the past, before my time but never when we were together.  But I have to say it gave me cause to pause and reason to post it here.

I am not going to go running to the police, too much time has passed since we split and I am sure he has had his record sealed by now. There is nothing the police can do now and as far as I know he doesn’t even live here, they would think I am being paranoid. Plus there is no reason why he can not be in the area, it’s a free world. I am not going to lose sleep over it either, BUT when I leave here I won’t be saying where I am going and if I should happen to get shot in the meantime I want a record of this somewhere the police would look for suspects and that would be my blog. And if James does read my blog, he knows that I know he has a gun and now the whole world knows he has a gun and has been practicing.

Aside from that, everything is going along as usual, still fighting to get my money from the government, they are not done investigating me. Still looking for work and trying to get funded for school. But it has all been put on slow mo because of all the fires we have burning in BC and the smoke in the air. The air quality has been dangerously badly and anyone with a heart condition is advised to stay indoors and reduce their activity. I have been very tired and been having pains in my shoulder and neck; both signs that my heart is stressed; so I have been taking a lot of naps and not doing much of anything. I can only be on the computer for so long because of my bad neck so have to take frequent breaks at the best of times. We haven’t had rain in weeks and things are getting critical with wild fires popping up everywhere. The smoke is so thick you can’t see the sun or the bridge, just thick pea soup smoke and it is stifling hot and humid. At least I live on the water, I won’t burn up!!

A yacht salesman was here today to look at the boat. nothing new to report there either.

Now I am going to delivery some papers to welfare before rush hour traffic starts.

Some Times You Just Have to Laugh

I have had a couple of days that have had such a mixed bag of events and emotions, I just have to laugh.

I think a few people were confused by my last post I typed it off in a hurry and maybe didn’t explain myself fully.

For one thing the counselor appointment had nothing to do with being investigated, I had the appointment long before the investigation thing came up. My worker at the funding office thought I needed someone to talk to considering all I have had to deal with and I haven’t been to a counselor at all since long before I even met James and thought, “Hey! why not maybe I do need to talk to someone.” The counselor’s office is right next door to the office where I go to get my funding package done and the girl was even kind enough to give me a gas card to get there.

I ended up with an eye infection and missed my first appointment because I wear contact lens’s and couldn’t drive without them. My eyes cleared up in a couple of days. I researched it on the net and found an article that recommended boiling a cup of water and adding a teaspoon of honey to it and letting it cool. Then several times a day put drops of the honey water in your eyes and it worked!! But then I had to put my same contact lens’s in and it came back so I have been fighting this eye infection for over a week now but i think I am winning that battle.

So back to the counselor. A very sweet young girl, probably younger than my son but that doesn’t mean she isn’t good. She was very welcoming and easy to talk to. I was a little teary because I was concerned about money and this investigation but I filled her in briefly about what I have been through the past 15 years. Very condensed version. I told her about the blog, about how I was broken, sitting on the couch failed my suicide attempt and started putting the pieces of me back together. She said that my attitude was exactly what she hopes to accomplish when she counsels someone, she was amazed that I had done all that healing and was as strong and together as I am without seeing a counselor. She got a big smile on her face when she asked what school I wanted to attend and she agreed with me that it is a great school and would offer exactly the courses I needed. She said that she felt my goal of going into schools with a program and becoming a life skills coach working with victims of abuse was my calling and that I had found my purpose in life. She said that she didn’t think I needed counseling, that I had ever right to be upset about my situation right now and that if I could find work or get funded for school I would be fine. My mental state is fine and healthy.

She did mention that she would like to keep talking to me but only because she would love to learn more about how I healed myself and more about domestic abuse but not because she felt i needed it and she felt I probably had enough on my plate without fitting her into my life. But her door is always open if I do need someone to talk to, even just a sounding board.

I am thinking maybe I will talk to her about giving workshops through that office or the funding office free at first, but maybe i can get some valuable experience. I really enjoyed our visit and I really liked her and I gave her my blog name so if she wanted to learn more she can read here.

So counselor. Good.

i went back home and put in my 4th call to the investigating officer, and left my 4th message. Of course she called me back 1/2 way through the day. I had already been into the counselor and so was low on gas. She wanted me to bring in all this paperwork and then I could get my cheque. I said I didn’t have the gas to run around and gather all this paperwork. She said, “Well how were you going to get your cheque?” I said that I didn’t know seeing as it was supposed to go directly into my account. She said “Well when you figure out how you are going to get your cheque bring the paperwork in and have them fax it to me and wait for your cheque.” So with my gas gauge below E I headed out to the welfare office with my paperwork. I handed it and waited, they were rude, I swear to God those people need a lesson in people skills, they treat everyone on welfare like they are the scum of the earth. Anyway, not a word from anyone and at 4 o”clock the lock the doors and leave me sitting in my car. When I had handed my papers to the woman I had said I was going to take a seat and she had said, “No just stand there.” I said, “No I have a heart condition and with this heat, I am going to sit down because I am not feeling well.” and I took a seat. maybe she didn’t like that oh well.

Anyway I am sitting in my car, having pains behind my shoulder again when a woman who just missed picking up her cheque by 2 minutes, they locked the door as she ran up came up to the car and asked me if I could call her a cab. I didn’t know the number for a cab and we started talking, she was a talker, rather hyper but nice enough. Finally she opened the passenger door and asked if she could sit down inside the car. She kept saying i could get a cheap apartment where she lives only $450 a month plus utilities. I asked how she can afford that when her cheque is only $610 and she said that she goes into houses that are going to be demolished and steals the copper and wire and she could use someone with a vehicle to help her. I said, “No offense and I am not judging you because you gotta do what you gotta do but I can’t break the law.” She kept babbling on about how I should move in where she is and she is going to help me and I am thinking, “How do I get rid of this woman?” Finally she asked for a ride home and I said my gas gauge was below E but if she was on my way home I would drop her off. I did feel bad for her and it was so hot. We ended up going off in another direction than the one I would have taken to get home and finally we pull in the driveway. The house next door is the “safe house” for abused women and there are a bunch of guys hanging around in front and her roommate is walking back and forth on the street in front. the roommate wants a ride to money Mart and I said I had no gas and she said she would give me something once she cashed her cheque. I am thinking, this is only getting worse. I left, promising I would come back for a visit and asked the woman if she could get a ride back home from Money Mart and she said yes. OK we are almost at Money Mart only 2 blocks to go and the car runs out of gas. I tell the woman to not worry about me, go to Money Mart I would be fine. I wanted her out of my car, the hyper woman had told me her roommate was stealing from her and then when the roommate got in the car she told me the hyper woman was stealing from her. I just wanted to get away from them both. This is the kind of place they expect you to live and even that was more than anyone can afford without stealing.

I still had my $15 for gas so I started walking first i stopped at a car lot and said i had run out of gas and had a heart condition, did they have any gas I could buy. No. I asked for a cold drink and they pointed at the pop machine. I had a dollar for a pop.

I went to 5 auto repair shops and one of them had a jerry can but they were closing in an hour and didn’t think I could get back from a gas station before they closed. I told them all I had a heart condition and not one of them offered to give me a ride nothing. At 5 to 6 after a full hour of trying to get help I saw a Harley shop, I thought, if any one is going to help me it will be a biker. I was right these guys were great, got me gas made me a funnel out of a pop bottle and refused to take any money. I thanked them over and over again. Got back to my car, and to a gas station and home by 7. Poor Stella had been locked up all day in the hot boat without going pee for 12 hours. She was SO happy to see me.  and I was happy to be “home”.

Welfare office. Bad

helping someone out. Good Bad.

Running out of gas Bad, Good.

Getting home to Stella’s kisses. Good.

Somehow through it all I am holding my own and through the help of many people here. I can’t say too much but thank you for all the support from many of you. You are angels and really got me through a bleak day, weekend, week, month,…………year, 5 years.

My mom called and we had a good talk. That made a huge difference too.

Now I am off to answer some of the comments made the past few days.

I

I Did 10 Years Hard Time – Why Don’t I Have An Education

 

prison

No I have not spent time in jail but if you compare my life with James to doing 10 years in prison I probably would have come away from it in better shape if I had left the prison system.

The Toronto Sun had this report today, strangely enough I found it when I Googled “Do prisoners in Canada get a free education” because that was going to be my topic today and viola there was this article.

The article states that the government spends over $113,000 per inmate annually. The government is spending $7440 annually on me and had me jumping through so many hoops and running in circles for so long I got dizzy.

When a person goes to prison they get free counseling, catered meals, dental, medical, a gym to work out in, a warm bed, a library and if they are motivated they get an education and tutors to help them. When they are getting released plans are made for support systems to be in place, they must have a place to live and there is no waiting period for getting benefits. Prisoners have rights, if they are not treated with respect or fairly by the guards they can place a formal complaint. They have every resource available to them to better themselves and come out of prison a better, healthier person. If they don’t it is by their choice.

prison1

When a woman leaves an abusive relationship after 10, 20 30 years of hard time where her rights were denied and there was no one she could complain to, she is beaten down and the lowest she has ever been in her life. Many times she has no support system waiting for her, there is no free dental, she is subjected to demeaning treatment by many of the people hired to assist her and ends up begging for a sum of money that isn’t enough to even survive on. If she wants free counseling there is a waiting list of more than  a year in many cases. If she seeks welfare within 6 months of leaving her abuser she does have some requirements waved, like she doesn’t have to do a job search and she gets to apply right away but the money still doesn’t happen for a month.

So why is it that a criminal has more rights than the victim of abuse?

I have a theory that is totally my opinion. I think it is because we are not a threat to society, we are viewed as weak, we don’t fight for our rights, we don’t stick out of the crowd like the addicts in the East End (picking the cracks in the sidewalk looking for shards of crack, crack in the cracks) We are not stealing to feed an addiction, God! we aren’t even stealing to feed ourselves!! We don’t want a “Safe Injection Site” we want a safe bed to sleep in. We are strong women so we find a way to get by and even if we can’t get by we are too proud to ask for help. We try to do it on our own until we have absolutely nothing left and then it is too late to get any of the “perks” that come in the first 6 months after you leave the N.

Is it any wonder that women go back to their abuser?

Criminals reoffend all the time and they go back to jail, 3 meals and a bed.

The victim of abuse goes back to hell on earth, walking on eggshells with no rights and afraid to fall asleep at night because their jailer writes the rules and is judge and jury. There is no early release for good behavior.

Granted I do not want to go to jail, but if I did, I can tell you this; I would be getting my education.

Hell, I will settle for the SPCA taking care of me. If a dog is abused the SPCA goes, apprehends the dog, charges the owner and the owner is usually fined and banned from ever owning another dog. Not to mention the public shaming. These animal rescue places fly all over the world rescuing abused dogs and people throw money at them. I am not against rescuing 3 legged chihuahua’s from the streets of California but when we can’t rescue a woman who lives next door there is something very wrong with the priorities of government spending and society .

I am not even speaking for myself because I know somehow I will make it by, it is just the injustice of it all that burns my butt and that is why I speak out, because nothing changes if no one speaks out and domestic abuse victims are too damned nice to make a fuss and resourceful enough to find a way on their own or suffer in silence and we respect boundaries, don’t want to put anyone out, don’t want to take more than our fair share. We aren’t obvious, we are easy to ignore. We play nice and by the rules.

I am not suggesting anyone go out and start breaking into houses but you can bet that if every abused woman went out and held up a bank or stole a vehicle there would be a lot more money invested in getting them help.

What do you think?