Welcome!

You are probably here because you are wondering what the hell happened to you, what happened to what you thought was the love of your life!

I remember thinking when I was in the middle of the roller coaster ride from hell; “If I, a middle aged self reliant, independent woman can end up feeling so defeated and helpless, how would a younger less experienced woman ever survive?”

And after I left with nothing except $5, half a pack of cigarettes, a one day permit on my truck, my dog and everything I owned on the back of my truck with no place to go; I wondered if I had done the right thing, how was I ever going to survive?

When he text messaged me, “Why don’t you just kill yourself. No man is ever going to want a paranoid, suicidal, psycho bitch like you anyway. You made my life hell for 10 years. I have found the love of my life and she is nothing like you.”

I sat with a handful of pills staring at my phone and I made the decision to not only survive whatever had happened to me but thrive and I set out to figure out how I had been reduced to literally nothing. I had no idea where to even start to put myself back together but I knew one thing, I could not do it alone. I needed to be accountable to someone, I did not trust myself to not try to kill myself, so I started this blog. I figured that I could not very well declare to the great internet world that I was going to survive and then give up.

My hope was that some day some woman who was feeling as lost as I was would find my blog and know she was not alone and maybe by sharing my experiences I could change the worst thing that ever happened to me into a positive. Something good had to come out of this pain, it could not be for nothing. I couldn’t live with that.

Little did I know that eventually I would have over 3000 followers and over 3 million hits and reach every corner of the world. Little did I know some day people would call me strong and be sending notes thanking me for saving their life.

It has not been easy, I have had many struggles, all of which can be found in the over 1000 posts here. I share the full journey, the self doubt, the revelations, the mistakes and the victories and hundreds of people have shared their stories in the posts and comments here.

My hope is that you too will find answers and peace amongst my ramblings and that by me sharing you will be spared some of the pain I experienced.

This could be the start of a whole new exciting life for you if you just believe that none of us know how strong we are until we over come what we thought we never could. For two years every night I thought, “I can not do this one more day” and then someone on the blog said they hoped to one day be as strong as I. I thought, “Me strong? every day for 2 years I haven’t thought I would make it through the day.” Then it hit me, the epiphany that, I HAD been doing it for over 720 days. That fact alone was proof I was strong and my attitude changed and I stopped thinking of myself as weak and started to think like a survivor.

This blog is not only about how horrible narcissists are, it is not just a study of what makes a narcissist tick and we aren’t here to remain victims. This blog is much more than that. This blog is about becoming the best you that you can be so that no one can ever intimidate you and manipulate you into believing you are less than, and deserving of abuse. It is not about finding your old self, it is about being the best you that you can be.

All the information here is free but if you find that the blog is helpful to you please consider a small donation in appreciation to help cover the costs of keeping it open and available to others.

Welcome! please feel free to comment and ask questions, there are many supportive people here on the support forum who have been where you are.

See you inside.
Namaste

Carrie

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9 Replies to “Welcome!”

  1. Good evening all,
    I hope that this finds you well. My name is Tracy, I’m 47 yrs. young with almost Three decades (28 yrs) spent enduring what would enevidably be some of the most Confusing, Exausting and horrific chapters in my life. I’ve never spoke of this until now and can say without a doubt, my next chapter will be full of Joy, compassion and overflowing with Self Love. I feel extremely Blessed tonight to have stumbled upon this blog. I look forward to reading “Your Stories” and Sincerely wish everyone a much deserved life of Peace, Good Health and Lots of Laughter! #Faith

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have been married 3 times the last was a real manipulator, super smart one at that. Now I am dating a man, and it seems surreal. But then the flags go off after a whirl wind romance. I am in a conundrum. I feel like he was my last hope. I am 48, and I have so much given up on a true relationship. I have set up all these walls, that he has torn down. Now I feel pressure from him. IE “call me on your way home from work, please. ” That sounds alright. then I get “If you want too.” That to me is a red flag. Meaning if you don’t call me you dont love me. So after dating him since Sept. He has asked me several times to marry him. I say no. It is kinda a joke. But he talks about breaking down my walls. Anytime he says something that hurts me, or is mean. He says he was just kidding. ugh. So tonight I didn’t want to video chat with him. So basically he was saying something “Jokingly” about how I don’t want too, like I don’t care. I then go on the defensive. So I then he proceeded to say basically. Thanks a lot, I have already had a rough day. Trying to make me feel guilty. I said. Oh no, that guilty card cannot be played with me. So of course he is upset. Side stepping…in hopes that I will apologize for what I had said. I am so tired of being the one that always apologizes when I don’t truly mean it. I dont think I did anything wrong. I have a choice, if I dont feel like doing something I should not be pressured into it. It won’t happen. I will not be taken in again. It really makes me sad though. I thought he was the one. He was so perfect. Cooks, has a good job. A bit lazy, but kind to me. Did all the romantic things–He can’t stand that I have but time in the equation. He mopes around, sounds sad. Attempts for me to feel sorry for him. I don’t like this feeling. I use to be a real pushover. I am not anymore. I am an independent woman. He needs me to prove my love to him all the time. He throws I Love You’s around like “do you want to go out to eat.” and in one breath “I Love you.” He says I Love you when I am upset about something. ugh.
      He also tells what I think are stories about the things he has done in the past. It is too far fetched to believe. Then my silly mind goes well Mary should you even believe that? Should you give him the benefit of the doubt? I just listen and think…why is he saying this stuff to me? Only a crazy person would believe this stuff. Of course my Ex but enough doubt in my to take that bait. But I am too strong now to believe all of this. I don’t know what I should do. I do love him, and we just hosted a dinner at his house for christmas with his family and some of mine. So after reading this blog. it is like he has attempted to solidify the relationship. I was truly happy. I actually thought he was going to be my soul mate. What is everyone’s take on this? I don’t know how to communicate with people sometimes, and I tend to say the wrong things. If I dont feel up to par I generally say things I don’t mean. Need help please. thank you

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      1. He really doesnt like the fact I have put time into the equation. As in, I will know in time. It will take time. He wants me now, but I ain’t having it. I am not property. I honestly do not ever want to get married again. but he does. I hate it for him. because it aint ever gonna happen. I am sorry for my rambling on…but I just am at my wits end.

        Like

      2. Marybeth. One thing jumped out at me about your comment. You are SO focused on finding your soul mate. As if your whole future happiness relies on finding the perfect man to love.
        I get the impression that you hope every man you date is “the one”. When you go into a relationship like that it is so much harder to break it off because in your heart you are already thinking in terms of “forever”.
        So what if you never meet your soul mate? Can’t you be happy without a man? I quite like not having to clean up after, cook for, or answer to a man. I enjoy my life so much and my freedom so much I feel selfish about sharing it with someone else. Sure, I guess it would be nice to have a man around once in a while but he would have to be someone really special and would have to prove to me he was worth it.
        I wouldn’t feel guilty about it because I wouldn’t be making him prove it because I am so damaged from the narcissist. Quite the opposite. I am so healthy and happy I don’t need a man to make me feel whole or valuable.
        You have nothing to prove to him.
        There is not a problem here.
        Be who you are, do what you feel comfortable doing. If you don’t want to call, don’t call. If he gets all whiny about it and that irritates you; maybe he isn’t the man for you. Not a big deal.
        You feel in your gut he is lying about the past, he probably is. Listen to your gut instincts; they are not wrong.
        YOU are setting yourself up to be hurt again. You are compromising your standards, boundaries and allowing a man to control you even when you feel uncomfortable about it. You don’t need anyone’s opinion on what you need to do; all you need to do is listen to yourself!!
        Remember, this is his good behavior; it will never get better than this, only worse as the relationship gets older and he relaxes.
        You hoped he was the one, if he isn’t, move along.
        Women tend to make it a big deal that the guy they are dating isn’t “the one” and that’s what dating is all about. You meet someone, you enjoy their company and over time you decide if this person is “the one”. Either it happens or it doesn’t.
        People don’t say hurtful things to someone they love. If he does say hurtful things and you tell him how you feel and he doesn’t stop or care; why would you want to be with him?
        I can see another long term relationship in your future where you invest a whole lot of time and effort and wonder why you can’t meet a nice guy. Because you stuck it out with a guy who was not compatible to your needs, you compromised on what you want when you could have been dating a bunch of other guys. One of which might have been Mr Right.
        I don’t want to be harsh but I must admit I get a little frustrated when a woman is more concerned about finding the one than her own happiness because she thinks her happiness is reliant on being with a man.
        It is a vicious cycle that keeps them unhappy!!

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  2. Hello Carol
    Last night I found your sooo perfect article about traits in narcasstic husband, like 20 or 25 traits listed that described me exhusband exactly in our marriage. . Now I couldn’t find it. Can you pls send link to me?
    I applause you for making this website accessible and helpful to increase victims’ knowledge, who are seeking to understand why their loved narcasstic one’s behave like this. Exhusband said I was narcasstic, and his therapist told him to end our marriage and he is already in new love relationship and I was like what!? I googled up and found your website and oh my god that exhusband projected his narcassism on me — obviously his therapist dx’ed him as NPD. I am saving your website for any other victims who would experience this. Your website has lot of pinpointed informations that lot of victims experience that many “internet/magazine Journal or psychology researchers” really have no idea what we experience or talk about.
    Happy New Year and p.s. your dog looks just like my dog, Bear !

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  3. Oh ya, one more tips. If you meet a narcissist, his/her sentence often start with “You suppose to……”

    That means they are able to point out your mistakes you never commit. They see you as a problem, before you even meet them.

    Because, if they are flawless and perfect, then who commit the error? Must be you.

    People who never admit mistakes are narcissists.

    Like

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