Tag Archives: Whining

Where’s Da Wabbit?

Where's Dat Wascally Wabbit?

Where’s Dat Wascally Wabbit?

Move over! let me look, do you see one?huh? no that was a bird! are you sure? What about that?Isit

Move over! let me look, do you see one?huh? no that was a bird! are you sure? What about that?Isit

Look! there's 2 of those wascals!

Look! there’s 2 of those wascals!

There was 2 babies but only got pic of one

There was 2 babies but only got pic of one

One of the perks of self-employment is being able to enjoy those unscheduled sources of entertainment provided by mother nature; like watching the bunny’s eat in Richmond.

I was loading at a job site late yesterday and I could hear the dogs going wild in the truck. They were barking incessantly, whining, and thrashing around in the cab of the truck horribly. I yelled a few times, “NO NOISE!!!” But they probably couldn’t hear me over all the noise they were making.

I finished up doing a quick once over of the site to make sure I hadn’t missed anything and went to see what all the commotion was about.

They were both staring in the same direction but damned if I could see what they were so excited about. Then I remembered; we were in Richmond. Richmond is known for all it’s rabbits! People have been dropping pet rabbits off for years in Richmond and with the mating habits of the little rascals, Richmond has become over run with the cute but horribly destructive little creatures. It has become a real problem for the city and my dogs wanted to help with some population control!!!

After that first initial sighting Laila especially was obsessed with the rabbits. I could barely drive with her clamoring over me trying to see rabbits. She practically climbed up on the dashboard trying to see. I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face.

We went for a walk and they saw a couple of baby bunnies bounce into a bush and they bolted after them. I managed to hold onto the dogs but Laila broke the handle of her leash she hit the end of it so hard.

I put them in the truck and took 10 minutes to watch the bunnies eat dinner. There were 2 little black bunnies at first but I had to restart my phone before I could take the pictures and one of them had taken off by then.

He was so cute and had me laughing. He would eat for a few minutes and then burst into a flurry of activity bouncing in circles, eat for a few minutes more and then bounce, kicking up his heels, flipping in the air and then eat some more. I don’t know if he was just hyper or if he thought a moving target was harder to get.

I love being able to stop during my day and enjoy these little surprises.

It was a good day! Sunny, warm, AND productive.

I couldn’t help but think it’s just as well JC didn’t take Kato if his new g/f has two bunnies in the house I think he would have been able to overcome his pain for a frolicking game of “tag” or “hide and seek”. .

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck

The Situation

This is the house I was offered but turned down because it was too far out.

This is the house I was offered but turned down because it was too far out.

This is where I am you can see the end of the trailer sticking out of the lean to behind the barn.

This is where I am you can see the end of the trailer sticking out of the lean to behind the barn.

I have lived in some real hell holes with James and always tried to make the best of a bad situation. I have turned absolute slums into homes, I have put gardens in a gravel pit and lived without hot water or toilets, and I have lived with rats and mice, I have lived places no one should ever have to live because I was with James. I am not one to feel sorry for myself for long and always adapt and make the best of it; sometimes I don’t think that is a good trait; sometimes that works to my detriment because before you know it you are stuck in that situation with no way out. This is one of those times; if I don’t get out of here soon I will be stuck and I will lose any progress I’ve made over the last year; I will lose my business and the worst of all; I am losing all hope. I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The trailer is nice enough, a lovely holiday trailer; I am sure there have been many fantastic holidays had in this trailer. It is clean, has a bedroom in the 5th wheel part, a kitchen with good size fridge and a bathroom with a tub. But it is not meant to be lived in let alone with two dogs. I can not deny it is better than sleep in my truck by a long shot. I am not ungrateful and appreciate the effort Jim made getting the trailer and letting me use it but some times a helping hand can be a person’s down fall also, I just don’t see any other options; yet to stay here prevents me from ever finding another option.

It is bad enough that there is no running water, NO water, except what I collect in a bucket when it rains and there has been plenty of rain! There is no sewer so I am not supposed to be using the bathroom but I have been, I may be adaptable and lived in less than ideal situations but I am not about to do my thing out in the fields.

I could probably even adapt to that, I’ve been buying water to drink and washing with the rain water; it’s the no phone service and the fact that I am so far out in the country that kills me. If I were to have another heart attack I would die, plain and simple; I have no phone service and when I park my truck I have to unplug the battery so it doesn’t go dead. Then my starter is going so often times I have to crawl under the truck and bang on the starter several times before it will start. My drivers door doesn’t stay closed unless I close it from the outside; lifting the door as I close it and then hip checking it. I then have to crawl through the window to get in; I can just see me trying to do all that while in the middle of a heart attack or while being attack by some guy or rabid coyotes or some coyotes and some rabid guy. THEN we have the twisty mountain road that is totally unlit and unmarked and once you are down the mountain you still have a half hour drive to the hospital.

I have power and a microwave to cook with. I also heat water in the microwave. The power comes from the barn I am parked beside, the first night Denise and I were here we had a portable heater on (it is always freezing in the trailer even with the heater on, I don’t know why because it isn’t a big trailer you’d think it would warm up quickly but I wear my coat inside) and were microwaving water to wash with and we blew the circuit breaker. Even with the two of us we were too scared to go out to the barn at midnight to flip the switch so we just froze all night. Denise didn’t sleep at all because she could hear the coyotes outside the door all night. I have to watch Kato like a hawk because any chance he gets he wants to take off after whatever it is he smells out there. I know the coyotes have been around the trailer, Kato smells them and I am sure they smell him.

Living up here has added 2 hours to my day in traveling time; at the end of my day it is a 2 hour drive from Amix home and that is a long 2 hours! But not only is it a long drive home it means I must do everything I need to do before going home. I used to go home, change into clean clothes and then go shopping or visit friends; now I can’t do that because I live too far out and can’t afford the fuel plus I don’t have the time to drive up there and turn around and go back down the hill. I have to remember to buy water before I go home, groceries and cigarettes; I haven’t been home before 11 yet. Then there is the problem of eating, when you are away from home that long you have to eat and end up buying dinner out; another expense!

My fuel costs have easily doubled this week, if I stay here I will never save enough to move; this helping hand is keeping me poor but how do I get out of it aside from sleeping in my truck? Which I had to do once this week already. Not just me, but me, Denise and the two dogs. Next post I will tell you how it came to pass that the four of us were huddled in the truck all night.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck using WordPress for BlackBerry.

You can see his back leg kinda pulled up; he does that when he is in pain.

You can see his back leg kinda pulled up; he does that when he is in pain.

I have started so many posts and after a couple of incoherent paragraphs gave up on them. Plain and simple; I have been going through hell and didn’t think I was going to make it back, I’m still not sure I will but I wanted to share something with those of you who have been or are involved with or you know a victim of a narcissist/psychopath; they set out to destroy/kill a person. That may sound severe or melodramatic and I have gone through a week of self doubt that brought me to me knees again and I don’t know how I will survive this latest consequence to being involved with JC. Sometimes I wish he had just killed me (my apologies to anyone who has lost a loved one at the hands of a psychopath; I don’t mean to minimize your pain) because I can’t fathom living the rest of my life this way and I can’t see a way out. One of the biggest incentive I had for not taking a bottle of pills last night was that I knew I would be giving JC the ultimate ego boost and narcissistic supply. You see, I have been researching again and once again found more evidence that they choose outgoing, confident and successful women because it is the ultimate power rush to destroy them.

I don’t know how to briefly describe my last week; it was one of the worst weeks of my life; I shed almost as many tears as I did the first week I was on my own after leaving JC; maybe I even cried more, who knows; when you are a broken person and have no where to turn and no options how do you measure the pain?

I am not even sure where I left you guys and because I don’t have the internet here at the trailer I can’t check my blog to see what I last posted about. You see I am typing this on my laptop and will transfer it to my BB and send it when I get down the hill back to civilization. I think I told you where this trailer is; out in the middle of no where. I am not ungrateful, Jim was the only person to reach out and give me any other option than homelessness but to stay here another day is putting me further in jeopardy of never recovering. It has been 6 days since I had a shower or bath; I have collected rain water and boiled it a bowlful at a time to make warm water and sponge bathed and washed my hair but that is a long process and time is at a premium these days. Time; lack of it, too much of it, the death of me.

Let me just give you a run down and I’ll start with Kato this post.

Last Friday I took Kato and Laila to the river. Kato doesn’t get near enough off leash time and has been really crippled up; old age, damage from when he was so sick years ago and being stuck in the truck so much I am sure. Any way it did my heart good to see him digging in the muck, chewing on sticks and wading in the water, especially with his little shadow Laila mimicking everything daddy did. I was just about to take a picture of them up to their shoulders in mud digging when all of a sudden kato came charging up the beach towards me with Laila right behind. I thought Kato was sucking Laila in by running to me and then he’d take off to get rid of her (she does annoy him) but he ran right past me so I thought he must have seen a rabbit. As Laila went past I stepped on her leash sending her face first into the sand and as I turned to see where Kato was off to I saw him jump and nail a young German Shepherd in the side.

Behind me had been two young guys with two German Shepherds coming down to the beach. I screamed for Kato to come but he was zoned out and ready to fight to the death, luckily I had caught Laila’s leash or she would have been in the middle of the mêlée but I was helpless to stop Kato and told the guy to kick him if he had to in order to get Kato off his dog. The two Shepherds were extremely well behaved and tried to get away but Kato was not backing down. The first guy, the brave soul, got Kato’s head between his legs and held him while the other guy got their dogs out of harms way. I put Kato in a head lock until he calmed down, he was bleeding on one side of his face but it was hard to tell what kind of damage there was.

I was so angry with him, this is the second time he has done this and the only reason I can think of is that he is protecting Laila, he never went out of his way to attack other dogs, if they approached him and were aggressive he would usually throw the first punch but this was totally unprovoked. I think too he knows he is sick and at a disadvantage physically so he is automatically defensive.

He is much too heavy to pack and I was parked a fair distance away. Once I got him far enough away from the other dogs that I was sure he wouldn’t go back for more I left him on the road and went for the truck. I put Laila in the truck and saw Kato limping towards me. I had to hook up the battery and then the truck didn’t start so I had to bang on the starter, it still didn’t start so I was checking the battery connection. Unbeknownst to me, he had come and laid down at my feet and when I went to try the truck again I tripped over him and fell on him, bruising us both. I got him in the truck and checked his wounds; nothing too serious.
I took him back to the old trailer and gave him some low dose aspirin and he slept.

The next day he could barely walk and we picked up Denise (JC’s sister) who was coming to help me move the bigger furniture and to make some money doing the Spring cleanup with me; with her in the truck he had less room to get comfortable and his pain was evident. It breaks my heart to see him like that and he appears to be getting steadily worse. I’ve heard that Shar-pei fever is made worse by stress and it seems true.

The weather has been rainy and cold which doesn’t help and lack of mobility for sure doesn’t help. The trailer we are in now is so small he has to lay down when we are there so he really is confined at all times. If there is one thing I can’t stand it is to see him suffer and I know as hard as it would be for me to give him up it would be the best for him; at least until I can get a better place to live. But who? It has to be someone he knows well and the only people he knows that well are Denise and JC. Denise can’t have dogs where she is and the thought of JC having him and Marisa taking care of him makes me ill but I can’t let my little buddy suffer. I watch him and cry every time I see him struggle to get comfortable, every time he pulled his leg straight up and looked at me with those big soft brown eyes as if to tell me he is in pain, my heart breaks. He deserves a home, Laila deserves a home; I deserve a home. But Kato has been by my side for 7 years, never complaining, faithfully taking whatever came our way, keeping me warm when we slept in the truck, keeping me safe, loving me and I am watching him suffer needlessly.
The breaking point was when Denise tried to get him to move over so she could get in the truck and he refused to budge, she gave him a gentle shove and said, “Come on Kato, move over.” And he growled, he has never growled at any body ever; I knew then that he must be in extreme pain. He is so stoic, so proud he would never show weakness but it was too much for him.

He is still with me but every one that sees him mentions he is in pain. I bought veggies last night and will try feeding him just straight vegetables for a while but I really think it is getting close to the time to say good bye. If I had a normal life and lived in a home I could make him comfortable in his final days and maybe extend his life. He doesn’t deserve to suffer; my brave stoic puppy.

When I let him out at BD now he just slowly wanders around sniffs a bit and pees a lot and then finds a warm place in the sun to lay down. He deserves to lay in the sun; he tries to follow me as I gather up the scrap from the various locations but gets too tired and will find a central spot to watch me from and when he is sure I’m done he will get up and follow me back to the truck.

I give him low dose aspirin for the pain but it upsets his stomach and he pukes. When we take walks now I have to be sure to not get too far from the truck because he’s too heavy to pack and he has a hard time. The spirit is willing but his body is giving out on him. His kidneys I think.

Sometimes I regret having Laila because she bugs him, bites him and generally just tries to taunt him to play with her. Once in a while he will but mostly he wants to lay peacefully in a corner close to me. I feel guilty he has to share my attention but then I am glad I have a little piece of him in Laila.

I don’t know how I will deal with losing him. I’ve been preparing myself his whole life because he was always on borrowed time; at least from the age of one. When he was sick back then I didn’t know his personality because I got him when he was 9 months old and already sick. When he got well I realized how active he was and not being in pain his personality came out. Now I know he must be in extreme pain sometimes just from the way he is acting, his lack of energy and enthusiasm; one thing that never changes is how much he loves me.

When we lived on the farm in Ladner he had a good life with a fenced yard, a pond full of gold fish to play in and a mice to kill. He loved James too and James was good to him (although he fed him Beggin Strips which was a definite No No) I think James loved him as much as a narcissist can love anything.

But the last year hasn’t been very good for him; I’ve been short tempered, sad a lot of the time, preoccupied, he had to share me with Roxy and Laila. We didn’t get much alone time him and I.

I laid with him on the bed last night and held him in my arms and cried. I apologized to him and he laid his head on my chest and I just stroked his belly until his breathing told me he was asleep.

When the time comes I want to find a vet who will come to the house and put him to sleep like that; peacefully in my arms, no fear.

He is what keeps me going right now, I have to stick around long enough to make sure his final days are as comfortable as possible. I hope they won’t be in this trailer. He deserves better.

Posted by Carrie the Lady Witha Truck using WordPress for BlackBerry.